my my, can't believe i haven been online for so long my tag-board's 'out of order'.. keke
well, rag camp's finally over! what can i say? bizad's the best.. winning all 9 shields for faculty and clubs category.. visit the link for rag photos! www.bschool.nus.edu.sg/gallery/Rag04
guess we were all so ecstatic yet relieved.. and i do miss those tiring days making our plague and 2 totem poles, sleeping in the hss audi, bathing at src toilets.. it's a really good bonding session with seniors and juniors.. have been listening to gossips.. some of ppl i don even know of hur~ ah yes.. of cos i do miss the times i get 'high' over little little things hee.. the initial disappointment proves to be superfluous.. and i'm a happy person! i really cant put how i feel in words.. perhaps a bit of varying emotions here and there.. really glad, worried oso.. i may appear nonchalant, who knows the little worm's scampering within me eh.. nevertheless life goes on and hopefully thigs wil go on fine.. *smilez* thanks for entering my life and making each day a happy one with infinite care, concern blablabla.. *winkz*

so looking forward to meet up with the gals! haven seen them in ages! haven seen many ppl in ages la.. so sorry ppl.. stuck in rag camp mar.. now tt sch term start le.. i'll try okie! die die oso must meet u all! esp ny babes, pigumaoses.. ah bing! and yes.. 86 pals.. dinner some time eh? rite.. i should be on my way to meet jasc le.. o_0

Come up to meet you,
Tell you I'm sorry, Y
ou don't know how lovely you are.
 
I had to find you,
Tell you I need you,
Tell you I set you apart.
 
Tell me your secrets,
And ask me your questions,
Oh, let's go back to the start.
 
Runnin' in circles,
Comin' up tails,
Its only science apart.
 
Nobody said it was easy,
It's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be this hard.
Oh, take me back to the start.
 
I was just guessing,
At numbers and figures,
Pulling the puzzles apart.
 
Questions of science,
Science and progress,
Do not speak as loud as my heart.
 
Tell me you love me,
Come back and haunt me,
Oh, when I rush to the start.
 
Runnin' in circles,
Chasin' tails,
Comin' back as we are.
 
Nobody said it was easy,
Oh, it's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be so hard.
I'm goin' back to the start.
 
it's been a rather interesting week for me at rag site.. taking lorry to ke7 to bathe.. sneaking into sheares and kr halls to shower.. getting cuts and blue blacks all overmt arms and legs.. macheing 0.5 * 0.5 mm pieces of paper with satay sticks.. talking and gossiping non stop abt everyone and anyone.. playing cards and fortune telling games.. chatting when we cant get to slp.. eating and eating and eating so getting fat.. becoming high with the slightest things.. i'm in lurve with our plague.. i hope everything turns out fine *cross fingers* it's only the first week.. more to come bar.. brain cant function well now actually.. but i'm sure i'm happy for now.. *smilez* cos i got a nice white cap from fren.. listening to the nice nice song from the nice nice cd borrowed from nice nice fren at the moment..
 
okie.. time to sleep..
 

it's a damn blardi gossipy place.. you better watch who you are messing with before ASSUMING who the heck it is or what the heck it is and spread like nobody's fucking business.. i don care, can't care anymore aint it.. but this is MY blog.. like i mentioned i can't even stand being judged by my closest buddies.. so all the more i despise ppl who don't know me well enough to judge me.. don't come and tell me ask me interrogate me or whatsoever.. alright... maybe judge is too strong a word but in my state of mind i can't locate a better word in my thesaurus.. obviously i don't wish anything bad to happen from now on.. *cross fingers*

i'm tired.. so tired.. dying mayb.. physical stress? nope.. more like mentally.. cos of rag? nope.. rag's stil fine for me..

few seconds ago i received an sms..
i wished it was from you, obviously it isn't. tell me i'm asking for too much once again. tell me there's no obligation. tell me words are cheap so it's of no significance whatsoeva.

minutes passed i'm taking my time to pack my stuff..
the worst has yet to come i believe. tons of work waiting to be completed. tell me i'm not jaded. tell me it's not gg to be as bad as it seems. i just can't stop being pessimistic. help!

almost 24 hours not even a note of concern expressed..
is this care of no importance? tell me you are too busy to peek at ur phone. tell me your phone's run out of batt. bloody come up with more excuses. be a monkey and do silly stuff. they're so not funny even a teeny weeny bit.

not even a week is gone, i'm already missing those laughter..
the surprise is as amusing to me as to anyone else. i'll take my time to forget about it. cos i just cant think the right way. kept feeling i don't deserve anything or anyone good. tell me i'm an idiot. tell me i'm paranoid. i should take it easy right?

i can't, at least for the moment. cos i'm blardi hell being a bitch ranting and cursing and swearing and whining and complaining.

school is starting soon. damn it. my room's in a mess. shite. my thoughts just won't take a break and stop running. what the hell. i'm falling into emotinal quicksand not seeking help. tmd..

Please come now I think I'm falling
I'm holding on to all I think is safe
It seems I found the road to nowhere
And I'm trying to escape
I yelled back when I heard thunder
But I'm down to one last breath
And with it let me say, let me say

Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking
Maybe six feet
Ain't so far down

I'm looking down now that it's over
Reflecting on all of my mistakes
I thought I found the road to somewhere
Somewhere in His grace
I cried out 'Heaven save me'
But I'm down to one last breath
And with it let me say, let me say

Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinkin
Maybe six feet
Ain't so far down

Sad eyes follow me
But I still believe there's something left for me
So please come stay with me
'Cause I still believe there's something left for you and me,
For you and me
For you and me

Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking

Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking
Maybe six feet
Ain't so far down

Please come now I think I'm falling
I'm holding on to what I think is safe

~~one last breath `creed`~~

a m s o t i r e d f r o m r a g b a s h y e s t e r d a y . d r i n k s m a d e m e s o f u l l i p u k e d . p u k e d n o t b e c o s i ' m d r u n k . d a m n k o k z . r e a c h e d h o m e i n d a m o r n i n g 3 p l u s . s l e p t a t 5 3 0 a m . j u s t w o k e u p m o m e n t s a g o . w a n n a f i n d p p l t o h a f d i n n e r w i t h m e b u t v e r y l a z y t o g o o u t t o o * c o n t r a d i c t i o n * i ' m s o g g t o n u a a t h o m e m a n .

damn. not much time to nua le.. rag camp is coming!! argh..

portugal portugal portugal... portugal must win.. *prays hard*

ktv on 30june at cine kbox w kel yh del yy kaweng huiying wendy angeline zw was bersek.. as usual yh and me went crazy over jolin stef fish she sammi songs.. had fun of course.. realised sth new today.. i actually noe so many songs leh! u noe there are some songs i'll never find on purpose from the list.. only when the rest found them i realise eh, so familiar! i noe how to sing leh! kind of reaction harhar.. it was fun lar.. teasing ppl, rapping, singing or screaming shouting wateva.. hee..

then dinner at emerald foodcourt was simple but nice.. some ppl left, some ppl joined us.. i wasn't hungry.. so shared dumpling noodle w edmund.. crap along.. suan ppl kena suaned.. then met the rest for mambo! i've never gone to zouk at such an early time.. before 10pm.. we got the chop then went to kopitiam to sit and talk crap.. finally around 1045 we went in.. the whole lot of us when we went crazy partying at the dancefloor includes me coreen yy del weiherng yh kel edmund wendy val steve adel zw weisherng bel grace diana don and blabla i cant rem all of them.. it was a helluva time tho i kena a quite-an-impact kokz on my head.. heng jason mel came tok to me when i was stil okie if not i dunno wat rubbish i'll tell them when i become high.. which was after my lambo i guess.. thanks for da drinks from zw kel ws and (did i miss out anyone?) so paiseh from the numerous 'are u okie how's ur head?'.. hee.. but thanks anyway.. haven go partying with so many ppl and it sure was fun! trying to follow da mambo actions.. jumping abt to the beat of da songs.. making stupid faces at xiao mao where he did the same.. shall go for another one soon soon okie!! ktv oso! hee..

my dear fren.. i noe u noe i don mean it whenever i scold u suan u tease u hit u watnotz.. sure we're pals and obviously i don feel good to see u feel so down recently because of her.. but then again i have no right to forbid ur thoughts and feelings and actions.. tho i stil hope to cya tis sat.. tmr i mean.. then again.. she may well be the only one in ur eyes at the moment.. haven seen u like tt before and trust u to be rational enough eh.. take care wor.. enjoy ur date.. hee

sorrie lar.. i noe u ord le saw ur sms but my hp's giving me alot of probs so dun blame me for not replying okie? i may go get a new hp soon soon.. cos i cant stand the sometimes-not-working keypad of my present hp.. so yep.. if ya gg for the foc.. enjoy urself ya.. *winkz*

jus back from supper with jasc n victor..

swollen left big toe all thanks to daniar gongz gongz open the door into me at far east burger king.. stupid melvin still laugh at me..
now how to go mambo with my big fat toe? *mumbles frustration*
must let my fat toe heal! *rubs the big blue black on big fat toe*

rag meeting later at 10am.. jialat.. panda revives later.. now concuss *ZzzZZzzz*

it's almost impossible for me to have enough of ignite foc 2004.. the group of ppl i work with as the main com.. (delvin yingyin kelvin yonghui kaweng angeline huiying yap meow coreen adel grace edmund zengwee mark shirlin irza gerald christine wendy) they're the best grp i've worked with so far.. definitely treasured the times spent together.. i have to agree with them that if there's such an award as best main com we'll win it hands down! as much as we were tired from the camp, we enjoyed it.. i enjoyed the camp so much i wished foc was longer! well, except for the missing my bed at home and sleeping part la.. hee.. certainly hope the frenship don jus stop here with foc.. so glad to haf new shopping bitching ktv mambo kakis! woohoo.. and of cos i won leave buggy out of da gang! *winkz*

210604 - day zero
being da mountain turtle whom haven stayed in hostel before.. it was pretty exciting to have da chance to have a room in kent ridge hall to myself for 5 days 4 nights.. tho i don spend much time in it since there's hardly enought time to slp.. *keke* i still felt good abt it! muahahahaha.. the hr i checked into kr.. i unpacked all my belongings into the cupboard and drawers... hee.. left my empty bag in one of da shelves! cheap thrill la.. but i like it anyway! then started checking out who're my neighbours! grace's to my left and huiying's to my right.. yh & angeline opp me! 1st day nothing much.. packing goodie bags, updating namelist, touching up fright night route.. dinner.. and then otot.. me and yh decorated the gals names on half a4 paper to pin outside their rooms! nicey.. haha.. not very shou2 with da gang yet so din join their mahjong euro supper wateva.. haha.. went to wendy's room gossip abit w yonghui yap christine wendy kaweng instead.. hee.. i think i slept about 1plus am if my memory din fail me.. counted money i haf with me before i concussed.. count til i so blur.. got about 5k with me then.. *wow*

220604 - ignite day 1
woke up at 630am w/o problem.. had breakfast and reached hss auditorium by 745 in main com polo tee.. waiting for councillors and freshmen to arrive.. took main com photoS! some stupid ppl last minute pull out.. some last minute join in.. really pissed me off.. caused trouble for yh and huiying..cos of sp nite arrangements.. haiyoweiar.. mingled abit with my og nitrar.. set off for campus hunt at 10am! lunch at src pool sucks... when i open the pack.. only see yellow and white color.. see liao oso sianz.. how to eat? *argh* the rice with daogay and fish and i forgot wat puts me off.. anyway the afternoon pool games was alrite.. quite fun.. took pictures as well! heeee.. the highlight of day day was fright nite and slide!!! thou abit rush.. hee.. took pictures in my horrendous makeup.. still waiting for them to b sent to me!! a pity the lift broke down.. but not bad lar.. managed to scare even main com members with my make up and hair and red clothing.. hee.. i guess the touch up by huangzhen was good! by the end of scaring ppl cum feeding mosquitoes session.. i had a real hard time getting the mascara on eyelids and lipstick on face off!! had a simple but nice supper at rag side thanks to robin da zhu tou! concussed at 3plus am after shower..

230604 - sentosa day2
struggled to wake up at 630am.. mistook the alarm for sms tone, fell aslp again.. dreamt tt i was brushing teeth washing face getting ready to rise and shine.. suddenly woke up to find myself still in bed.. hur~ *gongz gongz* wore da main com singlet.. brought along my cap! yeah.. haha.. silly.. took the last bus to sentosa.. crapped along the way with irza zengwee and yh.. so fun suaning them! had shirlin to carry my 'expensive' pouch jus in case i get wet at sentosa.. since the ogs have to collect all the main com members' signature after guessing the senior secret qns.. we can make them do wateva we want before signing.. *evil grin* i made breazom sing the buggy cheer to edmund.. iria to have kevin do striptease on video in the water.. zireo to dunk zengwee 2 times.. another og i forgot which to dunk edmund.. muahahaha.. haiz, but of cos i got dunked by zireo after i signed theirs.. all thanks to our nanny zengwee.. *&*(^&%^&*%^* i had so much fun laughing at the cross dressing of the 'dress the bikini babe' game i almost choked on my own saliva... despite being swung into the water.. i had fun esp at nite.. teasing the sp couples.. taking photos with them w/o them knowing.. hee! then it was supper at fong seng with del yy coreen grace edmund zengwee kel yh.. by the time everything was over.. fell aslp instantly abt 2plus am..

240604 - IFG champs~! day3
had mark knocking on my door to wake me up at 7am.. answers the door.. closed the door.. pom.. fell back on the bed to slp.. startled up 15mins later.. rushed preparation then breakfast.. for the first time in history.. bizad won the Inter-fac games against science and engine fac!!! wow!! haha.. sth definitely worth cheering and remembering eh? 3 cheers to our coah gerald!! the mass dance later on was funny.. erm.. i mean enjoyable lar.. to have irza as my dance partner according to him was my fortune *bleahz*.. we kept catching glimpses at correen and gerald, adel and zengwee.. time to time shaking our heads.. *poor coreen and adel* haha.. kiddinz lar.. towards the end.. we went right to the back of the hall.. to take a look at the whole lot dancing.. so interesting.. we saw some couples switching over.. guys dancing the gers' part and the gers dancing the guys' part! hahaha.. then picking up of sps.. poor guys.. doing pole dancing.. singing love songs.. striping.. blabla.. just to pleasure the seniors before they get to pick up their gal.. hurhur.. buffet dinner at europa was the best ever throughout the camp hee.. the programmes were alrite.. funny seeing the freshmen kena teased.. the music afterwards cant really make it i must say.. not shiok ar.. oh ya how can i miss out our dear coach gerald's performance? 3 beer and 2 shots for 4hrs of entertainmentpole dancing inclusive!! harhar.. makes me wonder he got possessed in the day or at night?? a few freshies and councillors got high and wild.. hurm.. but turns out everything's fine lar.. *phew* went back to hall.. rested and gathered at rag side at 230am for cheer fight practice.. totally shagged.. barely rest for half hour!!! &*()^&%%^&#$&^&*(.. rite.. i must bitch about this freshmen.. kept complaining that we wont haf good feedback for this wake up at 330am and jog thingy.. shouldnt ask them to wake up after chionging.. like army like tt so stupid blablabla.. say wat if he get into mc he'll cut this tradition.. asshole.. i don think he'll haf the chance to get into the mc ever!!! u think we seniors don need to slp so fun wake up and practice then run with u all argh??? urgh.. *pui* finally after everything.. bathed and slept at 645am..

250604 - break camp day4
rise and don shine anymore 8am.. super nuaded at breakfast table in kr dining hall.. slowly sashayed to hss auditorium.. watched og performance.. laughed at silly freshies.. discussed winners for various prizes.. gave prizes.. tadah! break camp.. then take photos and take photos and take photos!!!! nice pretty fotos.. silly fotos.. scary fotos.. u name it.. we haf it!! ahhahahahaha take pictures and take pictures and take pictures.. woohoo!!!!!!!! then lunch.. then pack logistics.. then home sweet home to concuss!!!!

feel lost after this foc.. like worked hard for it then so fast end liao. now wake up oso dunno wat to do.. most importantly i miss the foc ppl! main com ppl and ppl like val weiherng larry bel weisheng... they're so fun to be with!! certainly hope to see them soon!! looking forward to da ktv and mambo session the coming wed!! *weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*

mambo last night w da gals qian jasc yonghui was just there.. phuture was packed as usual.. zouk dance floor surprisingly not alot of ppl.. met quite a number of friends tho.. *hee* i din get high from the drinks.. got high when i saw edison chen at members' bar instead.. okie.. i'm suaku.. starstruck.. wateva.. i actually see edison!!! can you believe it?!?!??!! we were less than half a metre infront of him! thanks to joseph *harhar* he came telling me edison and louis koo inside members so he brought us in to see him.. then his friend(i donno e name) who supposedly knows edison pat on edison's shoulder, pointed to me and said i'm his friend *swoons* so yeah he said hi to me!!!!! i spoke to him!!!!!!!!! i almost went crazy then.. *wow*

well, life has certainly not been easy for me this past year.. and i appreciate your concern.. meanwhile i'm getting better i hope, with my things settled here and there.. what can i say man.. i'm still as lively and bubbly.. not forgetting loving to 'suan' you lar.. i just hate growing up.. realising there's more and more responsibilities, seeing more sides of people, or so-called widening my horizons? i've definitely changed, that's for sure but for the better or worse.. i'm still figuring it out.. *shrugs* though we hardly keep in contact ever since you enlist.. but i always tot the phone conversations once in a while were comforting for me to know you are still there.. listening to me.. by the way you seem to be alot alot alot others' 'consultant' eh? *keke* and yar.. i've been tied down with sch stuff.. foc and rag.. so i hardly find the time to meet up with friends(tho i do try to make it to mambo every wed since hols started).. even if i haf time i wanna slp first.. if not go out i tired oso not fun right.. yeah.. by the way u ord-ing soon and gg to ntu pian4 all the young pretty girls liao lo.. muahahahaha.. after my busy season and ur's.. go for dinner or sth k?

my uni friends all(okie almost all) says i'm chiongster.. i agree.. but only for the hols.. anyway i only club more often this hols.. last time only go sch bashes once in a while wat.. haiyoyo.. once sch start i will be nerd liao wor.. jus wanna enjoy now lar.. when i'm still able to.. just go with friends, dance to the music.. except hating the cigarrettes smoke, some guys who do things i dont like.. the rest i'm fine with.. not all ppl who chiong are bad ppl.. i'm so glad my parents understand.. come to think of it i've got alot of freedom eh.. my parents are fine with me gg club as long as i take care of myself.. even if i reach home in the weee hours from supper or ktv they oso don scold.. still ask me how come friends never come my place gamble mahjong play cards blablabla.. my mum even asks me on wed ans sat nights when i'm at home how come i never go out.. haiyo.. i'm happy with this lar.. can't imagine if they keep nagging at me giving me curfews and all.. i'll go crazy lor.. haha

right.. foc's coming soon soon! i'll be away in sch for 5 days! so fun.. never stay in hostel before.. except the slpovers @ waiying's last sem.. hurm.. but guess we'll all be worn out sia.. *hmmm*

from last night's ktv at paradiz's kbox with qian jasc jason daniar melvin to today's girls' medical checkup and foc logistics then dinner and shopping at bugis.. i'm almost dead.. slept for barely 3hrs only to wake up with an upset stomach.. urgh~ felt rather deprived tt i had to leave my computer 'growing dust' for a few days since i was busy with rag and foc stuff.. so here i am.. die die an entry before my foc camp next week..

oh.. on a happier note.. i bought a white top $19 from double index and a red op tshirt $19 from seiyu.. as u can see.. i keep side tracking from the list of things i wanna buy! argh.. saw this white jacket in converse tho... but still kiv lar.. tmr i shall go on my bikini hunt since i've all along wanted one.. hopefully the trip tmr will be fruitful wor.. no no.. MUST be fruitful.. cos i wun haf time to shop before foc le.. keke..

too tired for now to continue.. wil be back.. there's so many things i wanna say!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

meanwhile.. *weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee* iGnIte tHE biZaD sPiRiT!!!

watched the best bet at jubilee this evening.. i jus lurve those rhyming hokkien conversations.. hee.. the movie was alrite lar.. the interesting dialouge really amuses me.. muahahahaha..

took a cab home after 10pm.. i've never met such a young and considerate(not to mention good-looking) driver.. the moment i buckled my seat belt, he asked if the aircon temperature was alright for me.. if too warm or cold just tell him he can adjust it.. then barely 3 mins later he asked if the radio station was to my preference.. *wow* he switched from 933fm to power 98 tho i mentioned i was fine with it.. then i called puiee.. he kindly turned the radio off for me to use the phone.. after i ended my conversation on the phone, he told me he took the longer route after asking me usually which way i go by.. he apologised saying he just started driving taxi for 2 weeks.. tho the fare was $14 on his meter.. he insisted on me paying the usual fare which was $11.. *amazed* he stil told me to be careful on my way up.. saw me walk to my block then drove away.. this is like so so rare isn't it? har.. what can i say? damn.. forgot to ask for his name.. *winkz*


You are going to Marry orlando Bloom. He will
always treat you right and is very romantic. He
will do anything for you. He is very polite and
has deep brown eyes and is very good looking
(which is another plus!). He can make anything
cheesy look really hot(like sliding down stairs
on a shield shooting arrows or wearing pointy
ears for example). Congrats!!


Which male celebrity are you going to marry? (now 12 (i just added more, and still more to come!)results that have pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla

happie birthday puiee~~~~!!!!!!!

i had a gggRRRrrreEeeeEaaaAaaAAAttt time with pui nel qian yongling! went to sing at orchard party world.. then shopped abit before proceeding to glass house's fish and co for dinner.. i actually finished a whole seafood platter for 1 alone! wow.. must be pms.. hee.. the complementary ice cream brownie for pui da bday ger taste so good! yummy.. i swear i could have at least 5 of them at one go! *yumyum*

i must say i really enjoyed taking photos with the gals! snapping away with their digicams, making silly faces.. acting cute and blur.. harhar.. it was fun fun and fun! hee.. shall go buy my bikini soon.. i wanna bathe in da sun... sentosa.. here i come! *woooooooooooooooooooooooo* oh yes... i badly so so so so badly wanna shop!!!!!!!!! so many things on my desire list.. argh... *roll abt*

looking forward to my harry potter movie with huiting qunen yekai at shaw plaza on thursday!! muahahahah.. i surely cant miss this yearly routine! *grinz*

happie birthday to valerie~!

just checked my sch account email.. the arts canteen's gg to change tender.. i wonder if the food wil be as tasty..

i've said things i regretted.. i've done things i shouldn't.. i've even lost part of my memories.. i did not heed the signal of my red red gg to be infected left eye..
i felt utterly terrible the next day.. my stomach almost left my body.. my system almost stopped functioning.. i've never felt so terrible..
to look on the bright side, there's always a first time.. to be frank however.. i'm just a bitch.. the metamorphosis is appalling.. overwhelming.. i'd better discontinue with all these nonsense.. i really don't know what got into me.. perhaps it's the little things that i held on to too tightly.. you know smtimes when there's no avenue to ventilate the accumulated frustrations..and then there's this thing abt you know ur frens' negative reactions when u tell them abt it.. in my view there's no point in voicing out anything anymore..why spoil the mood and feel worse in trying to figure a way out with stubborn ppl? why bother to approach someone knowing u'll be slapped right in the face?
the obviously-got-comments(harsh ones too) 'no comments' doesn't help at all.. we all know giving comments is easy, ultimately being in the situation yourself is totally different.. not to mention we work around our own principles..
i'm beginning to wonder maybe i can comprehend what one of my friends went through then.. it's definitely a terrible feeling.. stressful too.. cos u can't speak of the situatio freely to them.. only it's tougher for her.. at least my family's fine with the situation over the span of half a year.. i'm happy, as long as the friends' part is shut off.. maybe that's y she did it then..
i'm appreciative tho.. tt i have friends who are concerned.. tho along the way unhappy things happended.. saying so many sorry oso no use since wat is done is done.. but still thanks alot for the thought and offer.. for the sms-es and calls to check if i'm okie.. for the follow up that hit me rather hard.. for the multiple 'am i feeling better' msgs.. really.. *sooompa*
I AM SO APOLOGETIC TO THE GALS.. PAISEH.. DONNO WAT ELSE TO SAY LE LA..
i may sound like a spoilt brat, self-centered bitch ranting abt the happenings.. but i thought tis may well be the only way i let my emotions run.. words and actions contradict at times.. this is my blog.. my way of releasing the raging emotional particles inside me where i cant do it well otherwise.. stop asking me what happened and who i am talking about or other related qns.. pls wake up ur idea lar.. if i want it or he or she to be known i'd have done so now..

on a lighter note.. i'm looking ofrward to the harry potter trip w my cousins next week.. a yearly routine! *hee*

oh yea, met up with liling nellie qianyu yongling jasc yest.. had dinner at kfc then yak and talk all the way.. it was nice sitting around and catching up with one another.. shall go on a sentosa trip soon yeah!


Heart of Crystal


What is Your Heart REALLY Made of?
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hey! click on the link on da left (take my friend test) yar?? jus a little sth.. hee.. quite fun go try go try!!! *weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*

ntu release of results today..

congrats to simon tho he thinks his results not tt good but i tot it's not bad wor..
congrats to siva too! *winkz*
to other friends.. now hols.. can work and play like crazy lar.. when the next sem starts.. we must b nerd liao wor.. jiayou jiayou okie! dun think too much now le! hee.. *hugz*
for now.. look forward to ur upcoming foc camps eh? and of cos look forward to seeing me? *silly grinz*

man survived the last ice age.. we can survive this one.. and the next, and the next.. only if we learn from our mistakes..
watched day after tmr at jurong theatre.. rather scary in the sense tt makes us really wonder when is the next ice age coming.. natural diasters are so so so devastating.. hurm.. made me interested in knowing more about hurricanes tho.. hur.. some conversations were witty and funny.. esp the part where they were arguing which books to burn and which books to not burn to keep themselves warm.. when another guy informed them there's a whole shelves of tax law books to burn.. *haha*
after the movie went to coffeeshop for teh peng.. met huat and gang there, drinking beer and smoking and chitchatting.. they left earlier.. we left around 11.30pm.. simpe and enjoyable night.. thanks matt..

it was a funfilled day at changi naval base open house.. at the same time tiring helping out at the games booth for the whole day..

for the first time in weeks.. perhaps even months.. i woke up at 5am on saturday morning.. prepared my stuff to bring and eventually dragged my heavy legs outta house at 6am.. i managed to catch the first bus at 6.03am!! *weeeeeeee* unfortunately the bus crawled.. now i wonder if i'd have reached the interchange faster by foot.. haiz.. anyway i was glad to hav boarded the train and slept all the way to bedok station.. was stoning on the way walking to bedok mac.. i din even hear yingyin calling me from behind.. hur~ *gongz gongz*

so.. happily chit chatted w the gang on our way to the naval base after which we were divided into various groups.. so me wendy coreen were i/cs for the outdoor games gladiator and sumo wrestling.. my my.. before 12pm there aren't many visitors since the open house was open to public only after 12.. we were basically wearing the event's company's super duper oversized tshirts, roasting ourselves under the scorching sun.. before long.. the exposed parts of our body were red.. hated myself for not bringing along a cap.. at least to protect my face.. argh.. *bang my head on wall*

while we were rotting and meanwhile getting to know one another better.. yihui called! she has graduated w diploma in busines administration.. got herself a job at KEA as a marketing assistant.. she don wan me to tell my parents first.. wait til she start work and settled down in the environment then let others know.. hee.. well, happie for her!!! *smilez* jus when i hung up w her, there's this army truck driving past our station.. i was standing near the entrance facing the truck.. then this guy popped his head outta window and said hi.. harhar.. i tot it was a rather idiotic action.. but oh well, i returned the greeting, since there's nothing better to do anyway.. hur~

later on in the day i was asked to help the rodeo bull station.. i learnt how to control the bull manually leh!! *woohoo* got to know 2 friends who are i/cs for the station as well.. andy and guowei.. they taught me how to control the spinning speed and buck speed of the bull.. it's interesting and i must say suitable for sadistic ppl like me.. guowei said just make them fall.. *evil laughter* and so i did, happily! along the way met some interesting children, students, teens, parents and etc who chatted with me.. at least made my day not so boring wor.. it was fun suaning crapping and yakking away w my new friends and some of the perm staff of the events company who came over to help, slack wateva.. *shrugs*

i din eat much for lunch so by the time we can go home, i'm starving.. plus my back is aching due to the long hours of standing, carrying children blablabla.. i was roasted, tired, stinking like shit, in pain cos of blisters on my feet.. we intended to take the shuttle svs to expo then take train back home.. but the queue is like dunno how many miles long we couldn't even see the starting point.. plus many ppl are cutting queue.. some of the guys tried calling for cab but there are actually no cab available!!!! *shocked* can you believe it.. NO cab available.. haiz.. tt place is so darn ulu no cabs want to come in.. eventually jac's mum fetched us to tanah merah ferry terminal.. me adel coreen took cab to raffles place (coreen's having dinner there) then me adel took train home.. is the day eventful or wat.. *heehee*

totally worn out from the day's activities.. i concussed soon after i reached home.. only to be constantly awaken by the calls from i cant remember who.. i don shut off my hp cos i think it's safer jus in case there's any emergency calls.. so i kept answering them but i guessed i must haf sounded super pissed off with my gosh!-i'm-sleepin-can-u-dun-bother-me-if-not-i'll-kill-u 'hello', so no one managed to make me listen or even remember who they are.. *hur hur*

a little pinch of regret.. i din get on to the ships and took a ride, take a look at the interior.. well.. there'll b a next time eh?

barely 3 more days to the end of may.. and my sms usage's way beyond the limit of 700.. means my bill's enuff to make me bankrupt.. since i don't have much to start with..o_O

singapore's mid year sale has started but i wont b able to benefit much from it cos i'm broke.. at least for now.. -_-"

"Hong Chuanhui! Hong Chuanhui! Such a nice name i always remember..." adapted from a msg i received from my pr1 friend huifen thru friendster.. yes.. friendster's kokked up now and then.. but it still works wonders at times for me.. *winkz* the feeling of meeting old friends online then meet up and catch up on wat's gg on in one another's life is simply amazing.. reminds me of how my life was like then.. *hee*
to be frank, my p1 to p4 memories were pretty vague.. until msgs come flowing in.. the names.. like yuyan yuhua rex raineer yaowei started popping out one by one.. hope to find them all.. not too ambitious rite.. haha.. then perhaps gather.. i guess it'll b great fun bar.. *hehe*

freaking incident
i was on bus 143 gg to je interchange around 830pm.. the bus stopped at a junction beside the tree before turning right to the interchange.. i was looking out of da window..
I FREAKING SAW A MAN WALKING INTO THE TREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i sms jasc immediately.. the whole thing happened so damn fast lor..
the first tot was reflection from the bus window tt makes it like tt? proven wrong when i turn to see no roughly age 60 man on da bus..
second tot was the man walked round the tree to the other side but parallex error so look like walking into it? proven wrong when there are fences at both sides of the tree and the tree's not tt big for me to not see the man walk over the other side..
conclusion.. i don even know whether it's a man tt i saw.. *shudders*
i hate to be reminded of this.. it's darn FREAKING to me.. i swear i won't look out to tt bloody tree ever.. i do not want to be near it even if possible.. don't ask me to show you which tree or which junction wateva.. *hair stands*

gotta wake up super duper EARLY tmr.. cos need to reach Bedok at bloody 7am! *pulls hair*
i know i'm whiny but i jus cant help it.. such a pig like me needs sleep.. lots of them.. guess i'll be like a walking zombie tmr.. perhaps seeing familiar faces coming for the carnival will be great! *hopeful*
rite now.. i'll go zzzzzing...

man are apt to offend.. where they find most goodness to forgive.. to err is human; to forgive, divine.. i'm but human..
true, like all said, definitely aint a deliberate act whatsoeva.. it's the repetition i hate.. dodobird knows it best mayb?
heeded gaozi's advice, tried sorting out the root prob of recurrence.. if only she listens.. if only she'll put down her i'm-ur-mother-so-i-noe-best attitude to TALK and LISTEN to me..
but i won't give up yet..
sometimes i think it's a pity my parents arent actors..

Patience, n. A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue..
preservation of patience can only be for so long..
quarrels sparked off when anguish was too much to bear..
thoughts of 'i ought to be cherished this and that way by so-and-so' triumphed with egotistical approach..
break-ups sometimes occur when intolerance replaced acceptance and forgiveness..
perfect love is rare indeed..for to be a lover will require that you continually have the subtlety of the very wise, the flexibility of the child, the sensitivity of the artist, the understanding of the philosopher, the acceptance of the saint, the tolerance of the scholar and the fortitude of the certain..
if i seek perfection in love where evidently it isn't viable ever, i'd most probably remain a spinster..
but no harm for some who chose to perceive as reaching for the stars and fall on the clouds..
most of us agrees that we're never lonely, there's someone who dreams of our smile,
and finds in our presence that life is worth while..
but we are never satisfied aren't we?
for we do not consider those whom we don't know, neglect, overlooked or even detest as 'someone'..
anyhow.. don't allow defeats to cast shadows on imminent dreams..
minor despairs tt disguise as virtues like it or not.. carries us a long way..

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck... i am fuming..
my black BUM top, yellow doggy tshirt and saints tshirt tt i've worn only once got spoilt during wash..
this is for dunno how many fuck times my clothes are spoilt..
so u noe y i owas wear the same few tops..
i meant to wash them myself.. but cant find them, so i panicked..
found them in one of the pails my mum washes the clothes..
i was too late to save them from discoloring..
FUCK.. i am not calling home and not coming home..
call me childish and irresponsible..
i don't give fucking care
those who know what it's always like should understand..
sth wrong with the fucking pails and detergent? i think it's more like the fucking problem with my mum..
asked her what happened and she just fucking shrugs..
not even a fucking sorry said..
so she's fucking glad to see my clothes getting spoilt then i have to buy again lar? then she'll say i anyhow spend money and refuse to give me allowance?
or i have to spent my own savings or salary then she will complain i owas buy my own stuff and never care about family?
i fucking don't give a shite anymore about this family..
if not for my sister you fucking think i'll be here smiling huh, mum?
what the fuck.. sorrie abt my usage of the word..
i wish i can be gone for good..

happy happy 19th birthday to weikien~!
stay pretty and 18 yr every year from now on yeah yonghui!! keke, happy birthday! can't wait to see you with rebonded hair!
old guy shaoyong.. 23rd year on earth sia.. haha! enjoy!

release of results today..
mno A-
Mgt Acct C+
Finance C+
Nature of Lang B+
Social Work A-
overall cap score of 3.55, better than last sem 3.5.. appalled by my finance though.. always don like to see grade C in my results.. haiz.. but then given the effort and my noy-so-interested-in-it attitude, i ought to be satisfied.. o_0

who has the right about judging another?
is keeping a smiley face then curse and swear behind the person unacceptable?
tell me about quality service when serving customers..
is staying calm and cold towards adversity, overcoming it ruthlessly high EQ?

self centered.. we all are but human beings..
stop all the humans are intelligent, best beings blablabla shite..
we may be intelligent or superior to other kinds in our view..
what makes you think the chickens and cows aren't looking down on how pathetic we humans can be?

well, just some random thoughts here..

i tot there was no jap restaurant at bugis junction.. so i was wrong, sua ku me.. haha.. had dinner with sean da pig at chanko masakatsu restaurant in a ulu corner (oh oh think i forgot which corner even..) initially wanted to makan at tampines mall cos i was at expo giving out chinablack flyers for fund raising.. ended up we changed location to bugis so he came down since there's more variety of food hehz.. after dinner da pig wanted dessert so decided to go intercontinental hotel see the pastries and cakes.. bought four portions at 50% off.. they owas sell the pastries at half price from 8pm to 9pm.. yep, haha.. we finished 2 portions and i brought home the remaining 2.. haha, thanks ya!

i had a good time, tho initially was upset by a quarrel before da pig came.. poor him gotta bear with my black face and whiny complaints.. he had to entertain me, haha, oops.. thanks for picking up the tab too wor.. he had tempura set, me had unagi set.. the shake sashimi was delicious, at least to me.. tot it was abit ex even with 50% off le.. dunno whether u really don wan it or let me finish them off haha.. but thanks anyway..

feels comfortable when out with da pig.. can just crap and crap and crap.. looked at the messages in my hp he's holding.. deleted many of them le.. kept those that still gives me some amusement harhar.. he was pretty much amazed by the smses he sent as well.. muahahaha.. 4 of us haven't met up for a long time, even when the last time 3 of us went out was last year to catch infernal affairs like he said.. hurm. okie, shall see when we can meet up sometime soon okie.. i guess it's known i do miss those days la so no need to keep repeating when i noe it's almost impossible it'll happen.. yep..

a man who lives by the day receiving income on the basis of the number of girls he get to sign up as porn stars or prostitutes..

a woman who is a music teacher in a girls' college..

she had a one night stand with him in an attempt to escape from her mundane routine.. before she get married to 'A'..

ended up they fell in love with each other despite their differences..

multiple barriers lay ahead..

the man got involved with the police and underground guys after being betrayed by his boss..

she cancelled her wedding, forced to quit teaching and left her home due to numerous harsh rumours..

finally after overcoming all problems, they were united as one..

she was ready to break the news of her pregnancy on xmas eve a year later, preparing a sumptuous meal awaiting for his return from work..

he bought her favourite strawberry shortcake from her favourite confectionary before setting for home..

but he never got home.. he did not get to hear the news of her pregnancy.. he never will see the arrival of their child..

he was stabbed by 'A' on his way home while walking thru an underpass..

"a toast to sweet revenge," was all that 'A' said followed by a cynical laughter before he left..

the man staggered a few moments then fell to the ground..

the last thing he did was to think of her and wish for her happiness..

went rag FIC on wed.. the most tiring one so far.. walking a long long distance the whole day.. even got chased by a big black ugly dog from one of the warehouses.. *phew* good thing the owner caught hold of it just in time before my wits were totally out of me..

met puiee yongaling qian nel at chinablack later in the evening for a chill only to realise it was rather packed with members dur to its 3rd yr anniversary.. met some friends there.. we stayed for a short while before gg to mambo..

took a cab down to zouk only to find the queue so darn long.. even phuture's queue was horrendously long.. heng i remembered joseph was there so gave him a ring.. then so he got all 5 of us in within 5 mins of our arrival.. thanks man! i know i can be such an ass but the angry cum bewildered cum bu4 shuang3 looks of the many ppl in the queue gave me a good feeling i haven't felt before.. *grinz*

was a little too wild for me.. 1 whiskey 1 brandy 2 lambo some vodka some heineken and i'm almost gone.. conscious but cant walk in a straight line.. thank god the gals were there.. *big hugz* we had fun teasing one another, dancing and meeting ppl.. too bad phuture's so packed.. so we were stuck at mambo.. nvm.. had fun anyway..

by the time i got home, was awake, drank lots of water and hot tea to cear my mind.. packed my stuff and clothes for FIC on thurs.. bathed.. slept! only to wake up in the morning today with a sore sore sore sore throat.. cant even speak properly when answer phonecalls.. darn.. in the end.. CANNOT MAKE IT for FIC.. so angry with myself can??? argh.. felt bad to CMI last min.. then some more not many ppl turn up this time.. if only FIC no need much of my voice.. *sigh*

anyway i hope the remaining FICs i'll be well and okie for them.. no more drinks for me on wed nite if FIC on thurs morn! *promise!*

watched blood brothers this week, it has an intersting twist.. not as fantastic as infernal affairs but good enough.. yeah..
had sake sushi student buffet too.. yum yum!!!
my first time in crystal jade for dinner and the food's great!! dessert was a disappointment tho.. the one with the mixed fruit and another with glutinous rice.. totally sucks..
van helsing's not bad too.. some parts were funny.. some gave me a few frights.. i rate it 3.5 stars...

wow! blogger has a new erm.. look? har, anyhow...

encounter 1

nurse1: yesterday i went holland v flea market, quite interesting..
nurse2: wat flea market?
nurse1: neh, those place tt sells 2nd hand stuff, stalls in open air, tt kind lar..
nurse2: orh.. y call flea market? which 'flea'? cannot be f-l-e-a 'flea' rite?
nurse1: no lar.. not f-l-e-a.. i think is f-l-e-e.. yep..
nurse2: i see..
me: *frown* ?!?!?!?!

was on my way to bras basah on monday for choosing paper color when i overheard the 2 sgh nurses beside me on the mrt talking.. wanted to concentrate on my book but they were audible so heh..

encounter 2

me: *walking fast fast* (cos already late meeting isabel steve francis jean at bras basah)
man1: *walking beside me* hey girl, where are you going?
me: *look at him* huh?!?!
man2: xiao meimei, why walk so fast? gg where?
me: *ignore and walk faster*
man1: eh, don walk so fast leh, wat's ur name? don scared, fren fren only..
man2: ya lo, where u wan go, we pei2 you la..
me: *walk even faster* (irritated and abit scared)

fwah.. the 2 guys really irritating.. aged abt mid 20s bar.. follow me to bras basah! heng i continue ignore them then i went up the escalator they never follow liaoz.. took out my hp to act busy.. hur~ tho man1 is quite cute.. *brrrrr*

encounter 3

mrt: door closing... dood dood dood dood... next stop, tiong bahru
me: reading my story book
man3: hey! is this agatha christie? i love her books too! where you get this book?
me: erm.. *smile* got it frm book fair..
man3: i see, so you still studying?
me: ya, uni.. *continue to read*
man3: how old are you?
me: *frown* huh?!?! er, 20..
man3: gg home? can i know ur name?
me: *puzzled* ya, gg home.. erm, i don think u need to know my name..
man3: oh.. er, i'm mark by the way, tot can b frens since we have common interest *points to my book*
me: hur, hmmm, hi mark, you mind i jus continue with my reading?
mark: *shrugs*
me: *lowers head to read*

rite, this happend on my way home on monday from bugis.. am pretty amazed by them this day.. the last 2 kept me puzzled and annoyed though.. *?!?!?!?*

met yonghui at bugis to shop after my rag stuff at bras basah.. was not hungry so decided to shop around..
seiyu has super sale storewide! muji 30-70%!
i bought 2 sets or underwear from pierre cardin for $25..
we then proceeded to level 1 to smell fragrances.. like 'summer' from gucci (if my memory doesn't fail me) and this fragrance from anna sui.. forgot the name.. hee..
we walked to OG too.. there's sale there too.. OP has season clearance sale.. i bought a pair of OP shorts and a pouch for my sister $30.. tot she'll like them so yep.. *smilez*

alrite, i noe i'm not working shouldn't spend so much.. haiz.. the worst thing is i got a job lobang in a office but i cant work!!! like i said becos of my schedule i can only work in the evening or night.. *sadz* and office job is in da good o shine morning..

anyway, tue gg sake sushi student buffet! then after that meeting another fren for dinner! i shall b a glutton!!! *munchy crunchy yummy goodie~!*

the very first official rag FIC proved my physical weakness... esp my back...

was supposed to reach yio chu kang mrt station at 830am.. darn early can!?!?! it's been many donkey years since i dragged myself out of bed as early as 645am.. hur~ slept on the train and woke up 2 stops after my destination.. woohoo, how nice.. but then i still reached before 830am at yio chu kang.. *grinz*

there were 16 of us.. isabel val kailee apple diana alice seok me larry yantyng francis jean kevin jacq steve ronnie.. we split up into 4 groups to cover different blocks of the amk industrial parks.. break for lunch at about 1230, continued with FIC at 130 til abt 330.. it was tiring, not easy also, esp when some ppl are so unfriendly.. some even 'diao' us! or look at us like we're aliens.. *bish bash*

however, we do meet ppl who are rather spontaneous.. some even interesting.. *heehee* one of the companies we approached, the HR personnel actually introduced us to her collegues so that we can speak to them regarding our FIC.. still remember her name's veron.. *thumbs up* hope i'll meet as many ppl as nice as her in my remanining 11 FICs!!! *prays hard hard* there's another company we went to, the employees were 'talkative'.. tho they din give much, the short interaction with them certainly added at least a teeny weeny bit of spice to my day.. *muahahaha* then there's this auntie who's talks a whole lot but gave quite alot too.. *hiakz*.. her son happens to be in nus too! perhaps that explains her generosity.. *nods head*

i havent found my bed so comfortable for some time.. havent tot sitting down on a chair drinking water is such a blessing.. til today.. having slacked the whole sem without exercising... today's walk definitely gave my body a 'teaching'.. shall get my arse out to do a little bit of exercise soon.. i did mention i hate exercising yeah? *sulks* oh well.. we shall see.. my next FIc's on friday... wish me luck..

did a little schedule planning for may and june, slotting in all the possible FICs i haf to complete together with FOC com stuff to help in.. guess wat? i can work! only at night.. how 'great' can this be.. i have an average of 3 day rest per week including weekends! *sheesh* rite... i need a contingency plan.. or contingency planS...*pulls hair*

i'll love to give more details regarding FIC cos it's rather enjoyable but i'm damn shack.. meeting zhou gong after watching american's next top model! *skips around*

happy birthday to yanting~!

it's always nice to meet up with friends and have dinner, sit around and chat..

had dinner at pastamania-cine (020504) with ben junming jinglin wanhui valerie.. finally got my free pasta with the completed stamped card! hee.. chat and yak abit before proceeding to paragon for gelato ice cream!!!!!!!! yummy yum yum.. i luurrrrrrve ice cream!!!!!!!!

well, jinglin's working at iras while wanhui's working at sph.. val still looking for a job.. seeing all of them work.. i oso want to.. but i can't blame anyone for not being able to settle for a stable job since i've already put myself into quite abit of committments in sch.. with foc and rnf gg on, it's unlikely i can get the job i want.. worst come to worst i shall commit to teaching tuition.. hurm.. but then considering the financial crisis i'm in, i don think i've got much of a choice yeah.. shall hope to hear good news from yongling regarding the $9 per hr job.. *cross fingers*

well, meanwhile i shall continue on my bikini hunt and hopefully do all the things i wanna do this hols!

anyway, 50 first dates is a really sweet movie.. can't help wondering if i'll b able to find someone who can make me fall in love with him everyday.. feeling ever so fresh with him, so u noe.. things will never get dull or become boring with him around.. *slaps head* wake up! haiz.. this kind of things only happen in movies right? hurm.. *shrugs*

to my friends out there who are frustrated or bewildered or whateva cos i seem to haf disappeared or became hostile the past weekend, i'm sorry.. either i deliberately, accidentally, unknowingly, subconsciously.. or abit of all... my hp was either not with me or in silent silent mode.. not even vibration.. the tranquility won much of my adoration.. to not haf to answer a single call or reply a single sms can be a blessing as well..

nobody can find you..
nobody can ask you for opinions or get answers..
nobody can irritate you with their persistence..
to be perfectly done with a pinch of egotism..
or efficiently with a serving of can't-be-bothered attitude since no one's perfect..

gor.. i'm fine here.. once in a while loves to coop myself up in my room with jus a book or magazine.. read them til my eyes are tired then close them to rest.. thinking about the things that i've done, doing and going to do.. abit like soul searching you can say.. why have i become like that i hope to fully grasp the reasons but with my according-to-you puny or non-existent brain perhaps it will not be easy.. my exams have ended and i'm relieved.. tho i'm almost 100% sure i won do well this semester.. nevertheless i've one less worries now.. as for family, sis's getting on fine.. grades are improving slowly but steadily.. parents still the same since u last heard.. am living off my grandparents and aunts.. yep.. would love to go out and party and shop like nobody's business but no mood as yet.. hope ya doing fine..

i guess if i were to take the personality test again.. i may end up to be more introverted than before.. don seem to be as energetic anymore.. but then i'm still appreciative of friends who are always there.. like he said.. time spent together don't make a friendship last, rather being there at the rite time does.. hee, does it mean being there at the wrong time does the opposite? *nvm* sort of miss the sarcastic and vocab-churning exchange of trying-to-make-sense words.. don mind me.. random thoughts here..

if it wasn't the incessant pleadings..
if not for the earliest notice given..
if not for the old times' sake..
i shouldn't have obliged..
but then again.. it's simply cos of remaining affection perhaps..
i don't wish ur ego to be washed down the drains..
u jolly well understood i did not wish for more..
i just want you to noe i'm not one to be taken for granted for..
at least not totally..

i need comments about this one.. am i too demanding? when it comes to bgr, i thought i am easily contented.. *scratches head* or is it just me? haha.. no, not sad.. just abit puzzled.. is it too much to leave when you know the neglect may not be personal faults?

anyhow, i'll be in sentosa for the next 2 days.. chalet!!!!!!!!!!!!

i simply love my neighbours!!!!! just earlier today they gave me the may issue of Her World Magazine as well as the Ultimate cookbook of Tomatoes!! aren't they great? not to mention i've been receiving ELLE, Cleo and FHM magazines from them every now and then.. good source of entertainment especially after exams.. wow... i hope the supply doesn't stop! hee...

yesterday, or early morning today, chatted with a few friends online.. especially enjoyed the conversation with a new found friend zhisheng from social work class this semester.. jus so happens he noes ah bing and someone i heard from jasc and yongling is a real nice guy.. okie, i noe s'pore's a small small place.. it's been quite awhile since i get this kind of intellectually stimulating conversations.. it's good food for the brain as i've mentioned, but to be taken in moderation to prevent unecessary thinking and worrying over stuff.. initially thought i'd giv the impression of being too inquisitive.. u noe me, owas full of questions and smtimes the words jus come out without any brain processing.. hurm.. but turn out we chatted til abt 2am? if my memory doesn't fail me.. nice person to talk to.. *snilez*

rite, this is gg reverse chronological order.. watched ami yesterday and was surprised that jennifer hudson's out! i thought john stevens was gg to be eliminated.. oh well, this kind of thing's so unexpected.. i still love latoya london and jasmine trias anyway...

had dinner with ian and binjuan at Wheelock Place's Big O before ami.. yes! haven seen binjuan for such a long time! she's definitely blooming well! chatted abit here and there.. could haf gone 'deeper' in a way but oh well, the atmosphere wasn't that suitable then.. nvm.. hope she'll get into the course she's applied for.. i'll look forward to seeing her soon! oh yes.. the food at Big O's pretty expensive.. the portion's barely enuff to fill half my stomach.. but the desserts are great! hee.. yep..

even before this, had lunch buffet at sake sushi with jasc and yongling.. they jus had their first exam paper (accounting) then woke me up with their calls asking me go makan.. jasc's a steady driver i must say.. and she's parking queen!!!! hiakz.. okie.. back to the food.. we sat in sake sushui from 3pm rite up to 6pm for the student buffet.. i'm jus a glutton... eating for practically the whole day.. hee! jap food's good! but i din get to taste my favourite sashimi.. oh well.. soon soon!

interesting note of the day.. while jasc was tearing parking coupons, me and yongling were standing by the road.. dunno wat's the name of the road but it sure is an iteresting stretch! saw a grey beetle car and a off-white beetle car, a cutely-shaped golden tibs taxi.. a funny-looking(but according to yongling it's nice) jarguar.. all of which i've never seen before.. saw michelle sarem talking on hp outside wheelock.. my my, she's so slim and toned! haha... i sound abit sua ku here wor.. *hehe*

new resolution: to meet up with friends i haven seen for a long long time..

Aimless freedom

the dreaded exams are finally over, though ending with such a difficult management accounting paper.. a heavy load off my shoulder, hence feeling floating.. hee.. but then again, the aimless feeling is here again.. nvm, i'll treat it as recuperating from the drained brained cells, tho i've not much to start with...

so after my last paper at 3pm, i came home to interact with my computer.. i haven been fully utilizing it for entertainment purposes for some time.. so, other than updating and adding some features to my blog, i checked my emails, friendster, chat with friends on icq and msn at the same time..

a note to my so considered boring after-exam activity jus sitting in front of the monitor and get fat.. i was happily adding the cute little icons to the headings on the left.. when i was 99% done with the 'masterpiece' i cleverly/accidentally/watsoeva clicked on the 'clear edits' button! so my hours of work looking for pictures and icons were wasted.. i had to do it all over again.. which explains why i'm still here during this time of the day.. nevertheless a mild sense of satisfaction was my credit for hurting my wrists, eyes and back..

Take the ICQuiz!

keLLy's wEddiNg diNNeR

the first ever fren's wedding dinner i attended.. at Excelsior Hotel River City Restaurant.. the surge of excitement, perplexity and joyfulness accompanied me on this saturday evening.. a breaki from the half week non-stop mugging for exams.. to paint my nails, decide what to wear, dolling up for thedinner hehz..

met up with yonghui at city hall mrt station before proceeding to the hotel, it was a joyous occasion! sat together with fellow qifa friends and sajc friends.. yonghui lexian & bf yvette & bf shuhui kok siong huixin and me.. realised that i wan the only one at the table who known the bride since p1.. not that i'm close to her but we've since kept in touch through annual new yr, bday and xmas greetings via snail mail.. it was a simple and pleasant friendship.. i was overwhelmed when i received the news of her marriage.. never would i have expected her out of so many other friends to be the first to settle down! was wondering why would she wan to get married so soon at the age of 20? wasn't she in nus arts?

my doubts were cleared of course.. she applied for deferment of studies for a year.. known her husband for 4 yrs and decided to settle down.. wow.. am very glad that she's so happy and in bliss now..

no, her wedding celebration did not inspire me to take this path.. not yet at least.. hehz.. there's still so many things i want to do, have to do, need to do.. erm.. most importantly.. he's not here yet.. harhar!

rite.. back to mugging..

oops... my hands are so itchy.. so i changed my layout again.. hurm... can somehow reflect how one is thinking eh.. after exams will expand on this webby.. link it to my homepage soon.. hee.. quite fun la.. to jus sit in front of the comp and figure out writing codes for websites..

a few more days to the start of exams and i don really feel anxious or least bit worried about it.. rather contrasting to the previous semester when i was busy mugging for it a week and a half before the exams.. can's explain this phenomenom but hopes things get better.. the lazy worms infesting my physical and mental being must be rid of asap.. immediately in fact.. hur~

went to expo for the mph book fair last saturday evening.. walked around quite abit most of the time head hung low.. (cos the books were all piled on the floor).. looking for books that catch my attention.. this year's stock was reduced.. not many books to search from.. bought 6 books costing me $30 bucks.. will haf a good time reading them man.. the book i'm currently reading the favours and fortunes of katie castle is 1 of the 6 i bought.. *smilez*

...pms is a good avenue to blame many things on.. temperamental, mood swings, laziness, procrastination, wateva u name it, they can be due to pms.. but it comes to a point where a line has to be drawn for taking pms for granted.. if there indeed exist present and post menstrual syndrome other than the proven pre menstrual syndrome, go ahead and claim that my outburst or abnormality of personality is the consequence of pms.. you save a dollar each day, u get a substantial amt in the future.. you travel a metre everyday, u'd cover a mile in time.. you collect each grain of sand and u get a heap of sand soon.. you tolerate something or someone.. u erupt with anger when things prolong or get out of hands..

even if the time of eruption may be caused by 'nature', it still erupted.. before blaming on other things or ppl.. why not count the number of times history repeated itself? if it wasn't a repeated doing, would it even haf erupted the last time when it was not personal faults? true, you can be used to the procrastination and abnormal punctuality.. but it does not mean you can take it for granted.. many times the urge of leaving or even slapping you rises.. but of cos i think it wasn't right to do so.. suppressed frustration can be fatal.. in the sense that trust can be lost.. i just dunno when.. obviously i don wish that to happen..

ranting to other ppl can assist in cooling myself down when impatience got the better of me during the waiting time (that includes vulgarities in addresses).. so i did.. i wouldn't want a burst blood vessel jus cos of waiting for you.. it wasn't the first time i ranted to him.. but it was the first time after a long long long time.. when i was waiting at the bstp.. i was thinking u could haf at least told me u gg to bathe, or u jus bathed.. or u haven leave house instead of leaving me to rush out since i was 15mins late only to end up waitiing for half hr b4 u said u were jus leaving house after i miss call u twice.. come to think of it.. i was glad i overslept on one of the days when we wanted to go study.. call me selfish or wat.. i really dunno how i'd haf reacted if i reached harbor front on time.. or earlier..

as for saturday.. i told ya if u don wan to go i'd go with my cousin.. like i said it may not be totally ur fault but i was pissed cos i could've asked my cousin along if this should happen. since u decide to go, my cousin said i'd haf company, she'll go on sunday.. end up i went alone to expo to buy my books.. plus i was damn tired.. din really sleep as well so i din think it was a gd excuse.. to say you want to meet and then not turning up except to come after i've bought the books.. u think one sorry can clear all stuff? hurm.. like i said, if it was the first time things happen, i wun be so angry.. jus tot i should say it all out..

it really isn't good feeling to haf to wait for someone.. the same person over and over again.. i can be used to ur laziness but i guess you should wake up ur idea as well.. it should occur to you that if when nobody bothers to be angry with ya that's the end man.. it gets extremely frustrating when ur actions dun speak of ur words.. well, perhaps you adopted the theory 'they are words only'.. i dunno.. i'm on the verge of giving up.. i still haf the strength to help but i jus dunno when i'll giv up.. i guess some things i mention will upset yo i'm seriously not sure.. how can i be sure of anything when you dun even put in the actions to prove it? how can i be sure of anything when i cant even know when you'll be punctual? one of the most basic value.. *shrugs*

i'm not saint, i make mistakes too.. i try to correct them and i mean it.. do you?

happy birthday to junming and benjamin wong!!

another monday has passed.. tuesday's here.. this means another day closer to exams.. *gosh* haven't settled down to mug, though i've been wanting to do that.. super duper inertia due to forces of emotional disorder.. call me crazy or wat.. i jus can't stand the mess on my table any longer so did a little tidying up.. dug out some stuff and kept pondering whether to dipose of them or to keep them a while longer for memo's sake.. decided to stacked them up nicely in a corner of my cupboard.. thanks goodness i still have space for those stuff.. actually they were stuff from jc days.. co-op days in fact.. brings back alot of memories.. good ones, bad ones... those times bitching around with fellow com members ever complaining some teachers.. slacking around using co-op stuff for personal uses.. hectic times juggling sch work and co-op events.. lousy times kena scolded by teachers, when students don't cooperate with you..

anyhow, it's nice doing some packing.. relieves stress too.. feels happier when things are in order.. this time round not bad lar.. pack table instead of cleaning toilet haha.. maybe pms bar.. was down with cramps in the morning dun even feel like moving a finger.. but took panadol and felt better so hands become itchy.. made a small pouch today too.. for wat i dunno.. jus feel like doing something with the extra cloth and needles and thread.. not beri pro but stil usable la.. hehz.. felt accomplished in another way.. completed my tutorial on time too!

am feeling so excited cos in a few hours' time i'm gg back to sajc for my fav lasi lemak!!! so long never go back.. wanna go back makan then study.. hurmmm jus got to now i've got lecture at 2pm.. still thinking whether i should go cos there might be tips.. shall see how bar.. glad i'll be meeting up with wanz jingz ben siva again so soon!! hehz..

...it's meaningless to hold on to someone who takes you for granted.. perhaps it's due to ur own fault that ignites this up-to-u-i'm-fine-with-anything-as-long-as-u-like-it behavior.. leaving everything to you, so that any consequence has to be due to the decision make as well.. i know it hurts to let go but if this is what it takes for the person to realise what has really gone wrong and to bear the consequences.. you have to do it.. anyway it is for your own good to take a step back and think carefully whether it's worth to continue carrying emotinal burdens.. if the person comes back then you decide whether to give it another shot.. if the person is gone for good, let it be.. grant the wish of looking for someone much much better..

single hood is bliss... (='v'=)

resurrection of long awaited sense of accomplishment acheived.. an end to the project, the start to continuing friendship..
i haven't been this jovial for a long long time.. already felt satisfied seeing my project report and cd-rom done nicely last night.. so much so that i din really bother about my finance quiz and tutorial today!
last night spent my time settling the report and ppt slides, deciding what to wear for presentation and blablabla miscelleneous.. all except touching on finance notes.. *oopsie* what the heck..
this morning woke up early after my wake up call.. reached school earlier than usual and did a small run through of our presentation.. it feels really good to see my groupmates.. our theme's white color.. hehz.. our attire, report file, cd cover all white.. *yipee~*
was excited, not nervous about our presentation.. it went through smoothly, i did not stutter or tremble with fear *hehz*, keeping within the given time limit of 20mins.. managed to squeeze in a short short skit.. it was the process that makes me glad.. feels so accomplished.. compensate for the ever-not-doing-tut-me.. *keke*
took pictures with other groups and our tutors after the whole thingy.. will post them up soon soon! guess the reason that brings me to cloud nine is when my tutor commented to us that he likes our ppt slides.. it's my baby!! did it in a day, searching for the background and pictures and doing all those animation.. my efforts paid off with his "good job" and a thumbs up.. *yoohoo!*
on a more serious note.. my groupmates compliment one another rather well. Vic's from science fac, good in language so edited our report, Paul's got a good knowledge of the company we're doing on, feeding us with tons of information, not to mention his knowledge in IT(okieokie he's from sch of computing).. WuZhe's from engineering, enriched us with his standardizing report and presentation skills which we gladly adopted, Yonghui being our artistic director coming up with the skit and settling our report and cd covers, me preparing the slides for our presentation.. these ppl are a bunch of crappy and fun yet serious when comes to work friends.. it's nice doing this project together.. *smilez*
if only my future projects are all like that.. although this one is on a small scale, it means much to me to have the sense of satisfaction seeing everything goes well at the end of the day.. okie, enough of ranting.. back to mugging!

mind-boggling how transition impinge on each and every one of us.. somedays, somethings we jus dun wish to remember.. what constitutes not remembering? how can i possibly forget everything in the blink of an eye?
i just opt to ignore it..
i just conclude there's more things worth my attention..
i just assume i won't see you again.. tho i don't want it to be so..
presumingly after what happened you never wan to have anything to do with me eh..
i do not even understand why do tears fell for you.. and they are still falling because of you..
i'm puzzled at my words and actions..
as much as i told myself you are like that and i've no right whatsoever to interfere, plus perceptibly i'm inferior to whoever, i still break down..
"chuandabee, why you always do the same thing everytime?"
gosh.. i wish i know why.. you walk into my life and want to leave and i'm not ready for you to do so perhaps..
i do remember your words and actions..
"are you very sian?"
"are you okay with our pace of walking? are we walking too fast?"
"is it xin ku for you to sit like that?"
pulling me away from someone i'm blocking, offering to carry my bag and you did..
"how can i not care when i knew how you feeling, you think my heart made of steel ar.."
"if even for a second you feel alone remember i'll always be here for you.."
dunno why but i feel diffident when you hold on to me.. just that split second i was pleased..
come to think of it, you'd have done it if it's her.. anyone else right? i can't believe i'm so naive..
was it just another test of your charm? congrats, you passed with flying colors..
you picked an easy test paper..
i deleted your number from my phone memory.. whether it was on purpose i'm not sure..
what the hell, the number's still in my head, i just realised.. wtf..
maybe it was meant to be? for wateva fucking sake she's my friend.. thanks for allowing me to learn another lesson..

to my friends, i felt despondent causing you to feel or think the way you did..
it wasn't premeditated definitely..
in due course it was my fault for asking you out..
we should have all stayed bloody at home watching tv munching goodies study till giddy..
then so many things wun happen to us..
having said that.. guys are just bastards right.. okieokie, most of them.. er, some of them??
let's all study okie..
"always look forward to after the exams.."
sounds familiar? hehz.. after the exams we'll shop, sing, party all day and night!
erm.. of cos must work and go work out!

puiee, jiayou jiayou jiayou faster catch up with ya work.. then can go venture on your greener pastures! *winkz*

yongaling, come join us study group! dun be bothered with them now, they're not worth it.. yet.. =)

qian, i'll join ya in trying to work out but end up saying 'damn it, so tiring, i dun wan le!' after the exams k! heez..

ian, time is everything.. it does many things.. the possibles and the deemed impossibles.. believe in yourself.. friendship's important.. that's what i think..

jing, wan, shu, inez, siva, meet up soon again! had a fun time catching up with ya peepz during nez's bday!!! all the best for exams!

nel, so long yo've been 'in' your life.. take care of yourself okie! study study hard hard too! keke..

wonder why is this so.. everytime i wanna blog.. decided to blog, i'll be stuck... when previously thoughts are flooding the passages of my already-not-so-gd-brain.. damn it..

13 march 2004 saturday
Virgo(August 23 - September 22)
Your dilemma today is the struggle between the large and the small. Normally, you gravitate in the direction of the small. Virgos like to focus on details. But now the Moon in Sagittarius is encouraging you to express your largest needs and your most grandiose desires. Of course, you won't do this. You might hold in everything that you think is inappropriate, but if you do, there is an emotional price to pay. Try to find a way to gently express your desires, even if you have to intellectualize them to make yourself feel safer.

14 march 2004 sunday
Virgo(August 23 - September 22)
It may be a challenge for you today as your feelings get mixed into you thoughts. Even if you try to stay on the logical side of your brain, you cannot. As you try to share what's on your mind, deep emotions will be brought to the surface and will color what you say and how others will react. Take all aspects of communication slowly. You have more time than you realize. Be careful and get it right from the start or you'll be learning from your mistakes soon enough.

15 march 2004 monday
Virgo(August 23 - September 22)
Your planet, Mercury, is forming a tense aspect with Saturn-the-Tester. You are likely to feel resistance to what you say and this can make you rethink your current position on an important matter. But the resistance doesn't need to come from the outside. You could be your own harshest critic now. Too harsh. Although your ideas may be well thought out, you still could be hesitant to share them because you are afraid of having them rejected.

i know i've said this before.. this is freaking me out.. things are just so accurate.. i mean these tarot horoscope stuff.. at the moment i feel as if something within me (perhaps the volcano) is erupting..

10 march 2003 wednesday
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You Virgos take great pride in your ability to analyze a situation with your practical form of logic. And you can get quite uncomfortable when your thought process is not performing up to your required level of efficiency. Today may be cause for some concern, for your brain is picking up a radio station that you don't usually hear. The thoughts that are now playing in your mind sound familiar in a strange way. And, no matter how hard you try, you cannot tune out this station. This, needless to say, makes you uneasy. Don't waste energy trying to figure it out. Just listen and learn.

have you ever yearn to be loved, to be taken care of, to be showered with much care and concern?
have you ever wish to be given gifts, to have someone there for you whenever you need, to be pampered with pleasant words?
have you ever wonder why are you willing to give up something or someone for another? to have to make choices, doesn't matter right or wrong ones..
have you ever hope for someone to treat you like a princess, to spoil you yet dowsn't leave you?
want to have a shoulder for you to cry on, someone for you to be childih to at times, to be unreasonable and wicked sometimes, yet that person believes you no matter wat, dun mind wat you did?
want to find someone whereby list of positive characteristics is inexhaustive?
dream on ar... how to find someone like that?
bottom line, i do wish to be pampered and spoilt.. just once is enough.. haven't really 'taste' how is it like to have someone like that for me.. jus someone.. doesn't have to be bf i think.. jus someone.. who puts up with my nonsense just his once.. *hur~* sounds desperate? no... i need an escape route.. since my original route was exposed.. damn..

monday blues.. i dun haf them today... yeah! though i was abit put off by the everlasting rain.. cant make my way to school for my discussion.. nonetheless i completed my mgt accounting tutorial! which is like so so rare.. a sense of accomplishment sets in... *victory sign* but then monday oso means i gotta cook dinner!!! arh.. dunno wat to cook.. just opened my fridge and find almost nothing to cook.. so means gotta make a trip down to the supermarket.. but the rain hasn't stop!! *grumbles*

5 march 2003 friday
Virgo(August 23 - September 22)
Your love life is about to take a turn for the better. Both the Moon and Venus are giving you harmonious support now, so it's a good idea to make the most of it. You might feel more adventurous in love, but you'll do it in your typically cautious Virgo manner. This isn't about moving to fast; it's about being open to love and moving at just the right speed. You are more emotional than usual, but in practical kind of way. Trust your feelings -- even if they are still in flux.

wanna blog cos sth happened today.. was having my finance tutorial when it started to rain.. initially wanted to get my ass home before gg out again to meet up with 86 friends for dinner.. so my plan can't be followed through due to the irritating rain.. so i went to the computer lab rot awhile.. occassionally looking out of the window to see if the rain has stopped.. to my dismay, it only got heavier *sulk*

finally, i couldn't take it any longer cos i wanna go home! *boohoo* decided to jus try my luck to see if i meet anyone i noe who happens to carry an umbrella. again, no, i din meet anyone i know.. jus as i was prepared to walk in the rain to the bstp outside sch.. the rain stopped.. so darn freaky!!! was mumbling to myself it better not rain til i reach the bstp.. better still, til i reach home.. so i walk fast fast to the bstp.. on my way, abt halfway lar.. saw this huge lightning in front of me!!! okieokie.. not exactly in front of me but close enough to scare the hell out of me.. together with the deafening thunder.. wah biangz! so close i can see the tiny tiny 'roots' from the main lightning.. *argh* at the same point of time a flock of birds flew away from a tree suddenly.. think they kena scared by the lightning and thunder oso.. *hur~*

and so to continue.. it started to drizzle when i reach the bstp!!! wow.. perhaps there's really someone up there listening to my mumbles.. *fwah* then when i reach my bstp.. the rain stopped again!!!!! so i walked the little distance to my lift and pressed arrow 'up'.. usually only one of the two lifts come down lar but this time both came down.. i took the left side lift cos nearer to my flat lar.. so the lift door opened, nobody inside.. i stpped in, ready to press the button for 12 floor.. to my horror, the 12th storey button was already lit.. who the hell pressed it? *scratch head* was totally freaked out by all these events that happened within a short span of about an hour.. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... *shudders*

baaaaaaa... what the hell am i doing here at this time of the day??? cos ppl.. i did not sleep.. not even a wink from previous nite.. jus had a bath and i'm off to pasir ris for my social visit for my term assignment at 830am! wow.. how can i do it man? i'm impressed by myself.. gosh.. it's been such a long long time since i enjoyed myself so much.. heck care if i'm a bitch.. i mean it's not as if my arse will be stuck forever there or i'm darn fucked up with those ppl.. dun mind my language. the alcohol's stil in me.. now i noe wat my frens' are talking about how drinking can let free them worries for the time being.. all those drinking and dancing and singing really brings me much fun.. of cos i wun be doing this again.. *cross fingers* i guess ppl owas haf their first time? jus let my hair down.. i mean the whole bunch of my hair jus going bonkers in the ktv with them.. they're fun ppl.. jus haf to take care of myself lar.. not drinking too much lo..
anyway mainly hear jeff sing only lar.. and the boss of the ktv.. forgot the name tho.. my my, they can really sing well! heard a couple of others(eugene's squad-mates & frens) sing too.. listen liao i dun dare sing harharz.. simply cos they're too good.. *fwah* erm.. okie lar.. mayb cos i wasn't paying attention to the singing.. haha.. of cos there'll b a little spoiler in all fun but well, still alrite with me yep.. no problem man.. he's gg back to australia so so soon.. so i wun be so havoc le.. no chance too anyway.. haiz..
once in a while interesting happen to you not bad lar.. u get to haf fun.. learn.. know more ppl and etc.. someitmes being uptight all the while oso beri tough.. let ya hair down.. enjoy and haf fun that's it man.. that's should be it since you're still young. how much fun and freedom can you experience when you're age 40? even 30 wor.. youth is here and i dun wan to waste it.. try many things i haven't tried before.. of cos no need try every single thing lar.. jus some of them.. enuff for me.. anyone and everyone can do it.. as long as we know how to take good care of ourselves.. self discipline.. yeap..

28 feb 2003 Saturday
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Your no-nonsense attitude can now come in handy as you keep your shoulder to the wheel. Do the best you can with each of the current tasks at hand. Even though you can get overwhelmed when there's too much on your plate, there is also a part of you that enjoys having too much to do. Of course, you probably would never admit it. You'd rather keep the smokescreen of illusion wrapped around your life.

27 feb 2003 Friday
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You could be feeling nervous and high-strung now, like the neurons in your brain are stretched tightly and every thought you have makes them all resonate like the strings on a piano. If you could only get them all to be in tune, then you'd feel much better. The good news is that your planet, Mercury, is downloading the brilliance of Uranus today. But it's not just about intellect. Your thoughts are also being powered by deeply-rooted emotions. Rational ideas and irrational feelings are combining as intuition, which will help you find new solutions to old problems.

it's freaky how this tarot horroscope thingy is so darn accurate.. *shudders*

25 feb 2003 Wednesday
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Recently, the relationship axis has been somewhat of a challenge for you. It still is, but you now have serious Saturn acting as your guardian angel. He is making sure that you don't go off the tracks. This is a good time to reel yourself in and to tow the party line. It's not about giving up your power for survival. It's about learning to work with the group process. If you can cooperate, rewards will surely follow.

23 feb 2003 Monday
Virgo(August 23 - September 22)
You've stepped out onto the high wire and everyone is watching to see if you'll be able to keep your balance and make it across to the other side. It's a delicate situation and your concentration -- or lack of it -- will determine how well you do. As if this wasn't enough of a challenge, unknown forces are shaking the very wire you are walking upon. Too much self-control can make you stiff. Loosen up, stay focused and breathe deeply. You'll make it across just like the champion you'd like to be.

24 feb 2003 Tuesday
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You won't escape from the diffusion of energy that many others are also feeling now. It may be difficult for you to stay focused -- something you normally can do quite well. Nervous energy has put you on edge and can still get the best of you as your thoughts run all over the map, without specific direction or purpose. You might try to pull them in, but it will probably be a losing battle. Sit back and enjoy your own mental show, even if it feels confusing or debilitating. Your focus will return, but not until late in the day or even tomorrow.

things that happened.. parts and puzzles of life.. apparently shelving them is the most appropriate avenue.. at least for the time being.. obviously i know this is not the ultimate solution but i don't wish for a reckless decision.. there are so many things i knew, that i know.. even more i want to know...

i dun even think you'll read this but what the heck.. precisely then i dun feel restricted maybe? i couldn't remember exact details of our conversation but i'm sure i meant every word.. as much as i wish to know what did we talk about exactly, i dun dare to ask.. erm, i barely noe you.. that's true but dunno why things are going the way things are going.. it's not as if i didn't try putting things off my mind permanently.. it's hard but i tot i could do it.. maybe i'm not that capable when it comes to this eh.. of course i do not want to let ppl have the wrong idea.. i can speak to anyone, no doubt but ultimately eh.. whether i think the things are worth saying or doing is up to myself.. actually i do hope if there's any doubts please clarify from me.. i din think i told them everything and anything.. gosh, wat's wrong with me?? never ever have i been like that... if i could be happy seeing you, talking to you only in my dreams.. i'll rather not wake up.. at least i wun be upset.. *selfish me hur~* i feel so so -urgh- when i see somethings u did.. feel so glad u talked to me, so glad u were there.. (mayb that's y i'm there? i dunno) it's not your fault, seriously.. i jus dunno wat's got into me.. hope you are not freaked out.. it's so unbelievable lor.. i feel really different.. as in, like wat u sad.. very comfortable.. yes.. hurm.. i choose to trust you.. though apparently there are much external disagreement to that..

i cant take another disapperance act.. i think lar.. not sure too... wat the hell.. *screams*

it's been some time since i have the whole day all to myself.. slacking.. oh well, if i haven't fall sick i guess i wun be at home at all.. hehz.. so well, thanks to the flu bug i get to stay home today.. farni though in stead of recuperating comfortably in my bed.. i just had the desire to bake some cookies.. so yep.. i did that.. tried out sth new though.. never try adding almonds before.. so this is my first time.. wun say it sucks but there's much room for improvement.. haha.. see who's so 'lucky' to be my guinea pig!!

after my cookies i was rather bored.. actually it's jus that i refuse to touch my tut and readings... so i ended up preparing dinner for my family! harhar.. dunno wat the hell got into me.. jus wan to cook lar.. so we had fried fish, long beans with carrots and mushroom-egg soup for dinner! haha.. only after that i'm satisfied.. then start to worrie abt my ever piling tutorials!! argh... *grrrr*

and wat am i doing now?? blogging~! listening to some dancing music.. my sis borrowed from her classmate.. did i mention before she loves techno? wow.. haha.. since the age of like 9? yar.. whenever she sees tv ads featuring techno cds she'll comment that she likes them, want to buy.. hur~

gosh.. the thought of that stack of tutorials on my desk's revolting...

anywaez.. should say i enjoyed my weekends.. saturday did not start out well i'd say.. due to the quarrels and serious lack of sleep for 3 consecutive days before v-day... yep.. so my sleepy bugs got the better of me. slept all the way til 1.30pm when i'm supposed to reach amk like 2pm!! if he hadn't called, that's it.. think i'll sleep til the evening.. anyway, we went to ktv around 6pm.. with his frens richard kenny paul weihua evelyn.. gosh! richard sings like aaron kwok!!! was stunned when i heard him sing his first song.. yep.. they were pretty nice ktv kakis! singing all those duets and farni farni songs... while the gang continues singing, we went for dinner at tonkichi.. there was so much food!! i couldn't finish lar, but the food's damn nice! it was nice of him to remember i love jap food and more imptly sashimi!! was very xin tong he spent so much.. heng i warned and insisted i dun wan any flowers on that day cos it's so so damn expensive.. later on then i realised he wanted to get flowers but scared i angry since i insisted on not having one.. haha.. which was true.. good boy..

after dinner met up with his frens again.. rite.. kenny's good looking.. bballer, 21 yrs old.. hehz.. ar.. din dare tell him that kenny's quite shuai.. so i jus keep quiet.. barely spoke to him lor.. haiz.. *grinz* nvm, sure got chance see him again.. they may be gg this sat too! hur~

met up with yongling ian qianyu nellie yewkum around 11pm.. too bad i missed out the fun at newsroom bar.. nevermind.. gg chiong this coming sat!! yipee~!

then on sunday, went to his place.. it was planned, according to him.. cos his father brought back my fav cod fish, so he ask me to join his family for dinner.. it was sweet of him to cook one of my fav dish for me! =) was feeling rather paiseh cos his aunt and grandma were there too.. other than his parents, sis and bf, bro and younger sis.. like wow, so many ppl.. was very happy to spend my weekend this way since i only get to see him for less than 48 hours per week..

however.. i'm going to be screwed by my boss for missing my job without valid reason.. shucks.. gone case.. damn.. dunno wat to do now.. *dilema* i'm apologetic, no doubt about that.. it's just alright, in a way i'm ashamed of myself for doing this but i can't bear to spoil his plans esp when it was rather rare for him to put in so much effort.. oh no..

right.. time to go back mugging.. guess i'll need coffee... *sulk*

grrrreat... the caffine's taking effect.. can't get to sleep after an ice mocha vanilla at coffee club in Holland V... decided to pop over and have a chat with yongling and hansheng.. gosh.. haven talked to hansheng since he came back from australia.. felt rather bad about it.. yet can't help it cos of the many many things i've got to settle.. haiz.. nevertheless, had a really good talk with them.. not forgeting the suaning and discussion about chio bus and shuai ges... muahahahah... din want to leave but have to.. cos haven do tmr's tut.. some more got finance test tmr so.. *pulls hair*

hehz.. i hate growing up... as much as i hate it, i look forward to the challenges and new things i can do.. harhar.. erm.. not sure how to say but bobian lar.. just have to deal with it.. changes changes changes.. inevitable aren't they? hee~ currently i'm not the person i expected to be.. what i do and how i think can be appalling to myself.. and it's getting more often as the days go by..

happy together somehow can't be the only thing that causes it to survive.. i mean i start to think why am i wasting my time here dwelling over the fact that dead end is coming, just dunno when.. not that i just had this feeling today.. it's more of an attempt to organise my thoughts bar.. *nods head* conveying of message(s) is necessary.. there has to be progress.. i dun wan to be doing round abouts or remain stagnant. perhaps we're all busy thus resulting in postponing of this issue.. harhar.. or maybe jus no one wants to work on it or do something about it.. think it's not the latter.. well, i dunno wat the heck i'm crapping again.. blablabla..

okie.. i've decided on wat to do... *humph*

sOlitaRy rEtReAt fRoM bEwiLdErmENt
iNtEntiOn oF cEaSiNG cOntEntmEnt
muLLiNg oVeR tHE uNSpOkEn
oBsTinAcY coNStiTutEs mY oPiNIoNs
nEvEr tO diMiNiSh yOUr hAppInEss bUT
oPpOsitiOn iS gAiNiNg aTtRaCtiVenEss
oVeR hErE iT gEtS sUfFocAtiNg
i woNdEr whEtHEr yOUr aTtiTudEs' mAtChiNG...

what the heck.. i'm supposed to be doing my tutorial for tmr morning.. but jus can't seem to concentrate on my readings.. no, i'm not tired.. perfectly awake in fact.. just had a refreshing bath half hour ago.. *hiakz* maybe cos much things are running through my mind.. that's why i can't help but to spit out some stirring opinions of mine.. harhar.. alrite.. maybe they are not so disturbing afterall.. it's just me lar.. *shrugs*

feburary is here wor.. time to put new year resolution(s) into action! i am flawlessly certain that this year will be a better one for you.. of course need that effort of yours lar.. hehz.. dun think i'm nagging wor.. maybe cos abit worried lar.. and yes.. think of those interesting GEs! dun wan to put them back rite!? okieokie.. dun wan to be lawso lar.. all the best yep.. be good ger.. =) jiayou jiayou for 7th and 8th feb! *thumbs up*

sometimes i can't help but wonder what the hell is going on in your mind.. if what i say sounds enraged.. pls dun mind me.. the antagonism is unintended.. probably if nothing from both sides is known.. or my ignorance of either party in fact is present.. things wouldn't be like what it is to me? i dunno.. confusion lingers and is dreading.. someone pls wake up?!?! how come it seems to me that the outcome will be awful? once again, this is solely my thoughts.. shoot me dead if u wan lar.. harhar.. hurm, anyhow, where has the realisation of over-doings gone to? is it so gruelling to come around? being oblivious to the situation is definitely not a recommended dealing.. for the very very first time.. i agree to the statement made by a dear fren.. "there's no such thing as you dunno, it's whether you want to do it or not..." this entanglement is becoming complex as the day goes.. or is it not? *ponders* you may let things be, take pleasure from the doings.. and you on the other hand continues to be unware(consciously i believe) of the consequences.. as a bystander, i am in no position to stop either one of you.. go ahead.. i couldn't care more.. just a note of concern here.. what the ... someone tell me about helplessness.. *diaoonz*