happy birthday to junming and benjamin wong!!

another monday has passed.. tuesday's here.. this means another day closer to exams.. *gosh* haven't settled down to mug, though i've been wanting to do that.. super duper inertia due to forces of emotional disorder.. call me crazy or wat.. i jus can't stand the mess on my table any longer so did a little tidying up.. dug out some stuff and kept pondering whether to dipose of them or to keep them a while longer for memo's sake.. decided to stacked them up nicely in a corner of my cupboard.. thanks goodness i still have space for those stuff.. actually they were stuff from jc days.. co-op days in fact.. brings back alot of memories.. good ones, bad ones... those times bitching around with fellow com members ever complaining some teachers.. slacking around using co-op stuff for personal uses.. hectic times juggling sch work and co-op events.. lousy times kena scolded by teachers, when students don't cooperate with you..

anyhow, it's nice doing some packing.. relieves stress too.. feels happier when things are in order.. this time round not bad lar.. pack table instead of cleaning toilet haha.. maybe pms bar.. was down with cramps in the morning dun even feel like moving a finger.. but took panadol and felt better so hands become itchy.. made a small pouch today too.. for wat i dunno.. jus feel like doing something with the extra cloth and needles and thread.. not beri pro but stil usable la.. hehz.. felt accomplished in another way.. completed my tutorial on time too!

am feeling so excited cos in a few hours' time i'm gg back to sajc for my fav lasi lemak!!! so long never go back.. wanna go back makan then study.. hurmmm jus got to now i've got lecture at 2pm.. still thinking whether i should go cos there might be tips.. shall see how bar.. glad i'll be meeting up with wanz jingz ben siva again so soon!! hehz..

...it's meaningless to hold on to someone who takes you for granted.. perhaps it's due to ur own fault that ignites this up-to-u-i'm-fine-with-anything-as-long-as-u-like-it behavior.. leaving everything to you, so that any consequence has to be due to the decision make as well.. i know it hurts to let go but if this is what it takes for the person to realise what has really gone wrong and to bear the consequences.. you have to do it.. anyway it is for your own good to take a step back and think carefully whether it's worth to continue carrying emotinal burdens.. if the person comes back then you decide whether to give it another shot.. if the person is gone for good, let it be.. grant the wish of looking for someone much much better..

single hood is bliss... (='v'=)

resurrection of long awaited sense of accomplishment acheived.. an end to the project, the start to continuing friendship..
i haven't been this jovial for a long long time.. already felt satisfied seeing my project report and cd-rom done nicely last night.. so much so that i din really bother about my finance quiz and tutorial today!
last night spent my time settling the report and ppt slides, deciding what to wear for presentation and blablabla miscelleneous.. all except touching on finance notes.. *oopsie* what the heck..
this morning woke up early after my wake up call.. reached school earlier than usual and did a small run through of our presentation.. it feels really good to see my groupmates.. our theme's white color.. hehz.. our attire, report file, cd cover all white.. *yipee~*
was excited, not nervous about our presentation.. it went through smoothly, i did not stutter or tremble with fear *hehz*, keeping within the given time limit of 20mins.. managed to squeeze in a short short skit.. it was the process that makes me glad.. feels so accomplished.. compensate for the ever-not-doing-tut-me.. *keke*
took pictures with other groups and our tutors after the whole thingy.. will post them up soon soon! guess the reason that brings me to cloud nine is when my tutor commented to us that he likes our ppt slides.. it's my baby!! did it in a day, searching for the background and pictures and doing all those animation.. my efforts paid off with his "good job" and a thumbs up.. *yoohoo!*
on a more serious note.. my groupmates compliment one another rather well. Vic's from science fac, good in language so edited our report, Paul's got a good knowledge of the company we're doing on, feeding us with tons of information, not to mention his knowledge in IT(okieokie he's from sch of computing).. WuZhe's from engineering, enriched us with his standardizing report and presentation skills which we gladly adopted, Yonghui being our artistic director coming up with the skit and settling our report and cd covers, me preparing the slides for our presentation.. these ppl are a bunch of crappy and fun yet serious when comes to work friends.. it's nice doing this project together.. *smilez*
if only my future projects are all like that.. although this one is on a small scale, it means much to me to have the sense of satisfaction seeing everything goes well at the end of the day.. okie, enough of ranting.. back to mugging!

mind-boggling how transition impinge on each and every one of us.. somedays, somethings we jus dun wish to remember.. what constitutes not remembering? how can i possibly forget everything in the blink of an eye?
i just opt to ignore it..
i just conclude there's more things worth my attention..
i just assume i won't see you again.. tho i don't want it to be so..
presumingly after what happened you never wan to have anything to do with me eh..
i do not even understand why do tears fell for you.. and they are still falling because of you..
i'm puzzled at my words and actions..
as much as i told myself you are like that and i've no right whatsoever to interfere, plus perceptibly i'm inferior to whoever, i still break down..
"chuandabee, why you always do the same thing everytime?"
gosh.. i wish i know why.. you walk into my life and want to leave and i'm not ready for you to do so perhaps..
i do remember your words and actions..
"are you very sian?"
"are you okay with our pace of walking? are we walking too fast?"
"is it xin ku for you to sit like that?"
pulling me away from someone i'm blocking, offering to carry my bag and you did..
"how can i not care when i knew how you feeling, you think my heart made of steel ar.."
"if even for a second you feel alone remember i'll always be here for you.."
dunno why but i feel diffident when you hold on to me.. just that split second i was pleased..
come to think of it, you'd have done it if it's her.. anyone else right? i can't believe i'm so naive..
was it just another test of your charm? congrats, you passed with flying colors..
you picked an easy test paper..
i deleted your number from my phone memory.. whether it was on purpose i'm not sure..
what the hell, the number's still in my head, i just realised.. wtf..
maybe it was meant to be? for wateva fucking sake she's my friend.. thanks for allowing me to learn another lesson..

to my friends, i felt despondent causing you to feel or think the way you did..
it wasn't premeditated definitely..
in due course it was my fault for asking you out..
we should have all stayed bloody at home watching tv munching goodies study till giddy..
then so many things wun happen to us..
having said that.. guys are just bastards right.. okieokie, most of them.. er, some of them??
let's all study okie..
"always look forward to after the exams.."
sounds familiar? hehz.. after the exams we'll shop, sing, party all day and night!
erm.. of cos must work and go work out!

puiee, jiayou jiayou jiayou faster catch up with ya work.. then can go venture on your greener pastures! *winkz*

yongaling, come join us study group! dun be bothered with them now, they're not worth it.. yet.. =)

qian, i'll join ya in trying to work out but end up saying 'damn it, so tiring, i dun wan le!' after the exams k! heez..

ian, time is everything.. it does many things.. the possibles and the deemed impossibles.. believe in yourself.. friendship's important.. that's what i think..

jing, wan, shu, inez, siva, meet up soon again! had a fun time catching up with ya peepz during nez's bday!!! all the best for exams!

nel, so long yo've been 'in' your life.. take care of yourself okie! study study hard hard too! keke..

wonder why is this so.. everytime i wanna blog.. decided to blog, i'll be stuck... when previously thoughts are flooding the passages of my already-not-so-gd-brain.. damn it..

13 march 2004 saturday
Virgo(August 23 - September 22)
Your dilemma today is the struggle between the large and the small. Normally, you gravitate in the direction of the small. Virgos like to focus on details. But now the Moon in Sagittarius is encouraging you to express your largest needs and your most grandiose desires. Of course, you won't do this. You might hold in everything that you think is inappropriate, but if you do, there is an emotional price to pay. Try to find a way to gently express your desires, even if you have to intellectualize them to make yourself feel safer.

14 march 2004 sunday
Virgo(August 23 - September 22)
It may be a challenge for you today as your feelings get mixed into you thoughts. Even if you try to stay on the logical side of your brain, you cannot. As you try to share what's on your mind, deep emotions will be brought to the surface and will color what you say and how others will react. Take all aspects of communication slowly. You have more time than you realize. Be careful and get it right from the start or you'll be learning from your mistakes soon enough.

15 march 2004 monday
Virgo(August 23 - September 22)
Your planet, Mercury, is forming a tense aspect with Saturn-the-Tester. You are likely to feel resistance to what you say and this can make you rethink your current position on an important matter. But the resistance doesn't need to come from the outside. You could be your own harshest critic now. Too harsh. Although your ideas may be well thought out, you still could be hesitant to share them because you are afraid of having them rejected.

i know i've said this before.. this is freaking me out.. things are just so accurate.. i mean these tarot horoscope stuff.. at the moment i feel as if something within me (perhaps the volcano) is erupting..

10 march 2003 wednesday
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You Virgos take great pride in your ability to analyze a situation with your practical form of logic. And you can get quite uncomfortable when your thought process is not performing up to your required level of efficiency. Today may be cause for some concern, for your brain is picking up a radio station that you don't usually hear. The thoughts that are now playing in your mind sound familiar in a strange way. And, no matter how hard you try, you cannot tune out this station. This, needless to say, makes you uneasy. Don't waste energy trying to figure it out. Just listen and learn.

have you ever yearn to be loved, to be taken care of, to be showered with much care and concern?
have you ever wish to be given gifts, to have someone there for you whenever you need, to be pampered with pleasant words?
have you ever wonder why are you willing to give up something or someone for another? to have to make choices, doesn't matter right or wrong ones..
have you ever hope for someone to treat you like a princess, to spoil you yet dowsn't leave you?
want to have a shoulder for you to cry on, someone for you to be childih to at times, to be unreasonable and wicked sometimes, yet that person believes you no matter wat, dun mind wat you did?
want to find someone whereby list of positive characteristics is inexhaustive?
dream on ar... how to find someone like that?
bottom line, i do wish to be pampered and spoilt.. just once is enough.. haven't really 'taste' how is it like to have someone like that for me.. jus someone.. doesn't have to be bf i think.. jus someone.. who puts up with my nonsense just his once.. *hur~* sounds desperate? no... i need an escape route.. since my original route was exposed.. damn..

monday blues.. i dun haf them today... yeah! though i was abit put off by the everlasting rain.. cant make my way to school for my discussion.. nonetheless i completed my mgt accounting tutorial! which is like so so rare.. a sense of accomplishment sets in... *victory sign* but then monday oso means i gotta cook dinner!!! arh.. dunno wat to cook.. just opened my fridge and find almost nothing to cook.. so means gotta make a trip down to the supermarket.. but the rain hasn't stop!! *grumbles*

5 march 2003 friday
Virgo(August 23 - September 22)
Your love life is about to take a turn for the better. Both the Moon and Venus are giving you harmonious support now, so it's a good idea to make the most of it. You might feel more adventurous in love, but you'll do it in your typically cautious Virgo manner. This isn't about moving to fast; it's about being open to love and moving at just the right speed. You are more emotional than usual, but in practical kind of way. Trust your feelings -- even if they are still in flux.

wanna blog cos sth happened today.. was having my finance tutorial when it started to rain.. initially wanted to get my ass home before gg out again to meet up with 86 friends for dinner.. so my plan can't be followed through due to the irritating rain.. so i went to the computer lab rot awhile.. occassionally looking out of the window to see if the rain has stopped.. to my dismay, it only got heavier *sulk*

finally, i couldn't take it any longer cos i wanna go home! *boohoo* decided to jus try my luck to see if i meet anyone i noe who happens to carry an umbrella. again, no, i din meet anyone i know.. jus as i was prepared to walk in the rain to the bstp outside sch.. the rain stopped.. so darn freaky!!! was mumbling to myself it better not rain til i reach the bstp.. better still, til i reach home.. so i walk fast fast to the bstp.. on my way, abt halfway lar.. saw this huge lightning in front of me!!! okieokie.. not exactly in front of me but close enough to scare the hell out of me.. together with the deafening thunder.. wah biangz! so close i can see the tiny tiny 'roots' from the main lightning.. *argh* at the same point of time a flock of birds flew away from a tree suddenly.. think they kena scared by the lightning and thunder oso.. *hur~*

and so to continue.. it started to drizzle when i reach the bstp!!! wow.. perhaps there's really someone up there listening to my mumbles.. *fwah* then when i reach my bstp.. the rain stopped again!!!!! so i walked the little distance to my lift and pressed arrow 'up'.. usually only one of the two lifts come down lar but this time both came down.. i took the left side lift cos nearer to my flat lar.. so the lift door opened, nobody inside.. i stpped in, ready to press the button for 12 floor.. to my horror, the 12th storey button was already lit.. who the hell pressed it? *scratch head* was totally freaked out by all these events that happened within a short span of about an hour.. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... *shudders*

baaaaaaa... what the hell am i doing here at this time of the day??? cos ppl.. i did not sleep.. not even a wink from previous nite.. jus had a bath and i'm off to pasir ris for my social visit for my term assignment at 830am! wow.. how can i do it man? i'm impressed by myself.. gosh.. it's been such a long long time since i enjoyed myself so much.. heck care if i'm a bitch.. i mean it's not as if my arse will be stuck forever there or i'm darn fucked up with those ppl.. dun mind my language. the alcohol's stil in me.. now i noe wat my frens' are talking about how drinking can let free them worries for the time being.. all those drinking and dancing and singing really brings me much fun.. of cos i wun be doing this again.. *cross fingers* i guess ppl owas haf their first time? jus let my hair down.. i mean the whole bunch of my hair jus going bonkers in the ktv with them.. they're fun ppl.. jus haf to take care of myself lar.. not drinking too much lo..
anyway mainly hear jeff sing only lar.. and the boss of the ktv.. forgot the name tho.. my my, they can really sing well! heard a couple of others(eugene's squad-mates & frens) sing too.. listen liao i dun dare sing harharz.. simply cos they're too good.. *fwah* erm.. okie lar.. mayb cos i wasn't paying attention to the singing.. haha.. of cos there'll b a little spoiler in all fun but well, still alrite with me yep.. no problem man.. he's gg back to australia so so soon.. so i wun be so havoc le.. no chance too anyway.. haiz..
once in a while interesting happen to you not bad lar.. u get to haf fun.. learn.. know more ppl and etc.. someitmes being uptight all the while oso beri tough.. let ya hair down.. enjoy and haf fun that's it man.. that's should be it since you're still young. how much fun and freedom can you experience when you're age 40? even 30 wor.. youth is here and i dun wan to waste it.. try many things i haven't tried before.. of cos no need try every single thing lar.. jus some of them.. enuff for me.. anyone and everyone can do it.. as long as we know how to take good care of ourselves.. self discipline.. yeap..

28 feb 2003 Saturday
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Your no-nonsense attitude can now come in handy as you keep your shoulder to the wheel. Do the best you can with each of the current tasks at hand. Even though you can get overwhelmed when there's too much on your plate, there is also a part of you that enjoys having too much to do. Of course, you probably would never admit it. You'd rather keep the smokescreen of illusion wrapped around your life.

27 feb 2003 Friday
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You could be feeling nervous and high-strung now, like the neurons in your brain are stretched tightly and every thought you have makes them all resonate like the strings on a piano. If you could only get them all to be in tune, then you'd feel much better. The good news is that your planet, Mercury, is downloading the brilliance of Uranus today. But it's not just about intellect. Your thoughts are also being powered by deeply-rooted emotions. Rational ideas and irrational feelings are combining as intuition, which will help you find new solutions to old problems.

it's freaky how this tarot horroscope thingy is so darn accurate.. *shudders*

25 feb 2003 Wednesday
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Recently, the relationship axis has been somewhat of a challenge for you. It still is, but you now have serious Saturn acting as your guardian angel. He is making sure that you don't go off the tracks. This is a good time to reel yourself in and to tow the party line. It's not about giving up your power for survival. It's about learning to work with the group process. If you can cooperate, rewards will surely follow.

23 feb 2003 Monday
Virgo(August 23 - September 22)
You've stepped out onto the high wire and everyone is watching to see if you'll be able to keep your balance and make it across to the other side. It's a delicate situation and your concentration -- or lack of it -- will determine how well you do. As if this wasn't enough of a challenge, unknown forces are shaking the very wire you are walking upon. Too much self-control can make you stiff. Loosen up, stay focused and breathe deeply. You'll make it across just like the champion you'd like to be.

24 feb 2003 Tuesday
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You won't escape from the diffusion of energy that many others are also feeling now. It may be difficult for you to stay focused -- something you normally can do quite well. Nervous energy has put you on edge and can still get the best of you as your thoughts run all over the map, without specific direction or purpose. You might try to pull them in, but it will probably be a losing battle. Sit back and enjoy your own mental show, even if it feels confusing or debilitating. Your focus will return, but not until late in the day or even tomorrow.

things that happened.. parts and puzzles of life.. apparently shelving them is the most appropriate avenue.. at least for the time being.. obviously i know this is not the ultimate solution but i don't wish for a reckless decision.. there are so many things i knew, that i know.. even more i want to know...

i dun even think you'll read this but what the heck.. precisely then i dun feel restricted maybe? i couldn't remember exact details of our conversation but i'm sure i meant every word.. as much as i wish to know what did we talk about exactly, i dun dare to ask.. erm, i barely noe you.. that's true but dunno why things are going the way things are going.. it's not as if i didn't try putting things off my mind permanently.. it's hard but i tot i could do it.. maybe i'm not that capable when it comes to this eh.. of course i do not want to let ppl have the wrong idea.. i can speak to anyone, no doubt but ultimately eh.. whether i think the things are worth saying or doing is up to myself.. actually i do hope if there's any doubts please clarify from me.. i din think i told them everything and anything.. gosh, wat's wrong with me?? never ever have i been like that... if i could be happy seeing you, talking to you only in my dreams.. i'll rather not wake up.. at least i wun be upset.. *selfish me hur~* i feel so so -urgh- when i see somethings u did.. feel so glad u talked to me, so glad u were there.. (mayb that's y i'm there? i dunno) it's not your fault, seriously.. i jus dunno wat's got into me.. hope you are not freaked out.. it's so unbelievable lor.. i feel really different.. as in, like wat u sad.. very comfortable.. yes.. hurm.. i choose to trust you.. though apparently there are much external disagreement to that..

i cant take another disapperance act.. i think lar.. not sure too... wat the hell.. *screams*

it's been some time since i have the whole day all to myself.. slacking.. oh well, if i haven't fall sick i guess i wun be at home at all.. hehz.. so well, thanks to the flu bug i get to stay home today.. farni though in stead of recuperating comfortably in my bed.. i just had the desire to bake some cookies.. so yep.. i did that.. tried out sth new though.. never try adding almonds before.. so this is my first time.. wun say it sucks but there's much room for improvement.. haha.. see who's so 'lucky' to be my guinea pig!!

after my cookies i was rather bored.. actually it's jus that i refuse to touch my tut and readings... so i ended up preparing dinner for my family! harhar.. dunno wat the hell got into me.. jus wan to cook lar.. so we had fried fish, long beans with carrots and mushroom-egg soup for dinner! haha.. only after that i'm satisfied.. then start to worrie abt my ever piling tutorials!! argh... *grrrr*

and wat am i doing now?? blogging~! listening to some dancing music.. my sis borrowed from her classmate.. did i mention before she loves techno? wow.. haha.. since the age of like 9? yar.. whenever she sees tv ads featuring techno cds she'll comment that she likes them, want to buy.. hur~

gosh.. the thought of that stack of tutorials on my desk's revolting...

anywaez.. should say i enjoyed my weekends.. saturday did not start out well i'd say.. due to the quarrels and serious lack of sleep for 3 consecutive days before v-day... yep.. so my sleepy bugs got the better of me. slept all the way til 1.30pm when i'm supposed to reach amk like 2pm!! if he hadn't called, that's it.. think i'll sleep til the evening.. anyway, we went to ktv around 6pm.. with his frens richard kenny paul weihua evelyn.. gosh! richard sings like aaron kwok!!! was stunned when i heard him sing his first song.. yep.. they were pretty nice ktv kakis! singing all those duets and farni farni songs... while the gang continues singing, we went for dinner at tonkichi.. there was so much food!! i couldn't finish lar, but the food's damn nice! it was nice of him to remember i love jap food and more imptly sashimi!! was very xin tong he spent so much.. heng i warned and insisted i dun wan any flowers on that day cos it's so so damn expensive.. later on then i realised he wanted to get flowers but scared i angry since i insisted on not having one.. haha.. which was true.. good boy..

after dinner met up with his frens again.. rite.. kenny's good looking.. bballer, 21 yrs old.. hehz.. ar.. din dare tell him that kenny's quite shuai.. so i jus keep quiet.. barely spoke to him lor.. haiz.. *grinz* nvm, sure got chance see him again.. they may be gg this sat too! hur~

met up with yongling ian qianyu nellie yewkum around 11pm.. too bad i missed out the fun at newsroom bar.. nevermind.. gg chiong this coming sat!! yipee~!

then on sunday, went to his place.. it was planned, according to him.. cos his father brought back my fav cod fish, so he ask me to join his family for dinner.. it was sweet of him to cook one of my fav dish for me! =) was feeling rather paiseh cos his aunt and grandma were there too.. other than his parents, sis and bf, bro and younger sis.. like wow, so many ppl.. was very happy to spend my weekend this way since i only get to see him for less than 48 hours per week..

however.. i'm going to be screwed by my boss for missing my job without valid reason.. shucks.. gone case.. damn.. dunno wat to do now.. *dilema* i'm apologetic, no doubt about that.. it's just alright, in a way i'm ashamed of myself for doing this but i can't bear to spoil his plans esp when it was rather rare for him to put in so much effort.. oh no..

right.. time to go back mugging.. guess i'll need coffee... *sulk*

grrrreat... the caffine's taking effect.. can't get to sleep after an ice mocha vanilla at coffee club in Holland V... decided to pop over and have a chat with yongling and hansheng.. gosh.. haven talked to hansheng since he came back from australia.. felt rather bad about it.. yet can't help it cos of the many many things i've got to settle.. haiz.. nevertheless, had a really good talk with them.. not forgeting the suaning and discussion about chio bus and shuai ges... muahahahah... din want to leave but have to.. cos haven do tmr's tut.. some more got finance test tmr so.. *pulls hair*

hehz.. i hate growing up... as much as i hate it, i look forward to the challenges and new things i can do.. harhar.. erm.. not sure how to say but bobian lar.. just have to deal with it.. changes changes changes.. inevitable aren't they? hee~ currently i'm not the person i expected to be.. what i do and how i think can be appalling to myself.. and it's getting more often as the days go by..

happy together somehow can't be the only thing that causes it to survive.. i mean i start to think why am i wasting my time here dwelling over the fact that dead end is coming, just dunno when.. not that i just had this feeling today.. it's more of an attempt to organise my thoughts bar.. *nods head* conveying of message(s) is necessary.. there has to be progress.. i dun wan to be doing round abouts or remain stagnant. perhaps we're all busy thus resulting in postponing of this issue.. harhar.. or maybe jus no one wants to work on it or do something about it.. think it's not the latter.. well, i dunno wat the heck i'm crapping again.. blablabla..

okie.. i've decided on wat to do... *humph*

sOlitaRy rEtReAt fRoM bEwiLdErmENt
iNtEntiOn oF cEaSiNG cOntEntmEnt
muLLiNg oVeR tHE uNSpOkEn
oBsTinAcY coNStiTutEs mY oPiNIoNs
nEvEr tO diMiNiSh yOUr hAppInEss bUT
oPpOsitiOn iS gAiNiNg aTtRaCtiVenEss
oVeR hErE iT gEtS sUfFocAtiNg
i woNdEr whEtHEr yOUr aTtiTudEs' mAtChiNG...

what the heck.. i'm supposed to be doing my tutorial for tmr morning.. but jus can't seem to concentrate on my readings.. no, i'm not tired.. perfectly awake in fact.. just had a refreshing bath half hour ago.. *hiakz* maybe cos much things are running through my mind.. that's why i can't help but to spit out some stirring opinions of mine.. harhar.. alrite.. maybe they are not so disturbing afterall.. it's just me lar.. *shrugs*

feburary is here wor.. time to put new year resolution(s) into action! i am flawlessly certain that this year will be a better one for you.. of course need that effort of yours lar.. hehz.. dun think i'm nagging wor.. maybe cos abit worried lar.. and yes.. think of those interesting GEs! dun wan to put them back rite!? okieokie.. dun wan to be lawso lar.. all the best yep.. be good ger.. =) jiayou jiayou for 7th and 8th feb! *thumbs up*

sometimes i can't help but wonder what the hell is going on in your mind.. if what i say sounds enraged.. pls dun mind me.. the antagonism is unintended.. probably if nothing from both sides is known.. or my ignorance of either party in fact is present.. things wouldn't be like what it is to me? i dunno.. confusion lingers and is dreading.. someone pls wake up?!?! how come it seems to me that the outcome will be awful? once again, this is solely my thoughts.. shoot me dead if u wan lar.. harhar.. hurm, anyhow, where has the realisation of over-doings gone to? is it so gruelling to come around? being oblivious to the situation is definitely not a recommended dealing.. for the very very first time.. i agree to the statement made by a dear fren.. "there's no such thing as you dunno, it's whether you want to do it or not..." this entanglement is becoming complex as the day goes.. or is it not? *ponders* you may let things be, take pleasure from the doings.. and you on the other hand continues to be unware(consciously i believe) of the consequences.. as a bystander, i am in no position to stop either one of you.. go ahead.. i couldn't care more.. just a note of concern here.. what the ... someone tell me about helplessness.. *diaoonz*

watched the last samurai a few hours ago.. roughly 2.5 hour show.. coolz, tom cruise is so so so charming!!!! hehz.. alrite alrite, i'm supposed to comment on the movie.. not him eh.. well, think it's not bad lar.. action is there (war and fighting scenes were good!), a few scenes were rather touching.. though i tot the ending was a lil bit too draggy.. yep, tt's abt it for my comments.. u guys should go catch it in the cinemas.. samurais are so so cool... *keke*

jus had a quarrel with him.. like qianyu said, i regret saying what i told her this afternoon while we were on nel's car... this just had to happen on the same day, or the next in fact(since after 12am) eh? i owas hate to quarrel, cos it aches to say harsh things abt him to him, it hurts to have him feel upset. the last thing i wan to do is to jeopardize our relationship.. however i feel the need to convey my tots if possible the hard way to make him comprehend..

gosh, i feel so bad to hung up on him.. but at the same time i'm disappointed with his response.. *contradiction* i just hope things will turn out fine ultimately.. i'm not saint, so can't predict.. *shrugs*

oopsie.. haven been updating much recently... well, perhaps i've got no time.. busy with quite a number of things this festive season.. realised how much junks i have after packing my stuff.. *wow*
more importantly, i think i'm dumbfounded, or at lost about things that happened around me... not sure where to start but certainly tough to convey through words.. *scratchs head*

part of me concurs that i've progressed, that i'm pleased with whom and what i'm blessed with..
yet another part of me swayed at the flood back of sentiment..
unaware of the aching of the mutilated mark, this side of me acquired the assurance onced rummaged..
i'm anesthetized instead of feeling elated at the discovery..
which seems puzzling to me since i deem restoration of faith fulfilled..

to append the circumstances, further incidents weathered my gratification..
silence ain't golden afterall.. tranquility doesn't speak of harmony.. another lesson to be learnt positively..
probably due to verity, the requisite of anxiety discontinues..
perhaps because of scarcity, the alternative has to be taken..
maybe the ultimate incentive is within, in anticipation of erupting at it's most apposite..

"To fall in love is easy, even to remain in it is not difficult; our human loneliness is cause enough. But it is a hard quest worth making to find a comrade through whose steady presence one becomes steadily the person one desires to be."

jus how 'lucky' can i get this year? apparently very very 'lucky'.. start if 2004.. no games and xiong xiong exercise for at least a month.. continue with medication.. perhaps need to make braces for my back.. *prays hard hope dun need to* walk, stand and walk with the constant bit of pain.. bleahz.. the best thing is now i haf to take extra care of my ankle as well as back.. jus like the saying 'trouble no single travel'.. blabla..

happy new year! welcome 2004! hehz.. oh well, as of today, i've been at home, or to the doctor for 10 days! oh my goodness, can you believe it? i can't believe it takes so blardie long for my ankle to get back to shape.. it's really too much for me to be stuck at home for the last week of my holidays! humph.. wat a thing to happen! can't go countdown, can't go gathering, can't go meet friends, can't go help occ.. what the f**k.. i've bored to death sia.. though got vcds to accompany me..
to my ankle: can u please be more zheng1 qi4 and get well? i know it's not easy.. sorrie i hurt u over and over over these few years.. you guai guai get well okie? then i'll take good good care of ya.. *soompaa!*
okieokie.. can't take this anymore.. good thing is scool's reopening!!!! leture starts tuesday!! yeah.. wait! gosh.. sudenlili remembers the amount of steps in bizad.. *faintz*

wow, last day of 2003.. still pondering over whether i should go out for dinner.. and meet up with friends.. with my still-abit-swollen-but-can-at-least-walk-abit ankle.. harhar.. well.. shall see how bar..