尋找信任

不問自「取」亦偷。
不問自「搜」亦妄。
不問自「讀」亦窺。
沒道德 沒禮貌 沒尊重。

沒信任。

有心、無意，信任已盡失。
如何重拾重建有心無力。
奈何肇事者從來只以自己的觀點斷定賠償。受害者則無法堅持己見。

原諒無出現於考慮範圍之內，忘記更不在話下。似乎置之不理乃唯一出口。

又有何善士肯告知肇事者此嚴重性？

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

too much 海派...

me: yesterday hor, i dreamt that mr teoh went missing, then i couldn't find him. i was looking at our photos and i cried non-stop. i woke up and really i was crying lei!

jasc: u watch too much hai pai (海派) until you dream!

me: ...

Weekend in Taipei

My annual wkend stay in Taipei is here again!

If not for my presentation on coming Monday, which leaves me quite a bit of prep work to do now, like in the hotel in Taipei, I should be enjoying my short holiday ALOT more.. hurhur~

Anyways.. the weather here is good. it was drizzling yesterday when I went to 士林夜市, but that did not drench my shopping/ makan mood! I meant to buy by 雞排 first and then shop while eating.. but ended up shopping for an hour before my stomach started calling out for food.. lol. I missed the 蜜酥雞排 so much! yumz!

Today's temperature is lower than yesterday (17C), but no rain! fantastic day to be out shopping and eating! Met S at 12pm.. she's very kind to help me get all the snacks I need (orders from friends/ relatives you see) and brought it up to my hotel room! And then we went for 酸菜白肉鍋 at a makan place at the intersection of 忠孝東路 and 延吉街. My first time eating 豬肉凍and鴨血. Delicious lei! Thanks to S for the treat! =) Shopped abit at 忠孝復興 area.. and saw a rally going on on the main road! Another first-time experience for me. =)

芒果冰at 永康街was nice too.. love having cold desserts during cold weather.. reminded me of having ice creams during my winter visit to BeiJing and Japan last year! S then went home.. while I continued to shop for abit.. before my bag became heavy with all the masks and cosmetics (they are for my friends and colleagues).. and I took a cab back to hotel to unload the shopping. From 永康街 to 昆明街 in 西門町 is about 175NT cab ride with quite heavy traffic. Not expensive at all I'd say!

Now, I'm back at the hotel writing this, while eating my 阿宗麵線 and drinking my 珍珠奶茶. Following a 2-hr plus shopping at 西門町徒步區. Met a s'porean couple, who actually thought I was local, and asked me for directions! Funny thing is, I actually can show them the right way, am so proud of myself man.. I can't even be that confident in showing directions back in SG lor.. remembered there was 1 time in SG when I actually gave the wrong direction, it was like about a year back.. haha.

This is like a short weekend getaway, with lots of shopping and eating.. which I like! Remind me I should be restarting my gym routine very very soon.. like next week! I don't think I want to remember how much I spend here.. Think Mr Teoh will not be happy about it =X

Just a note on how crazy I am.. 5 pairs of footwear in less than 2 days.. actually.. 24hours to be exact. Which partly explains the headache I'm having now.. trying to strategize my luggage packing. hehe. OK, but before that.. finish dinner and a warm bath!

Family

You know how each of us group our MSN contacts?

For me, i have groups like 'Family' for my sister and cousins, 'NYGH' for my bitches, 'FOC com' & 'Rag Com' & 'NUS' for my uni contacts, etc..

And recently, i keep finding myself subconsciously clicking into 'Family' group when i want to look for him.. hurhur~

But i'm so NOT moving him there.. at least not yet.

Splendid September

And so the month-long celebration has ended. *satisfied grinz*

So much bingeing I squirmed at the thought of seeing next month’s credit bills. Nevertheless, lots of food, fun and laughter totally worth!

I love the idea of birthday celebrations, minus the emphasis on age.

1. It really is so much easier to get people I want to see, but haven’t got the chance to for whatever reasons, to drag all their asses out for some fun.

2. FB thread “Hello ladies, let’s meet up for my birthday, for dinner and drinks” will get at least 70% turn up rate, versus a random spontaneous sms “Gals, movie then dinner next week?”, which is likely to be postponed till further notice, ‘cos A will be traveling, B will be immersed in work, C goes m-i-a, and maybe D will say ok, while E says can’t confirm till the day comes… yada yada yada.

3. What better excuse than birthday to buy things for myself?!?! Shoes, bags, clothes, accessories, spa packages, etc.

4. Plus I get all the birthday-month discount shite from local malls to online shops!

5. Great opportunity for me to sing my lungs out for the endless ktv sessions within the same month! My record was 6 ktv sessions of at least 4hrs each with different groups of ppl, in 1 month!

6. Major tantalizing makan treats to die for! Doesn’t matter who pays, as long as the foods’ great! Am not a gourmet, neither filthy rich, so pampering in the form of good food usually happens during birthdays, lovesss!

7. Everyone is kind enough to make my decision the final one, no matter how ridiculous or unreasonable. Could be a problem when I’m indecisive, but still, there are besties to help out la!

8. I win no matter what. Bicker and bicker all you want, suffix any statement with “oei, my birthday lei.” Hands down victory. At least 99% of the time.

9. Not a very nice action to, but I try to not work as hard and as much during the birthday week, if possible. *tee hee hee*

10. Receiving presents. Who don’t like receiving gifts? Ok, maybe there are people who don’t like gifts, but I’m not one of them. That said, it’s not a must to receive, more of like a bonus to top up the already-very-happy me.

11. A time to realize who really really care, who touches the heart, who can be left out henceforth. A ‘lil subjective on this one here, not gonna elaborate. =P

12. Wishes from people who care enough to send sms, call, write on my FB wall, write birthday cards, and any other means of communication, including asking me out. *muackz*

13. Surprises! Could be any other day, but extra special on/ for the birthday. I’ve always loved surprises, no matter how small or lavish, very heart-warming, and they make me so happy! Oooh, so many surprise ideas running through my mind as I’m typing this, lol!

That’s all for now, not because it’s number 13, but ‘cos tired le la! These are probably the more significant ones.. probably explains why I can finish blabbering in less than 5mins..

Million thanks to many loved ones, who made this September such a wonderful time for you, for me, for us!

XOXO
Dabee

Recipe for a good relationship

Mr Porkchop shared this with me.. 果然是朋友！

Recipe for good relationship:

Take a pound of tenderness.
Mix it together with a tablespoon of joy and a cup of laughter.
Add a pinch of patience and a sprinkling of kindness.
Simmer slowly, watching carefully so that it never comes to a boil.
Strain it through a sieve of tolerance, and you’ll have a pudding as sweet and lasting as your love.

不甘願

下着雨的下午心情悶悶的。

昨晚真的是快被氣爆了，也很不甘願。只有剩下的時間才找他的說，我很失望。費盡心思安排與友人的聚會在生日周末前後，爲的是生日的那個周末可以留給他，結果。。。

What the fuck is wrong with meeting up with my friends/ colleagues during my birthday month? I could have easily lined the whole month with activities, actual birth date/ that wkend inclusive, which I did not!

如果真的讓他覺得我有空時才陪他，很抱歉，可能我時間分配的能力不足。

或者是應該所有的週五~禮拜天都空着等他替我安排的說。。。

I thought we’ve talked through this before? Or should I just give up?

愛情沒有對錯...

... 只有適不適合

再怎麽愛最終還是得放手 – 因爲真的不適合彼此

只能以朋友的身份借出耳朵聆聽、借出肩膀暫時依靠、借出時間陪伴。

再多的意見、所表示的不滿、鼓勵或揶揄都是多餘的。

當事人比誰都清楚自己的想法，也明白應該踏出的下一步，更了解怎樣做才是對自己好。

關鍵的是時間。

任何人都需要時間來適應、改變及接受一切。不是做不到，只是還沒下決心。

終究不是聖人，慢慢來吧，時間多的是，青春還長呢！

重蹈覆轍

有這樣的預感，感情將陷入呆滯階段。不是什麽新鮮事了，目前真的懶得去管。
曾溝通了，需要重復提醒的事情就缺了真心，失去了意義。

自己今年真的很爛，周年慶是記住了，卻沒準備卡片/禮物。雖説沒時間也沒找到適合的，他想要的我也付不起，但沒有就是沒有。今年突然覺得周年也就這樣也是另外一天，找不到理由要大費周章，且經濟不景還真讓我荷包‘發育不良’。

生日也一樣，不要求什麽了也就這樣過一天，多一些人一起吃飯啊、唱k啊反而更好。簡單一則sms也很溫馨，卡片都省了呢！好像是失去了- 想要讓這些日子是特別的- 的那一份心。

我需要保持距離過一些’my time’。就算是呆在家裏無所事事整個周末也很開心。很自私吧？

沉默是金

沒必要什麽事情都得追根究底，心情不好靜一靜沉澱自己的情緒，過了就沒事了。
一連串的‘為什麽’、‘做什麽’、‘怎麽會’都是火上加油。
我是這麽學著釋放時不時的不滿、也漸漸的對很多事情都看開了。
你難道就不能理解嗎？
特別是我已經事先提醒過無數次。。。

First LV (frm Mr Teoh)

The reason to be happy! hahaha.. never really thought I would be this excited to own it, but when I first laid eyes on Bloomsbury PM, I can so imagine myself carrying it everywhere I go.. I'm serious!

well, since when I start having the desire to own these branded item(s), I don't know.. but as long as they are pretty and suits me, makes me feel good, then ok lo!

random fact, i read in a webby that bloomsbury is trevi's sister, how nice! *winks at mama*

thank you mr teoh, for my first LV bag, somehow it gets harder to keep track of the gift-t0-which-occassion record.. whether it's for bday/ 5th yr/ just to make me happy.. dun matter la hor?

thank you mama, for helping us get it frm Paris!

Tarot reading

how you feel about yourself now (The Devil)

You are feeling that the temptation of a certain relationship, pastime or other form of pleasure is too hard to resist - its almost addictive. Question your motives, these sorts of situations aren’t generally good news. You may also have rather low self esteem at this time and feel that there’s not much hope for the future - don’t doubt your abilities, try to be more positive. Think carefully, you can still change direction.



what you most want at this moment (Wheel Of Fortune)

The cards suggest dabee, that what you most want at this time is a turning point in your life and positive change - well expect it now. Life will go up a gear or two and events will accelerate forward. Destiny is at play here - have you noticed a number of events that seem rather a coincidence? This is synchronicity, trust it and go with the flow.



your fears (The World)

You are afraid of taking action and lack confidence and will power, but this is a time to be positive and proactive, otherwise you will experience loss of momentum, delays and stagnation. Completion and success are only a step away, don’t give up, lose heart or change direction when you are so close to the finish line.



what is going for you (Justice)

There is a karmic power to the Justice card, reward for the good deeds you have done in the past. This is a period of good luck even if you don’t know why you are being so favoured. You will approach any issues concerning relationships or business affairs with calm, balanced logic and any claim will go in your favour.



what is going against you (The Lovers)

Are you suffering in silence in an unhappy relationship or feeling very lonely? Do you have the courage to make the decision you really know you should make? You have a great sense of duty but are you happy? A difficult decision has to be made - have courage and you will achieve emotional happiness.



outcome (The Hierophant)

Help is at hand. If you want wise counsel and moral guidance put your trust in someone you have a lot of respect for. Don’t allow others to influence you too much with what they want you to conform to, be true to yourself. When considering your options go with tried and tested traditional values, rather than the unconventional novel approach. For example marriage is more likely to be your desire than a living together situation.



Your Astrological Court Card

Queen of PentaclesAstrological Sign: VirgoElement: Earth
Personality: analytical, perfectionist, scientifically minded, objective, factual, discriminating, sometimes coldMost suitable vocations: scientist, analyst, researcher, editor, computer operator, secretary, astrologerMost suitable lover or partner: Knight of Cups - Scorpio, Pisces, Cancer



Your Personality Court Card is a Match!!

Mama Jasc’s birthday dinner w Pigumaoses + smoked V

I just had to blog about this!!! That approx. 25cm long striped lizard which fell onto dapig’s head and then jumped onto the table, and then jumped onto kel’s right torso, and then crawled to his back, and then jumped to the next table! All within 30secs, in the middle of our dinner!

Where was I? I jumped at least 1metre away from the lizard, hiding behind jasc & smoked v once I saw it on the table, trying to find its way out of the crab shells.

Where did it come from? Don’t know, prolly from the tree branch (we were sitting outside with the tree as our ‘shelter’).

Whatever, it left us pretty paranoid thereafter. Couple of us jumped at the slightest indication of maybe-another-lizard-has-fell-on-us.. when they were actually just leaves falling from the tree.

What if…

It fell onto dapig’s head and then down his neck into his back? eeeewwwwwww~

It fell directly into our crab beehoon soup? Disgusting! Dapig and jasc will prolly get the splash of soup on them, then we will see the poor lizard struggling to get out of the soup, and then fall into e butter crab gravy adjacent, and then try to get out but oh too bad too slippery, then finally drown in butter! Hah! Who ask you any-o-how fall onto our table la! Only consolation – we had finished 3-quarters of the food then.

It fell onto me instead?!?!?!?!?! Think I’ll be like a siao char bor jumping up and down trying to get it off me. If it falls too near my face I’ll prolly freak out and burst into tears (serious!)

Well, an interesting incident anyhow.. thanks mama for the great great food! =)

Next time maybe we should do something to work those calories off! Haha!

Happy Birthday!!! Enjoy your Europe trip!

太理智

也許某件事會讓自己快樂，卻因爲太理智而放棄，有過這樣的經驗嗎？

像劇中女主角因爲絕症而放棄愛情，
像爲了遵守父母意願而放棄學設計的夢想，
像需照顧弟妹而放棄出國工作的機會，
等等。

理智得知道、也清楚地明白，自己應該做的。
有些人認爲這是膽怯、尊重或責任。
也許吧，但後來想一想，不都是理智在作祟嗎？

放棄想要追求的完美
放棄想要達成的夢想
放棄想要表現的任性

縂覺得，太理智也是需要很大的勇氣，對吧？

2008 Birthday Dinner redeemed

Finally, my 2008 Birthday dinner 'voucher' redeemed!

we had dinner at Madarin Oriental's Morton's Steakhouse.

after a not-so-typical superhero movie Watchmen at Marina GV in the afternoon.

GV review gave it 1.5 popcorns, I suppose they had a simple-minded person did the review. zw thought it was not that bad. I disliked it initially, thinking why aren't the superheros like superheros you know, like spiderman batman superman, good beats evil fullstop. Then later on that evening I started giving more thoughts, and realised it really isn't that bad a movie afterall, if you comprehend the story. Killing millions to save billions, sacrificing closest friends/ family for the greater better of the world, who's to say you have sinned? Interesting twist there, though it may not be many's cup of tea..

enough about the movie. How's dinner?

FANTASTIC! I love it! Minus the breakout of pimples following e 'heaty' meal. So happy we tried a new makan place after so long! Thank you Mr Teoh! hehe..

So where are you bringing me for my birthday this year? =P

Natasha Bedingfield - Soulmate

Incompatible, it don't matter though
'cause someone's bound to hear my cry

Speak out if you do
You're not easy to find
Is it possible, Mr. Loveable
Is already in my life?
Right in front of me
Or maybe you're in disguise

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Here we are again, circles never end
How do I find the perfect fit
There's enough for everyone
But I'm still waiting in line

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Most relationships seem so transitory
They're all good but not the permanent one

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

女人，你的名字是 愚蠢

明知道他已經不愛你
明知道他有了另一半
明知道他是花花公子
明知道他終究會離開
明知道他的心不屬於你， 不管是不想、不願、不能
卻都心甘情願。

明知道他會為你改變
明知道他會一輩子疼愛你
明知道他只衷心于你
明知道沒有再好的人了，卻仍抱一絲懷疑。

對的人

他會是很好的丈夫啊。
他對你很好、很愛你、肯定不會變心的。
他有為將來打算、有經濟能力啊。
他什麽都幫你想好了，不是嗎？

都是從別人口中說出來的。

誰知道，也願意聼一聼我心裏想說的？
又有誰想過，大家認定的好丈夫也不一定適合自己？

因爲他是大家心目中的《好丈夫》而決定以後的人生，撇開自己真正的幸福不說，對他公平嗎？

２００９年的開始對我來說還真是一個挑戰。
工作快開始繁忙到不行、感情世界也一片混亂。
真想從這裡消失。

對症下藥

現在發現不只傷風咳嗽時需要對症下藥。。。

對待感情也一樣，再怎麽不願意，有時候還是得love him the way he wants..
是叫做《遷就》嗎？

小時候聽説過“if he doesn't love you the way you want him to, it doesn't mean he doesn't love you with all his heart”

是啊，了解了，但怎麽還是感覺有點不對竟。不是不開心哦，卻又説不上真正的快樂。

找到一位愛你、又剛好是你喜歡的方式的話，多幸福！
是叫做《默契》嗎？

Train of thought

人成熟了。。。

很多東西看得越來越清楚，也很多東西變得越來越模糊。。。
對與錯之間多了《也許》、《可能》、《萬一》。
應不應該之間多了一些 《看情況》。
要不要之間多了一些 《不一定》。
有選擇未必是件好事。。。

終于有領悟到“不想長大”的意思，卻又得硬著頭皮面對。