i got my camera back with me yeah!!! (kiss my camera *muackz*)

tuesday wasn't good.. cos there's no sun! no sun = no tanning = raining = cold weather = waste my money = no mood = tired = feel like sleeping


haven't been to sentosa for eons.. now the tix looks like tt.. haha (suakoo)

initially tot i'll spent quite some amount (tix and dinner and drinking).. end up dinner provided! (cos alot of extra packets) and chill out session was not realised as i had to leave early.. later on oso can't make it for supper with the og kalta.. oh ya.. the dinner's not bad leh!! i think better than last year.. wahahaha..

no supper no staying over cos i working on wed.. very logical reason but it's barely enough to stop me.. so the overpowering reason and influence did the job..

yesterday after work went down to FOC sp nite.. at Baize China One.. Clarke Quay area.. beside Hooters on second floor.. the place's not bad la.. got many pool tables and chairs lor.. good for chill out.. not really for partying.. forgot to take pictures of the place itself *smack forehead*.. but managed to snap away with friends lor.. wahahah


erm, those pics taken later can see my face and neck abit red red from the beer.. (my gawd! it's only beer! i'd really lost touch)

monkey said the beer quite cheap haha..


monkey's the kai3 zi.. wahahah..

no clubbing no drinking too much no mambo no double o .. cos today working.. stil got tuition at nite.. cos i'm tired blablabla.. all the reasons logical but not put forth by me.. so end up leaving the bar at around 1045pm.. plonked on my bed after midnight..

(haha i'm just back from lunch! no apples today cos m and r brought us to havelock for yummy lor mee and prawn mee.. very quite abit paiseh m treat us la.. but yeah! lunch was fun! talk joke gossip complain wateva.. wahahaha.. )

feels kind of strange at the moment.. there's so many things i wan to say.. yet somehow words jus dun come.. erm.. can't exactly describe how i feel..

anything can be simplified.. it'll always be like that until u are in a r/s.. it's so simple yet complicated to say u love somebody.. many say r/s is jus like a roller coaster ride.. so there's ups and downs and swirling arounds.. at the end of it you'll either regret or be glad for the experience.. then u decide whether you'll take the ride again..

it's easier said than done rite.. jus a moment you can be on cloud nine and the next plummet into a deep valley.. you can feel so loved and protected at one moment and the next confined.. you can anticipate the date this instant and the next dread the itenery.. everyone if not most agrees give and take is necessary to strike a balance.. how to reach the balance?

many girls (i'm one of them) hope to meet Mr Right obviously.. and when they think that particular he is the one, there'll be no (or very difficult to) turn back.. especially when girls are serious in the r/s, they will try (very hard) to make it work.. simply becos they do not wish to shatter their dream.. and so subconsciously their demands become more compelling in the view of the guys.. and get utterly upset when their Mr Right does things that hurt them.. remember the girls are only hoping to realise their dream..

either wanting him to listen and be sensitive to her needs.. or to give her surprises to brighten her day.. to get along with every friend of hers.. or to put her in front of everybody else.. to accomodate to her requests.. or to give in to her stubborness.. to like almost everything she likes and stop doing all the things she do not like.. to be the first (or the only) to say sorry in an argument or to keep quiet and give in right from the start..

so what happens when he is more stubborn than her? when he stands by his principles and refuse to apologise? when he gives in but obviously unwillingly? when he can't get along with her friends? when there are just some things he can't stop liking or doing?

so where is the balance?

isn't it sometimes just a matter of perceptions?

she thinks tat she is the one always giving in to him, always the one giving him surprises.. wondering why hasn't the hell he been surprising her.. why doesn't he want to attend concerts and parties with her.. why does he puts his friends before her..

he thinks tat he has been putting in the effort, be sensitive to her emotions and treat her to many good dinners.. wondering why the hell she can't see it.. why does she have to force him to do things he don't like.. why does she not trust or understand him..

exasperated isn't it? you may think..

communciate la! talk it out lor! what the hell, sure got solution wan la!

no.. not so when you are facing the same situation yourself..

communication problems or not.. solving it or not.. when the same thing reoccurs too many times.. it comes to a point where both doubt the meaning of their r/s.. is it still worthwhile to continue with it? what should i do? continue to give in? stand up and be firm about certain aspects of my character and behavior? break up?

the most unintentional and hurtful words can just escape at the most apposite (or inapt) moment..

now, where is the balance?

or more so, how to attain the balance?

has she taken a step back and reflect.. whether it was a tad bit too much to demand certain things? whether there was room for allowance to give in to him instead? whether he has been putting in the effort? is it possible that she has overlooked the effort and magnified on his past doings?

has he on the other hand thought about how she feels for each action he took? how much more effort he has to put in for the balance? whether he needs to be firm regarding certain things or problems? whether he has not taken her needs seriousy enough?

there are indeed certain things that cannot be changed when it comes to character, behavior and hobbies.. he can always give in but ultimately she may chase him away with her own demands and aspirations.. similarly.. there's no point in staying with him if he doesn't see how she wants to be loved..

contradicting ain't it? ah ha.. there comes the notion of balance! give and take give and take give and take.. i can't and don't know exactly how simply becos it works differently in each r/s..

when zw wants to play 'expensive' mahjong.. i've learnt to sleep early, find my own entertainment.. when he doesn't like me clubbing esp when i've work the next day.. i've tried (and been successful since) to stop.. when i dun like the way he gets defensive, he accomodates to his best.. when i know he can't stand sitting in an auditorium for 2 hours watching ppl dance sing or act, i forget about inviting him to concerts.. when he can't seem to get along with my friends, i don't insist on him accompanying me to meet them.. when he hates the way i shout at him when i'm angry, i did stop shouting ever since.. when he complains i don't spend enough time with him, i reduced (tho sometimes reluctantly) my 'extra' activities.. when i disagree with his mentality with regards to shopping for clothes and whatnots.. i just decide not to shop with him as often.. when he gives in to me too much and complains to me about it, i ask him to not give in then..

the list can just go on and on.. we all have alot to learn..

i still am speculative of the 'balance'.. but at least i'm trying.. whenever in doubt i just ask myself

do i love him still?

and when i have the answer to this question, there's no uncertainty whether what i did was worthwhile or not.. *smilez*

quote from my friend.. you can love the person alot alot but you still need air to breathe.. never lose your friends for the one.. but if he/she forces too much things on you then she may as well not be the one..

how true..