baaaaaaa... what the hell am i doing here at this time of the day??? cos ppl.. i did not sleep.. not even a wink from previous nite.. jus had a bath and i'm off to pasir ris for my social visit for my term assignment at 830am! wow.. how can i do it man? i'm impressed by myself.. gosh.. it's been such a long long time since i enjoyed myself so much.. heck care if i'm a bitch.. i mean it's not as if my arse will be stuck forever there or i'm darn fucked up with those ppl.. dun mind my language. the alcohol's stil in me.. now i noe wat my frens' are talking about how drinking can let free them worries for the time being.. all those drinking and dancing and singing really brings me much fun.. of cos i wun be doing this again.. *cross fingers* i guess ppl owas haf their first time? jus let my hair down.. i mean the whole bunch of my hair jus going bonkers in the ktv with them.. they're fun ppl.. jus haf to take care of myself lar.. not drinking too much lo..
anyway mainly hear jeff sing only lar.. and the boss of the ktv.. forgot the name tho.. my my, they can really sing well! heard a couple of others(eugene's squad-mates & frens) sing too.. listen liao i dun dare sing harharz.. simply cos they're too good.. *fwah* erm.. okie lar.. mayb cos i wasn't paying attention to the singing.. haha.. of cos there'll b a little spoiler in all fun but well, still alrite with me yep.. no problem man.. he's gg back to australia so so soon.. so i wun be so havoc le.. no chance too anyway.. haiz..
once in a while interesting happen to you not bad lar.. u get to haf fun.. learn.. know more ppl and etc.. someitmes being uptight all the while oso beri tough.. let ya hair down.. enjoy and haf fun that's it man.. that's should be it since you're still young. how much fun and freedom can you experience when you're age 40? even 30 wor.. youth is here and i dun wan to waste it.. try many things i haven't tried before.. of cos no need try every single thing lar.. jus some of them.. enuff for me.. anyone and everyone can do it.. as long as we know how to take good care of ourselves.. self discipline.. yeap..

28 feb 2003 Saturday
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Your no-nonsense attitude can now come in handy as you keep your shoulder to the wheel. Do the best you can with each of the current tasks at hand. Even though you can get overwhelmed when there's too much on your plate, there is also a part of you that enjoys having too much to do. Of course, you probably would never admit it. You'd rather keep the smokescreen of illusion wrapped around your life.

27 feb 2003 Friday
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You could be feeling nervous and high-strung now, like the neurons in your brain are stretched tightly and every thought you have makes them all resonate like the strings on a piano. If you could only get them all to be in tune, then you'd feel much better. The good news is that your planet, Mercury, is downloading the brilliance of Uranus today. But it's not just about intellect. Your thoughts are also being powered by deeply-rooted emotions. Rational ideas and irrational feelings are combining as intuition, which will help you find new solutions to old problems.

it's freaky how this tarot horroscope thingy is so darn accurate.. *shudders*

25 feb 2003 Wednesday
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Recently, the relationship axis has been somewhat of a challenge for you. It still is, but you now have serious Saturn acting as your guardian angel. He is making sure that you don't go off the tracks. This is a good time to reel yourself in and to tow the party line. It's not about giving up your power for survival. It's about learning to work with the group process. If you can cooperate, rewards will surely follow.

23 feb 2003 Monday
Virgo(August 23 - September 22)
You've stepped out onto the high wire and everyone is watching to see if you'll be able to keep your balance and make it across to the other side. It's a delicate situation and your concentration -- or lack of it -- will determine how well you do. As if this wasn't enough of a challenge, unknown forces are shaking the very wire you are walking upon. Too much self-control can make you stiff. Loosen up, stay focused and breathe deeply. You'll make it across just like the champion you'd like to be.

24 feb 2003 Tuesday
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You won't escape from the diffusion of energy that many others are also feeling now. It may be difficult for you to stay focused -- something you normally can do quite well. Nervous energy has put you on edge and can still get the best of you as your thoughts run all over the map, without specific direction or purpose. You might try to pull them in, but it will probably be a losing battle. Sit back and enjoy your own mental show, even if it feels confusing or debilitating. Your focus will return, but not until late in the day or even tomorrow.

things that happened.. parts and puzzles of life.. apparently shelving them is the most appropriate avenue.. at least for the time being.. obviously i know this is not the ultimate solution but i don't wish for a reckless decision.. there are so many things i knew, that i know.. even more i want to know...

i dun even think you'll read this but what the heck.. precisely then i dun feel restricted maybe? i couldn't remember exact details of our conversation but i'm sure i meant every word.. as much as i wish to know what did we talk about exactly, i dun dare to ask.. erm, i barely noe you.. that's true but dunno why things are going the way things are going.. it's not as if i didn't try putting things off my mind permanently.. it's hard but i tot i could do it.. maybe i'm not that capable when it comes to this eh.. of course i do not want to let ppl have the wrong idea.. i can speak to anyone, no doubt but ultimately eh.. whether i think the things are worth saying or doing is up to myself.. actually i do hope if there's any doubts please clarify from me.. i din think i told them everything and anything.. gosh, wat's wrong with me?? never ever have i been like that... if i could be happy seeing you, talking to you only in my dreams.. i'll rather not wake up.. at least i wun be upset.. *selfish me hur~* i feel so so -urgh- when i see somethings u did.. feel so glad u talked to me, so glad u were there.. (mayb that's y i'm there? i dunno) it's not your fault, seriously.. i jus dunno wat's got into me.. hope you are not freaked out.. it's so unbelievable lor.. i feel really different.. as in, like wat u sad.. very comfortable.. yes.. hurm.. i choose to trust you.. though apparently there are much external disagreement to that..

i cant take another disapperance act.. i think lar.. not sure too... wat the hell.. *screams*

it's been some time since i have the whole day all to myself.. slacking.. oh well, if i haven't fall sick i guess i wun be at home at all.. hehz.. so well, thanks to the flu bug i get to stay home today.. farni though in stead of recuperating comfortably in my bed.. i just had the desire to bake some cookies.. so yep.. i did that.. tried out sth new though.. never try adding almonds before.. so this is my first time.. wun say it sucks but there's much room for improvement.. haha.. see who's so 'lucky' to be my guinea pig!!

after my cookies i was rather bored.. actually it's jus that i refuse to touch my tut and readings... so i ended up preparing dinner for my family! harhar.. dunno wat the hell got into me.. jus wan to cook lar.. so we had fried fish, long beans with carrots and mushroom-egg soup for dinner! haha.. only after that i'm satisfied.. then start to worrie abt my ever piling tutorials!! argh... *grrrr*

and wat am i doing now?? blogging~! listening to some dancing music.. my sis borrowed from her classmate.. did i mention before she loves techno? wow.. haha.. since the age of like 9? yar.. whenever she sees tv ads featuring techno cds she'll comment that she likes them, want to buy.. hur~

gosh.. the thought of that stack of tutorials on my desk's revolting...

anywaez.. should say i enjoyed my weekends.. saturday did not start out well i'd say.. due to the quarrels and serious lack of sleep for 3 consecutive days before v-day... yep.. so my sleepy bugs got the better of me. slept all the way til 1.30pm when i'm supposed to reach amk like 2pm!! if he hadn't called, that's it.. think i'll sleep til the evening.. anyway, we went to ktv around 6pm.. with his frens richard kenny paul weihua evelyn.. gosh! richard sings like aaron kwok!!! was stunned when i heard him sing his first song.. yep.. they were pretty nice ktv kakis! singing all those duets and farni farni songs... while the gang continues singing, we went for dinner at tonkichi.. there was so much food!! i couldn't finish lar, but the food's damn nice! it was nice of him to remember i love jap food and more imptly sashimi!! was very xin tong he spent so much.. heng i warned and insisted i dun wan any flowers on that day cos it's so so damn expensive.. later on then i realised he wanted to get flowers but scared i angry since i insisted on not having one.. haha.. which was true.. good boy..

after dinner met up with his frens again.. rite.. kenny's good looking.. bballer, 21 yrs old.. hehz.. ar.. din dare tell him that kenny's quite shuai.. so i jus keep quiet.. barely spoke to him lor.. haiz.. *grinz* nvm, sure got chance see him again.. they may be gg this sat too! hur~

met up with yongling ian qianyu nellie yewkum around 11pm.. too bad i missed out the fun at newsroom bar.. nevermind.. gg chiong this coming sat!! yipee~!

then on sunday, went to his place.. it was planned, according to him.. cos his father brought back my fav cod fish, so he ask me to join his family for dinner.. it was sweet of him to cook one of my fav dish for me! =) was feeling rather paiseh cos his aunt and grandma were there too.. other than his parents, sis and bf, bro and younger sis.. like wow, so many ppl.. was very happy to spend my weekend this way since i only get to see him for less than 48 hours per week..

however.. i'm going to be screwed by my boss for missing my job without valid reason.. shucks.. gone case.. damn.. dunno wat to do now.. *dilema* i'm apologetic, no doubt about that.. it's just alright, in a way i'm ashamed of myself for doing this but i can't bear to spoil his plans esp when it was rather rare for him to put in so much effort.. oh no..

right.. time to go back mugging.. guess i'll need coffee... *sulk*

grrrreat... the caffine's taking effect.. can't get to sleep after an ice mocha vanilla at coffee club in Holland V... decided to pop over and have a chat with yongling and hansheng.. gosh.. haven talked to hansheng since he came back from australia.. felt rather bad about it.. yet can't help it cos of the many many things i've got to settle.. haiz.. nevertheless, had a really good talk with them.. not forgeting the suaning and discussion about chio bus and shuai ges... muahahahah... din want to leave but have to.. cos haven do tmr's tut.. some more got finance test tmr so.. *pulls hair*

hehz.. i hate growing up... as much as i hate it, i look forward to the challenges and new things i can do.. harhar.. erm.. not sure how to say but bobian lar.. just have to deal with it.. changes changes changes.. inevitable aren't they? hee~ currently i'm not the person i expected to be.. what i do and how i think can be appalling to myself.. and it's getting more often as the days go by..

happy together somehow can't be the only thing that causes it to survive.. i mean i start to think why am i wasting my time here dwelling over the fact that dead end is coming, just dunno when.. not that i just had this feeling today.. it's more of an attempt to organise my thoughts bar.. *nods head* conveying of message(s) is necessary.. there has to be progress.. i dun wan to be doing round abouts or remain stagnant. perhaps we're all busy thus resulting in postponing of this issue.. harhar.. or maybe jus no one wants to work on it or do something about it.. think it's not the latter.. well, i dunno wat the heck i'm crapping again.. blablabla..

okie.. i've decided on wat to do... *humph*

sOlitaRy rEtReAt fRoM bEwiLdErmENt
iNtEntiOn oF cEaSiNG cOntEntmEnt
muLLiNg oVeR tHE uNSpOkEn
oBsTinAcY coNStiTutEs mY oPiNIoNs
nEvEr tO diMiNiSh yOUr hAppInEss bUT
oPpOsitiOn iS gAiNiNg aTtRaCtiVenEss
oVeR hErE iT gEtS sUfFocAtiNg
i woNdEr whEtHEr yOUr aTtiTudEs' mAtChiNG...

what the heck.. i'm supposed to be doing my tutorial for tmr morning.. but jus can't seem to concentrate on my readings.. no, i'm not tired.. perfectly awake in fact.. just had a refreshing bath half hour ago.. *hiakz* maybe cos much things are running through my mind.. that's why i can't help but to spit out some stirring opinions of mine.. harhar.. alrite.. maybe they are not so disturbing afterall.. it's just me lar.. *shrugs*

feburary is here wor.. time to put new year resolution(s) into action! i am flawlessly certain that this year will be a better one for you.. of course need that effort of yours lar.. hehz.. dun think i'm nagging wor.. maybe cos abit worried lar.. and yes.. think of those interesting GEs! dun wan to put them back rite!? okieokie.. dun wan to be lawso lar.. all the best yep.. be good ger.. =) jiayou jiayou for 7th and 8th feb! *thumbs up*

sometimes i can't help but wonder what the hell is going on in your mind.. if what i say sounds enraged.. pls dun mind me.. the antagonism is unintended.. probably if nothing from both sides is known.. or my ignorance of either party in fact is present.. things wouldn't be like what it is to me? i dunno.. confusion lingers and is dreading.. someone pls wake up?!?! how come it seems to me that the outcome will be awful? once again, this is solely my thoughts.. shoot me dead if u wan lar.. harhar.. hurm, anyhow, where has the realisation of over-doings gone to? is it so gruelling to come around? being oblivious to the situation is definitely not a recommended dealing.. for the very very first time.. i agree to the statement made by a dear fren.. "there's no such thing as you dunno, it's whether you want to do it or not..." this entanglement is becoming complex as the day goes.. or is it not? *ponders* you may let things be, take pleasure from the doings.. and you on the other hand continues to be unware(consciously i believe) of the consequences.. as a bystander, i am in no position to stop either one of you.. go ahead.. i couldn't care more.. just a note of concern here.. what the ... someone tell me about helplessness.. *diaoonz*