self pity is self destruction.

one of the rare serious comment monkey make in my presence..

This morning when i woke up..

"Are my eyes playing tricks on me?" was my first thought.. *rubs eyes*

what the hell? sure or not? i not dreaming ar?

These roses very pretty leh! *moves my head away from the roses*


really leh!! one whole BIG bouquet in front of me the moment i open my eyes early in the morning at about 10am!

This card comes with the flowers.. yep.. it's from fareast flora.. the card looks abit too big in my opinion but oh well.. haha..

And the message inside the card that finally made me stop crying..

"To Dear: I'm sorry.. i'm sorry.. i'm sorry.. i'm sorry.. i'm sorry.. i'm sorry.. i'm sorry.. i'm sorry.. i'm sorry.. Lotsa Love from Zw"

My monkey is really sweet hor? hmmm.. i noe alot of guys sure say walau! waste money leh!! the flowers sure very expensive wan la!

i do think along the same line.. but still it's the thought that counts.. monkey really made me very very upset.. and this is his way of saying sorry.. which of course i very much appreciate..

for days i had been crying almost non-stop.. i just can't stand that kind of nonsense.. really really wanted to give up cos i believe i CAN find someone who will never do what monkey did to me.. which literally broke my heart..

now monkey promises me he will never make me upset again.. i choose to believe him lo.. can't just give up cos i still love him ma.. haha..

now tell me.. where to find this kind of guy? i'm so glad to say HE's mine.. *winkz*

some feelings can't be just gone like that.. they are simply kept..

but feelings can be changed.. can't they?

to live in that bliss or to carry that doubt or to deny that possibility..

choices we have to make..

i'm special.. and so i comprehend..

no more invisibility of that fib.. thus no more falling into any tricks..

no less innocence we can possess..

complexities are in us..

and so i comprehend.. very much where i stand..

thanks for making my day.. i know you won't see this but still.. thanks.. the supper's great, though i can't finish all the food.. and the ride.. yet another first experience.. maybe i'm really suay like you said (i got bathe before i go out okie!).. by the way my arms are aching.. shan't type anymore..

i love my friends.. they're such precious gems i can't live without.. *smilez*

sweet dreams to me..

heartbroken..

and it felt terrible. horrible. unbearable.

my first time crying out loud (and uglily and uncontrollably) in orchard road.
i've never felt so disappointed w you before. not even when you did not keep your word cos of mahjong.
i've never felt so enervated since my last breakup. not even when i had insomnia for weeks.
and i've never felt so apprehensive about your reaction to my feelings. not even when i risk your dissent towards this entry.

before you articulate this entry jeopardizes your reputation or whatsoever. i'm only indicating how i feel til this very moment since i broke down last night because of what happened.

different beings can abide different circumstances and this happens to be one i find arduous.

the instant you let off back at me left me astonished to the extent i did not know how to react.
retorting back at you wasn't even an option for me at that time. all i wanted to do was to keep quiet to prevent me screaming back at you which you absolutely abhor.

ultimately i did let everything out. only to receive your riposte. perhaps we were furious about things of two opposite ends. perhaps we were just both stressed up.

now i comprehend. i should be pleasing when you are not at fault (nevermind how i was feeling then). i should be simling and speaking when you ask me not to keep quiet. i should be normal (to you) pretend nothing has happened (to me) after you said sorry regardless of whether it's your wrongdoing.

and i'll try to do just that. really.

i want to say. some things are hard to change. some things will never be the same again. for worse or for the better, i desire for the latter.

i thought talking about it to someone will make me feel better. apparently i'm wrong. every occurance of you in my thought or conversation brought tears choking my arteries.

i'm still tearing.. only it's in my heart..

"when you realise your tears bring annoyance instead of comfort, when your silence brings confusion instead of patience, when your opinions bring refute instead of tolerance, will you still wipe your tears away, smile and say i'm alright?"

i will, merely cos i still love..

this is weird.

only he can make me cry for such a long time.. you know that kind of heart-felt-squeezed feeling.. which i haven't felt since years ago..

i think i'm suffering from the 'loveyoutoomuch' syndrome..

i hate school for making us so busy.
yet i love school cos i love sitting in classes and learning new things.

now i cried so hard i can't even study for my test properly..

the ultimate cure to 'loveyoutoomuch' syndrome..
study til go crazy or go enjoy clubbing singing shopping eating whatever without him..
and i'm going to do both.

so byebye.. 'see you' after exams then..

Hmmm.. yesterday was considered a fruitful day.. It's been a long time since i've done do many things in one day..

thanks benjamin for being my personal driver almost the whole day!!! really really thanks alot.. you are such a nice person you know!! nus to newton to town to jurong east before you drive back to hougang! fwah! thanks! it's really good.. haha save alot of travel time wor~! i dun mind more chances of being driven around leh! *winkz*

on the car on our way to jurong..



i got scolded taking a photo of him.. haha.. he said dun anyhow flash later kena accident.. *touchwood*


ktv ktv ktv ktv ktv ktv... i love singing ktv!!!!!! it feels so good to be here!


a normal shot before we get cranky with singing and drinking..


choosing songs..


ha! jasc got big breast!! hahahahah!


halfway while singing.. my shoe drank alot of beer without my knowing and got drunk.. *shakes head* see my shoes puked beer all over the carpet..


hahaha.. actually here's the culprit causng my shoes to be 'drunk'..


it was jasc's legs!! she kicked the table too hard then the beer glass toppled over and drenched my shoes and the carpet hahaha..

while my shoes hangover on the carpet.. we continued singing..


pro singer singing wor.. hahaha


chey.. she's a nutcase afterall.. wahahah


jasc told me she once went to ktv with junyang the superstar singer la.. her jc classmate brought her along to ktv and one of the guys was junyang.. jasc din remember.. it was her fren who reminded her that was junyang.. jasc could only remember the guys there all sang very well.. haha.. i was so shocked la.. i kept pestering her to ask the fren go jio singing again and this time i shall tag along to sing la!! no, i'm not a fan of junyang.. just tt it feels special/different/fun ma.. to be singing with someone who's erm.. not so normal.. hahahaha like i got to talk to edison in zouk and sang ktv with mediacorp actor jeff ong.. cheap thrill la ya la ya la...

lalala.. come jio me to ktv okie!! i still wanna sing!!!!!

A very happy 21st Birthday to myself~!

Hmm, actually it kinda feels weird to be an adult.. but i shan't think too much abot it today.. i'm so gonna enjoy blogging about what i did!!

Hmmm, so where are we going to makan dinner today?
we go Kushinbo lo.. jap buffet can eat until you collapse..
Okie yeah yeah~
call jascelyn and victor la.. more ppl go more fun ma..
Steady! (and off i went to call)

After lessons and project meeting.. finally dabee gets to visit seandapig at his hall.. jasc was already there!!!

They like not very happy to see me leh.. *sobz*


We chit chatted while waiting for monkey to finish his project meeting.. and of course we took photos!!!

Me and seandapig~


jasc and seandapig~


monkey calls about 530pm and off we went to take bus to suntec!!!

i know.. we jus lurve taking photos!! even on the bus!! hee..


After a loooonnnggg bus ride (cos peak hour plus we were hungry), we've reached Kushinbo at suntec city beside the sky garden!!! Heehee..

Monkey calculated.. for the price ($34 per person after gst), each of us must at least eat 25 pieces of salmon sashimi to make the meal as worthwhile as at sakae sushi.. hahah that is if you only eat sashimi la.. well, i had no qualms about making my trip 'sashimi' full.. and so without further ado.. we started 'attacking' the food!!

just look at the variety!! and these are just some of the food they offer~!


the sashimi, alaskan crab and sushi look really really enticing la!! tepenyaki oso nice leh!! u jus choose the meat u wan.. then give them you table number tag and they'll bring it to you after they're done cooking! the spread of desserts are so tasty la! i know i left out alot.. there's just too much food!! and the sashimi is fresh wan lo.. not like some places buffet they give you substandard ones.. *phewwweeet*

monkey and dabee choosing the food.. we're spoilt for choices..


digging in!! too engrossed in tasting the food..


round 1, fight~! (i forgot to take subsequent rounds cos too happy eating le whaahaha)


monkey was so nice to me.. peeling prawns(which he SELDOM does) and feed me soup.. hee..


and he was the 'cutter' for almost all the alaskan crab me and jasc ate.. hee


the alaskan crab looks like that laying down..


they can be used as menacing alienic tentacles to scare irritating kids away too! as demonstrated by jasc~


come come come.. take a look at the very delicious erm.. (i forgot the name leh) paperpot thingy.. heh here's a more artistic shot by jasc


and here's the shot by me.. ignore the messie background.. jus look at the ingredients!


it's a must try when you go kushinbo okie! damn nice lar.. and i keep wondering how come the paper won't break/burn wan leh.. hee..

as the dinner goes.. monkey start to try out alot alot of new stuff.. hmmm.. the cha soba very nice la.. and see what he did!


that's jasc bugging vic cos he ate up her share as well! (kidding la)


23yr old sagis *haiz*

"Dong Dong Dong.. One Two Three.. We are.. Kushinbo.. Dong Dong Dong.." Good evening everyone, welcome to Kushinbo blablabla... We're now having a special promotion for this evening's buffet... blabla.. BLACK PEPPER LOBSTER available at the seafood counter.."


we got it!! 2 of them some more! haha.. every half hour there'll be this Dong Dong Dong song and someone announcing through the PA system what special food/promotion is offered.. then must go queue up to get it.. one person can only get 1 lobster la of cos.. hee.. and it taste really good.. we tried the ice-cream muachee oso.. *8 thumbs up* (4 of us there ma)

attempting to take a decent photo while resting for the next round.. (monkey not resting la, he busy chewing as you can see)


the next attempt failed too.. and that's it.. no more photo taking while we eat hee..


i mean.. no more posing.. we shall take 'natural' shots.. wahaha


enough of main course.. haha.. dessert time!


we really had ALOT of fruits and dessert.. i feel like exploding after all these..





we stayed all the way til closign time.. haha.. i think we were the second last group to leave kushinbo.. a group shot (with bloated stomach) before we head home..

we saw the colorful balloons and couldn't resist it.. hee.. so nice rite!! but we had a lousy photographer(monkey).. attempt number one.. we're both not ready..

attempt number two.. jasc wasn't ready..

attempt number three.. finally *phew*

before i end off.. highlight of the day.. snow crab.. the ugliest crab of all.. i had a few tiny cuts on my fingers while eating it.. you know those kind of cuts you won't notice they are painful until you wash your hands with soap.. other than that.. it's very difficult to eat this crab.. though it's FULL of meat.. haha..

in the hss library last friday 2nd sep.. monkey is so tired from all that project meetings and financial analysis numbers formulae wateva...

huh.. so tired still must study... very tired wan u noe..
fwah~! the next minute i see monkey so hardworking le.. i'm still slowly taking my readings out.. fidgeting with my camera.. which explains these photos.. wahahaha..

see how attractive monkey is?? ren4 zhen1 de3 monkey very very shuai4 leh!! dun you think he looks so cute? haha, i do.. like jc student doing maths homework hor.. wahaha..

after some readings.. i buay tahan le.. so boring.. worte monkey a note and off i go to town for some shopping...

utilized my topshop voucher from my sa friends.. hee.. bought 3 tops for $50.. 20% sale!!!

i bought this... and the other off-white one.. i jus like it la..

bought this too! haha.. dun have tops of this color ma.. so tot i'll get one lo.. heh..

that's not the end of my shopping ya noe! i went to isetan, intending to browse around the triumph section for some ''reserach' for my mktg campaign.. ended up i bought another pair of shoes at the shoe section!

i lazy to take photo of it.. it's a pair of covere slip-ons.. white based with colorful stripes at the toe area.. hahah from mondo.. whateva that brand is.. hiakz..

a satisfied gal.. off i went back to sch to meet monkey for dinner.. but i was to late to reach sch.. so i met him at harbor front instead.. went to foodcourt for dinner.. and then home sweet home!! haha..

tomyum kuay tiao rockz~!