happy birthday to junming and benjamin wong!!

another monday has passed.. tuesday's here.. this means another day closer to exams.. *gosh* haven't settled down to mug, though i've been wanting to do that.. super duper inertia due to forces of emotional disorder.. call me crazy or wat.. i jus can't stand the mess on my table any longer so did a little tidying up.. dug out some stuff and kept pondering whether to dipose of them or to keep them a while longer for memo's sake.. decided to stacked them up nicely in a corner of my cupboard.. thanks goodness i still have space for those stuff.. actually they were stuff from jc days.. co-op days in fact.. brings back alot of memories.. good ones, bad ones... those times bitching around with fellow com members ever complaining some teachers.. slacking around using co-op stuff for personal uses.. hectic times juggling sch work and co-op events.. lousy times kena scolded by teachers, when students don't cooperate with you..

anyhow, it's nice doing some packing.. relieves stress too.. feels happier when things are in order.. this time round not bad lar.. pack table instead of cleaning toilet haha.. maybe pms bar.. was down with cramps in the morning dun even feel like moving a finger.. but took panadol and felt better so hands become itchy.. made a small pouch today too.. for wat i dunno.. jus feel like doing something with the extra cloth and needles and thread.. not beri pro but stil usable la.. hehz.. felt accomplished in another way.. completed my tutorial on time too!

am feeling so excited cos in a few hours' time i'm gg back to sajc for my fav lasi lemak!!! so long never go back.. wanna go back makan then study.. hurmmm jus got to now i've got lecture at 2pm.. still thinking whether i should go cos there might be tips.. shall see how bar.. glad i'll be meeting up with wanz jingz ben siva again so soon!! hehz..

...it's meaningless to hold on to someone who takes you for granted.. perhaps it's due to ur own fault that ignites this up-to-u-i'm-fine-with-anything-as-long-as-u-like-it behavior.. leaving everything to you, so that any consequence has to be due to the decision make as well.. i know it hurts to let go but if this is what it takes for the person to realise what has really gone wrong and to bear the consequences.. you have to do it.. anyway it is for your own good to take a step back and think carefully whether it's worth to continue carrying emotinal burdens.. if the person comes back then you decide whether to give it another shot.. if the person is gone for good, let it be.. grant the wish of looking for someone much much better..

single hood is bliss... (='v'=)

resurrection of long awaited sense of accomplishment acheived.. an end to the project, the start to continuing friendship..
i haven't been this jovial for a long long time.. already felt satisfied seeing my project report and cd-rom done nicely last night.. so much so that i din really bother about my finance quiz and tutorial today!
last night spent my time settling the report and ppt slides, deciding what to wear for presentation and blablabla miscelleneous.. all except touching on finance notes.. *oopsie* what the heck..
this morning woke up early after my wake up call.. reached school earlier than usual and did a small run through of our presentation.. it feels really good to see my groupmates.. our theme's white color.. hehz.. our attire, report file, cd cover all white.. *yipee~*
was excited, not nervous about our presentation.. it went through smoothly, i did not stutter or tremble with fear *hehz*, keeping within the given time limit of 20mins.. managed to squeeze in a short short skit.. it was the process that makes me glad.. feels so accomplished.. compensate for the ever-not-doing-tut-me.. *keke*
took pictures with other groups and our tutors after the whole thingy.. will post them up soon soon! guess the reason that brings me to cloud nine is when my tutor commented to us that he likes our ppt slides.. it's my baby!! did it in a day, searching for the background and pictures and doing all those animation.. my efforts paid off with his "good job" and a thumbs up.. *yoohoo!*
on a more serious note.. my groupmates compliment one another rather well. Vic's from science fac, good in language so edited our report, Paul's got a good knowledge of the company we're doing on, feeding us with tons of information, not to mention his knowledge in IT(okieokie he's from sch of computing).. WuZhe's from engineering, enriched us with his standardizing report and presentation skills which we gladly adopted, Yonghui being our artistic director coming up with the skit and settling our report and cd covers, me preparing the slides for our presentation.. these ppl are a bunch of crappy and fun yet serious when comes to work friends.. it's nice doing this project together.. *smilez*
if only my future projects are all like that.. although this one is on a small scale, it means much to me to have the sense of satisfaction seeing everything goes well at the end of the day.. okie, enough of ranting.. back to mugging!

mind-boggling how transition impinge on each and every one of us.. somedays, somethings we jus dun wish to remember.. what constitutes not remembering? how can i possibly forget everything in the blink of an eye?
i just opt to ignore it..
i just conclude there's more things worth my attention..
i just assume i won't see you again.. tho i don't want it to be so..
presumingly after what happened you never wan to have anything to do with me eh..
i do not even understand why do tears fell for you.. and they are still falling because of you..
i'm puzzled at my words and actions..
as much as i told myself you are like that and i've no right whatsoever to interfere, plus perceptibly i'm inferior to whoever, i still break down..
"chuandabee, why you always do the same thing everytime?"
gosh.. i wish i know why.. you walk into my life and want to leave and i'm not ready for you to do so perhaps..
i do remember your words and actions..
"are you very sian?"
"are you okay with our pace of walking? are we walking too fast?"
"is it xin ku for you to sit like that?"
pulling me away from someone i'm blocking, offering to carry my bag and you did..
"how can i not care when i knew how you feeling, you think my heart made of steel ar.."
"if even for a second you feel alone remember i'll always be here for you.."
dunno why but i feel diffident when you hold on to me.. just that split second i was pleased..
come to think of it, you'd have done it if it's her.. anyone else right? i can't believe i'm so naive..
was it just another test of your charm? congrats, you passed with flying colors..
you picked an easy test paper..
i deleted your number from my phone memory.. whether it was on purpose i'm not sure..
what the hell, the number's still in my head, i just realised.. wtf..
maybe it was meant to be? for wateva fucking sake she's my friend.. thanks for allowing me to learn another lesson..

to my friends, i felt despondent causing you to feel or think the way you did..
it wasn't premeditated definitely..
in due course it was my fault for asking you out..
we should have all stayed bloody at home watching tv munching goodies study till giddy..
then so many things wun happen to us..
having said that.. guys are just bastards right.. okieokie, most of them.. er, some of them??
let's all study okie..
"always look forward to after the exams.."
sounds familiar? hehz.. after the exams we'll shop, sing, party all day and night!
erm.. of cos must work and go work out!

puiee, jiayou jiayou jiayou faster catch up with ya work.. then can go venture on your greener pastures! *winkz*

yongaling, come join us study group! dun be bothered with them now, they're not worth it.. yet.. =)

qian, i'll join ya in trying to work out but end up saying 'damn it, so tiring, i dun wan le!' after the exams k! heez..

ian, time is everything.. it does many things.. the possibles and the deemed impossibles.. believe in yourself.. friendship's important.. that's what i think..

jing, wan, shu, inez, siva, meet up soon again! had a fun time catching up with ya peepz during nez's bday!!! all the best for exams!

nel, so long yo've been 'in' your life.. take care of yourself okie! study study hard hard too! keke..

wonder why is this so.. everytime i wanna blog.. decided to blog, i'll be stuck... when previously thoughts are flooding the passages of my already-not-so-gd-brain.. damn it..

13 march 2004 saturday
Virgo(August 23 - September 22)
Your dilemma today is the struggle between the large and the small. Normally, you gravitate in the direction of the small. Virgos like to focus on details. But now the Moon in Sagittarius is encouraging you to express your largest needs and your most grandiose desires. Of course, you won't do this. You might hold in everything that you think is inappropriate, but if you do, there is an emotional price to pay. Try to find a way to gently express your desires, even if you have to intellectualize them to make yourself feel safer.

14 march 2004 sunday
Virgo(August 23 - September 22)
It may be a challenge for you today as your feelings get mixed into you thoughts. Even if you try to stay on the logical side of your brain, you cannot. As you try to share what's on your mind, deep emotions will be brought to the surface and will color what you say and how others will react. Take all aspects of communication slowly. You have more time than you realize. Be careful and get it right from the start or you'll be learning from your mistakes soon enough.

15 march 2004 monday
Virgo(August 23 - September 22)
Your planet, Mercury, is forming a tense aspect with Saturn-the-Tester. You are likely to feel resistance to what you say and this can make you rethink your current position on an important matter. But the resistance doesn't need to come from the outside. You could be your own harshest critic now. Too harsh. Although your ideas may be well thought out, you still could be hesitant to share them because you are afraid of having them rejected.

i know i've said this before.. this is freaking me out.. things are just so accurate.. i mean these tarot horoscope stuff.. at the moment i feel as if something within me (perhaps the volcano) is erupting..

10 march 2003 wednesday
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You Virgos take great pride in your ability to analyze a situation with your practical form of logic. And you can get quite uncomfortable when your thought process is not performing up to your required level of efficiency. Today may be cause for some concern, for your brain is picking up a radio station that you don't usually hear. The thoughts that are now playing in your mind sound familiar in a strange way. And, no matter how hard you try, you cannot tune out this station. This, needless to say, makes you uneasy. Don't waste energy trying to figure it out. Just listen and learn.

have you ever yearn to be loved, to be taken care of, to be showered with much care and concern?
have you ever wish to be given gifts, to have someone there for you whenever you need, to be pampered with pleasant words?
have you ever wonder why are you willing to give up something or someone for another? to have to make choices, doesn't matter right or wrong ones..
have you ever hope for someone to treat you like a princess, to spoil you yet dowsn't leave you?
want to have a shoulder for you to cry on, someone for you to be childih to at times, to be unreasonable and wicked sometimes, yet that person believes you no matter wat, dun mind wat you did?
want to find someone whereby list of positive characteristics is inexhaustive?
dream on ar... how to find someone like that?
bottom line, i do wish to be pampered and spoilt.. just once is enough.. haven't really 'taste' how is it like to have someone like that for me.. jus someone.. doesn't have to be bf i think.. jus someone.. who puts up with my nonsense just his once.. *hur~* sounds desperate? no... i need an escape route.. since my original route was exposed.. damn..

monday blues.. i dun haf them today... yeah! though i was abit put off by the everlasting rain.. cant make my way to school for my discussion.. nonetheless i completed my mgt accounting tutorial! which is like so so rare.. a sense of accomplishment sets in... *victory sign* but then monday oso means i gotta cook dinner!!! arh.. dunno wat to cook.. just opened my fridge and find almost nothing to cook.. so means gotta make a trip down to the supermarket.. but the rain hasn't stop!! *grumbles*

5 march 2003 friday
Virgo(August 23 - September 22)
Your love life is about to take a turn for the better. Both the Moon and Venus are giving you harmonious support now, so it's a good idea to make the most of it. You might feel more adventurous in love, but you'll do it in your typically cautious Virgo manner. This isn't about moving to fast; it's about being open to love and moving at just the right speed. You are more emotional than usual, but in practical kind of way. Trust your feelings -- even if they are still in flux.

wanna blog cos sth happened today.. was having my finance tutorial when it started to rain.. initially wanted to get my ass home before gg out again to meet up with 86 friends for dinner.. so my plan can't be followed through due to the irritating rain.. so i went to the computer lab rot awhile.. occassionally looking out of the window to see if the rain has stopped.. to my dismay, it only got heavier *sulk*

finally, i couldn't take it any longer cos i wanna go home! *boohoo* decided to jus try my luck to see if i meet anyone i noe who happens to carry an umbrella. again, no, i din meet anyone i know.. jus as i was prepared to walk in the rain to the bstp outside sch.. the rain stopped.. so darn freaky!!! was mumbling to myself it better not rain til i reach the bstp.. better still, til i reach home.. so i walk fast fast to the bstp.. on my way, abt halfway lar.. saw this huge lightning in front of me!!! okieokie.. not exactly in front of me but close enough to scare the hell out of me.. together with the deafening thunder.. wah biangz! so close i can see the tiny tiny 'roots' from the main lightning.. *argh* at the same point of time a flock of birds flew away from a tree suddenly.. think they kena scared by the lightning and thunder oso.. *hur~*

and so to continue.. it started to drizzle when i reach the bstp!!! wow.. perhaps there's really someone up there listening to my mumbles.. *fwah* then when i reach my bstp.. the rain stopped again!!!!! so i walked the little distance to my lift and pressed arrow 'up'.. usually only one of the two lifts come down lar but this time both came down.. i took the left side lift cos nearer to my flat lar.. so the lift door opened, nobody inside.. i stpped in, ready to press the button for 12 floor.. to my horror, the 12th storey button was already lit.. who the hell pressed it? *scratch head* was totally freaked out by all these events that happened within a short span of about an hour.. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... *shudders*