i'm not happy.. not happy at all.. in fact.. i'm pissed.. for whatever reasons..

i already told you i'm playing..
yeah i know.. i told you i'm cheonging, i told you i'm ktving til 3/4am but you'll stil not be happy rite? i know the revenge is rather impt in your case from what i see the other day. great.. so i have no reason to be unhappy..

i can't go home..
alright.. it sounds abit ridiculous but i'll give it a pass.. since it's not you at all to refuse or walk away.. it's not you to say no. it's not me to stay home on wed nites, it's not me to insist on gg home after ktv instead of staying til morning.. but i did. cos everything i do now there's another person to consider.. and the person is you..

you.. and it's not a politically rite ans..
mahjong or me? you or me? tell me it's me when you are playing.. yeah. lose money so must continue playing.. i have nothing to say. another reason to my being unreasonable to be unhappy..

fine.. i wont play..
you are unhappy.. you are exasperated.. i am too. to tell the truth i din think you'll stop playing.. so i din take tt msg seriously.. if i apply this to you as a person, mayb there won't be so much unhappiness? i don't know..

i know. i'll never understand cos i'm a FEMALE.. it's the last week you can play so you should play. applying the theory of balance, i should play too.. did i get it right this time?

there are things silently put aside or away for the fear of guilt and pressure. don't understand? since i have to sms 'call me' to receive one from you.. i'm unhappy. i'm afraid you'll be unhappy so i did not club, i did not spend like nobody's business.. i want to be with you on xmas eve so i gave all the gatherings a miss.. no matter how much you ask me to enjoy myself, to go, i know you'll be unhappy so i stayed.. and seriously i was not bored.

yeah, it's your life la.. i can't and am not supposed to interfere.. it's not easy to meet a person who can make me change for the better. now i'm starting to think twice..

i've had enough. there's no reason to be unhappy ain't it so? as you wish..

i'm still unhappy though i've ranted.. i don't feel good at all.. my heart aches.. and you are the first one to make it ache so bad..

school's starting soon.. all the more i treasure the times.. and maybe want more of it.. not good? not healthy? maybe..

selfish bitch..

i din want to disappear but i din know what to say.. and i was too stubborn to agree with your words.. and it din really matter anymore mayb? i can stil go anywhere i wan to.. do whatever i wan alone.. it's supposed to be better this way ain't it? aiya whateva la.. i dunno..

we're ultimately different. i can't be a guy.. neither can you be a ger..

i heard what she says and what he says.. there's sure alot of work to be done for them.. hope they can sort it out.. their stories can be scary at times.. *phew*

drink smoke gamble flirt.. every single guy sure does one of the four.. i give up..

it's always nice to meet up with old friends.. he sounds happier to me.. with those interesting experiences in camp.. glad that he has much more to share now.. hee.. i won't forget my treat.. you know you know??

aiyo but somehow i feel he'll somehow find a way to not do it.. haiz.. hope not ba..

today's trip to taka for dim sum's abit dreading.. the bus ride's super duper long!! i know i like bus rides.. but not when it's stuck in orchard for abt half hour!! in the middle of the day somemore!! haiz.. stupid trafic!!!

gg out with him and fren is okie.. quite entertaining.. or is it i'm 'laughy' today? ha.. just a little off tho.. i dunno how to explain.. but i sure enjoyed the company..

i met a quite fucked up guy today.. on the bus on my way home..

you know sometimes it feels kind of irritating when you feel the body heat from the person next to you especially from the arms and thighs?

i felt that way just now.. so i moved inwards towards the windows.. so that the contact is minimised..

less than 3 mins later his arm is in contact with mine again.. thighs too.. *pui!*

so i figited, you know, the kind of trying-to-show-you-are-unhappy-and wants-more-space-no-contact actions.. i even stared and diaoed him.. he responded by adjusting his position a little..

but once again the same thing happened after less than 3 mins.. fuck it! i'm like literally glued to the windows le.. for goodness sake the guy's pretty scrawny so there's no reason he's too big sized for the seat..

so i'm pissed off though he may not do it on purpose.. i said "can you fucking please sit properly?" without the 'fucking'..

then i called my dear and chat on the phone.. then the guy went off..

this is not the first time i met such fucking idiots and i SERIOUSLY hate them.. bastards..

day dreaming can sometimes be intriguing..

despite the slump it brings to realise our mundane life..

i want my condo, bmw, super kitchen with full set utensils..
i want my ass to become smaller my hair to grow thicker..
i want my holiday villa with a fantastic sea view..
i want my own family, a capable husband, hunky son and drop dead gorgeous daughter..

*slap* wake up...

my favourite day of the year is here! hee..

my dear became my part time maid today..
i'm touched.. *winkz*
i can't say enough.. love ya!

it's a blessing to be able to depend on someone..

while i'm still remorseful over the loss of smses in my nokia hp due to my stupidity on wed nite.. hur~

i'm pretty disturbed by what happened..

why is the person i see not you when i open the door?
why is he the one bringing me vcds for my grandma?
why is he the one who visited me when i'm not feeling well?
why is he the one who would look for me no matter what time and where he is as long as i want to?
why did he give up so many things just for me?
he did all the things i'd loved you to though i did not expect them from you..

so is it his fault? maybe without him i will not be disturbed.. just a teeny weeny bit disappointed?

influence? maybe.. even my pr sch buddy asked 'you not feeling well, where is he?'
when i asked where was he when his girl fall sick, 'walau.. of cos go find her la! then see how go see doc or jus take care of her..'
okie, i have nothing to say.. even more so when he offered to visit me and get me something light to eat..

which brings me to a point.. i feel so loved by my friends.. my girls are there whenever i'm happy or sad, when i'm overwhelmed with complaints or excitement.. i'm sure jasc and qian will be ALWAYS there.. yihui will always be my last buffer.. wanz who shared some memorable times with me in sajc.. jing eveready for little chats and dvds.. sharing her talent with us.. bin never refuses to lend a helping hand..
sean da pig for me to talk to, listen to, scream at, beat or bite, cry and whine to.. even if he don't mean it, the little gestures are much appreciated.. ah bing's ever such a nice senior to talk to about everything.. my sisters gouweewee and matt since almost 10 years ago.. not forgetting my good son for being my chauffuer without second thoughts.. and my brother in australia with his frequent regards..

am blessed with my beloved.. i should be contented.. thou shall compromise.. x_x

haiz, maybe it's just me eh.. i'm sick of jioing ppl out le.. as in you know.. that kind of og or class gathering..

it feels i'm not appreciated at all..

'so who's gg? huh, these ppl not very fun ba, can't get other ppl then i reconsider le wor..'

great.. go ahead la.. cancel it.. you go tell the rest they are not fun enough.. i counldn't care less..

i'll most prob get immune to tis kind of rubbish? oh. so is that your plot? bitch..

it's only a thin line between being nice and rude..

ppl who really know me knows i hate being 'pang sehed' especially last minute..

and you jolly well stay away from me when you repeat this more than 3 times..

i don't care what your boy is trying to do to stop you from going clubbing with us. if you know he WON'T let you go in the first place then don't ask me to jio my friends and telling me 'oh, i don't think i'm gg le, actually i'm glad he don't let me go'..

yes.. you are glad.. i don't care.. just don't do this last minute thing again.. i donno how much more of this i can take..