to my friends out there who are frustrated or bewildered or whateva cos i seem to haf disappeared or became hostile the past weekend, i'm sorry.. either i deliberately, accidentally, unknowingly, subconsciously.. or abit of all... my hp was either not with me or in silent silent mode.. not even vibration.. the tranquility won much of my adoration.. to not haf to answer a single call or reply a single sms can be a blessing as well..

nobody can find you..
nobody can ask you for opinions or get answers..
nobody can irritate you with their persistence..
to be perfectly done with a pinch of egotism..
or efficiently with a serving of can't-be-bothered attitude since no one's perfect..

gor.. i'm fine here.. once in a while loves to coop myself up in my room with jus a book or magazine.. read them til my eyes are tired then close them to rest.. thinking about the things that i've done, doing and going to do.. abit like soul searching you can say.. why have i become like that i hope to fully grasp the reasons but with my according-to-you puny or non-existent brain perhaps it will not be easy.. my exams have ended and i'm relieved.. tho i'm almost 100% sure i won do well this semester.. nevertheless i've one less worries now.. as for family, sis's getting on fine.. grades are improving slowly but steadily.. parents still the same since u last heard.. am living off my grandparents and aunts.. yep.. would love to go out and party and shop like nobody's business but no mood as yet.. hope ya doing fine..

i guess if i were to take the personality test again.. i may end up to be more introverted than before.. don seem to be as energetic anymore.. but then i'm still appreciative of friends who are always there.. like he said.. time spent together don't make a friendship last, rather being there at the rite time does.. hee, does it mean being there at the wrong time does the opposite? *nvm* sort of miss the sarcastic and vocab-churning exchange of trying-to-make-sense words.. don mind me.. random thoughts here..

if it wasn't the incessant pleadings..
if not for the earliest notice given..
if not for the old times' sake..
i shouldn't have obliged..
but then again.. it's simply cos of remaining affection perhaps..
i don't wish ur ego to be washed down the drains..
u jolly well understood i did not wish for more..
i just want you to noe i'm not one to be taken for granted for..
at least not totally..

i need comments about this one.. am i too demanding? when it comes to bgr, i thought i am easily contented.. *scratches head* or is it just me? haha.. no, not sad.. just abit puzzled.. is it too much to leave when you know the neglect may not be personal faults?

anyhow, i'll be in sentosa for the next 2 days.. chalet!!!!!!!!!!!!

i simply love my neighbours!!!!! just earlier today they gave me the may issue of Her World Magazine as well as the Ultimate cookbook of Tomatoes!! aren't they great? not to mention i've been receiving ELLE, Cleo and FHM magazines from them every now and then.. good source of entertainment especially after exams.. wow... i hope the supply doesn't stop! hee...

yesterday, or early morning today, chatted with a few friends online.. especially enjoyed the conversation with a new found friend zhisheng from social work class this semester.. jus so happens he noes ah bing and someone i heard from jasc and yongling is a real nice guy.. okie, i noe s'pore's a small small place.. it's been quite awhile since i get this kind of intellectually stimulating conversations.. it's good food for the brain as i've mentioned, but to be taken in moderation to prevent unecessary thinking and worrying over stuff.. initially thought i'd giv the impression of being too inquisitive.. u noe me, owas full of questions and smtimes the words jus come out without any brain processing.. hurm.. but turn out we chatted til abt 2am? if my memory doesn't fail me.. nice person to talk to.. *snilez*

rite, this is gg reverse chronological order.. watched ami yesterday and was surprised that jennifer hudson's out! i thought john stevens was gg to be eliminated.. oh well, this kind of thing's so unexpected.. i still love latoya london and jasmine trias anyway...

had dinner with ian and binjuan at Wheelock Place's Big O before ami.. yes! haven seen binjuan for such a long time! she's definitely blooming well! chatted abit here and there.. could haf gone 'deeper' in a way but oh well, the atmosphere wasn't that suitable then.. nvm.. hope she'll get into the course she's applied for.. i'll look forward to seeing her soon! oh yes.. the food at Big O's pretty expensive.. the portion's barely enuff to fill half my stomach.. but the desserts are great! hee.. yep..

even before this, had lunch buffet at sake sushi with jasc and yongling.. they jus had their first exam paper (accounting) then woke me up with their calls asking me go makan.. jasc's a steady driver i must say.. and she's parking queen!!!! hiakz.. okie.. back to the food.. we sat in sake sushui from 3pm rite up to 6pm for the student buffet.. i'm jus a glutton... eating for practically the whole day.. hee! jap food's good! but i din get to taste my favourite sashimi.. oh well.. soon soon!

interesting note of the day.. while jasc was tearing parking coupons, me and yongling were standing by the road.. dunno wat's the name of the road but it sure is an iteresting stretch! saw a grey beetle car and a off-white beetle car, a cutely-shaped golden tibs taxi.. a funny-looking(but according to yongling it's nice) jarguar.. all of which i've never seen before.. saw michelle sarem talking on hp outside wheelock.. my my, she's so slim and toned! haha... i sound abit sua ku here wor.. *hehe*

new resolution: to meet up with friends i haven seen for a long long time..

Aimless freedom

the dreaded exams are finally over, though ending with such a difficult management accounting paper.. a heavy load off my shoulder, hence feeling floating.. hee.. but then again, the aimless feeling is here again.. nvm, i'll treat it as recuperating from the drained brained cells, tho i've not much to start with...

so after my last paper at 3pm, i came home to interact with my computer.. i haven been fully utilizing it for entertainment purposes for some time.. so, other than updating and adding some features to my blog, i checked my emails, friendster, chat with friends on icq and msn at the same time..

a note to my so considered boring after-exam activity jus sitting in front of the monitor and get fat.. i was happily adding the cute little icons to the headings on the left.. when i was 99% done with the 'masterpiece' i cleverly/accidentally/watsoeva clicked on the 'clear edits' button! so my hours of work looking for pictures and icons were wasted.. i had to do it all over again.. which explains why i'm still here during this time of the day.. nevertheless a mild sense of satisfaction was my credit for hurting my wrists, eyes and back..

Take the ICQuiz!

keLLy's wEddiNg diNNeR

the first ever fren's wedding dinner i attended.. at Excelsior Hotel River City Restaurant.. the surge of excitement, perplexity and joyfulness accompanied me on this saturday evening.. a breaki from the half week non-stop mugging for exams.. to paint my nails, decide what to wear, dolling up for thedinner hehz..

met up with yonghui at city hall mrt station before proceeding to the hotel, it was a joyous occasion! sat together with fellow qifa friends and sajc friends.. yonghui lexian & bf yvette & bf shuhui kok siong huixin and me.. realised that i wan the only one at the table who known the bride since p1.. not that i'm close to her but we've since kept in touch through annual new yr, bday and xmas greetings via snail mail.. it was a simple and pleasant friendship.. i was overwhelmed when i received the news of her marriage.. never would i have expected her out of so many other friends to be the first to settle down! was wondering why would she wan to get married so soon at the age of 20? wasn't she in nus arts?

my doubts were cleared of course.. she applied for deferment of studies for a year.. known her husband for 4 yrs and decided to settle down.. wow.. am very glad that she's so happy and in bliss now..

no, her wedding celebration did not inspire me to take this path.. not yet at least.. hehz.. there's still so many things i want to do, have to do, need to do.. erm.. most importantly.. he's not here yet.. harhar!

rite.. back to mugging..

oops... my hands are so itchy.. so i changed my layout again.. hurm... can somehow reflect how one is thinking eh.. after exams will expand on this webby.. link it to my homepage soon.. hee.. quite fun la.. to jus sit in front of the comp and figure out writing codes for websites..

a few more days to the start of exams and i don really feel anxious or least bit worried about it.. rather contrasting to the previous semester when i was busy mugging for it a week and a half before the exams.. can's explain this phenomenom but hopes things get better.. the lazy worms infesting my physical and mental being must be rid of asap.. immediately in fact.. hur~

went to expo for the mph book fair last saturday evening.. walked around quite abit most of the time head hung low.. (cos the books were all piled on the floor).. looking for books that catch my attention.. this year's stock was reduced.. not many books to search from.. bought 6 books costing me $30 bucks.. will haf a good time reading them man.. the book i'm currently reading the favours and fortunes of katie castle is 1 of the 6 i bought.. *smilez*

...pms is a good avenue to blame many things on.. temperamental, mood swings, laziness, procrastination, wateva u name it, they can be due to pms.. but it comes to a point where a line has to be drawn for taking pms for granted.. if there indeed exist present and post menstrual syndrome other than the proven pre menstrual syndrome, go ahead and claim that my outburst or abnormality of personality is the consequence of pms.. you save a dollar each day, u get a substantial amt in the future.. you travel a metre everyday, u'd cover a mile in time.. you collect each grain of sand and u get a heap of sand soon.. you tolerate something or someone.. u erupt with anger when things prolong or get out of hands..

even if the time of eruption may be caused by 'nature', it still erupted.. before blaming on other things or ppl.. why not count the number of times history repeated itself? if it wasn't a repeated doing, would it even haf erupted the last time when it was not personal faults? true, you can be used to the procrastination and abnormal punctuality.. but it does not mean you can take it for granted.. many times the urge of leaving or even slapping you rises.. but of cos i think it wasn't right to do so.. suppressed frustration can be fatal.. in the sense that trust can be lost.. i just dunno when.. obviously i don wish that to happen..

ranting to other ppl can assist in cooling myself down when impatience got the better of me during the waiting time (that includes vulgarities in addresses).. so i did.. i wouldn't want a burst blood vessel jus cos of waiting for you.. it wasn't the first time i ranted to him.. but it was the first time after a long long long time.. when i was waiting at the bstp.. i was thinking u could haf at least told me u gg to bathe, or u jus bathed.. or u haven leave house instead of leaving me to rush out since i was 15mins late only to end up waitiing for half hr b4 u said u were jus leaving house after i miss call u twice.. come to think of it.. i was glad i overslept on one of the days when we wanted to go study.. call me selfish or wat.. i really dunno how i'd haf reacted if i reached harbor front on time.. or earlier..

as for saturday.. i told ya if u don wan to go i'd go with my cousin.. like i said it may not be totally ur fault but i was pissed cos i could've asked my cousin along if this should happen. since u decide to go, my cousin said i'd haf company, she'll go on sunday.. end up i went alone to expo to buy my books.. plus i was damn tired.. din really sleep as well so i din think it was a gd excuse.. to say you want to meet and then not turning up except to come after i've bought the books.. u think one sorry can clear all stuff? hurm.. like i said, if it was the first time things happen, i wun be so angry.. jus tot i should say it all out..

it really isn't good feeling to haf to wait for someone.. the same person over and over again.. i can be used to ur laziness but i guess you should wake up ur idea as well.. it should occur to you that if when nobody bothers to be angry with ya that's the end man.. it gets extremely frustrating when ur actions dun speak of ur words.. well, perhaps you adopted the theory 'they are words only'.. i dunno.. i'm on the verge of giving up.. i still haf the strength to help but i jus dunno when i'll giv up.. i guess some things i mention will upset yo i'm seriously not sure.. how can i be sure of anything when you dun even put in the actions to prove it? how can i be sure of anything when i cant even know when you'll be punctual? one of the most basic value.. *shrugs*

i'm not saint, i make mistakes too.. i try to correct them and i mean it.. do you?