the weather these days is killing me.. it feels like i'm living in an oven.. ice cream, cold drinks.. here i come!!!!

woke up real early this morning (9am is early for me).. sweat the hell out of me sweeping mopping washing and cooking.. before getting a bath.. barely 10 mins after my bath, i started perspiring!!! yes yes, my place's not equipped with air conditioner.. except the removable type in my study which the coolant malfunctions occassionally..

anyhow that's besides the point.. i cooked lunch for us today! so happy.. haven't done so in ages.. only prepared breakfast every mondays when we have the same class.. so yep! i'm so happy today cos i get to cook for him!! haha.. argh! i forgot to take a picture of our lunch! chicken cutlet, a little spicy potato wedges (i mentioned spicy cos i made the effort to buy chilli powder despite the scorching heat ha), noodles with mushroom, chilli bits, lemon grind and a little coriander leaves (cos i just wan it to be colorful haha).. was so worried he dun like it that i forgot to ask him how was it till he got home hehz.. he said it was nice cos i cooked it.. i'm not sure if i like that answer (alright i know i missed the garlic).. but nvm la! even if it taste like shite he'll still hav to eat it! *evil laughter* think it'll be more fun if we can cook together! ( i remember my herbal chicken and twister fries).. muahahahahaha...

alright.. lost my momentum for studying.. plus the stupid weather.. one more to go! and i'll be officially jobless.. haiz.. but then again i get to party with my gals!! muahaha...

something caught my attention while watching desperate housewives..

".. someday we all have to become responsible adults, and the ones who know this best is none other than the young.."

intriguing.. just wondering how much truth there is in it.. hee..

i'm not sure i want to acknowledge this.. then again are we free from it? do we really have freedom considering this?

walking down crossroads, making decisions.. i have made many wrong decisions.. alongside right ones.. wait a minute.. who decides what is the right decisions? perhaps it doesn't matter.. as long as there's no regret..

that is the problem.. i'm not even sure whether i regret my decisions.. some ppl affirms they have no regrets so far. that's good to hear.. some ponder what is regret all abt? what is it actually. funny, that's for them to find out eh..

when i do regret decisions, what do i do? reconcile? move on? this is easy. depends on situation.. but i think most of the time other than wallowing in self pity, i can only move on. i dunno, maybe that's a BIG lesson in life yeah? MOVE ON.. it appears that i have accomplished it.. but have i? that's the question..

".. ppl only believe what they see, what appears to be.." (swordfish)

there's a chinese idiom saying thinking about the past to guide you in the future.. so i gathered the difference is what you make use of them.. to protect yourself from falling, to have the courage to try, to shun away from opportunities, whatever..

this is madness, i seem to be sidetracking alot..

i'm trying to justify my thoughts.. asking myself have i made the right decision, is this what i want.. probably to the extent that i'm afraid of what will happen..

hopefully in time when i look back to this post, i would have the answers.. *smiles*

back to revision.. exam tmr morning!! *gosh*

only one out of my five papers down.. and i can't wait to go mambo with da gang on 4 may.. i dislike exams.. cramming all the stuff into my head and then go to the exam hall throw everything out.. alright, some stress on application.. putting theories into use in situations.. whatever.. 2 hours of testing justifies whether you are good with something.. this is bullshit.. then after this big hoohaa over grading and CAP score, you can almost forget what you learnt totally..

damn.. i've got much thoughts a moment ago.. now i'm suffering from literacy constipation.. now let me try.. most prob it's going to be random.. i vacuumed and mopped the floor again.. dunno why.. something i'll do during reading week each semester without fail.. either pack my wardrobe, scrub toilet, reorganize stuff, wash things, do housework.. a form of relieving stress? i guess so. my sister told me to get stressed more often so she can steer clear of sharing housework.. i almost strangled her.

a few days back i was with my sis at jurong point.. on our way back she asked if i like babies.. i nod my head.. memories of bathing my sis, feeding her, bringing her out, carrying her, playing with her, teaching her came back.. nevertheless scenes of quarrels, having to change her diapers, toilet train her, scolding her for 'coloring' my assignments were as vivid.. so i told her maybe i don't like babies that much.. she said she couldn't stand babies, if she were to take care of one, that baby would most probably suffer.. i laughed and said our mum should have another child and let her go through what i've gone through.. i never dislike any bit of it.. (erm, maybe only the part when my front teeth was slapped out of my mouth when my mum had post natal depression).. it was one hell of an experience taking care of a baby.. especially when there's no maid and both parents were working.. i learned alot.. perhaps she helped me become what i am today? i dunno.. i think i like babies.. i want to become a mother.. too early to say? maybe.. but this thought has been with me for long..

and you know the thing is when you think about children you start to link it to family, marriage, future, money, blablabla.. etc.. dream big dreams.. someone says.. but i guess i'm not like that.. unless being idealistic to have a simple family means dreaming big.. it's nice to be rich and important.. but i guess it's important to be nice too.. to be contented and HAPPY.. take things as it comes you may think.. that's the only choice i have i thought.. will my ideals be influenced and changed? or will they be the souce of differing paths eventually? the answer is.. too early to say!

now.. i need to be resting and look forward to aftrer exams!!! mAmBo~~~~~~~

曾 根 深 蒂 固 的 愛 ----- 被 任 性 判 了 有 期 徒 刑 。
曾 心 力 交 瘁 的 怨 ----- 讓 時 間 漸 漸 撫 平 。
可 若 有 似 無 的 枷 鎖 ----- 鑰 匙 失 于 大 海 。
而 須 臾 間 的 感 慨 ----- 經 筆 墨 成 了 文 采 。
無 奈 。 哀 嘆 。 隨 微 風 淡 散 。 。 。

well, i just needed to vent my er.. whatever feelings those are.. now back to my readings..

by the way if you cant read it.. go option view, then encoding and choose UTF-8.. should be able to work..

He made me cry again..

But i still love him..

And i know he still loves me..

By the way, my tuition kid gave me one hell of a time today.. he refuses to learn his spelling and i can't leave! then i had to wait for my pay.. reached home after 10pm!!! thought i'll miss first part of my desperate housewives.. ha thanks to all the hoohaa about casinos in Singapore.. the show started late! just when i reached home.. *hiakz*

Went for an interview with HWZ this afternoon.. can't believe the address the school career website gave is wrong!!! supposed to be Blk 20.. the one school gave was 2D! what the ****, so in the end, i was late for the interview and i got lost in the 'correct' building.. worst still.. it was raining la! urgh.. anyhow.. the interview was okie la.. it was a nice chat with her.. about bizad and all.. haha.. challenging and interesting job scope.. but may not get it la.. i mean, i wasn't the only one she interviewed.. already lucky enough to be one of the 5 she picked to meet.. *smilez* a pleasant experience (minus the rain and getting lost) overall i would say.. i woulnd't mind if i wasn't chosen.. maybe i would only feel the pain if the monetary reward was higher than $600.. hehz..

I fell in love with the nOda shoes (white base pink stripes).. just bought one pair from there (white and green base, red and orange stripes).. so tempted to buy the other one so i can get nOda membership that last for 3 years but you see, i'm financially challenged.. i swear i'm going back there to grab that pair.. hope it'll still be there!