pardon me for vulgarities and the occasional spelling errors.. it's definitely a challenge to typr this while i'm crying right after i woke up.. vulgarities aren't meant to be disrespetful in this entry, neither they're direted towards you.. jus an indication of how upset i am..

for those who know, anger-and-upset driven tears plus choice of words plus spices of vulgarities show's severity of situation.. OBVIOUSLY you don't have the fucking knowledge..

i said i apologise for hanging up.. and subsequently jus a few minutes earlier your hanging up helps ALOT. thanks for that man.. you know i dunno what's wrong today but i have to be blamed for being harsh throughout the day.. when there wasn't even a teeny weeny slice of my intention doing so! you just have to assume and feel that i'm harsh towards you.. hello mister, could you have taken it too personally? i admit there're many questions harboring in my brain when i read through draft 1 of your report and thus bringing them up during the discussion.
"So how to expand, increase the number of sentences?" you asked.. i gave you an example for introducing the question asked in the survey and mentioned you shouldn't use the same standard format.. overusing the same 'pattern' makes the reading boring.. so you asked further so how to expand further since can't use the same throughout? and yes i got stuck.. i'm not supposed to be well-versed in you part of the report alright and ok, if you think ONE example and following examples other members given is not enough to struck off your train of thoughts for subsequent ideas, i'll do it then! which i eventually did ask you to send it over and i'll add in the expansion. no problem with this? hah! you see when you are given the responsibility or taken the responsibility in writing that part of the report, you try to improve it with the suggestion of others. sometimes it's up to you own disgression to digest and from there come up with other ideas or sentences in this case. if i have to tell you word for word what to write i might as well do it myself right which i'm gg to do anyhow in my failure to give you MORE eamples. i was trying to tell how weird i feel towards the way you present in draft one and mind you.. i was targeting at the draft.. and you have to assume i was harsh to YOU and so you shut up.. by the way, my "aiyo i wan to 'boot' you" was meant to bring in a lighter note to the heavy discussion.. if you have to think otherwise, i'm sorry.. i was just wondering if you ever put yourself in my shoes.. if you fucking hell try to be the editor of the report you may get what i mean.. you edit and change too much, ppl unhappy, start to think if there's anything wrong with their ability.. this is considered minor in the school cntext.. try doing this in the business world.. let me repeat myself.. I HAVE NO ANY INTENTION WHATSOEVER TO BE HARSH TOWARDS YOU!!!

and if this doesn't help.. so the assumptin here by you is i fucking continue to be harsh during lunch.. you FEEL i was harsh cos of my tone.. okie i apologise once again for SOUNDING harsh to you when i meant what i said to be kidding.. when i asked why are you ignoring me you replied with a what? and gosh you should look into a mirror then.. what kind of attitude are you trying to show me? your 'what?' and a black face justifies you unhappiness but doest it justify how i feel then? so you said you are angry so you shut up.. okie.. and a few minutes ago you are the one to tell me not to shut up when there's a problem.. bring it up and talk about it.. *applause* for you nobility in facing this kind of situations.. another thing.. so you mean when you piss me off and later tried talking to me but i ignore you.. you've already done something and there's NOTHING else you can do? so let me try to decipher.. are you trying to say when you are angry and shut up, i should shut up. then later on you are okie and tried talking to me i should accept it and start talking to you? wow.. now i know how to be a better girlfriend thanks..

have you considered your tone when you pose questions to me during the discussion? well, you said it's the way i deliver my views that i sound harsh.. okie i'll look into that character flaw. and lt me tell you your tone wasn't one of righteousness and responsibility.. gives me the idea that you are not really serious about writing the report.. okie fine.. bizcom isn't a module you like at all and i should brush that off since i'm supposed to KNOW you.. i did brush your attitude off for that matter anyway.. and have i mention this before? wasn't the issue about what happened in the afternoon? why fucking bring what happened in the morning in as well? to justify I AM HARSH TO YOU ACCORDING TO UR ASSUMPTION and mind you.. it's your ASSUMPTION?

'hate' is a very harsh word to use.. let me explain the reason behind my choice.. instead of seeing it as an indication of how mad i was at your attitude, you chose to blame me for being harsh and showing you the attitude.. hey it's your brain and i fucking has no control over it.. so should i apologise for the way your brain thinks? i do apologise in any case and i mean it..

which brings me to another point. what do you mean by "okie lo, like that then it's my fault lo, then what you want me to do? ok, sorry lo".. standing ovation for your courageous apology i must say.. and IT IS THIS THAT HURTS ME THE MOST.. this is not the first time and seems like you haven't register it into your head.. when you don't mean it, say sorry for fuck?

it's a small matter? so you don't want to talk about it anymore? alright.. if you wish.. like i said one word from you and i'll never ever niao you, scold you, appear to be harsh.. though it's a trivial matter it shows alot.. seriously you give me the idea there's no need to reason this out when your assumption is so strong and so wrong..

the notion that i'm harsh towards you the whole of today and that i'm the one who's giving the attitude is very strong.. go ahead and scold me for typing this entry or more importantly publish this entry.. i'm supposed to shut up according to you when you are angry.. or did you mention bringing it up? *confused* am i trying to show everyone you are bad? Bullshit.. it's to show how upset i am feeling right now and dunno how fucking long ahead..

hmmm, i shall let my anger rest with the end of tis entry.. and i shall be happy again. *cross fingers*

this is so ironic, i've never seen such a big contrast between 2 recent posts before.. *shrugs*

so happy today!! had post v-day dinner @ soup restaurant in suntec.. and gosh! we're really pigs! ate so much food!! the samsui chicken's great!! and the prawns!! and the soup!! see the effect? the happy food made me so hyper! just look at the receipt and you'll know how pig we're!!!




finally get to give my dear his pressie!! i was afraid he'll be unhappy when he knew what i got for him.. but hey! he's touched! haha.. and all the troubles are so so worth it.. *hugz*
did a cross-stitch (rite, girls always do this i know) and bought muvo slim for him! anyhow, the mp3 player pouch's so cool i think i like it more than the player itself! haha.. and yeah. i'm so gotta save up.. i dun care i wanna say this.. u happy=i happy! luv ya so much!

i'm happily surprised this afternoon.. just woke up since i only slept this morning, someone pressed the doorbell looking for me.. turn out he's a delivery man la.. so yeah i signed the receipt for flowers and cute bear bear.. abit paiseh la.. cos my parents at home.. though it's not my first time receiving flowers.. it's my first 'big' bouquet from him anyhow.. i'd be surprisingly happy if he had not hinted la.. but hey! i'm still happy! haha.. delighted! *grinz*





now i owe delvin a drink from bizad canteen..

back to my readings.. gosh.. i still hate them!

happy lunar new year!!!
well, the excitement of new year visiting seems to be negatively correlated to age.. hur~

i used to look forward to cny eve so i get my half day off, get to visit my pr school.. then the steamboat reunion dinner with my relatives..
now the cny mood's not so strong anymore.. i don't go to chinatown for last minute shopping, don't watch cny countdown programmes.. and for the first time in my life, my 'chu yi' is spent at home sleeping eating and watching tv..

nevertheless i still very much like the family gatherings every 'chu er'.. my father's 12 siblings take turns to hold the cny gathering.. and this year's my fifth uncle's turn.. so yeah.. went to his new place.. 2 words.. damn rich.. haha.. 1 house 2 cars 3 storeys 4 neighbours along the same stretch 5 family members 6 toilets.. ktv cum movie room, 3 mahjong tables, 1 'ban luck' table.. 1 'si4 se4 pai2' table.. and 1 table for those who wan to mai3 da4 xiao3.. the dice thingy la.. i dunno wat is it called.. gosh.. preactically a gambling den!!

met some of my cousins i haven seen for years.. cousin bb came back from hk with her 3 children!!! my my.. and i finally get to see my 'mac nugget' cousin's son!! so adorable!
oh ya.. also received the news another of my closer cousin yr getting married next month! never expect her to settle down so early.. she's 22.. happy for her la.. =)

met many of my cousins' partner as well.. haha, well, had fun chatting and teasing them la.. still remember me and yh used to 'kaypo' the relationships of older cousins.. and now? it's our turn to be 'kaypoed' i guess? yh's 6 mths pregnant, everyone asking her how it feels, boy or girl.. blablabla.. and almost everyone keep asking me where's my bf, why never bring him, where is he, blablabla.. aiyoyo.. shang1 nao3 jing1 ar! the moment i step into the house, my fifth aunt ask, "eh, your bf why never come ar?" then later on yh said, "bf must know how to play mahjong hor!".. then cousin jf said, "ask him come now la! can play mahjong with us!" worst still.. some ask me when is it my turn to settle down.. me?!?!?! i haven even graduate okay.. i jus brush it off saying maybe 8 to 10 years later.. haha.. maybe never..

gosh.. i dun mind them asking la.. guess i haven reached the age where they start getting worried if i'll be able to jia4 chu1 qu4.. haha.. diaoonz.. this is what happens when your family has a norm of girls getting married young.. the good thing is i'm not the only one subjected to the 'interrogation'.. hee..

it's fun to catch up with my cousins.. and my so many nieces and nephews are so adorable!! did a head count some time ago.. my paternal relatives numbered near 100.. and now with some pregnant.. soon there'll be more to add!! haha..

ha.. was talking to cousin dm.. realised how blur i was.. the thing with his buddy la.. you know, the kind of i-want-to-date-you-but-you-jio-so-many-ppl-along situation.. i tot i was helping him by asking her! haha guess it's just me.. i'm dense so i don't get the hint.. similar situation happened with zw too.. it's rather hilarious come to think of it.. haha!

enuff with cny.. i had 'pre vday dinner' at marche yesterday! so bloody many ppl.. and gosh! we ate so much i feel like an elephant.. haha.. the salmon's steak's delicious!! and i love strawberry waffle with tiramisu ice cream!! yummy yum yum!! thanks dear.. hahaha.. happy happy food! so sorry don have time to play mahjong wor.. haiz..

reality is cruel? hmmm, absolutely..

i was hit by it just hours ago and i'm very upset..

it's amazing a simple session over coffee reveals this much..

i don't even think i know him anymore.. it's weird.. and i'm sad.. i don't feel good at all..

i want to do something about it but i don't know what to do or how to..

he is important to me and i hate the situation now..

is there really no friends forever?

was on the bus home hours ago.. and suddenly weird thoughts came to my mind.. i can't really tell him what is it..cos he'll be unhappy.. so i guess i can do it here? damn.. he's going to read it anyway huh.. *bites pillow*

i was asking myself.. if there's another guy who's good-looking, rich, romantic, smart and devoted after me now.. will i choose him? the answer's no.. but if this situation happens 5 years later and we're sort of like stagnant.. i think so..

before you start thinking hey i'm a bitch, materialistic.. blablabla.. stop.. don't judge.. don't ever judge when you know nuts about anything.. and don't think you know everything.. cos you simply don't..

do you really think love is enough to substantiate a relationship? a long term relationship?

do relationship actually have different stages?

do you find yourself getting more compromising with each passing day? when you realise many things are not what you want but happens anyway and you compromise cos you love him? you think you can live with that.. you think yeah, a relationship should progress this way.. if you are happy, i have nothing to say. if you are not happy... should you carry on?

i had to make a choice between love and future in my last relationship and i chose the latter.. i did not appreciate a single bit being neglected or taken for granted that i belonged to him though i very much liked the fact he chose to spend on me rather than gambling.. i was once contented with 'living by the day' but soon realise i want security.. now i find the security and i'm afraid i have to give up attention and the element of surprise.. perhaps if i wasn't so educated i won't be such a demanding bitch.. i may jolly well still be in my last relationship..

before you scream at me and say i'm selfish, kindly refer to 3rd paragraph of this entry..

or maybe you think i should just go back to my ex, i can't.. cos he's not the one i love now..

what may be the cause of my desire to settle down early? family trend? perhaps i dislike my family and thus want to start my own to make things right.. i'm so sorry i'm not ambitious in the 'correct' and 'normal' terms.. i feel sick even thinking about the loads i'll have to carry.. independence.. you know how satisfying and comforting it is to be able to depend on someone?

i don't think there's different stages in a relationship.. at least not so distinctively.. if idealism makes me miserable, i'll give up my ability to think..

to ppl who think love is everything.. it's enough to heold anything together, to do anything, congratulations.. stay this way..

for once i did believe.. and regretted the exposure to the real world.. i wished the rabbit fur from the magician's rabbit could go deeper..

you know sometimes i can't stand school cos i hardly find time to blog.. which makes me unhappy.. hur~

haven't spent a whole day in town with the girls for so long le!!! we went shopping(for jasc and qian) and walking for me.. hehz.. i don't feel really bad cos i get to see jasc trying on clothes and give her comments! haha.. the denim short short skirt and white skirt she bought are so nice!!! *phewwweeeet* the small talks were pretty enjoyable too~!

oh and yep, i had a chocolate 'Hero' bun for lunch! it's just beside the shilin taiwan snacks stall in far east level one! pretty tasty.. or is it that i was too hungry? *shrugs*

i think i've start to got this 'thing' for tube dresses.. but i was too lazy to try them on.. anyhow i don't have the money! ha.. and yes shoes!!! i sort of like the 2 pair of white heels i saw in charles and keith.. look so sweet and nice with both jeans and skirt! i shall add it to my list.. but then again i'll become taller than him leh, if i wear them.. urgh~ this is the problem with my height..

oh, which reminds me.. was walking past orchard mrt station when a girl gave me a scare by appearing from behind and started talking to me.. turn out she's a talent scout.. asked me if i am currently modelling with any agency.. if i wanted to join their blablabla (i'm so sorry i wasn't listening to her).. of course i did not accept.. she dun sound or look convincing at all.. hmmm, perhaps she did it on purpose? i mean i'm not a model 'ingredient' la.. perhaps she saw my face and decided to look and sound not convincing.. *lol*

i mean i do feel a little surprised.. it's been months since i was approached.. haha (so bhb).. it kind of feels good.. you know.. that kind of at-least-still-got-ppl-wanna-ask-me-be-model feeling.. proud? maybe a little.. not everyone gets approached more than once right?? *bitch* must be my new levis jeans la.. yeah i love my 593!!! haha.. thanks dear!! though every time i tell you a talent scout approach me you will say they are trying to cheat me.. they are blind.. blablabla..

which reminds me jasc was telling me one of her male friend thinks girls who wear size 27 levis jeans are fat.. well, did i interpret correctly? i suppose the reaction "aiyo, why tt ger wear size 27 wan??" don't sound very approving eh? just because his girlfriend wears size 24 (not forgetting she's small frame and small size) doesn't mean 27 and above are fat right? haha.. i totally disagree.. but i can only say alamak.. i mean even if i can fit size 24, it'll only be long enough for me as a 3-quart yeah? i even find 27 abit short for me! *shakes head* alright.. it's just sad to hear such thing.. there're actually ppl who are so ignorant.. (no offence ar jasc cos he's ur fren)

gosh.. am i old or what? my legs are feeling the aches from all the walking!! &^*($#_!@