i'm not happy.. not happy at all.. in fact.. i'm pissed.. for whatever reasons..

i already told you i'm playing..
yeah i know.. i told you i'm cheonging, i told you i'm ktving til 3/4am but you'll stil not be happy rite? i know the revenge is rather impt in your case from what i see the other day. great.. so i have no reason to be unhappy..

i can't go home..
alright.. it sounds abit ridiculous but i'll give it a pass.. since it's not you at all to refuse or walk away.. it's not you to say no. it's not me to stay home on wed nites, it's not me to insist on gg home after ktv instead of staying til morning.. but i did. cos everything i do now there's another person to consider.. and the person is you..

you.. and it's not a politically rite ans..
mahjong or me? you or me? tell me it's me when you are playing.. yeah. lose money so must continue playing.. i have nothing to say. another reason to my being unreasonable to be unhappy..

fine.. i wont play..
you are unhappy.. you are exasperated.. i am too. to tell the truth i din think you'll stop playing.. so i din take tt msg seriously.. if i apply this to you as a person, mayb there won't be so much unhappiness? i don't know..

i know. i'll never understand cos i'm a FEMALE.. it's the last week you can play so you should play. applying the theory of balance, i should play too.. did i get it right this time?

there are things silently put aside or away for the fear of guilt and pressure. don't understand? since i have to sms 'call me' to receive one from you.. i'm unhappy. i'm afraid you'll be unhappy so i did not club, i did not spend like nobody's business.. i want to be with you on xmas eve so i gave all the gatherings a miss.. no matter how much you ask me to enjoy myself, to go, i know you'll be unhappy so i stayed.. and seriously i was not bored.

yeah, it's your life la.. i can't and am not supposed to interfere.. it's not easy to meet a person who can make me change for the better. now i'm starting to think twice..

i've had enough. there's no reason to be unhappy ain't it so? as you wish..

i'm still unhappy though i've ranted.. i don't feel good at all.. my heart aches.. and you are the first one to make it ache so bad..

school's starting soon.. all the more i treasure the times.. and maybe want more of it.. not good? not healthy? maybe..

selfish bitch..

i din want to disappear but i din know what to say.. and i was too stubborn to agree with your words.. and it din really matter anymore mayb? i can stil go anywhere i wan to.. do whatever i wan alone.. it's supposed to be better this way ain't it? aiya whateva la.. i dunno..

we're ultimately different. i can't be a guy.. neither can you be a ger..

i heard what she says and what he says.. there's sure alot of work to be done for them.. hope they can sort it out.. their stories can be scary at times.. *phew*

drink smoke gamble flirt.. every single guy sure does one of the four.. i give up..

it's always nice to meet up with old friends.. he sounds happier to me.. with those interesting experiences in camp.. glad that he has much more to share now.. hee.. i won't forget my treat.. you know you know??

aiyo but somehow i feel he'll somehow find a way to not do it.. haiz.. hope not ba..

today's trip to taka for dim sum's abit dreading.. the bus ride's super duper long!! i know i like bus rides.. but not when it's stuck in orchard for abt half hour!! in the middle of the day somemore!! haiz.. stupid trafic!!!

gg out with him and fren is okie.. quite entertaining.. or is it i'm 'laughy' today? ha.. just a little off tho.. i dunno how to explain.. but i sure enjoyed the company..

i met a quite fucked up guy today.. on the bus on my way home..

you know sometimes it feels kind of irritating when you feel the body heat from the person next to you especially from the arms and thighs?

i felt that way just now.. so i moved inwards towards the windows.. so that the contact is minimised..

less than 3 mins later his arm is in contact with mine again.. thighs too.. *pui!*

so i figited, you know, the kind of trying-to-show-you-are-unhappy-and wants-more-space-no-contact actions.. i even stared and diaoed him.. he responded by adjusting his position a little..

but once again the same thing happened after less than 3 mins.. fuck it! i'm like literally glued to the windows le.. for goodness sake the guy's pretty scrawny so there's no reason he's too big sized for the seat..

so i'm pissed off though he may not do it on purpose.. i said "can you fucking please sit properly?" without the 'fucking'..

then i called my dear and chat on the phone.. then the guy went off..

this is not the first time i met such fucking idiots and i SERIOUSLY hate them.. bastards..

day dreaming can sometimes be intriguing..

despite the slump it brings to realise our mundane life..

i want my condo, bmw, super kitchen with full set utensils..
i want my ass to become smaller my hair to grow thicker..
i want my holiday villa with a fantastic sea view..
i want my own family, a capable husband, hunky son and drop dead gorgeous daughter..

*slap* wake up...

my favourite day of the year is here! hee..

my dear became my part time maid today..
i'm touched.. *winkz*
i can't say enough.. love ya!

it's a blessing to be able to depend on someone..

while i'm still remorseful over the loss of smses in my nokia hp due to my stupidity on wed nite.. hur~

i'm pretty disturbed by what happened..

why is the person i see not you when i open the door?
why is he the one bringing me vcds for my grandma?
why is he the one who visited me when i'm not feeling well?
why is he the one who would look for me no matter what time and where he is as long as i want to?
why did he give up so many things just for me?
he did all the things i'd loved you to though i did not expect them from you..

so is it his fault? maybe without him i will not be disturbed.. just a teeny weeny bit disappointed?

influence? maybe.. even my pr sch buddy asked 'you not feeling well, where is he?'
when i asked where was he when his girl fall sick, 'walau.. of cos go find her la! then see how go see doc or jus take care of her..'
okie, i have nothing to say.. even more so when he offered to visit me and get me something light to eat..

which brings me to a point.. i feel so loved by my friends.. my girls are there whenever i'm happy or sad, when i'm overwhelmed with complaints or excitement.. i'm sure jasc and qian will be ALWAYS there.. yihui will always be my last buffer.. wanz who shared some memorable times with me in sajc.. jing eveready for little chats and dvds.. sharing her talent with us.. bin never refuses to lend a helping hand..
sean da pig for me to talk to, listen to, scream at, beat or bite, cry and whine to.. even if he don't mean it, the little gestures are much appreciated.. ah bing's ever such a nice senior to talk to about everything.. my sisters gouweewee and matt since almost 10 years ago.. not forgetting my good son for being my chauffuer without second thoughts.. and my brother in australia with his frequent regards..

am blessed with my beloved.. i should be contented.. thou shall compromise.. x_x

haiz, maybe it's just me eh.. i'm sick of jioing ppl out le.. as in you know.. that kind of og or class gathering..

it feels i'm not appreciated at all..

'so who's gg? huh, these ppl not very fun ba, can't get other ppl then i reconsider le wor..'

great.. go ahead la.. cancel it.. you go tell the rest they are not fun enough.. i counldn't care less..

i'll most prob get immune to tis kind of rubbish? oh. so is that your plot? bitch..

it's only a thin line between being nice and rude..

ppl who really know me knows i hate being 'pang sehed' especially last minute..

and you jolly well stay away from me when you repeat this more than 3 times..

i don't care what your boy is trying to do to stop you from going clubbing with us. if you know he WON'T let you go in the first place then don't ask me to jio my friends and telling me 'oh, i don't think i'm gg le, actually i'm glad he don't let me go'..

yes.. you are glad.. i don't care.. just don't do this last minute thing again.. i donno how much more of this i can take..

haaa~ finally my first contribution to the js forum when the sem's just about to end on saturday afternoon.. damn.. i feel so lazy and reluctant to study for js.. one question 2 hrs.. what the hell is this man?? argh.. so what if it's open book? dunno how to use the info oso no use! argh.. great.. a whole load of stuff to read still.. that's it..

to hear countless narrations, her heart throbs
to sniff his fatal warmth, her being jolts
to see many hearts broken, hers freezes
to touch another's soul, she dares not

come taste her tears of anguish and vengeance..

lack in candor as evidence shows
thus a path down brutality grows
in wilderness that unleashed her pursue
to beseech a knight subduing the unmoved

a tinge of faith lingers despite preceding mutilations..

to gather verification, mortality fades
to sense his lethal breath, indifference surfaces
to look at her heart fall into pieces, insanity fuels
to handle another's emotions, her courage's slayed

come savor the wrecked, of ruins and demise..

有時當愛情來的時候我們都不知到。。。
但當它走了以後你卻能確定它曾經存在過。。。

i'm so behind time for revision.. doubt i'm gg to finish.. but then again it's been like this since year 1.. hur~

only this time other than my slacking contributing to lag in revision, there are other stuff gg on.. what to do? this is life.. *brrrrrrrrrr*

good luck..

heard from my friends it's a very touching scene to witness rom..
din noe exactly how it feels til i witness one myself..
and it's really like what they say.. you'll feel like getting married too..
*silly grinz*

the whole atmosphere, watching them take their vows, the overwhelming emotions through their expressions and words.. signing of cert, exchanging rings, a simple kiss.. if only marriage really is so simple.. *shrugs*

another of my nonsense today..
and i'm glad you stayed..
such a lucky bitch..

having something and losing it is such a painful process.. the fear of losing already can be tormenting.. perhaps not having it at all is a blessing afterall?

Compare - To examine the character or qualities of two or more persons or things, for the purpose of discovering their resemblances or differences...

comparisons may take into considerations of discriminating factor.. it's inevitable i guess.. the infiltration of evil thoughts is apalling.. the rising demands are uninviting..

somehow knowledge instigates unethical thoughts or even practices.. only subtle words appear in the theories.. actions speak louder than words but not of the words unfortunately..

there are no friends forever, only common interests for a long term, a friend quoted.. something that caught my attention.. a fact in many aspects most do not want to admit but subconsciously or eventually adopt..

a friend once told me his uni friends change.. i used to detest the changes but on second thoughts, the only thing that is constant is change.. the question thing is why are the changes showing uglier faces.. i hope he's getting on fine in uni now..

of course this is not an absolute case.. and i do hope i'll not become a cold-blooded animal to maximise the benefits of my existence.. actually, i'm sure i won't.. but then again, will i? tell me about contradiction..

an avenue to vent my frustrations..
a prevention from intellectual death of thought provoking clots up my veins..
an escape from struggling debate..
a sudden urge to rectify persisting cynicism..

a repeated course more common lately..

i'm stressed.. exams? nope.. not yet..
i think too much.. living? consolation of functioning brain at least to me..

i think i'm in the 'end-of-sem' crisis.. i dunno if this is stress or wat.. i don't think so.. i dunno la.. argh.. i feel sort of lost..

not depressed.. i'm happie.. maybe not contented? i like to study.. but not mug for exams.. i dun like the feeling of not doing well after i mug for it.. maybe that's y i dun really bother to mug? i'm happie as long as i dun fail.. sounds so mei2 zhi4 qi4 hor.. aiya.. i hate being competitive in results la.. makes studying so dull and uninteresting..
but then come to think of it i'm competitive in presentations.. er.. some presentations.. shite.. i oso dunno wat rubbish i'm saying here.. rant rant and rant..

exams are coming.. presentations are coming.. and i'm still here slacking.. thinking abt all the things i'm gonna do after exams.. can't stand myself.. i noe.. should start mugging le rite? see my point.. i'm okie with not sleeping and not eating for my presentations.. but how silly? stubborn bee jus refuses to settle down to mug.. *PUI~!*

kind of quite scary when i think of having a routine life.. as in u noe.. wake up, work, go home, housework, sleep then wake up, work... weekends for rest and leisure.. come to think of it i'm uncertain if i want this kind of life.. but then again i dun really have much choice? erm.. or do i? if i'm saying this then i should do wat i want to make my life not so routine and boring rite? argh... *scratch head*

damn.. i haven feel this way for a long time.. i wonder why.. i dun like my parents but i can't walk out on them.. i dun like my home but i just have to live in it.. damn, i should have listened to my uncle and move to hostel last year.. haha.. or listen to my aunt and move in with her..*diaoonz* haiz but everything happens for a reason i guess? *shrugs*

anyhow.. i jus found out something new about myself.. this morning i woke up feeling lost so i decided to try cooking something i haven really tried before.. guess what? i enjoyed it so much i forgot about time and ended up late for lecture! haha and poor thing he has to be my guinea pig haha.. i really enjoy experimenting in the kitchen.. kind of allow me to forget about my insecurities, worries blabla.. u noe.. the process of mix and match.. tasting.. anticipating the results.. fail then try again next time.. sucessful then work on it to improve.. if only i can bring this to reality? aiyoyo..

going all cranky and stuff.. i'm missing him so much it scares me.. i'm afraid i'm not good enough.. he'll say i'm silly, siao, 'sot'.. wateva.. i still wan to say.. i'm selfish.. i want him with me.. can never have enough.. it's amazing time flashes by.. i'm going mad.. sometimes i wanna cry i can't believe myself.. i amuse myself when i start whining.. but it's normal according to him.. erm.. and of cos i dun wan to lose my friends.. i'm not 'heavy color light friend'..

should stop all these.. it's not healthy.. and i'm getting fat.. shite..

i thought ms tut today was pretty interesting.. i didn't fall asleep during it!

let's play a game..
there's 3 doors, behind 1 of it there's a car and the 2 two a goat..
you can choose one 1 after which i'll open 1 of the remaining 2 doors to reveal 1 goat..
you can then make a choice of staying with your choice or switching to the other closed door..
what decision will you make?

this is actually an IQ qn.. and it's better to switch your choice of door.. reson being the probability of getting the car if you swtich your choice is twice the probability of winning should you stick to your first choice..

interesting huh? and the logic? i'm convinced.. so if i have a chance to be in this scenario mayb i'll switch my choice~! *keke*

so this is it that kept me from sleeping this afternoon!

anyhow.. had my mm-airpork case presentation this morning.. dragged myself out of bed 630am.. reached sch at 8am to rehearse..
well, it paid off..
prof says our presentation is interesting and he likes it..
the class participated.. they all ate the breaded pork chop yh's mum prepared..
prof finished the remaining pork chops!
andrew asks for a copy of our slides(my baby~!) cos he says it's nice..
ha, that's abt all.. can't stop being so high though i'm actually dead beat..

now.. the hell weeks jus started.. 1 paper 2 project reports 3 presentations..
2 presenattions on the same day one after another in week 12.. *oh man*
wish me luck..

i'm so looking forward to after exams.. i want more than a million weeks!!! much much much much more... *hee*

the next time i decide to attend my js lecture.. i shall think twice.. think 3 times 4 times 5 times.. cos it's darn boring.. i can get everything from the slides and readings..so no point attending rite? *nods head*

anyhow lecture was about departmental stores and food marketing in japan.. abit about the gift-giving culture of the japs.. there's this example abt a woman choosing to buy a very famous brand of cookies from a well known place instead of baking them herself for her teacher during the last lesson.. reason being buying something well known by all is a way of showing respect for the teacher, how much one value the relationship.. the gift-giving thingy must also be known by third parties..

oh well, jus when i thought gift-giving is all about 'it's the thought that counts'.. i'm like totally wrong in the japanese context..

then there's another example about valentine's gift.. females are OBLIGED to give giri chocolates to their bosses, male friends and collegues as a way of saying thanks and honto chocolates to their loved ones.. the males can then DECIDE whether or not to repay the gift one month later on white day(13mar)..

obviously there's some japanese culture i refuse to acknowledge.. maybe im stubborn but what the hell.. obliged to give presents? i dun like that..

and there's another thing about repaying the gift of something on par in terms of quality (which usually means price too) or better.. well, if i'm rich i'll have absolutely no qualms about this but i'm not fortunately or unfortunately..

which brings me to another point.

i like to receive gifts from people (i think most of us do?).. i'll feel bad if i can't give the person something of around the same value what i receive from him or her.. this is not the same as repaying gifts in jap context.. simply cos they repay the gift all during the same occassion which i don't..
for example A gives me $1000 watch as a birthday present.. i'll feel bad if i know i can't give A something of that value on A's birthday.. as such i'd rather not receive anything from A..
tho i don't have the mentality that when i give someone and expensive gift, i expect the same from the person, inevitably i'll feel inferior.. ego at work? i dunno.. i'll jus feel weird.. i'll sometimes even feel stress, esp when that person is someone important to me..
maybe that's why i always like things to be simple.. happiness from simplicity..

darn.. blabber so much withing such a short time.. if only i can type this way for my OM report.. *urgh*

I can feel the magic floating in the air
Being with you gets me that way
I watch the sunlight dance across your face
And I've never been this swept away
All my thoughts just seem to settle on the breeze
When I'm lying wrapped up in your arms
The whole world just fades away
The only thing I hear is the beating of your heart

Cause I can feel you breathe
Just watching over me
And suddenly I'm melting into you
There's nothing left to prove
Baby all we need is just to be
Caught up in the touch
Slow and steady rush
Baby isn't that the way that love's supposed to be?
I can feel you breathe
Just breathe

In a way I know my heart is waking up
As all the walls come tumbling down
Closer than I've ever felt before
And I know, and you know
There's no need for words right now

Breathe - Faith Hill

did i do A because of 1, 2 or 3?
did i do B because of 1, 2 or 3?
will i stick with A regardless of 1, 2 or 3?
i think i did B cos of 1, 1 and 1 again..

stay away cos i'll bite..
i'll bite when i'm bitchy..
i get bitchy esp when i'm tired..
i get tired when i'm upset..
i get upset when i'm hurt..
i get hurt more easily when i care..
i care when it's you..
you dun deserve this cos it was unintentional..

is it the things done or was it those not done?
is it the content or was it the lack of it?
is it the foresight or was it the myopic state?
is it a chance or did i took it for granted?
was it a game i played into reality?
is this gg to be a viscious cycle?

ms mid term's over.. *phew* nothing much to tok abt.. just unsure..

mm mid term's coming!! *screams*
10 bloody long chapters to study for 50 mcq qns with 5 options tt takes up 25% of my grade.. how 'nice' is it? okie i noe.. so boring to see an entry with nothing but complaints.. for goodness sake i'm studying on a saturday when i'm supposed to be slacking watching tv or out having fun.. okie i noe.. it's only this weekend rite.. i'll be happier monday.. for awhile before other work comes.. *sulk*

and i feel so silly.. it's not as if i won't have the company anymore.. i just dunno what got into me to feel so sad i felt like crying.. which eventually ended up me tearing for a minute or so.. *smack my head*

i think my astigmatism is back to haunt me after so many years.. left eye got double vison.. can't read properly.. feel like gorging my eye out.. mayb i'll be better off dead. gotta go see optician for a new pair of specs soon.. before i go blind reading my notes and textbooks.. *blink blink*

nerd? maybe i'm becoming one.. under influence.. but then again.. i dun think i'll be one.. i mean i wanna go out and meet my friends.. spend time and talk to them.. talk about things other than studies.. i still sleep alot.. read magazines and jus slack.. okie.. considering me studying for test so last minute.. i think i'm not.. *woohoo* somehow diligence to a nerdy extent is so not me.. *grinz* which brings me to the point.. i'm here blogging my way when i still have 5 chapters to read.. *shrugs*

i'm not in a good mood today i guess.. my sis piss me off the moment i got home.. father wanna borrow money from me when i barely have enough for myself.. what the hell.. here bitching abt my father sounds so bad? tell me abt it.. *buay tahan* want to vomit blood scolding my sis and trying to make my father discipline her.. dun let her go out tis weekend.. guess what? she went out when i came home.. her exams coming so soon.. next fri.. still dun wan to settle down to revise her work.. really wan to give her up le.. *faint*

finally had my lambo after soooooooo long.. nope, i'm not alcoholic.. jus missed my flaming lambo.. missed it so long even bartender michael dun recognize me.. (or is it cos i cut my hair le?) anyhow i was abit disappointed cos duno why yest so on form.. tequilla pops n shot, long island, screw driver, lambo, slippery nipple, apple sugar and i was barely there.. hmmm.. nevertheless, quite interesting cos get to try some drinks tt are new to me.. din meet many ppl.. only sim n vignesh.. as much as i dun wish too haiz..

really got to eat grass le.. burnt a hole in his pocket.. oops.. dun feel good.. dun feel good tt he dun feel good too.. haiz.. it's not complicated.. very simple logic..
he happy = me happy
okie enough of my nonsense.. i'm tired..

Virgo Woman

She will be similar to Leo woman in appearance. A slim woman who walks with
confident and proud. She likes to look straight as if she is searching. She is not a pretentious type and will always say what she thinks.

You will see Virgo woman walks fast. She will try her best to be perfect, to look perfect and to feel perfect even though there is no such perfection. She is very delicate of what and how she dress. She is bright and easily despair with obstacles. She likes smart guys who will be compatible with her, so if you are a rich dumb guy, you can forget about her right now.

She is not a very possessive or jealous person for she expect respect from her loved one. She does not like a part time lover, or a temporary mate. If she finds her dream man, she will not go away. If she does not like you, she will always keep a certain distant. Act proper and appropriate is her discipline.

She does not like and can not stand bad languages, cursing words or phrase. She likes a gentleman who open the doors for her. She wants to feel protected and when a man is taking care of her, she will feel like a complete woman.

She memorizes everything about other people and about herself very well. She can really keep secrets, you can trust her on this. She likes a refreshing and a mild scent. Do not comment on her very picky habits, it's her happiness in
working full time as a self beautifier.

She is not an innocent angel for sometimes she can be as tough as steel. Even she is easily in despair, she is not the type to cry over it. She is the shy type, so making speech in front of the room can make her nervous even though she walks and talks confidently.

She only search for true love , not just any love. Her love is an ideal one. She likes to think no one is neater and as effective as her, which can irritate you sometimes for there is no such thing. She likes sweet talk, but she can slip and say something unpredictable and unbearable to you too. When she stops getting mad, she will totally forget what she just said and be an angel again . If you have a date with her , you'd better be there on time.

Flowers and sweet word can calm her down. If you want to say sorry , make it
brief and straight forward. Do not drag your apologetic words into a long making it up events, it could lead you to another world war. She likes her man to dress nice and clean. She is good in details especially with money. Do not make her think that she is a clown or funny.

In the beginning of knowing her, please try not to glance at other pretty woman so much. Early period of dating her, try not to hold her so much in public, it could not be a proper thing to do. She loves books, stage play and music and likes to criticize about them too.

Criticism woman is her icon including big and small things in life starting from your hair, your dress , and the way you talk. If you are in love with her, be as almost perfect as your can.

sth i received from my friend through email..

what a weekend..

fri
belated bday dinner at amk ave 3.. the crab beehoon's yummilicious!!!!!!!!! i actually ate crab without getting my hands oily and dirty and stuff.. *haha* courtesy of my so-long-nv-contact friend.. such a nice gesture to get the crab meat out of the shells, put on the plate for me.. *thanks* even opened my can of green tea, carried my textbook for me.. though made me feel abit like a child.. i like it anyway *hur*

sat
bbq at wanhui's condo was good.. 15 of us (benjamin sheldon junming jeffrey yulun daoxing kaili valerie faith siva shuhui inez jinglin wanhui me).. the last time we had a gathering of more than 10 ppl was like 2 years ago.. so this one's considered successful.. it was really nice catching up with them.. gossiping, teasing one another, recollecting our jc memories.. we even set our next 'major' gathering this december.. steamboat @ yulun's.. hehz.. hopefully it won't be postponed till further notice wor..
stayover at jing's.. watched 13 gg on 30 and butterfly effect on dvd.. my my.. she's got one helluva dvd collection! too bad i dun have dvd player.. *keke* butterfly effect's a good movie.. makes me think.. i like movies that makes me think..

today
having slept for barely 2 hrs this morning after movie marathon.. it's time for me to recuperate from my beauty sleep!!!!!!! *yipeeee*
currently down with eye infection since last thursday.. eyes infection in fact.. some bacteria named GPC in short that makes the underside of my eyelids rough.. so when i blink.. the rough surface irritates my cornea.. and tadah! eye infection.. severe consequence : blindness caused when cornea wears off due to friction with rough surface.. no more contact lens for at least 1-2 months.. use prescribed eyedrop regularly 3 times a day.. until bacteria's fully gotten rid of..
ugly me in specs just like during rag days.. *argh*
i know i know i should've took better care of my eyes and contact lens.. i know all these.. the last thing i need is a lecture that i should've do this and that to my contact lens and eyes..

gosh i'm TWENTY.. no longer a teenager..
i feel old.. haha..

anyhow.. am glad to receive birthday wishes from many.. my junior actually wrote a card for me.. *touched*

i think this year's kind of special.. cos u see i got pre, present and post bday gifts from you.. haha.. the jacket, the cake and dinner and the card.. the surprise was really sweet i thought.. u noe i dun mean it when i said it was silly .. can't believe i din get the hint from kelvin.. but then again it'll be no fun if i got it.. *smilez* (argh, i cant use the same trick on u liaoz)
well, i'm really happy.. to spend this day with you.. even if there's no present no cake no dinner no card.. i'll be as glad to be with you.. my, can't stand myself so *eeeeeeeeeeeyer* haha.. but i mean every word.. *soooompaa*

it's amazing how time flies when we go out..

when can i have enough of your company?

perhaps never..

HaPpiE biRtHdAy tO mEi mEi! hAhA.. mUs jiAyOu iN uR sTudiEs wOR.. eNjOy uR tiMe wiTH uR fRieNds! *muackz* LovE yA~!

the notification came as a surprise.. so much so i decided to leave lalaland much earlier than usual.. a few weeks ago i was an undergrad, she just stepped into the society contented with her job.. today, i am still and undergrad(a happier one) and she's ready to be his wife and their child's mother..

of course i couldn't and wouldn't refuse to be her bridesmaid upon request.. it was a verbal contract since we were old enough to know what getting married is all about. i surely do not wish to breach this one.. *keke* we used to dream about holding our wedding together.. seems like she has to go ahead yep.. the preparation work is *wow* i can't describe.. but i know from now til her wedding i'll be busy..

in a way i feel envious though i think i'm not the kind of person who want to settle down at age 20.. it was more of the happiness i sense in her during our short conversation.. she was apprehensive about everything.. but from the moment he expressed his joy of the news of their child.. she was sure everything will be fine.. there's bound to be difficulties but the fact that they are willing to work towards their goal is so sweet.. how many people can actually do that?

she has definitely matured alot alot more than me.. plus the fact that it's always a dream of mine to settle down with a family (cos somehow i feel life will not be complete without one).. i'm truly happy for them..

most of the times we do not do the things that we like... this is quoted from a friend, and i so agree with it..
do i have a choice? perhaps when i hit the spiritual level (which i doubt i will) nothing is impossible.. to see it from this day right now.. NO.
alot, in fact most of the things i do are by default i have to, i need to.. well, i want to. but doesn't mean i like to.. just stating some facts of life (my life) here.. but of course at times magnification of doing the things i like can conceal the frustration of the alternatives..

on a lighter note.. i'm a happy girl today! haha.. cos it's 9 september.. *baaaaa*
hurm.. i should say it's more like a mixture of feelings.. some of which i may not even comprehend. i feel abit xin1 tong4 but i can't jus wipe the smile out of my face.. not everyone should conform to the 'giving' spirit of the japanese but there's no doubt teeny weeny bit of guilt exists.. i've never seen my 'pursuing' list depleting at this rate before.. probably i'm not used to it..
well i'm still happy.. i think he is too.. and it's good enough for now i guess? *shrugs*

a question she has no answer to.. to her perception it was not in the single bit a brilliant answer.. it's not an answer in the first place.
or so she thinks.
she doesn't eliminate the possibility of eliciting and magnifying on the tone of sarcasm.. but this is how she feels.. so does she need to care about how other ppl think? care abt what you think? yeah, there's no point.. but she doesn't like sour endings either..
obviously she's not as innocent and simple-minded as what some may see.. the complexity can be disclosed by choice.. and only by choice alone.. there isn't a need to test her patience or in other words 'skill of acting-blur'..
she likes to know more people.. she enjoys friends' company.. she just does not want another mess up in her life right now (like she does not have enough already)..

a simple dress.. a simple journey to pan pac.. a simple dinner.. a simple routine of photo-taking.. and a HUGE ktv room to accomodate 11 crazy ppl til 4am in the morning..

bizad ball was alright.. food's not fantastic.. neither does it suck.. never really pay attention to the paegent tt's gg on (i know it's kinda rude).. the thought of gg home after the dinner was abit of a turn off.. glad that bel and gang decided to jio ppl to paradiz kbox.. it was fun for me.. haha.. cos i haven't been singing for donkey years!!!!! heck care the tons of research work and the project discussion next morning.. i enjoyed myself alot.. *woohoo* though it means less sleep and most importantly a 'hole in my pocket'.. i'm so gg to ktv soon soon.. *heh*

meanwhile the craving for lamboghini is getting stronger.. 2 weeks countdown to my mambo!! *grinz*

a pair of old shoes i had.
they walked part of my journey..
a comfortable pair.. very comfortable..
unfortunately i know they're not lasting.

the new pair of sandals that caught my eyes.
suitable for me and appears to be durable..
able to walk much of my journey..
but i'll never know til i consume them.

the old pair sits in my cupboard i realise today.
wanted to throw them down the chute..
changed my mind and wrapped them up with a plastic bag instead..
they stil sit in my cupboard..
i opt to forget about their existence..
the question is can i do it?

never really have preference for the word ' sorry'..
don't like it when 'sorry' is used without comprehension of the reason being used..

but i'm sorry i'm in such a bad mood.. it's selfish to blame it on pms so i won't..
i guess my mind's not functioning properly.. too much for me at the moment perhaps..
too much for a worrier who messed up abit with her expectations..

i just didn't think you'll step out of my life this way.. leaving me with guilt i don't even comprehend.. i told you never to doubt my words.. you chose not to regard them.
i thought it was pretty hypocritical to remind me of the past.. to speak of what you claim inappropriate basis of break up.. to place high hopes that i'll return..
when i've already moved on with my life..
i did not assume.. i trusted your words.. to be happy for me, to be there for me as a friend..
only to realise the meagre amount of truth in it.. when you decided to act opposing to what you said..
i figured perhaps you did not mean what you said or did.. your emotions got the better of you.. but in any case hating me makes you feel better.. go ahead..
if my smiles make you cry.. if my happiness aches your heart.. if seeing us aggrieves you.. leave.
it's nothing.. i'm just disappointed.. utterly thwarted you left this way..

but then again.. thanks for being part of my story.. you taught me in an ingenious way how to be a better person.. you showed me how wonderful it is to be loved.. you allowed me to seek for what i want and to solicit.. you gave me the chance to know i have to move on..
you made me realise how much i want to treasure my current relationship.. how much i like him and still falling for him.. wishing he's feeling the same..

You're Element is Light. You are friendly, happy,
social, bubbly, and can brighten up any one's
day. You are very kind and a real people person
because you have several friends (or atleast
should). You're cheery nature makes you lovable
and your stunning looks are sweet and stand
out.

What's Your Element(girls)? (PICTURES)
brought to you by Quizilla

caught abit of singapore idol earlier on.. tot the judges were trying too hard to be mean.. anyhow, i admire the contestants' courage..

I've had my share of life's ups and downs,
but fates been kind the downs have been few..
I guess you could say I've been lucky,
Or I guess you could say that it's all because of you..
If anyone, should ever write my life story,
for whatever reason there might be,
you'd be there between each line of pain and glory,
cos your the best thing that ever happened to me..


Cocktail

?? Which Alcoholic Drink Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

my my, can't believe i haven been online for so long my tag-board's 'out of order'.. keke
well, rag camp's finally over! what can i say? bizad's the best.. winning all 9 shields for faculty and clubs category.. visit the link for rag photos! www.bschool.nus.edu.sg/gallery/Rag04
guess we were all so ecstatic yet relieved.. and i do miss those tiring days making our plague and 2 totem poles, sleeping in the hss audi, bathing at src toilets.. it's a really good bonding session with seniors and juniors.. have been listening to gossips.. some of ppl i don even know of hur~ ah yes.. of cos i do miss the times i get 'high' over little little things hee.. the initial disappointment proves to be superfluous.. and i'm a happy person! i really cant put how i feel in words.. perhaps a bit of varying emotions here and there.. really glad, worried oso.. i may appear nonchalant, who knows the little worm's scampering within me eh.. nevertheless life goes on and hopefully thigs wil go on fine.. *smilez* thanks for entering my life and making each day a happy one with infinite care, concern blablabla.. *winkz*

so looking forward to meet up with the gals! haven seen them in ages! haven seen many ppl in ages la.. so sorry ppl.. stuck in rag camp mar.. now tt sch term start le.. i'll try okie! die die oso must meet u all! esp ny babes, pigumaoses.. ah bing! and yes.. 86 pals.. dinner some time eh? rite.. i should be on my way to meet jasc le.. o_0

Come up to meet you,
Tell you I'm sorry, Y
ou don't know how lovely you are.
 
I had to find you,
Tell you I need you,
Tell you I set you apart.
 
Tell me your secrets,
And ask me your questions,
Oh, let's go back to the start.
 
Runnin' in circles,
Comin' up tails,
Its only science apart.
 
Nobody said it was easy,
It's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be this hard.
Oh, take me back to the start.
 
I was just guessing,
At numbers and figures,
Pulling the puzzles apart.
 
Questions of science,
Science and progress,
Do not speak as loud as my heart.
 
Tell me you love me,
Come back and haunt me,
Oh, when I rush to the start.
 
Runnin' in circles,
Chasin' tails,
Comin' back as we are.
 
Nobody said it was easy,
Oh, it's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be so hard.
I'm goin' back to the start.
 
it's been a rather interesting week for me at rag site.. taking lorry to ke7 to bathe.. sneaking into sheares and kr halls to shower.. getting cuts and blue blacks all overmt arms and legs.. macheing 0.5 * 0.5 mm pieces of paper with satay sticks.. talking and gossiping non stop abt everyone and anyone.. playing cards and fortune telling games.. chatting when we cant get to slp.. eating and eating and eating so getting fat.. becoming high with the slightest things.. i'm in lurve with our plague.. i hope everything turns out fine *cross fingers* it's only the first week.. more to come bar.. brain cant function well now actually.. but i'm sure i'm happy for now.. *smilez* cos i got a nice white cap from fren.. listening to the nice nice song from the nice nice cd borrowed from nice nice fren at the moment..
 
okie.. time to sleep..
 

it's a damn blardi gossipy place.. you better watch who you are messing with before ASSUMING who the heck it is or what the heck it is and spread like nobody's fucking business.. i don care, can't care anymore aint it.. but this is MY blog.. like i mentioned i can't even stand being judged by my closest buddies.. so all the more i despise ppl who don't know me well enough to judge me.. don't come and tell me ask me interrogate me or whatsoever.. alright... maybe judge is too strong a word but in my state of mind i can't locate a better word in my thesaurus.. obviously i don't wish anything bad to happen from now on.. *cross fingers*

i'm tired.. so tired.. dying mayb.. physical stress? nope.. more like mentally.. cos of rag? nope.. rag's stil fine for me..

few seconds ago i received an sms..
i wished it was from you, obviously it isn't. tell me i'm asking for too much once again. tell me there's no obligation. tell me words are cheap so it's of no significance whatsoeva.

minutes passed i'm taking my time to pack my stuff..
the worst has yet to come i believe. tons of work waiting to be completed. tell me i'm not jaded. tell me it's not gg to be as bad as it seems. i just can't stop being pessimistic. help!

almost 24 hours not even a note of concern expressed..
is this care of no importance? tell me you are too busy to peek at ur phone. tell me your phone's run out of batt. bloody come up with more excuses. be a monkey and do silly stuff. they're so not funny even a teeny weeny bit.

not even a week is gone, i'm already missing those laughter..
the surprise is as amusing to me as to anyone else. i'll take my time to forget about it. cos i just cant think the right way. kept feeling i don't deserve anything or anyone good. tell me i'm an idiot. tell me i'm paranoid. i should take it easy right?

i can't, at least for the moment. cos i'm blardi hell being a bitch ranting and cursing and swearing and whining and complaining.

school is starting soon. damn it. my room's in a mess. shite. my thoughts just won't take a break and stop running. what the hell. i'm falling into emotinal quicksand not seeking help. tmd..

Please come now I think I'm falling
I'm holding on to all I think is safe
It seems I found the road to nowhere
And I'm trying to escape
I yelled back when I heard thunder
But I'm down to one last breath
And with it let me say, let me say

Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking
Maybe six feet
Ain't so far down

I'm looking down now that it's over
Reflecting on all of my mistakes
I thought I found the road to somewhere
Somewhere in His grace
I cried out 'Heaven save me'
But I'm down to one last breath
And with it let me say, let me say

Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinkin
Maybe six feet
Ain't so far down

Sad eyes follow me
But I still believe there's something left for me
So please come stay with me
'Cause I still believe there's something left for you and me,
For you and me
For you and me

Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking

Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking
Maybe six feet
Ain't so far down

Please come now I think I'm falling
I'm holding on to what I think is safe

~~one last breath `creed`~~

a m s o t i r e d f r o m r a g b a s h y e s t e r d a y . d r i n k s m a d e m e s o f u l l i p u k e d . p u k e d n o t b e c o s i ' m d r u n k . d a m n k o k z . r e a c h e d h o m e i n d a m o r n i n g 3 p l u s . s l e p t a t 5 3 0 a m . j u s t w o k e u p m o m e n t s a g o . w a n n a f i n d p p l t o h a f d i n n e r w i t h m e b u t v e r y l a z y t o g o o u t t o o * c o n t r a d i c t i o n * i ' m s o g g t o n u a a t h o m e m a n .

damn. not much time to nua le.. rag camp is coming!! argh..

portugal portugal portugal... portugal must win.. *prays hard*

ktv on 30june at cine kbox w kel yh del yy kaweng huiying wendy angeline zw was bersek.. as usual yh and me went crazy over jolin stef fish she sammi songs.. had fun of course.. realised sth new today.. i actually noe so many songs leh! u noe there are some songs i'll never find on purpose from the list.. only when the rest found them i realise eh, so familiar! i noe how to sing leh! kind of reaction harhar.. it was fun lar.. teasing ppl, rapping, singing or screaming shouting wateva.. hee..

then dinner at emerald foodcourt was simple but nice.. some ppl left, some ppl joined us.. i wasn't hungry.. so shared dumpling noodle w edmund.. crap along.. suan ppl kena suaned.. then met the rest for mambo! i've never gone to zouk at such an early time.. before 10pm.. we got the chop then went to kopitiam to sit and talk crap.. finally around 1045 we went in.. the whole lot of us when we went crazy partying at the dancefloor includes me coreen yy del weiherng yh kel edmund wendy val steve adel zw weisherng bel grace diana don and blabla i cant rem all of them.. it was a helluva time tho i kena a quite-an-impact kokz on my head.. heng jason mel came tok to me when i was stil okie if not i dunno wat rubbish i'll tell them when i become high.. which was after my lambo i guess.. thanks for da drinks from zw kel ws and (did i miss out anyone?) so paiseh from the numerous 'are u okie how's ur head?'.. hee.. but thanks anyway.. haven go partying with so many ppl and it sure was fun! trying to follow da mambo actions.. jumping abt to the beat of da songs.. making stupid faces at xiao mao where he did the same.. shall go for another one soon soon okie!! ktv oso! hee..

my dear fren.. i noe u noe i don mean it whenever i scold u suan u tease u hit u watnotz.. sure we're pals and obviously i don feel good to see u feel so down recently because of her.. but then again i have no right to forbid ur thoughts and feelings and actions.. tho i stil hope to cya tis sat.. tmr i mean.. then again.. she may well be the only one in ur eyes at the moment.. haven seen u like tt before and trust u to be rational enough eh.. take care wor.. enjoy ur date.. hee

sorrie lar.. i noe u ord le saw ur sms but my hp's giving me alot of probs so dun blame me for not replying okie? i may go get a new hp soon soon.. cos i cant stand the sometimes-not-working keypad of my present hp.. so yep.. if ya gg for the foc.. enjoy urself ya.. *winkz*

jus back from supper with jasc n victor..

swollen left big toe all thanks to daniar gongz gongz open the door into me at far east burger king.. stupid melvin still laugh at me..
now how to go mambo with my big fat toe? *mumbles frustration*
must let my fat toe heal! *rubs the big blue black on big fat toe*

rag meeting later at 10am.. jialat.. panda revives later.. now concuss *ZzzZZzzz*

it's almost impossible for me to have enough of ignite foc 2004.. the group of ppl i work with as the main com.. (delvin yingyin kelvin yonghui kaweng angeline huiying yap meow coreen adel grace edmund zengwee mark shirlin irza gerald christine wendy) they're the best grp i've worked with so far.. definitely treasured the times spent together.. i have to agree with them that if there's such an award as best main com we'll win it hands down! as much as we were tired from the camp, we enjoyed it.. i enjoyed the camp so much i wished foc was longer! well, except for the missing my bed at home and sleeping part la.. hee.. certainly hope the frenship don jus stop here with foc.. so glad to haf new shopping bitching ktv mambo kakis! woohoo.. and of cos i won leave buggy out of da gang! *winkz*

210604 - day zero
being da mountain turtle whom haven stayed in hostel before.. it was pretty exciting to have da chance to have a room in kent ridge hall to myself for 5 days 4 nights.. tho i don spend much time in it since there's hardly enought time to slp.. *keke* i still felt good abt it! muahahahaha.. the hr i checked into kr.. i unpacked all my belongings into the cupboard and drawers... hee.. left my empty bag in one of da shelves! cheap thrill la.. but i like it anyway! then started checking out who're my neighbours! grace's to my left and huiying's to my right.. yh & angeline opp me! 1st day nothing much.. packing goodie bags, updating namelist, touching up fright night route.. dinner.. and then otot.. me and yh decorated the gals names on half a4 paper to pin outside their rooms! nicey.. haha.. not very shou2 with da gang yet so din join their mahjong euro supper wateva.. haha.. went to wendy's room gossip abit w yonghui yap christine wendy kaweng instead.. hee.. i think i slept about 1plus am if my memory din fail me.. counted money i haf with me before i concussed.. count til i so blur.. got about 5k with me then.. *wow*

220604 - ignite day 1
woke up at 630am w/o problem.. had breakfast and reached hss auditorium by 745 in main com polo tee.. waiting for councillors and freshmen to arrive.. took main com photoS! some stupid ppl last minute pull out.. some last minute join in.. really pissed me off.. caused trouble for yh and huiying..cos of sp nite arrangements.. haiyoweiar.. mingled abit with my og nitrar.. set off for campus hunt at 10am! lunch at src pool sucks... when i open the pack.. only see yellow and white color.. see liao oso sianz.. how to eat? *argh* the rice with daogay and fish and i forgot wat puts me off.. anyway the afternoon pool games was alrite.. quite fun.. took pictures as well! heeee.. the highlight of day day was fright nite and slide!!! thou abit rush.. hee.. took pictures in my horrendous makeup.. still waiting for them to b sent to me!! a pity the lift broke down.. but not bad lar.. managed to scare even main com members with my make up and hair and red clothing.. hee.. i guess the touch up by huangzhen was good! by the end of scaring ppl cum feeding mosquitoes session.. i had a real hard time getting the mascara on eyelids and lipstick on face off!! had a simple but nice supper at rag side thanks to robin da zhu tou! concussed at 3plus am after shower..

230604 - sentosa day2
struggled to wake up at 630am.. mistook the alarm for sms tone, fell aslp again.. dreamt tt i was brushing teeth washing face getting ready to rise and shine.. suddenly woke up to find myself still in bed.. hur~ *gongz gongz* wore da main com singlet.. brought along my cap! yeah.. haha.. silly.. took the last bus to sentosa.. crapped along the way with irza zengwee and yh.. so fun suaning them! had shirlin to carry my 'expensive' pouch jus in case i get wet at sentosa.. since the ogs have to collect all the main com members' signature after guessing the senior secret qns.. we can make them do wateva we want before signing.. *evil grin* i made breazom sing the buggy cheer to edmund.. iria to have kevin do striptease on video in the water.. zireo to dunk zengwee 2 times.. another og i forgot which to dunk edmund.. muahahaha.. haiz, but of cos i got dunked by zireo after i signed theirs.. all thanks to our nanny zengwee.. *&*(^&%^&*%^* i had so much fun laughing at the cross dressing of the 'dress the bikini babe' game i almost choked on my own saliva... despite being swung into the water.. i had fun esp at nite.. teasing the sp couples.. taking photos with them w/o them knowing.. hee! then it was supper at fong seng with del yy coreen grace edmund zengwee kel yh.. by the time everything was over.. fell aslp instantly abt 2plus am..

240604 - IFG champs~! day3
had mark knocking on my door to wake me up at 7am.. answers the door.. closed the door.. pom.. fell back on the bed to slp.. startled up 15mins later.. rushed preparation then breakfast.. for the first time in history.. bizad won the Inter-fac games against science and engine fac!!! wow!! haha.. sth definitely worth cheering and remembering eh? 3 cheers to our coah gerald!! the mass dance later on was funny.. erm.. i mean enjoyable lar.. to have irza as my dance partner according to him was my fortune *bleahz*.. we kept catching glimpses at correen and gerald, adel and zengwee.. time to time shaking our heads.. *poor coreen and adel* haha.. kiddinz lar.. towards the end.. we went right to the back of the hall.. to take a look at the whole lot dancing.. so interesting.. we saw some couples switching over.. guys dancing the gers' part and the gers dancing the guys' part! hahaha.. then picking up of sps.. poor guys.. doing pole dancing.. singing love songs.. striping.. blabla.. just to pleasure the seniors before they get to pick up their gal.. hurhur.. buffet dinner at europa was the best ever throughout the camp hee.. the programmes were alrite.. funny seeing the freshmen kena teased.. the music afterwards cant really make it i must say.. not shiok ar.. oh ya how can i miss out our dear coach gerald's performance? 3 beer and 2 shots for 4hrs of entertainmentpole dancing inclusive!! harhar.. makes me wonder he got possessed in the day or at night?? a few freshies and councillors got high and wild.. hurm.. but turns out everything's fine lar.. *phew* went back to hall.. rested and gathered at rag side at 230am for cheer fight practice.. totally shagged.. barely rest for half hour!!! &*()^&%%^&#$&^&*(.. rite.. i must bitch about this freshmen.. kept complaining that we wont haf good feedback for this wake up at 330am and jog thingy.. shouldnt ask them to wake up after chionging.. like army like tt so stupid blablabla.. say wat if he get into mc he'll cut this tradition.. asshole.. i don think he'll haf the chance to get into the mc ever!!! u think we seniors don need to slp so fun wake up and practice then run with u all argh??? urgh.. *pui* finally after everything.. bathed and slept at 645am..

250604 - break camp day4
rise and don shine anymore 8am.. super nuaded at breakfast table in kr dining hall.. slowly sashayed to hss auditorium.. watched og performance.. laughed at silly freshies.. discussed winners for various prizes.. gave prizes.. tadah! break camp.. then take photos and take photos and take photos!!!! nice pretty fotos.. silly fotos.. scary fotos.. u name it.. we haf it!! ahhahahahaha take pictures and take pictures and take pictures.. woohoo!!!!!!!! then lunch.. then pack logistics.. then home sweet home to concuss!!!!

feel lost after this foc.. like worked hard for it then so fast end liao. now wake up oso dunno wat to do.. most importantly i miss the foc ppl! main com ppl and ppl like val weiherng larry bel weisheng... they're so fun to be with!! certainly hope to see them soon!! looking forward to da ktv and mambo session the coming wed!! *weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*

mambo last night w da gals qian jasc yonghui was just there.. phuture was packed as usual.. zouk dance floor surprisingly not alot of ppl.. met quite a number of friends tho.. *hee* i din get high from the drinks.. got high when i saw edison chen at members' bar instead.. okie.. i'm suaku.. starstruck.. wateva.. i actually see edison!!! can you believe it?!?!??!! we were less than half a metre infront of him! thanks to joseph *harhar* he came telling me edison and louis koo inside members so he brought us in to see him.. then his friend(i donno e name) who supposedly knows edison pat on edison's shoulder, pointed to me and said i'm his friend *swoons* so yeah he said hi to me!!!!! i spoke to him!!!!!!!!! i almost went crazy then.. *wow*

well, life has certainly not been easy for me this past year.. and i appreciate your concern.. meanwhile i'm getting better i hope, with my things settled here and there.. what can i say man.. i'm still as lively and bubbly.. not forgetting loving to 'suan' you lar.. i just hate growing up.. realising there's more and more responsibilities, seeing more sides of people, or so-called widening my horizons? i've definitely changed, that's for sure but for the better or worse.. i'm still figuring it out.. *shrugs* though we hardly keep in contact ever since you enlist.. but i always tot the phone conversations once in a while were comforting for me to know you are still there.. listening to me.. by the way you seem to be alot alot alot others' 'consultant' eh? *keke* and yar.. i've been tied down with sch stuff.. foc and rag.. so i hardly find the time to meet up with friends(tho i do try to make it to mambo every wed since hols started).. even if i haf time i wanna slp first.. if not go out i tired oso not fun right.. yeah.. by the way u ord-ing soon and gg to ntu pian4 all the young pretty girls liao lo.. muahahahaha.. after my busy season and ur's.. go for dinner or sth k?

my uni friends all(okie almost all) says i'm chiongster.. i agree.. but only for the hols.. anyway i only club more often this hols.. last time only go sch bashes once in a while wat.. haiyoyo.. once sch start i will be nerd liao wor.. jus wanna enjoy now lar.. when i'm still able to.. just go with friends, dance to the music.. except hating the cigarrettes smoke, some guys who do things i dont like.. the rest i'm fine with.. not all ppl who chiong are bad ppl.. i'm so glad my parents understand.. come to think of it i've got alot of freedom eh.. my parents are fine with me gg club as long as i take care of myself.. even if i reach home in the weee hours from supper or ktv they oso don scold.. still ask me how come friends never come my place gamble mahjong play cards blablabla.. my mum even asks me on wed ans sat nights when i'm at home how come i never go out.. haiyo.. i'm happy with this lar.. can't imagine if they keep nagging at me giving me curfews and all.. i'll go crazy lor.. haha

right.. foc's coming soon soon! i'll be away in sch for 5 days! so fun.. never stay in hostel before.. except the slpovers @ waiying's last sem.. hurm.. but guess we'll all be worn out sia.. *hmmm*

from last night's ktv at paradiz's kbox with qian jasc jason daniar melvin to today's girls' medical checkup and foc logistics then dinner and shopping at bugis.. i'm almost dead.. slept for barely 3hrs only to wake up with an upset stomach.. urgh~ felt rather deprived tt i had to leave my computer 'growing dust' for a few days since i was busy with rag and foc stuff.. so here i am.. die die an entry before my foc camp next week..

oh.. on a happier note.. i bought a white top $19 from double index and a red op tshirt $19 from seiyu.. as u can see.. i keep side tracking from the list of things i wanna buy! argh.. saw this white jacket in converse tho... but still kiv lar.. tmr i shall go on my bikini hunt since i've all along wanted one.. hopefully the trip tmr will be fruitful wor.. no no.. MUST be fruitful.. cos i wun haf time to shop before foc le.. keke..

too tired for now to continue.. wil be back.. there's so many things i wanna say!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

meanwhile.. *weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee* iGnIte tHE biZaD sPiRiT!!!

watched the best bet at jubilee this evening.. i jus lurve those rhyming hokkien conversations.. hee.. the movie was alrite lar.. the interesting dialouge really amuses me.. muahahahaha..

took a cab home after 10pm.. i've never met such a young and considerate(not to mention good-looking) driver.. the moment i buckled my seat belt, he asked if the aircon temperature was alright for me.. if too warm or cold just tell him he can adjust it.. then barely 3 mins later he asked if the radio station was to my preference.. *wow* he switched from 933fm to power 98 tho i mentioned i was fine with it.. then i called puiee.. he kindly turned the radio off for me to use the phone.. after i ended my conversation on the phone, he told me he took the longer route after asking me usually which way i go by.. he apologised saying he just started driving taxi for 2 weeks.. tho the fare was $14 on his meter.. he insisted on me paying the usual fare which was $11.. *amazed* he stil told me to be careful on my way up.. saw me walk to my block then drove away.. this is like so so rare isn't it? har.. what can i say? damn.. forgot to ask for his name.. *winkz*


You are going to Marry orlando Bloom. He will
always treat you right and is very romantic. He
will do anything for you. He is very polite and
has deep brown eyes and is very good looking
(which is another plus!). He can make anything
cheesy look really hot(like sliding down stairs
on a shield shooting arrows or wearing pointy
ears for example). Congrats!!


Which male celebrity are you going to marry? (now 12 (i just added more, and still more to come!)results that have pics!)
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happie birthday puiee~~~~!!!!!!!

i had a gggRRRrrreEeeeEaaaAaaAAAttt time with pui nel qian yongling! went to sing at orchard party world.. then shopped abit before proceeding to glass house's fish and co for dinner.. i actually finished a whole seafood platter for 1 alone! wow.. must be pms.. hee.. the complementary ice cream brownie for pui da bday ger taste so good! yummy.. i swear i could have at least 5 of them at one go! *yumyum*

i must say i really enjoyed taking photos with the gals! snapping away with their digicams, making silly faces.. acting cute and blur.. harhar.. it was fun fun and fun! hee.. shall go buy my bikini soon.. i wanna bathe in da sun... sentosa.. here i come! *woooooooooooooooooooooooo* oh yes... i badly so so so so badly wanna shop!!!!!!!!! so many things on my desire list.. argh... *roll abt*

looking forward to my harry potter movie with huiting qunen yekai at shaw plaza on thursday!! muahahahah.. i surely cant miss this yearly routine! *grinz*

happie birthday to valerie~!

just checked my sch account email.. the arts canteen's gg to change tender.. i wonder if the food wil be as tasty..

i've said things i regretted.. i've done things i shouldn't.. i've even lost part of my memories.. i did not heed the signal of my red red gg to be infected left eye..
i felt utterly terrible the next day.. my stomach almost left my body.. my system almost stopped functioning.. i've never felt so terrible..
to look on the bright side, there's always a first time.. to be frank however.. i'm just a bitch.. the metamorphosis is appalling.. overwhelming.. i'd better discontinue with all these nonsense.. i really don't know what got into me.. perhaps it's the little things that i held on to too tightly.. you know smtimes when there's no avenue to ventilate the accumulated frustrations..and then there's this thing abt you know ur frens' negative reactions when u tell them abt it.. in my view there's no point in voicing out anything anymore..why spoil the mood and feel worse in trying to figure a way out with stubborn ppl? why bother to approach someone knowing u'll be slapped right in the face?
the obviously-got-comments(harsh ones too) 'no comments' doesn't help at all.. we all know giving comments is easy, ultimately being in the situation yourself is totally different.. not to mention we work around our own principles..
i'm beginning to wonder maybe i can comprehend what one of my friends went through then.. it's definitely a terrible feeling.. stressful too.. cos u can't speak of the situatio freely to them.. only it's tougher for her.. at least my family's fine with the situation over the span of half a year.. i'm happy, as long as the friends' part is shut off.. maybe that's y she did it then..
i'm appreciative tho.. tt i have friends who are concerned.. tho along the way unhappy things happended.. saying so many sorry oso no use since wat is done is done.. but still thanks alot for the thought and offer.. for the sms-es and calls to check if i'm okie.. for the follow up that hit me rather hard.. for the multiple 'am i feeling better' msgs.. really.. *sooompa*
I AM SO APOLOGETIC TO THE GALS.. PAISEH.. DONNO WAT ELSE TO SAY LE LA..
i may sound like a spoilt brat, self-centered bitch ranting abt the happenings.. but i thought tis may well be the only way i let my emotions run.. words and actions contradict at times.. this is my blog.. my way of releasing the raging emotional particles inside me where i cant do it well otherwise.. stop asking me what happened and who i am talking about or other related qns.. pls wake up ur idea lar.. if i want it or he or she to be known i'd have done so now..

on a lighter note.. i'm looking ofrward to the harry potter trip w my cousins next week.. a yearly routine! *hee*

oh yea, met up with liling nellie qianyu yongling jasc yest.. had dinner at kfc then yak and talk all the way.. it was nice sitting around and catching up with one another.. shall go on a sentosa trip soon yeah!


Heart of Crystal


What is Your Heart REALLY Made of?
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hey! click on the link on da left (take my friend test) yar?? jus a little sth.. hee.. quite fun go try go try!!! *weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*

ntu release of results today..

congrats to simon tho he thinks his results not tt good but i tot it's not bad wor..
congrats to siva too! *winkz*
to other friends.. now hols.. can work and play like crazy lar.. when the next sem starts.. we must b nerd liao wor.. jiayou jiayou okie! dun think too much now le! hee.. *hugz*
for now.. look forward to ur upcoming foc camps eh? and of cos look forward to seeing me? *silly grinz*

man survived the last ice age.. we can survive this one.. and the next, and the next.. only if we learn from our mistakes..
watched day after tmr at jurong theatre.. rather scary in the sense tt makes us really wonder when is the next ice age coming.. natural diasters are so so so devastating.. hurm.. made me interested in knowing more about hurricanes tho.. hur.. some conversations were witty and funny.. esp the part where they were arguing which books to burn and which books to not burn to keep themselves warm.. when another guy informed them there's a whole shelves of tax law books to burn.. *haha*
after the movie went to coffeeshop for teh peng.. met huat and gang there, drinking beer and smoking and chitchatting.. they left earlier.. we left around 11.30pm.. simpe and enjoyable night.. thanks matt..

it was a funfilled day at changi naval base open house.. at the same time tiring helping out at the games booth for the whole day..

for the first time in weeks.. perhaps even months.. i woke up at 5am on saturday morning.. prepared my stuff to bring and eventually dragged my heavy legs outta house at 6am.. i managed to catch the first bus at 6.03am!! *weeeeeeee* unfortunately the bus crawled.. now i wonder if i'd have reached the interchange faster by foot.. haiz.. anyway i was glad to hav boarded the train and slept all the way to bedok station.. was stoning on the way walking to bedok mac.. i din even hear yingyin calling me from behind.. hur~ *gongz gongz*

so.. happily chit chatted w the gang on our way to the naval base after which we were divided into various groups.. so me wendy coreen were i/cs for the outdoor games gladiator and sumo wrestling.. my my.. before 12pm there aren't many visitors since the open house was open to public only after 12.. we were basically wearing the event's company's super duper oversized tshirts, roasting ourselves under the scorching sun.. before long.. the exposed parts of our body were red.. hated myself for not bringing along a cap.. at least to protect my face.. argh.. *bang my head on wall*

while we were rotting and meanwhile getting to know one another better.. yihui called! she has graduated w diploma in busines administration.. got herself a job at KEA as a marketing assistant.. she don wan me to tell my parents first.. wait til she start work and settled down in the environment then let others know.. hee.. well, happie for her!!! *smilez* jus when i hung up w her, there's this army truck driving past our station.. i was standing near the entrance facing the truck.. then this guy popped his head outta window and said hi.. harhar.. i tot it was a rather idiotic action.. but oh well, i returned the greeting, since there's nothing better to do anyway.. hur~

later on in the day i was asked to help the rodeo bull station.. i learnt how to control the bull manually leh!! *woohoo* got to know 2 friends who are i/cs for the station as well.. andy and guowei.. they taught me how to control the spinning speed and buck speed of the bull.. it's interesting and i must say suitable for sadistic ppl like me.. guowei said just make them fall.. *evil laughter* and so i did, happily! along the way met some interesting children, students, teens, parents and etc who chatted with me.. at least made my day not so boring wor.. it was fun suaning crapping and yakking away w my new friends and some of the perm staff of the events company who came over to help, slack wateva.. *shrugs*

i din eat much for lunch so by the time we can go home, i'm starving.. plus my back is aching due to the long hours of standing, carrying children blablabla.. i was roasted, tired, stinking like shit, in pain cos of blisters on my feet.. we intended to take the shuttle svs to expo then take train back home.. but the queue is like dunno how many miles long we couldn't even see the starting point.. plus many ppl are cutting queue.. some of the guys tried calling for cab but there are actually no cab available!!!! *shocked* can you believe it.. NO cab available.. haiz.. tt place is so darn ulu no cabs want to come in.. eventually jac's mum fetched us to tanah merah ferry terminal.. me adel coreen took cab to raffles place (coreen's having dinner there) then me adel took train home.. is the day eventful or wat.. *heehee*

totally worn out from the day's activities.. i concussed soon after i reached home.. only to be constantly awaken by the calls from i cant remember who.. i don shut off my hp cos i think it's safer jus in case there's any emergency calls.. so i kept answering them but i guessed i must haf sounded super pissed off with my gosh!-i'm-sleepin-can-u-dun-bother-me-if-not-i'll-kill-u 'hello', so no one managed to make me listen or even remember who they are.. *hur hur*

a little pinch of regret.. i din get on to the ships and took a ride, take a look at the interior.. well.. there'll b a next time eh?

barely 3 more days to the end of may.. and my sms usage's way beyond the limit of 700.. means my bill's enuff to make me bankrupt.. since i don't have much to start with..o_O

singapore's mid year sale has started but i wont b able to benefit much from it cos i'm broke.. at least for now.. -_-"

"Hong Chuanhui! Hong Chuanhui! Such a nice name i always remember..." adapted from a msg i received from my pr1 friend huifen thru friendster.. yes.. friendster's kokked up now and then.. but it still works wonders at times for me.. *winkz* the feeling of meeting old friends online then meet up and catch up on wat's gg on in one another's life is simply amazing.. reminds me of how my life was like then.. *hee*
to be frank, my p1 to p4 memories were pretty vague.. until msgs come flowing in.. the names.. like yuyan yuhua rex raineer yaowei started popping out one by one.. hope to find them all.. not too ambitious rite.. haha.. then perhaps gather.. i guess it'll b great fun bar.. *hehe*

freaking incident
i was on bus 143 gg to je interchange around 830pm.. the bus stopped at a junction beside the tree before turning right to the interchange.. i was looking out of da window..
I FREAKING SAW A MAN WALKING INTO THE TREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i sms jasc immediately.. the whole thing happened so damn fast lor..
the first tot was reflection from the bus window tt makes it like tt? proven wrong when i turn to see no roughly age 60 man on da bus..
second tot was the man walked round the tree to the other side but parallex error so look like walking into it? proven wrong when there are fences at both sides of the tree and the tree's not tt big for me to not see the man walk over the other side..
conclusion.. i don even know whether it's a man tt i saw.. *shudders*
i hate to be reminded of this.. it's darn FREAKING to me.. i swear i won't look out to tt bloody tree ever.. i do not want to be near it even if possible.. don't ask me to show you which tree or which junction wateva.. *hair stands*

gotta wake up super duper EARLY tmr.. cos need to reach Bedok at bloody 7am! *pulls hair*
i know i'm whiny but i jus cant help it.. such a pig like me needs sleep.. lots of them.. guess i'll be like a walking zombie tmr.. perhaps seeing familiar faces coming for the carnival will be great! *hopeful*
rite now.. i'll go zzzzzing...

man are apt to offend.. where they find most goodness to forgive.. to err is human; to forgive, divine.. i'm but human..
true, like all said, definitely aint a deliberate act whatsoeva.. it's the repetition i hate.. dodobird knows it best mayb?
heeded gaozi's advice, tried sorting out the root prob of recurrence.. if only she listens.. if only she'll put down her i'm-ur-mother-so-i-noe-best attitude to TALK and LISTEN to me..
but i won't give up yet..
sometimes i think it's a pity my parents arent actors..

Patience, n. A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue..
preservation of patience can only be for so long..
quarrels sparked off when anguish was too much to bear..
thoughts of 'i ought to be cherished this and that way by so-and-so' triumphed with egotistical approach..
break-ups sometimes occur when intolerance replaced acceptance and forgiveness..
perfect love is rare indeed..for to be a lover will require that you continually have the subtlety of the very wise, the flexibility of the child, the sensitivity of the artist, the understanding of the philosopher, the acceptance of the saint, the tolerance of the scholar and the fortitude of the certain..
if i seek perfection in love where evidently it isn't viable ever, i'd most probably remain a spinster..
but no harm for some who chose to perceive as reaching for the stars and fall on the clouds..
most of us agrees that we're never lonely, there's someone who dreams of our smile,
and finds in our presence that life is worth while..
but we are never satisfied aren't we?
for we do not consider those whom we don't know, neglect, overlooked or even detest as 'someone'..
anyhow.. don't allow defeats to cast shadows on imminent dreams..
minor despairs tt disguise as virtues like it or not.. carries us a long way..

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck... i am fuming..
my black BUM top, yellow doggy tshirt and saints tshirt tt i've worn only once got spoilt during wash..
this is for dunno how many fuck times my clothes are spoilt..
so u noe y i owas wear the same few tops..
i meant to wash them myself.. but cant find them, so i panicked..
found them in one of the pails my mum washes the clothes..
i was too late to save them from discoloring..
FUCK.. i am not calling home and not coming home..
call me childish and irresponsible..
i don't give fucking care
those who know what it's always like should understand..
sth wrong with the fucking pails and detergent? i think it's more like the fucking problem with my mum..
asked her what happened and she just fucking shrugs..
not even a fucking sorry said..
so she's fucking glad to see my clothes getting spoilt then i have to buy again lar? then she'll say i anyhow spend money and refuse to give me allowance?
or i have to spent my own savings or salary then she will complain i owas buy my own stuff and never care about family?
i fucking don't give a shite anymore about this family..
if not for my sister you fucking think i'll be here smiling huh, mum?
what the fuck.. sorrie abt my usage of the word..
i wish i can be gone for good..

happy happy 19th birthday to weikien~!
stay pretty and 18 yr every year from now on yeah yonghui!! keke, happy birthday! can't wait to see you with rebonded hair!
old guy shaoyong.. 23rd year on earth sia.. haha! enjoy!

release of results today..
mno A-
Mgt Acct C+
Finance C+
Nature of Lang B+
Social Work A-
overall cap score of 3.55, better than last sem 3.5.. appalled by my finance though.. always don like to see grade C in my results.. haiz.. but then given the effort and my noy-so-interested-in-it attitude, i ought to be satisfied.. o_0

who has the right about judging another?
is keeping a smiley face then curse and swear behind the person unacceptable?
tell me about quality service when serving customers..
is staying calm and cold towards adversity, overcoming it ruthlessly high EQ?

self centered.. we all are but human beings..
stop all the humans are intelligent, best beings blablabla shite..
we may be intelligent or superior to other kinds in our view..
what makes you think the chickens and cows aren't looking down on how pathetic we humans can be?

well, just some random thoughts here..

i tot there was no jap restaurant at bugis junction.. so i was wrong, sua ku me.. haha.. had dinner with sean da pig at chanko masakatsu restaurant in a ulu corner (oh oh think i forgot which corner even..) initially wanted to makan at tampines mall cos i was at expo giving out chinablack flyers for fund raising.. ended up we changed location to bugis so he came down since there's more variety of food hehz.. after dinner da pig wanted dessert so decided to go intercontinental hotel see the pastries and cakes.. bought four portions at 50% off.. they owas sell the pastries at half price from 8pm to 9pm.. yep, haha.. we finished 2 portions and i brought home the remaining 2.. haha, thanks ya!

i had a good time, tho initially was upset by a quarrel before da pig came.. poor him gotta bear with my black face and whiny complaints.. he had to entertain me, haha, oops.. thanks for picking up the tab too wor.. he had tempura set, me had unagi set.. the shake sashimi was delicious, at least to me.. tot it was abit ex even with 50% off le.. dunno whether u really don wan it or let me finish them off haha.. but thanks anyway..

feels comfortable when out with da pig.. can just crap and crap and crap.. looked at the messages in my hp he's holding.. deleted many of them le.. kept those that still gives me some amusement harhar.. he was pretty much amazed by the smses he sent as well.. muahahaha.. 4 of us haven't met up for a long time, even when the last time 3 of us went out was last year to catch infernal affairs like he said.. hurm. okie, shall see when we can meet up sometime soon okie.. i guess it's known i do miss those days la so no need to keep repeating when i noe it's almost impossible it'll happen.. yep..

a man who lives by the day receiving income on the basis of the number of girls he get to sign up as porn stars or prostitutes..

a woman who is a music teacher in a girls' college..

she had a one night stand with him in an attempt to escape from her mundane routine.. before she get married to 'A'..

ended up they fell in love with each other despite their differences..

multiple barriers lay ahead..

the man got involved with the police and underground guys after being betrayed by his boss..

she cancelled her wedding, forced to quit teaching and left her home due to numerous harsh rumours..

finally after overcoming all problems, they were united as one..

she was ready to break the news of her pregnancy on xmas eve a year later, preparing a sumptuous meal awaiting for his return from work..

he bought her favourite strawberry shortcake from her favourite confectionary before setting for home..

but he never got home.. he did not get to hear the news of her pregnancy.. he never will see the arrival of their child..

he was stabbed by 'A' on his way home while walking thru an underpass..

"a toast to sweet revenge," was all that 'A' said followed by a cynical laughter before he left..

the man staggered a few moments then fell to the ground..

the last thing he did was to think of her and wish for her happiness..

went rag FIC on wed.. the most tiring one so far.. walking a long long distance the whole day.. even got chased by a big black ugly dog from one of the warehouses.. *phew* good thing the owner caught hold of it just in time before my wits were totally out of me..

met puiee yongaling qian nel at chinablack later in the evening for a chill only to realise it was rather packed with members dur to its 3rd yr anniversary.. met some friends there.. we stayed for a short while before gg to mambo..

took a cab down to zouk only to find the queue so darn long.. even phuture's queue was horrendously long.. heng i remembered joseph was there so gave him a ring.. then so he got all 5 of us in within 5 mins of our arrival.. thanks man! i know i can be such an ass but the angry cum bewildered cum bu4 shuang3 looks of the many ppl in the queue gave me a good feeling i haven't felt before.. *grinz*

was a little too wild for me.. 1 whiskey 1 brandy 2 lambo some vodka some heineken and i'm almost gone.. conscious but cant walk in a straight line.. thank god the gals were there.. *big hugz* we had fun teasing one another, dancing and meeting ppl.. too bad phuture's so packed.. so we were stuck at mambo.. nvm.. had fun anyway..

by the time i got home, was awake, drank lots of water and hot tea to cear my mind.. packed my stuff and clothes for FIC on thurs.. bathed.. slept! only to wake up in the morning today with a sore sore sore sore throat.. cant even speak properly when answer phonecalls.. darn.. in the end.. CANNOT MAKE IT for FIC.. so angry with myself can??? argh.. felt bad to CMI last min.. then some more not many ppl turn up this time.. if only FIC no need much of my voice.. *sigh*

anyway i hope the remaining FICs i'll be well and okie for them.. no more drinks for me on wed nite if FIC on thurs morn! *promise!*

watched blood brothers this week, it has an intersting twist.. not as fantastic as infernal affairs but good enough.. yeah..
had sake sushi student buffet too.. yum yum!!!
my first time in crystal jade for dinner and the food's great!! dessert was a disappointment tho.. the one with the mixed fruit and another with glutinous rice.. totally sucks..
van helsing's not bad too.. some parts were funny.. some gave me a few frights.. i rate it 3.5 stars...

wow! blogger has a new erm.. look? har, anyhow...

encounter 1

nurse1: yesterday i went holland v flea market, quite interesting..
nurse2: wat flea market?
nurse1: neh, those place tt sells 2nd hand stuff, stalls in open air, tt kind lar..
nurse2: orh.. y call flea market? which 'flea'? cannot be f-l-e-a 'flea' rite?
nurse1: no lar.. not f-l-e-a.. i think is f-l-e-e.. yep..
nurse2: i see..
me: *frown* ?!?!?!?!

was on my way to bras basah on monday for choosing paper color when i overheard the 2 sgh nurses beside me on the mrt talking.. wanted to concentrate on my book but they were audible so heh..

encounter 2

me: *walking fast fast* (cos already late meeting isabel steve francis jean at bras basah)
man1: *walking beside me* hey girl, where are you going?
me: *look at him* huh?!?!
man2: xiao meimei, why walk so fast? gg where?
me: *ignore and walk faster*
man1: eh, don walk so fast leh, wat's ur name? don scared, fren fren only..
man2: ya lo, where u wan go, we pei2 you la..
me: *walk even faster* (irritated and abit scared)

fwah.. the 2 guys really irritating.. aged abt mid 20s bar.. follow me to bras basah! heng i continue ignore them then i went up the escalator they never follow liaoz.. took out my hp to act busy.. hur~ tho man1 is quite cute.. *brrrrr*

encounter 3

mrt: door closing... dood dood dood dood... next stop, tiong bahru
me: reading my story book
man3: hey! is this agatha christie? i love her books too! where you get this book?
me: erm.. *smile* got it frm book fair..
man3: i see, so you still studying?
me: ya, uni.. *continue to read*
man3: how old are you?
me: *frown* huh?!?! er, 20..
man3: gg home? can i know ur name?
me: *puzzled* ya, gg home.. erm, i don think u need to know my name..
man3: oh.. er, i'm mark by the way, tot can b frens since we have common interest *points to my book*
me: hur, hmmm, hi mark, you mind i jus continue with my reading?
mark: *shrugs*
me: *lowers head to read*

rite, this happend on my way home on monday from bugis.. am pretty amazed by them this day.. the last 2 kept me puzzled and annoyed though.. *?!?!?!?*

met yonghui at bugis to shop after my rag stuff at bras basah.. was not hungry so decided to shop around..
seiyu has super sale storewide! muji 30-70%!
i bought 2 sets or underwear from pierre cardin for $25..
we then proceeded to level 1 to smell fragrances.. like 'summer' from gucci (if my memory doesn't fail me) and this fragrance from anna sui.. forgot the name.. hee..
we walked to OG too.. there's sale there too.. OP has season clearance sale.. i bought a pair of OP shorts and a pouch for my sister $30.. tot she'll like them so yep.. *smilez*

alrite, i noe i'm not working shouldn't spend so much.. haiz.. the worst thing is i got a job lobang in a office but i cant work!!! like i said becos of my schedule i can only work in the evening or night.. *sadz* and office job is in da good o shine morning..

anyway, tue gg sake sushi student buffet! then after that meeting another fren for dinner! i shall b a glutton!!! *munchy crunchy yummy goodie~!*

the very first official rag FIC proved my physical weakness... esp my back...

was supposed to reach yio chu kang mrt station at 830am.. darn early can!?!?! it's been many donkey years since i dragged myself out of bed as early as 645am.. hur~ slept on the train and woke up 2 stops after my destination.. woohoo, how nice.. but then i still reached before 830am at yio chu kang.. *grinz*

there were 16 of us.. isabel val kailee apple diana alice seok me larry yantyng francis jean kevin jacq steve ronnie.. we split up into 4 groups to cover different blocks of the amk industrial parks.. break for lunch at about 1230, continued with FIC at 130 til abt 330.. it was tiring, not easy also, esp when some ppl are so unfriendly.. some even 'diao' us! or look at us like we're aliens.. *bish bash*

however, we do meet ppl who are rather spontaneous.. some even interesting.. *heehee* one of the companies we approached, the HR personnel actually introduced us to her collegues so that we can speak to them regarding our FIC.. still remember her name's veron.. *thumbs up* hope i'll meet as many ppl as nice as her in my remanining 11 FICs!!! *prays hard hard* there's another company we went to, the employees were 'talkative'.. tho they din give much, the short interaction with them certainly added at least a teeny weeny bit of spice to my day.. *muahahaha* then there's this auntie who's talks a whole lot but gave quite alot too.. *hiakz*.. her son happens to be in nus too! perhaps that explains her generosity.. *nods head*

i havent found my bed so comfortable for some time.. havent tot sitting down on a chair drinking water is such a blessing.. til today.. having slacked the whole sem without exercising... today's walk definitely gave my body a 'teaching'.. shall get my arse out to do a little bit of exercise soon.. i did mention i hate exercising yeah? *sulks* oh well.. we shall see.. my next FIc's on friday... wish me luck..

did a little schedule planning for may and june, slotting in all the possible FICs i haf to complete together with FOC com stuff to help in.. guess wat? i can work! only at night.. how 'great' can this be.. i have an average of 3 day rest per week including weekends! *sheesh* rite... i need a contingency plan.. or contingency planS...*pulls hair*

i'll love to give more details regarding FIC cos it's rather enjoyable but i'm damn shack.. meeting zhou gong after watching american's next top model! *skips around*

happy birthday to yanting~!

it's always nice to meet up with friends and have dinner, sit around and chat..

had dinner at pastamania-cine (020504) with ben junming jinglin wanhui valerie.. finally got my free pasta with the completed stamped card! hee.. chat and yak abit before proceeding to paragon for gelato ice cream!!!!!!!! yummy yum yum.. i luurrrrrrve ice cream!!!!!!!!

well, jinglin's working at iras while wanhui's working at sph.. val still looking for a job.. seeing all of them work.. i oso want to.. but i can't blame anyone for not being able to settle for a stable job since i've already put myself into quite abit of committments in sch.. with foc and rnf gg on, it's unlikely i can get the job i want.. worst come to worst i shall commit to teaching tuition.. hurm.. but then considering the financial crisis i'm in, i don think i've got much of a choice yeah.. shall hope to hear good news from yongling regarding the $9 per hr job.. *cross fingers*

well, meanwhile i shall continue on my bikini hunt and hopefully do all the things i wanna do this hols!

anyway, 50 first dates is a really sweet movie.. can't help wondering if i'll b able to find someone who can make me fall in love with him everyday.. feeling ever so fresh with him, so u noe.. things will never get dull or become boring with him around.. *slaps head* wake up! haiz.. this kind of things only happen in movies right? hurm.. *shrugs*

to my friends out there who are frustrated or bewildered or whateva cos i seem to haf disappeared or became hostile the past weekend, i'm sorry.. either i deliberately, accidentally, unknowingly, subconsciously.. or abit of all... my hp was either not with me or in silent silent mode.. not even vibration.. the tranquility won much of my adoration.. to not haf to answer a single call or reply a single sms can be a blessing as well..

nobody can find you..
nobody can ask you for opinions or get answers..
nobody can irritate you with their persistence..
to be perfectly done with a pinch of egotism..
or efficiently with a serving of can't-be-bothered attitude since no one's perfect..

gor.. i'm fine here.. once in a while loves to coop myself up in my room with jus a book or magazine.. read them til my eyes are tired then close them to rest.. thinking about the things that i've done, doing and going to do.. abit like soul searching you can say.. why have i become like that i hope to fully grasp the reasons but with my according-to-you puny or non-existent brain perhaps it will not be easy.. my exams have ended and i'm relieved.. tho i'm almost 100% sure i won do well this semester.. nevertheless i've one less worries now.. as for family, sis's getting on fine.. grades are improving slowly but steadily.. parents still the same since u last heard.. am living off my grandparents and aunts.. yep.. would love to go out and party and shop like nobody's business but no mood as yet.. hope ya doing fine..

i guess if i were to take the personality test again.. i may end up to be more introverted than before.. don seem to be as energetic anymore.. but then i'm still appreciative of friends who are always there.. like he said.. time spent together don't make a friendship last, rather being there at the rite time does.. hee, does it mean being there at the wrong time does the opposite? *nvm* sort of miss the sarcastic and vocab-churning exchange of trying-to-make-sense words.. don mind me.. random thoughts here..

if it wasn't the incessant pleadings..
if not for the earliest notice given..
if not for the old times' sake..
i shouldn't have obliged..
but then again.. it's simply cos of remaining affection perhaps..
i don't wish ur ego to be washed down the drains..
u jolly well understood i did not wish for more..
i just want you to noe i'm not one to be taken for granted for..
at least not totally..

i need comments about this one.. am i too demanding? when it comes to bgr, i thought i am easily contented.. *scratches head* or is it just me? haha.. no, not sad.. just abit puzzled.. is it too much to leave when you know the neglect may not be personal faults?

anyhow, i'll be in sentosa for the next 2 days.. chalet!!!!!!!!!!!!

i simply love my neighbours!!!!! just earlier today they gave me the may issue of Her World Magazine as well as the Ultimate cookbook of Tomatoes!! aren't they great? not to mention i've been receiving ELLE, Cleo and FHM magazines from them every now and then.. good source of entertainment especially after exams.. wow... i hope the supply doesn't stop! hee...

yesterday, or early morning today, chatted with a few friends online.. especially enjoyed the conversation with a new found friend zhisheng from social work class this semester.. jus so happens he noes ah bing and someone i heard from jasc and yongling is a real nice guy.. okie, i noe s'pore's a small small place.. it's been quite awhile since i get this kind of intellectually stimulating conversations.. it's good food for the brain as i've mentioned, but to be taken in moderation to prevent unecessary thinking and worrying over stuff.. initially thought i'd giv the impression of being too inquisitive.. u noe me, owas full of questions and smtimes the words jus come out without any brain processing.. hurm.. but turn out we chatted til abt 2am? if my memory doesn't fail me.. nice person to talk to.. *snilez*

rite, this is gg reverse chronological order.. watched ami yesterday and was surprised that jennifer hudson's out! i thought john stevens was gg to be eliminated.. oh well, this kind of thing's so unexpected.. i still love latoya london and jasmine trias anyway...

had dinner with ian and binjuan at Wheelock Place's Big O before ami.. yes! haven seen binjuan for such a long time! she's definitely blooming well! chatted abit here and there.. could haf gone 'deeper' in a way but oh well, the atmosphere wasn't that suitable then.. nvm.. hope she'll get into the course she's applied for.. i'll look forward to seeing her soon! oh yes.. the food at Big O's pretty expensive.. the portion's barely enuff to fill half my stomach.. but the desserts are great! hee.. yep..

even before this, had lunch buffet at sake sushi with jasc and yongling.. they jus had their first exam paper (accounting) then woke me up with their calls asking me go makan.. jasc's a steady driver i must say.. and she's parking queen!!!! hiakz.. okie.. back to the food.. we sat in sake sushui from 3pm rite up to 6pm for the student buffet.. i'm jus a glutton... eating for practically the whole day.. hee! jap food's good! but i din get to taste my favourite sashimi.. oh well.. soon soon!

interesting note of the day.. while jasc was tearing parking coupons, me and yongling were standing by the road.. dunno wat's the name of the road but it sure is an iteresting stretch! saw a grey beetle car and a off-white beetle car, a cutely-shaped golden tibs taxi.. a funny-looking(but according to yongling it's nice) jarguar.. all of which i've never seen before.. saw michelle sarem talking on hp outside wheelock.. my my, she's so slim and toned! haha... i sound abit sua ku here wor.. *hehe*

new resolution: to meet up with friends i haven seen for a long long time..