i think i'm in the 'end-of-sem' crisis.. i dunno if this is stress or wat.. i don't think so.. i dunno la.. argh.. i feel sort of lost..

not depressed.. i'm happie.. maybe not contented? i like to study.. but not mug for exams.. i dun like the feeling of not doing well after i mug for it.. maybe that's y i dun really bother to mug? i'm happie as long as i dun fail.. sounds so mei2 zhi4 qi4 hor.. aiya.. i hate being competitive in results la.. makes studying so dull and uninteresting..
but then come to think of it i'm competitive in presentations.. er.. some presentations.. shite.. i oso dunno wat rubbish i'm saying here.. rant rant and rant..

exams are coming.. presentations are coming.. and i'm still here slacking.. thinking abt all the things i'm gonna do after exams.. can't stand myself.. i noe.. should start mugging le rite? see my point.. i'm okie with not sleeping and not eating for my presentations.. but how silly? stubborn bee jus refuses to settle down to mug.. *PUI~!*

kind of quite scary when i think of having a routine life.. as in u noe.. wake up, work, go home, housework, sleep then wake up, work... weekends for rest and leisure.. come to think of it i'm uncertain if i want this kind of life.. but then again i dun really have much choice? erm.. or do i? if i'm saying this then i should do wat i want to make my life not so routine and boring rite? argh... *scratch head*

damn.. i haven feel this way for a long time.. i wonder why.. i dun like my parents but i can't walk out on them.. i dun like my home but i just have to live in it.. damn, i should have listened to my uncle and move to hostel last year.. haha.. or listen to my aunt and move in with her..*diaoonz* haiz but everything happens for a reason i guess? *shrugs*

anyhow.. i jus found out something new about myself.. this morning i woke up feeling lost so i decided to try cooking something i haven really tried before.. guess what? i enjoyed it so much i forgot about time and ended up late for lecture! haha and poor thing he has to be my guinea pig haha.. i really enjoy experimenting in the kitchen.. kind of allow me to forget about my insecurities, worries blabla.. u noe.. the process of mix and match.. tasting.. anticipating the results.. fail then try again next time.. sucessful then work on it to improve.. if only i can bring this to reality? aiyoyo..

going all cranky and stuff.. i'm missing him so much it scares me.. i'm afraid i'm not good enough.. he'll say i'm silly, siao, 'sot'.. wateva.. i still wan to say.. i'm selfish.. i want him with me.. can never have enough.. it's amazing time flashes by.. i'm going mad.. sometimes i wanna cry i can't believe myself.. i amuse myself when i start whining.. but it's normal according to him.. erm.. and of cos i dun wan to lose my friends.. i'm not 'heavy color light friend'..

should stop all these.. it's not healthy.. and i'm getting fat.. shite..