baaaaaaa... what the hell am i doing here at this time of the day??? cos ppl.. i did not sleep.. not even a wink from previous nite.. jus had a bath and i'm off to pasir ris for my social visit for my term assignment at 830am! wow.. how can i do it man? i'm impressed by myself.. gosh.. it's been such a long long time since i enjoyed myself so much.. heck care if i'm a bitch.. i mean it's not as if my arse will be stuck forever there or i'm darn fucked up with those ppl.. dun mind my language. the alcohol's stil in me.. now i noe wat my frens' are talking about how drinking can let free them worries for the time being.. all those drinking and dancing and singing really brings me much fun.. of cos i wun be doing this again.. *cross fingers* i guess ppl owas haf their first time? jus let my hair down.. i mean the whole bunch of my hair jus going bonkers in the ktv with them.. they're fun ppl.. jus haf to take care of myself lar.. not drinking too much lo..
anyway mainly hear jeff sing only lar.. and the boss of the ktv.. forgot the name tho.. my my, they can really sing well! heard a couple of others(eugene's squad-mates & frens) sing too.. listen liao i dun dare sing harharz.. simply cos they're too good.. *fwah* erm.. okie lar.. mayb cos i wasn't paying attention to the singing.. haha.. of cos there'll b a little spoiler in all fun but well, still alrite with me yep.. no problem man.. he's gg back to australia so so soon.. so i wun be so havoc le.. no chance too anyway.. haiz..
once in a while interesting happen to you not bad lar.. u get to haf fun.. learn.. know more ppl and etc.. someitmes being uptight all the while oso beri tough.. let ya hair down.. enjoy and haf fun that's it man.. that's should be it since you're still young. how much fun and freedom can you experience when you're age 40? even 30 wor.. youth is here and i dun wan to waste it.. try many things i haven't tried before.. of cos no need try every single thing lar.. jus some of them.. enuff for me.. anyone and everyone can do it.. as long as we know how to take good care of ourselves.. self discipline.. yeap..

28 feb 2003 Saturday
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Your no-nonsense attitude can now come in handy as you keep your shoulder to the wheel. Do the best you can with each of the current tasks at hand. Even though you can get overwhelmed when there's too much on your plate, there is also a part of you that enjoys having too much to do. Of course, you probably would never admit it. You'd rather keep the smokescreen of illusion wrapped around your life.

27 feb 2003 Friday
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You could be feeling nervous and high-strung now, like the neurons in your brain are stretched tightly and every thought you have makes them all resonate like the strings on a piano. If you could only get them all to be in tune, then you'd feel much better. The good news is that your planet, Mercury, is downloading the brilliance of Uranus today. But it's not just about intellect. Your thoughts are also being powered by deeply-rooted emotions. Rational ideas and irrational feelings are combining as intuition, which will help you find new solutions to old problems.

it's freaky how this tarot horroscope thingy is so darn accurate.. *shudders*

25 feb 2003 Wednesday
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Recently, the relationship axis has been somewhat of a challenge for you. It still is, but you now have serious Saturn acting as your guardian angel. He is making sure that you don't go off the tracks. This is a good time to reel yourself in and to tow the party line. It's not about giving up your power for survival. It's about learning to work with the group process. If you can cooperate, rewards will surely follow.

23 feb 2003 Monday
Virgo(August 23 - September 22)
You've stepped out onto the high wire and everyone is watching to see if you'll be able to keep your balance and make it across to the other side. It's a delicate situation and your concentration -- or lack of it -- will determine how well you do. As if this wasn't enough of a challenge, unknown forces are shaking the very wire you are walking upon. Too much self-control can make you stiff. Loosen up, stay focused and breathe deeply. You'll make it across just like the champion you'd like to be.

24 feb 2003 Tuesday
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You won't escape from the diffusion of energy that many others are also feeling now. It may be difficult for you to stay focused -- something you normally can do quite well. Nervous energy has put you on edge and can still get the best of you as your thoughts run all over the map, without specific direction or purpose. You might try to pull them in, but it will probably be a losing battle. Sit back and enjoy your own mental show, even if it feels confusing or debilitating. Your focus will return, but not until late in the day or even tomorrow.

things that happened.. parts and puzzles of life.. apparently shelving them is the most appropriate avenue.. at least for the time being.. obviously i know this is not the ultimate solution but i don't wish for a reckless decision.. there are so many things i knew, that i know.. even more i want to know...

i dun even think you'll read this but what the heck.. precisely then i dun feel restricted maybe? i couldn't remember exact details of our conversation but i'm sure i meant every word.. as much as i wish to know what did we talk about exactly, i dun dare to ask.. erm, i barely noe you.. that's true but dunno why things are going the way things are going.. it's not as if i didn't try putting things off my mind permanently.. it's hard but i tot i could do it.. maybe i'm not that capable when it comes to this eh.. of course i do not want to let ppl have the wrong idea.. i can speak to anyone, no doubt but ultimately eh.. whether i think the things are worth saying or doing is up to myself.. actually i do hope if there's any doubts please clarify from me.. i din think i told them everything and anything.. gosh, wat's wrong with me?? never ever have i been like that... if i could be happy seeing you, talking to you only in my dreams.. i'll rather not wake up.. at least i wun be upset.. *selfish me hur~* i feel so so -urgh- when i see somethings u did.. feel so glad u talked to me, so glad u were there.. (mayb that's y i'm there? i dunno) it's not your fault, seriously.. i jus dunno wat's got into me.. hope you are not freaked out.. it's so unbelievable lor.. i feel really different.. as in, like wat u sad.. very comfortable.. yes.. hurm.. i choose to trust you.. though apparently there are much external disagreement to that..

i cant take another disapperance act.. i think lar.. not sure too... wat the hell.. *screams*

it's been some time since i have the whole day all to myself.. slacking.. oh well, if i haven't fall sick i guess i wun be at home at all.. hehz.. so well, thanks to the flu bug i get to stay home today.. farni though in stead of recuperating comfortably in my bed.. i just had the desire to bake some cookies.. so yep.. i did that.. tried out sth new though.. never try adding almonds before.. so this is my first time.. wun say it sucks but there's much room for improvement.. haha.. see who's so 'lucky' to be my guinea pig!!

after my cookies i was rather bored.. actually it's jus that i refuse to touch my tut and readings... so i ended up preparing dinner for my family! harhar.. dunno wat the hell got into me.. jus wan to cook lar.. so we had fried fish, long beans with carrots and mushroom-egg soup for dinner! haha.. only after that i'm satisfied.. then start to worrie abt my ever piling tutorials!! argh... *grrrr*

and wat am i doing now?? blogging~! listening to some dancing music.. my sis borrowed from her classmate.. did i mention before she loves techno? wow.. haha.. since the age of like 9? yar.. whenever she sees tv ads featuring techno cds she'll comment that she likes them, want to buy.. hur~

gosh.. the thought of that stack of tutorials on my desk's revolting...

anywaez.. should say i enjoyed my weekends.. saturday did not start out well i'd say.. due to the quarrels and serious lack of sleep for 3 consecutive days before v-day... yep.. so my sleepy bugs got the better of me. slept all the way til 1.30pm when i'm supposed to reach amk like 2pm!! if he hadn't called, that's it.. think i'll sleep til the evening.. anyway, we went to ktv around 6pm.. with his frens richard kenny paul weihua evelyn.. gosh! richard sings like aaron kwok!!! was stunned when i heard him sing his first song.. yep.. they were pretty nice ktv kakis! singing all those duets and farni farni songs... while the gang continues singing, we went for dinner at tonkichi.. there was so much food!! i couldn't finish lar, but the food's damn nice! it was nice of him to remember i love jap food and more imptly sashimi!! was very xin tong he spent so much.. heng i warned and insisted i dun wan any flowers on that day cos it's so so damn expensive.. later on then i realised he wanted to get flowers but scared i angry since i insisted on not having one.. haha.. which was true.. good boy..

after dinner met up with his frens again.. rite.. kenny's good looking.. bballer, 21 yrs old.. hehz.. ar.. din dare tell him that kenny's quite shuai.. so i jus keep quiet.. barely spoke to him lor.. haiz.. *grinz* nvm, sure got chance see him again.. they may be gg this sat too! hur~

met up with yongling ian qianyu nellie yewkum around 11pm.. too bad i missed out the fun at newsroom bar.. nevermind.. gg chiong this coming sat!! yipee~!

then on sunday, went to his place.. it was planned, according to him.. cos his father brought back my fav cod fish, so he ask me to join his family for dinner.. it was sweet of him to cook one of my fav dish for me! =) was feeling rather paiseh cos his aunt and grandma were there too.. other than his parents, sis and bf, bro and younger sis.. like wow, so many ppl.. was very happy to spend my weekend this way since i only get to see him for less than 48 hours per week..

however.. i'm going to be screwed by my boss for missing my job without valid reason.. shucks.. gone case.. damn.. dunno wat to do now.. *dilema* i'm apologetic, no doubt about that.. it's just alright, in a way i'm ashamed of myself for doing this but i can't bear to spoil his plans esp when it was rather rare for him to put in so much effort.. oh no..

right.. time to go back mugging.. guess i'll need coffee... *sulk*

grrrreat... the caffine's taking effect.. can't get to sleep after an ice mocha vanilla at coffee club in Holland V... decided to pop over and have a chat with yongling and hansheng.. gosh.. haven talked to hansheng since he came back from australia.. felt rather bad about it.. yet can't help it cos of the many many things i've got to settle.. haiz.. nevertheless, had a really good talk with them.. not forgeting the suaning and discussion about chio bus and shuai ges... muahahahah... din want to leave but have to.. cos haven do tmr's tut.. some more got finance test tmr so.. *pulls hair*

hehz.. i hate growing up... as much as i hate it, i look forward to the challenges and new things i can do.. harhar.. erm.. not sure how to say but bobian lar.. just have to deal with it.. changes changes changes.. inevitable aren't they? hee~ currently i'm not the person i expected to be.. what i do and how i think can be appalling to myself.. and it's getting more often as the days go by..

happy together somehow can't be the only thing that causes it to survive.. i mean i start to think why am i wasting my time here dwelling over the fact that dead end is coming, just dunno when.. not that i just had this feeling today.. it's more of an attempt to organise my thoughts bar.. *nods head* conveying of message(s) is necessary.. there has to be progress.. i dun wan to be doing round abouts or remain stagnant. perhaps we're all busy thus resulting in postponing of this issue.. harhar.. or maybe jus no one wants to work on it or do something about it.. think it's not the latter.. well, i dunno wat the heck i'm crapping again.. blablabla..

okie.. i've decided on wat to do... *humph*

sOlitaRy rEtReAt fRoM bEwiLdErmENt
iNtEntiOn oF cEaSiNG cOntEntmEnt
muLLiNg oVeR tHE uNSpOkEn
oBsTinAcY coNStiTutEs mY oPiNIoNs
nEvEr tO diMiNiSh yOUr hAppInEss bUT
oPpOsitiOn iS gAiNiNg aTtRaCtiVenEss
oVeR hErE iT gEtS sUfFocAtiNg
i woNdEr whEtHEr yOUr aTtiTudEs' mAtChiNG...

what the heck.. i'm supposed to be doing my tutorial for tmr morning.. but jus can't seem to concentrate on my readings.. no, i'm not tired.. perfectly awake in fact.. just had a refreshing bath half hour ago.. *hiakz* maybe cos much things are running through my mind.. that's why i can't help but to spit out some stirring opinions of mine.. harhar.. alrite.. maybe they are not so disturbing afterall.. it's just me lar.. *shrugs*

feburary is here wor.. time to put new year resolution(s) into action! i am flawlessly certain that this year will be a better one for you.. of course need that effort of yours lar.. hehz.. dun think i'm nagging wor.. maybe cos abit worried lar.. and yes.. think of those interesting GEs! dun wan to put them back rite!? okieokie.. dun wan to be lawso lar.. all the best yep.. be good ger.. =) jiayou jiayou for 7th and 8th feb! *thumbs up*

sometimes i can't help but wonder what the hell is going on in your mind.. if what i say sounds enraged.. pls dun mind me.. the antagonism is unintended.. probably if nothing from both sides is known.. or my ignorance of either party in fact is present.. things wouldn't be like what it is to me? i dunno.. confusion lingers and is dreading.. someone pls wake up?!?! how come it seems to me that the outcome will be awful? once again, this is solely my thoughts.. shoot me dead if u wan lar.. harhar.. hurm, anyhow, where has the realisation of over-doings gone to? is it so gruelling to come around? being oblivious to the situation is definitely not a recommended dealing.. for the very very first time.. i agree to the statement made by a dear fren.. "there's no such thing as you dunno, it's whether you want to do it or not..." this entanglement is becoming complex as the day goes.. or is it not? *ponders* you may let things be, take pleasure from the doings.. and you on the other hand continues to be unware(consciously i believe) of the consequences.. as a bystander, i am in no position to stop either one of you.. go ahead.. i couldn't care more.. just a note of concern here.. what the ... someone tell me about helplessness.. *diaoonz*

watched the last samurai a few hours ago.. roughly 2.5 hour show.. coolz, tom cruise is so so so charming!!!! hehz.. alrite alrite, i'm supposed to comment on the movie.. not him eh.. well, think it's not bad lar.. action is there (war and fighting scenes were good!), a few scenes were rather touching.. though i tot the ending was a lil bit too draggy.. yep, tt's abt it for my comments.. u guys should go catch it in the cinemas.. samurais are so so cool... *keke*

jus had a quarrel with him.. like qianyu said, i regret saying what i told her this afternoon while we were on nel's car... this just had to happen on the same day, or the next in fact(since after 12am) eh? i owas hate to quarrel, cos it aches to say harsh things abt him to him, it hurts to have him feel upset. the last thing i wan to do is to jeopardize our relationship.. however i feel the need to convey my tots if possible the hard way to make him comprehend..

gosh, i feel so bad to hung up on him.. but at the same time i'm disappointed with his response.. *contradiction* i just hope things will turn out fine ultimately.. i'm not saint, so can't predict.. *shrugs*

oopsie.. haven been updating much recently... well, perhaps i've got no time.. busy with quite a number of things this festive season.. realised how much junks i have after packing my stuff.. *wow*
more importantly, i think i'm dumbfounded, or at lost about things that happened around me... not sure where to start but certainly tough to convey through words.. *scratchs head*

part of me concurs that i've progressed, that i'm pleased with whom and what i'm blessed with..
yet another part of me swayed at the flood back of sentiment..
unaware of the aching of the mutilated mark, this side of me acquired the assurance onced rummaged..
i'm anesthetized instead of feeling elated at the discovery..
which seems puzzling to me since i deem restoration of faith fulfilled..

to append the circumstances, further incidents weathered my gratification..
silence ain't golden afterall.. tranquility doesn't speak of harmony.. another lesson to be learnt positively..
probably due to verity, the requisite of anxiety discontinues..
perhaps because of scarcity, the alternative has to be taken..
maybe the ultimate incentive is within, in anticipation of erupting at it's most apposite..

"To fall in love is easy, even to remain in it is not difficult; our human loneliness is cause enough. But it is a hard quest worth making to find a comrade through whose steady presence one becomes steadily the person one desires to be."

jus how 'lucky' can i get this year? apparently very very 'lucky'.. start if 2004.. no games and xiong xiong exercise for at least a month.. continue with medication.. perhaps need to make braces for my back.. *prays hard hope dun need to* walk, stand and walk with the constant bit of pain.. bleahz.. the best thing is now i haf to take extra care of my ankle as well as back.. jus like the saying 'trouble no single travel'.. blabla..

happy new year! welcome 2004! hehz.. oh well, as of today, i've been at home, or to the doctor for 10 days! oh my goodness, can you believe it? i can't believe it takes so blardie long for my ankle to get back to shape.. it's really too much for me to be stuck at home for the last week of my holidays! humph.. wat a thing to happen! can't go countdown, can't go gathering, can't go meet friends, can't go help occ.. what the f**k.. i've bored to death sia.. though got vcds to accompany me..
to my ankle: can u please be more zheng1 qi4 and get well? i know it's not easy.. sorrie i hurt u over and over over these few years.. you guai guai get well okie? then i'll take good good care of ya.. *soompaa!*
okieokie.. can't take this anymore.. good thing is scool's reopening!!!! leture starts tuesday!! yeah.. wait! gosh.. sudenlili remembers the amount of steps in bizad.. *faintz*

wow, last day of 2003.. still pondering over whether i should go out for dinner.. and meet up with friends.. with my still-abit-swollen-but-can-at-least-walk-abit ankle.. harhar.. well.. shall see how bar..

oh my gosh.. one more day to the last day of 2003 and i'm still stuck at home with a badly sprained ankle.. dunno y.. it doesn't seem to recover with the speed i wan it to.. hehz, am i too demanding?? hurm.. i wanna go out on new year's eve!!!!!!!!!! *pants*

seems like the undertakings during the jolly season of thanksgiving have been pretty engaging for me... had a great xmas eve dinner with jasc yongling sam and ian at B.Boss.. the partying at O bar was fun.. thanks dudes for the treats.. *winkz*

jus a little disappointment though, i lost the christmas gift from ian.. *sobz* am really upset about it.. it was really sweet.. *sulks* thanks yar.. heng i read the note liaoz.. *smilez*

after the so-havoc party.. went to mark's place for gathering on xmas day! had a really nice catch up with the peepz, esp waiying and yonghui.. *muahahaha* guess it's time to clear up abit of the mess made... *winkz*

i was carrying my beloved bag out to town one day.. in search of some accesories.. to brighten my day.. *smilez* as i was browsing through the stuff in one of the shops, a sales personnel approached me, holding a bag in her hand.. i knew what she wanted to do at the instant. though it was absolutely not my initial intention to consider purchasing a bag, i did not hesitate to allow her to do her job.. in fact, i might have been slightly attracted to it by it's simple-yet-attractive appearance. for a split second, i wanted it very much..
i did not really pay attention to what was coming out of the salesgirl's mouth. instead, i put down my bag in a corner and tried carrying this one that was made known to me barely a few minutes ago.. this was better than my bag.. actually, it is almost similar to what i've been looking for.. the only thing was that i had no idea how much it costs to own it and whether this bag was ready to be part of my life..
what will happen to my bag if i decided to abandon it for good? it has been rather durable and "accomodating" for me although i find it hard at times to carry all the stuff i want to bring.. it has been nice to my eyes though it does not suit my outfit at times.. oh well.. i like my bag.. but i'm afraid i'm attracted to this new one at the moment.. maybe falling for it without realising..
perhaps i should continue with my shopping for accesories and not purchase the bag.. or i should consider this one while in search for other better bags.. maybe i can find similar ones in other places.. or i can own this bag..
why am i confused?? cos i'm not sure if i can find another identical one. cos it may be the last piece available..
being selfish basically, aren't i?? *lowers head*

right now, i'm at home with an elephant-look-alike right leg.. fell down steps of stairs just a couple of hours ago.. my right ankle's hurting real bad now.. damn.. and did i mention i've got phobia visiting sinsehs?? *bish*

jus came back from supper with robin at west coast market... first time on bike.. woohoo.. very nice feeling harhar!! want to go learn bike ar!! harhar, crasi me.. hmmm.. thanks zhu tou (oops.. mus be nicer).. thanks robin for the treat and the ride!! yep... we tok cok til forgot time... reach home aorund 1am liaoz.. wow.. quite amazing everytime go supper oso so much to tok about.. yeah...

watched scary movie 3 at JEC yesterday.. midnight show.. super lame lar the movie.. laugh til stomachache.. some ppl think it's a waste of money but welll, i think it's not bad... =) cos i've been wanting to watch the series since it started out but then it was R(A).. haiz.. now finally NC-16 so must go watch.. muahahahha.. but then i think it'll be much more entertaining if i've watched every single movie scary movie 3 uses to 'distort'.. hehz..

okie, this is abit the going reverse chronological order.. harhar... last friday.. 19th dec... went to school help out at annual ntu business sch vs nus bizad games day... West End Meet.. surprisingly this year we won many of the games.. ahrhar... oops.. me and yonghui and wendy were to take care of the participants' belongings at the gym.. basically we jus rotted there until some ntu players came to 'entertain' us.. no lar.. cos they wan to check their results and wendy was with her laptop.. so hehz. yalor.. started tokking to them, ask them wan to go bash or not.. blablabla... realised they were rather crappie... =)

well, after they check their results.. so since the laptop is there and on wireless connection.. one of the ntu players victor start using friendster.. added us and then slowly a few more lar.. harhar... so farni manz.. found him quite crappy.. well.. we felt like we're PR-ing with them.. wow.. not bad lar.. at least the day din go wasted in the end.. got to know some new friends from ntu... *smilez*

alrite.. back to now... after this whole week.. realise i got crush on a few people.. oops.. is it too much to have crush on more than 1 person??? hmmm... like when i see them i feel happy.. hehz... woohoo... *winkz* oh manz... gg crasi le wor.. *bangs wall*
*slap myself*
*wake up*!!!
haiz... crush awhile lar hor... passing phase?? hurm... *scratch head*

woohoo... today can be considered fruitful... raised some funds for FOC by assuming the role of garang guni... hahar! so the whole gang of us (FOC main com & frens) swept the area of Simei collecting old newspapers, old clothes, tv sets... etc. well, almost the whole area lar, hehz... couldn't finish every corner of the flats due to manpower and time constraints.. nevertheless i think it's not a bad start for future collections... =)

the experience was interesting... cos of the weird, hilarious, pleasant... blablabla incidents...

~encounter 1~

me : ho, we're from NUS doing a charity drive... do you have old newspapers or clothes or old tv sets... blablabla...
resident : i no money i no money....
me : erm... we're not here for money... jus wondering if you have unwanted stuff we can collect...
resident : i no money lar... "bo zho gang"(not working) no money...
me : erm, okie, nevermind, thanks...
resident : *close doors*
me : *scratches head* ???

~encounter 2~

me : (same opening as above)
resident : you're from?
me : NUS
resident : oh! okie, give me a minute or so...
me : sure, thanks! (later...)
resident : you alone collecting this floor? i get my son to help you bring the stuff down?
me : er, no need, it's okie, i 'll get my friends to help..
resident : oh, is it troublesome? it's alright, my son can help...
(the son came out, gosh... not bad looking sia... hurm... harhar)
me : it's alright really... my friends will be here in no time... (paiseh lar)
resident : oh, ok then... *smiles*
me : thanks alot!

~encounter 3~

(yonghui and me waiting for lift at 6th storey to go up to last storey)
malay guy : are you all going up?
me : erm, nope... =)
malay guy : ok, *carries the tv set outside lift*
me and yonghui : *puzzled*
(lift door closes)
me : is that tv set ours? did our ppl collected that from one of the families?
yonghui : not sure... erm, i think so... erm, maybe not, erm... ????
me : oops, if it's ours then... hurm... is that guy the garang guni who is trying to 'steal' our business?
yonghui : wa, if he is then we actually look at him and allow him to take our tv set?!?!
me : -_-"
(later we realise the tv set belongs to the malay guy...)
oops... can you imagine if we stopped the guy from carrying the tv set? *ponders*

there's some other encounters but too tedious to put them down.. some of the kids and dogs are really gorgeous and adorable... hehz... in short, it's tiring but fun...
oh yes! we(me and yonghui) thought it's rather boring to just collect stuff and collect stuff and collect stuff... so we started singing along our way... hehz... guess mark, nanda and irza can't stand our 'crasiness'... well, paiseh wor... jus want to make the atmosphere not so dull and quiet mar... hehz... yeah yeah... found 1 potential ktv kaki, kaweng... he oso sings when we're resting... hehz... goodie... din realise robin told him about the 2 of us 'siao char bors' at ktv the other day... until he told us he finally understands what robin meant... muahahahahha~

friends.. there'll be more collections coming up for fund raising... so please do come join me if ya want to be part of the fun okie okie?? no doubt it'll be physically texing.. but it'll be fun getting to know more ppl... strangers of new friends! \(^v^)/

wednesday had just passed... now thursday le... well... yesterday had been one of my worse days... the mixed emotions that purges my brain cells... not to mention the physical draining of energy...
it's been a long long time since i felt this way.. somehow i dun wish to feel so, however things jus turn out to be.. i've told not many about wat happend...
first call in the morning almost made my heart jumped right up to my mouth... grandpa fell at workplace... from his lorry... rushed down with my grandma... brain was in a blank.. cos dunno exactly wat happened... worried sick for my ah gong who's already passed 60 years and a carrier of some illness... too kancheong to go see him... forgot about my hp.. which is my like my life..esp for wednesday... i dunno why... the fear of losing one of my most precious special someone made me realise i can even forget abt my 'life'...
well, so after everything is settled... i finally get to go home to my 'life'... not that i want to leave my grand parents alone... but i need to face the consequence of forgetting my 'life'... wow... millions of missed calls and sms... rushed to pack my stuff and get on the bus to go sch for treasurer talk... called ppl to explain my absence in the morning.. it's my fault i comprehend... i deserve the reprimanding i suppose...
just that all those frustration and worry and helplessness when i couldn't contact them earlier was tough... plus the concentration needed and perhaps lack of rest as well... accumulated emotions... BOOM! that's it... hec care wat they are thinking.. i just dun haf enough energy to explain any further... go ahead and be angry... they should be... go ahead and think wateva u are thinking... i give up...
just my luck to be in this mess... whether it's to my blame or not...
great... jus when i thought things are going fine for my grandpa... a call from my grandma... he had a minor heart attack.. gotta be extra careful.. sheesh... oh manz... what haf i been doing these times? i haven eaten breakfast with him for a million donkey years... i haven talked to him about my sch, about my life now for a long time... i haven cared for him longer than what is enough... and though what happened today may be minor to some... it daunt upon me that i may one day lose him... there's so much things i want to say.. so many things i want to do with him... afterall my grandparents have been taking care of me since i was 6 mths old...
oh well... it definitely feels better after ranting... not that i can jus forget about everything... but it allows me to sort things out abit... wow... what the hec... i still no mood to explain to them... argh... or i dunno how to... wateva... bleahz... everything yesterday jus pisses me off...

jus a testing entry... =)...