heard from my friends it's a very touching scene to witness rom..
din noe exactly how it feels til i witness one myself..
and it's really like what they say.. you'll feel like getting married too..
*silly grinz*

the whole atmosphere, watching them take their vows, the overwhelming emotions through their expressions and words.. signing of cert, exchanging rings, a simple kiss.. if only marriage really is so simple.. *shrugs*

another of my nonsense today..
and i'm glad you stayed..
such a lucky bitch..

having something and losing it is such a painful process.. the fear of losing already can be tormenting.. perhaps not having it at all is a blessing afterall?

Compare - To examine the character or qualities of two or more persons or things, for the purpose of discovering their resemblances or differences...

comparisons may take into considerations of discriminating factor.. it's inevitable i guess.. the infiltration of evil thoughts is apalling.. the rising demands are uninviting..

somehow knowledge instigates unethical thoughts or even practices.. only subtle words appear in the theories.. actions speak louder than words but not of the words unfortunately..

there are no friends forever, only common interests for a long term, a friend quoted.. something that caught my attention.. a fact in many aspects most do not want to admit but subconsciously or eventually adopt..

a friend once told me his uni friends change.. i used to detest the changes but on second thoughts, the only thing that is constant is change.. the question thing is why are the changes showing uglier faces.. i hope he's getting on fine in uni now..

of course this is not an absolute case.. and i do hope i'll not become a cold-blooded animal to maximise the benefits of my existence.. actually, i'm sure i won't.. but then again, will i? tell me about contradiction..

an avenue to vent my frustrations..
a prevention from intellectual death of thought provoking clots up my veins..
an escape from struggling debate..
a sudden urge to rectify persisting cynicism..

a repeated course more common lately..

i'm stressed.. exams? nope.. not yet..
i think too much.. living? consolation of functioning brain at least to me..

i think i'm in the 'end-of-sem' crisis.. i dunno if this is stress or wat.. i don't think so.. i dunno la.. argh.. i feel sort of lost..

not depressed.. i'm happie.. maybe not contented? i like to study.. but not mug for exams.. i dun like the feeling of not doing well after i mug for it.. maybe that's y i dun really bother to mug? i'm happie as long as i dun fail.. sounds so mei2 zhi4 qi4 hor.. aiya.. i hate being competitive in results la.. makes studying so dull and uninteresting..
but then come to think of it i'm competitive in presentations.. er.. some presentations.. shite.. i oso dunno wat rubbish i'm saying here.. rant rant and rant..

exams are coming.. presentations are coming.. and i'm still here slacking.. thinking abt all the things i'm gonna do after exams.. can't stand myself.. i noe.. should start mugging le rite? see my point.. i'm okie with not sleeping and not eating for my presentations.. but how silly? stubborn bee jus refuses to settle down to mug.. *PUI~!*

kind of quite scary when i think of having a routine life.. as in u noe.. wake up, work, go home, housework, sleep then wake up, work... weekends for rest and leisure.. come to think of it i'm uncertain if i want this kind of life.. but then again i dun really have much choice? erm.. or do i? if i'm saying this then i should do wat i want to make my life not so routine and boring rite? argh... *scratch head*

damn.. i haven feel this way for a long time.. i wonder why.. i dun like my parents but i can't walk out on them.. i dun like my home but i just have to live in it.. damn, i should have listened to my uncle and move to hostel last year.. haha.. or listen to my aunt and move in with her..*diaoonz* haiz but everything happens for a reason i guess? *shrugs*

anyhow.. i jus found out something new about myself.. this morning i woke up feeling lost so i decided to try cooking something i haven really tried before.. guess what? i enjoyed it so much i forgot about time and ended up late for lecture! haha and poor thing he has to be my guinea pig haha.. i really enjoy experimenting in the kitchen.. kind of allow me to forget about my insecurities, worries blabla.. u noe.. the process of mix and match.. tasting.. anticipating the results.. fail then try again next time.. sucessful then work on it to improve.. if only i can bring this to reality? aiyoyo..

going all cranky and stuff.. i'm missing him so much it scares me.. i'm afraid i'm not good enough.. he'll say i'm silly, siao, 'sot'.. wateva.. i still wan to say.. i'm selfish.. i want him with me.. can never have enough.. it's amazing time flashes by.. i'm going mad.. sometimes i wanna cry i can't believe myself.. i amuse myself when i start whining.. but it's normal according to him.. erm.. and of cos i dun wan to lose my friends.. i'm not 'heavy color light friend'..

should stop all these.. it's not healthy.. and i'm getting fat.. shite..

i thought ms tut today was pretty interesting.. i didn't fall asleep during it!

let's play a game..
there's 3 doors, behind 1 of it there's a car and the 2 two a goat..
you can choose one 1 after which i'll open 1 of the remaining 2 doors to reveal 1 goat..
you can then make a choice of staying with your choice or switching to the other closed door..
what decision will you make?

this is actually an IQ qn.. and it's better to switch your choice of door.. reson being the probability of getting the car if you swtich your choice is twice the probability of winning should you stick to your first choice..

interesting huh? and the logic? i'm convinced.. so if i have a chance to be in this scenario mayb i'll switch my choice~! *keke*

so this is it that kept me from sleeping this afternoon!

anyhow.. had my mm-airpork case presentation this morning.. dragged myself out of bed 630am.. reached sch at 8am to rehearse..
well, it paid off..
prof says our presentation is interesting and he likes it..
the class participated.. they all ate the breaded pork chop yh's mum prepared..
prof finished the remaining pork chops!
andrew asks for a copy of our slides(my baby~!) cos he says it's nice..
ha, that's abt all.. can't stop being so high though i'm actually dead beat..

now.. the hell weeks jus started.. 1 paper 2 project reports 3 presentations..
2 presenattions on the same day one after another in week 12.. *oh man*
wish me luck..

i'm so looking forward to after exams.. i want more than a million weeks!!! much much much much more... *hee*

the next time i decide to attend my js lecture.. i shall think twice.. think 3 times 4 times 5 times.. cos it's darn boring.. i can get everything from the slides and readings..so no point attending rite? *nods head*

anyhow lecture was about departmental stores and food marketing in japan.. abit about the gift-giving culture of the japs.. there's this example abt a woman choosing to buy a very famous brand of cookies from a well known place instead of baking them herself for her teacher during the last lesson.. reason being buying something well known by all is a way of showing respect for the teacher, how much one value the relationship.. the gift-giving thingy must also be known by third parties..

oh well, jus when i thought gift-giving is all about 'it's the thought that counts'.. i'm like totally wrong in the japanese context..

then there's another example about valentine's gift.. females are OBLIGED to give giri chocolates to their bosses, male friends and collegues as a way of saying thanks and honto chocolates to their loved ones.. the males can then DECIDE whether or not to repay the gift one month later on white day(13mar)..

obviously there's some japanese culture i refuse to acknowledge.. maybe im stubborn but what the hell.. obliged to give presents? i dun like that..

and there's another thing about repaying the gift of something on par in terms of quality (which usually means price too) or better.. well, if i'm rich i'll have absolutely no qualms about this but i'm not fortunately or unfortunately..

which brings me to another point.

i like to receive gifts from people (i think most of us do?).. i'll feel bad if i can't give the person something of around the same value what i receive from him or her.. this is not the same as repaying gifts in jap context.. simply cos they repay the gift all during the same occassion which i don't..
for example A gives me $1000 watch as a birthday present.. i'll feel bad if i know i can't give A something of that value on A's birthday.. as such i'd rather not receive anything from A..
tho i don't have the mentality that when i give someone and expensive gift, i expect the same from the person, inevitably i'll feel inferior.. ego at work? i dunno.. i'll jus feel weird.. i'll sometimes even feel stress, esp when that person is someone important to me..
maybe that's why i always like things to be simple.. happiness from simplicity..

darn.. blabber so much withing such a short time.. if only i can type this way for my OM report.. *urgh*

I can feel the magic floating in the air
Being with you gets me that way
I watch the sunlight dance across your face
And I've never been this swept away
All my thoughts just seem to settle on the breeze
When I'm lying wrapped up in your arms
The whole world just fades away
The only thing I hear is the beating of your heart

Cause I can feel you breathe
Just watching over me
And suddenly I'm melting into you
There's nothing left to prove
Baby all we need is just to be
Caught up in the touch
Slow and steady rush
Baby isn't that the way that love's supposed to be?
I can feel you breathe
Just breathe

In a way I know my heart is waking up
As all the walls come tumbling down
Closer than I've ever felt before
And I know, and you know
There's no need for words right now

Breathe - Faith Hill

did i do A because of 1, 2 or 3?
did i do B because of 1, 2 or 3?
will i stick with A regardless of 1, 2 or 3?
i think i did B cos of 1, 1 and 1 again..

stay away cos i'll bite..
i'll bite when i'm bitchy..
i get bitchy esp when i'm tired..
i get tired when i'm upset..
i get upset when i'm hurt..
i get hurt more easily when i care..
i care when it's you..
you dun deserve this cos it was unintentional..

is it the things done or was it those not done?
is it the content or was it the lack of it?
is it the foresight or was it the myopic state?
is it a chance or did i took it for granted?
was it a game i played into reality?
is this gg to be a viscious cycle?

ms mid term's over.. *phew* nothing much to tok abt.. just unsure..

mm mid term's coming!! *screams*
10 bloody long chapters to study for 50 mcq qns with 5 options tt takes up 25% of my grade.. how 'nice' is it? okie i noe.. so boring to see an entry with nothing but complaints.. for goodness sake i'm studying on a saturday when i'm supposed to be slacking watching tv or out having fun.. okie i noe.. it's only this weekend rite.. i'll be happier monday.. for awhile before other work comes.. *sulk*

and i feel so silly.. it's not as if i won't have the company anymore.. i just dunno what got into me to feel so sad i felt like crying.. which eventually ended up me tearing for a minute or so.. *smack my head*

i think my astigmatism is back to haunt me after so many years.. left eye got double vison.. can't read properly.. feel like gorging my eye out.. mayb i'll be better off dead. gotta go see optician for a new pair of specs soon.. before i go blind reading my notes and textbooks.. *blink blink*

nerd? maybe i'm becoming one.. under influence.. but then again.. i dun think i'll be one.. i mean i wanna go out and meet my friends.. spend time and talk to them.. talk about things other than studies.. i still sleep alot.. read magazines and jus slack.. okie.. considering me studying for test so last minute.. i think i'm not.. *woohoo* somehow diligence to a nerdy extent is so not me.. *grinz* which brings me to the point.. i'm here blogging my way when i still have 5 chapters to read.. *shrugs*

i'm not in a good mood today i guess.. my sis piss me off the moment i got home.. father wanna borrow money from me when i barely have enough for myself.. what the hell.. here bitching abt my father sounds so bad? tell me abt it.. *buay tahan* want to vomit blood scolding my sis and trying to make my father discipline her.. dun let her go out tis weekend.. guess what? she went out when i came home.. her exams coming so soon.. next fri.. still dun wan to settle down to revise her work.. really wan to give her up le.. *faint*

finally had my lambo after soooooooo long.. nope, i'm not alcoholic.. jus missed my flaming lambo.. missed it so long even bartender michael dun recognize me.. (or is it cos i cut my hair le?) anyhow i was abit disappointed cos duno why yest so on form.. tequilla pops n shot, long island, screw driver, lambo, slippery nipple, apple sugar and i was barely there.. hmmm.. nevertheless, quite interesting cos get to try some drinks tt are new to me.. din meet many ppl.. only sim n vignesh.. as much as i dun wish too haiz..

really got to eat grass le.. burnt a hole in his pocket.. oops.. dun feel good.. dun feel good tt he dun feel good too.. haiz.. it's not complicated.. very simple logic..
he happy = me happy
okie enough of my nonsense.. i'm tired..

Virgo Woman

She will be similar to Leo woman in appearance. A slim woman who walks with
confident and proud. She likes to look straight as if she is searching. She is not a pretentious type and will always say what she thinks.

You will see Virgo woman walks fast. She will try her best to be perfect, to look perfect and to feel perfect even though there is no such perfection. She is very delicate of what and how she dress. She is bright and easily despair with obstacles. She likes smart guys who will be compatible with her, so if you are a rich dumb guy, you can forget about her right now.

She is not a very possessive or jealous person for she expect respect from her loved one. She does not like a part time lover, or a temporary mate. If she finds her dream man, she will not go away. If she does not like you, she will always keep a certain distant. Act proper and appropriate is her discipline.

She does not like and can not stand bad languages, cursing words or phrase. She likes a gentleman who open the doors for her. She wants to feel protected and when a man is taking care of her, she will feel like a complete woman.

She memorizes everything about other people and about herself very well. She can really keep secrets, you can trust her on this. She likes a refreshing and a mild scent. Do not comment on her very picky habits, it's her happiness in
working full time as a self beautifier.

She is not an innocent angel for sometimes she can be as tough as steel. Even she is easily in despair, she is not the type to cry over it. She is the shy type, so making speech in front of the room can make her nervous even though she walks and talks confidently.

She only search for true love , not just any love. Her love is an ideal one. She likes to think no one is neater and as effective as her, which can irritate you sometimes for there is no such thing. She likes sweet talk, but she can slip and say something unpredictable and unbearable to you too. When she stops getting mad, she will totally forget what she just said and be an angel again . If you have a date with her , you'd better be there on time.

Flowers and sweet word can calm her down. If you want to say sorry , make it
brief and straight forward. Do not drag your apologetic words into a long making it up events, it could lead you to another world war. She likes her man to dress nice and clean. She is good in details especially with money. Do not make her think that she is a clown or funny.

In the beginning of knowing her, please try not to glance at other pretty woman so much. Early period of dating her, try not to hold her so much in public, it could not be a proper thing to do. She loves books, stage play and music and likes to criticize about them too.

Criticism woman is her icon including big and small things in life starting from your hair, your dress , and the way you talk. If you are in love with her, be as almost perfect as your can.

sth i received from my friend through email..

what a weekend..

fri
belated bday dinner at amk ave 3.. the crab beehoon's yummilicious!!!!!!!!! i actually ate crab without getting my hands oily and dirty and stuff.. *haha* courtesy of my so-long-nv-contact friend.. such a nice gesture to get the crab meat out of the shells, put on the plate for me.. *thanks* even opened my can of green tea, carried my textbook for me.. though made me feel abit like a child.. i like it anyway *hur*

sat
bbq at wanhui's condo was good.. 15 of us (benjamin sheldon junming jeffrey yulun daoxing kaili valerie faith siva shuhui inez jinglin wanhui me).. the last time we had a gathering of more than 10 ppl was like 2 years ago.. so this one's considered successful.. it was really nice catching up with them.. gossiping, teasing one another, recollecting our jc memories.. we even set our next 'major' gathering this december.. steamboat @ yulun's.. hehz.. hopefully it won't be postponed till further notice wor..
stayover at jing's.. watched 13 gg on 30 and butterfly effect on dvd.. my my.. she's got one helluva dvd collection! too bad i dun have dvd player.. *keke* butterfly effect's a good movie.. makes me think.. i like movies that makes me think..

today
having slept for barely 2 hrs this morning after movie marathon.. it's time for me to recuperate from my beauty sleep!!!!!!! *yipeeee*
currently down with eye infection since last thursday.. eyes infection in fact.. some bacteria named GPC in short that makes the underside of my eyelids rough.. so when i blink.. the rough surface irritates my cornea.. and tadah! eye infection.. severe consequence : blindness caused when cornea wears off due to friction with rough surface.. no more contact lens for at least 1-2 months.. use prescribed eyedrop regularly 3 times a day.. until bacteria's fully gotten rid of..
ugly me in specs just like during rag days.. *argh*
i know i know i should've took better care of my eyes and contact lens.. i know all these.. the last thing i need is a lecture that i should've do this and that to my contact lens and eyes..

gosh i'm TWENTY.. no longer a teenager..
i feel old.. haha..

anyhow.. am glad to receive birthday wishes from many.. my junior actually wrote a card for me.. *touched*

i think this year's kind of special.. cos u see i got pre, present and post bday gifts from you.. haha.. the jacket, the cake and dinner and the card.. the surprise was really sweet i thought.. u noe i dun mean it when i said it was silly .. can't believe i din get the hint from kelvin.. but then again it'll be no fun if i got it.. *smilez* (argh, i cant use the same trick on u liaoz)
well, i'm really happy.. to spend this day with you.. even if there's no present no cake no dinner no card.. i'll be as glad to be with you.. my, can't stand myself so *eeeeeeeeeeeyer* haha.. but i mean every word.. *soooompaa*

it's amazing how time flies when we go out..

when can i have enough of your company?

perhaps never..

HaPpiE biRtHdAy tO mEi mEi! hAhA.. mUs jiAyOu iN uR sTudiEs wOR.. eNjOy uR tiMe wiTH uR fRieNds! *muackz* LovE yA~!

the notification came as a surprise.. so much so i decided to leave lalaland much earlier than usual.. a few weeks ago i was an undergrad, she just stepped into the society contented with her job.. today, i am still and undergrad(a happier one) and she's ready to be his wife and their child's mother..

of course i couldn't and wouldn't refuse to be her bridesmaid upon request.. it was a verbal contract since we were old enough to know what getting married is all about. i surely do not wish to breach this one.. *keke* we used to dream about holding our wedding together.. seems like she has to go ahead yep.. the preparation work is *wow* i can't describe.. but i know from now til her wedding i'll be busy..

in a way i feel envious though i think i'm not the kind of person who want to settle down at age 20.. it was more of the happiness i sense in her during our short conversation.. she was apprehensive about everything.. but from the moment he expressed his joy of the news of their child.. she was sure everything will be fine.. there's bound to be difficulties but the fact that they are willing to work towards their goal is so sweet.. how many people can actually do that?

she has definitely matured alot alot more than me.. plus the fact that it's always a dream of mine to settle down with a family (cos somehow i feel life will not be complete without one).. i'm truly happy for them..

most of the times we do not do the things that we like... this is quoted from a friend, and i so agree with it..
do i have a choice? perhaps when i hit the spiritual level (which i doubt i will) nothing is impossible.. to see it from this day right now.. NO.
alot, in fact most of the things i do are by default i have to, i need to.. well, i want to. but doesn't mean i like to.. just stating some facts of life (my life) here.. but of course at times magnification of doing the things i like can conceal the frustration of the alternatives..

on a lighter note.. i'm a happy girl today! haha.. cos it's 9 september.. *baaaaa*
hurm.. i should say it's more like a mixture of feelings.. some of which i may not even comprehend. i feel abit xin1 tong4 but i can't jus wipe the smile out of my face.. not everyone should conform to the 'giving' spirit of the japanese but there's no doubt teeny weeny bit of guilt exists.. i've never seen my 'pursuing' list depleting at this rate before.. probably i'm not used to it..
well i'm still happy.. i think he is too.. and it's good enough for now i guess? *shrugs*

a question she has no answer to.. to her perception it was not in the single bit a brilliant answer.. it's not an answer in the first place.
or so she thinks.
she doesn't eliminate the possibility of eliciting and magnifying on the tone of sarcasm.. but this is how she feels.. so does she need to care about how other ppl think? care abt what you think? yeah, there's no point.. but she doesn't like sour endings either..
obviously she's not as innocent and simple-minded as what some may see.. the complexity can be disclosed by choice.. and only by choice alone.. there isn't a need to test her patience or in other words 'skill of acting-blur'..
she likes to know more people.. she enjoys friends' company.. she just does not want another mess up in her life right now (like she does not have enough already)..

a simple dress.. a simple journey to pan pac.. a simple dinner.. a simple routine of photo-taking.. and a HUGE ktv room to accomodate 11 crazy ppl til 4am in the morning..

bizad ball was alright.. food's not fantastic.. neither does it suck.. never really pay attention to the paegent tt's gg on (i know it's kinda rude).. the thought of gg home after the dinner was abit of a turn off.. glad that bel and gang decided to jio ppl to paradiz kbox.. it was fun for me.. haha.. cos i haven't been singing for donkey years!!!!! heck care the tons of research work and the project discussion next morning.. i enjoyed myself alot.. *woohoo* though it means less sleep and most importantly a 'hole in my pocket'.. i'm so gg to ktv soon soon.. *heh*

meanwhile the craving for lamboghini is getting stronger.. 2 weeks countdown to my mambo!! *grinz*

a pair of old shoes i had.
they walked part of my journey..
a comfortable pair.. very comfortable..
unfortunately i know they're not lasting.

the new pair of sandals that caught my eyes.
suitable for me and appears to be durable..
able to walk much of my journey..
but i'll never know til i consume them.

the old pair sits in my cupboard i realise today.
wanted to throw them down the chute..
changed my mind and wrapped them up with a plastic bag instead..
they stil sit in my cupboard..
i opt to forget about their existence..
the question is can i do it?

never really have preference for the word ' sorry'..
don't like it when 'sorry' is used without comprehension of the reason being used..

but i'm sorry i'm in such a bad mood.. it's selfish to blame it on pms so i won't..
i guess my mind's not functioning properly.. too much for me at the moment perhaps..
too much for a worrier who messed up abit with her expectations..

i just didn't think you'll step out of my life this way.. leaving me with guilt i don't even comprehend.. i told you never to doubt my words.. you chose not to regard them.
i thought it was pretty hypocritical to remind me of the past.. to speak of what you claim inappropriate basis of break up.. to place high hopes that i'll return..
when i've already moved on with my life..
i did not assume.. i trusted your words.. to be happy for me, to be there for me as a friend..
only to realise the meagre amount of truth in it.. when you decided to act opposing to what you said..
i figured perhaps you did not mean what you said or did.. your emotions got the better of you.. but in any case hating me makes you feel better.. go ahead..
if my smiles make you cry.. if my happiness aches your heart.. if seeing us aggrieves you.. leave.
it's nothing.. i'm just disappointed.. utterly thwarted you left this way..

but then again.. thanks for being part of my story.. you taught me in an ingenious way how to be a better person.. you showed me how wonderful it is to be loved.. you allowed me to seek for what i want and to solicit.. you gave me the chance to know i have to move on..
you made me realise how much i want to treasure my current relationship.. how much i like him and still falling for him.. wishing he's feeling the same..

You're Element is Light. You are friendly, happy,
social, bubbly, and can brighten up any one's
day. You are very kind and a real people person
because you have several friends (or atleast
should). You're cheery nature makes you lovable
and your stunning looks are sweet and stand
out.

What's Your Element(girls)? (PICTURES)
brought to you by Quizilla

caught abit of singapore idol earlier on.. tot the judges were trying too hard to be mean.. anyhow, i admire the contestants' courage..