GUYS WILL ALWAYS BE GUYS

i'm not sure is it a good or bad thing to cry over the person you love, for the things he did, for the things i did that upset him, for the rough times, whatever.. i'm a crybaby or almost one, but never in my life have i cried so hard and so much over a person. and to think that i'm a strong believer of 'the only man worth crying for is the one who knows he can but will never make you cry' *slaps myself* wake up please..

i wonder what are guys made of. whenever there's a problem, they say sorry and if that's not enough, they ask what the gals want them to do. when the gals say dunno, the guys go berserk and decide there's nothing else to be done.. when gals are more concerned about the way problems are solved, they way they deal with them.. depending on the situation and time and other things that happened.. they do things not understanding why they are doing it, just for the fact that the gals asked for it.. they stand by strong to their thinking and don't agree to the gals' way of thinking. when things turn bad, they rake up the fact that they din even think they should've done what they did and that the gals are just sensitive and worrisome creatures making their lives stressful.. they see minor problems as minor problems, ignoring the little details which can grow big without proper dealings. they think they do not need to agree with the gals as long as they do what the gals like, which worsens the viscious cycle when they rake up their 'reluctance'.. they become angry when talking about the little details the gals mention which the guys think are of no issue. their anger overpowers the gals ability to convey their feelings and importance of these details. they are able to act as if nothing has ever happened before the next instant when either the problem is solved or not. and perhaps the most brilliant of all which the gals falls for.. they have the ability to make the whole situation turnaraound.. it becomes the gals' fault or wrongdoing to start with..

at least it almost holds for me.. i feel so so tired at this moment in time with us.. a whole day's absence resulted in at least 8 calls for a comforting assurance. which happened to not be fulfilled, driving the level of worry uneasiness and anger.. turn out it was unintentional, last minute, only a short while (30mins).. so i wasn't subjected to the liberty to be angry. (when in the first place the whole day's absence is enuff to drive me crazy.. not mentioning the 30mins) nvm abt tt, since i know it was unintentional.. then came the "what u wan me to do" strategy that ignites the fury.. i should be sedated by all these times.. but it's a first offence doing so there's no second time according to him.. i dunno how to say it's not the first time u used this strategy (and it is this that matters).. i felt like i'm running a program, manipulating to my pleasure.. worse still when he said he dun deserve 'punishment' it wasn't a grave sin. true it wasn't a grave sin but i'll feel guilty and try to do something to make up.. oh well, he isn't me and so i'm not allowed to judge.. like i said. i'm really tired.. i want a break..

i shall go use my 'toothpaste strategy' to prevent swollen eyes.. i dun wan to look like a puffer on my first day of work!

-to my dearest (ya u still are cos i get upset over the tiniest thing with u).. i dunno if this is considered immature but i will run away when i'm tired.. there are so many things i don't like and i know i can never change them. i don't want to be the silly woman who thinks she can change a man.. i'm sure there are many things you don't like about me. i'm getting incoherent already, damn it.. what i'm tryng to say is, i wish you can understand girls.. there's no harm speaking to others, asking your friends or others.. there are so many things i don't know how to tell you.. and whenever u become irritated when i want to tell you, the words disappear to the back of my brains, it's really difficult for me to talk. i'm beginning to think my tears are of no use since u think i'm a crybaby.. but i can tell you there is not a single time my tears fall for the sake of falling.. while you may think guys are just different and girls' thinking are weird.. i still wish u can understand.. i want to understand you but i dun seem to be doing well.. i'm really tired now.. really.. dun even think that i'm just pmsing.. i'm sorry, for worrying, for calling u at that time, for being angry at you.. when each and everytime there's such a coincidence or excuse that condemns my feelings.. as much as i feel wronged, feel angry to be treated the way i was, to hear those hurting words (either with or without ur knowing), for each time i cried that made u think i'm just a crybaby.. i'm SORRY.. -