i noticed some incoherence in my previous post.. but what the heck.. haha..

my p5 tuition kid refuses to have tuition today.. i'm glad i won't miss my desperate housewives.. i'm glad i dun have to travel all the way to cck.. but there GOES MY MONEY!!!!!!!! argh... i'm broke broke broke.. OH-SO-BROKE... what the f***.. i need the money.. my goodness.. it's the great singapore sale leh!!!! wah biangz.. that's it la.. there goes my shopping spree.. *ppooooooffff* and i still haven clear my debt leh! i still owe him $400 BIG bucks!! what the hell.. my internship pays me minimum!!! and if i take leave they deduct the pay!! *puiee* SUPER SUPER PUIEE!!! *pounds table stomps foot* and i wanna get my dear good pressie!!
Seems like i can't rebond hair and shop le.. no ktv no movie.. can only window shop and at most cut hair.. *Baaaaaaaaa*

Meanwhile i dunno what to get for my dear fren... *scratches head*

me, zw and some other frens were at a restaurant having dinner.. then 2 guys walked towards our table. one started putting his arm around one of my frens saying hi.. and the other seemed interested in zw's hair.. so he started playing around with his hair, while looking seductively at the my guy fren opposite him.. i realised they are gays.. i'm not against them but i just thought it's weird for them to just come over.. then i looked across the restaurant.. i saw a table of 6 girls all dressed up 'gothly'.. why they hell were they dressed up like that in a chinese restaurant?? i was intrigued, so i continued staring at them fumbling with their chopsticks and asking one another how to eat the beiking roast duck.. meanwhile zw was totally disgusted with the 2 strangers who tried to make frens with them.. i frowned real hard and wanted to ask them to leave.. then i saw there were other men behind me, all looked weird.. they are cross dressers..
-------------------------------------
then i woke up.. W-E-I-R-D dream i had.. is it a hint for me to buy 4D?? hurm.. *ponders*
anyhow, i took the trouble to leave house early (7.15am) so tat i can reach office before 830.. and guess what? the bus broke down.. i was late for 15 minutes in the end.. is this bad luck or is this bad luck? urgh.. disgusted.. i haven been punctual this whole week! *gaaaaaaaaaaaa*
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yesterday went party world ktv @ orchard.. jh's birthday.. my first time gg ktv with them.. jh sing DAMN NICE la! the best i've heard so far.. yes yes.. MUCH better than mel.. haha.. my goodness.. when he started singing i just went *stuuuuunnnnnneeeedddd*... cos it's so nice la.. haha.. i had fun.. but not so much fun cos nobody rap with me.. they dun like to rap.. *sulk* anyway, zw sing very nice too leh!! muahahaha.. before gg ktv we were walking around la.. then i keep noticing gers looking at him.. is it just me? what? just becos he look better in shirt and pants? *pui* he said they are just looking at his shirt maybe.. *huh?!?!* i told him it's a girls' thing.. i can't help but notice.. then i told him dun wear this shirt le.. haha he gave me that you-are-crazy look.. *bish*
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back to work.. "gd morning, may i speak to... hi i'm calling from... we're obtaining feedback regarding.. if you complete this survey we'll send you... within a few weeks.. can you spare me a few minutes..."
(-_-)zZZz

quite many things have happened the past week.. i hardly have the time to have enough sleep until yesterday night..

17may tuesday
went cuppage party world sunlight city celebrate wanhui's 21st birthday.. i had fun.. cos really very long never sing with them.. especially since i missed shuhui's celebration the previous week.. let's see.. 7 of us went.. wanhui shuhui me jingling inez ben and jm.. by the time i reached home and had a decent bath.. it's like past 1am.. and i had to wake up at 645am the next morning!
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18may wednesday
keep yawning during work.. my collegue told me my eyebags are getting obvious.. after work i went for tuition and my gosh.. i actually fell asleep while teaching them for the first time.. in the end i couldn't take it anymore i called it a day, ending tuition half hour earlier.. then i went home, bathed, and collapsed after 1am.
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19may thursday
yonghui's 21st bday celebration at aranda country club that evening.. my dear came to pick me up at my workplace! hee.. then took a bloody long train ride to pasir ris.. it'snice seeing the uni gang.. haven't met them since end of exams.. we entertained ourselves.. taking photos, playing cards, talking rubbish.. hehz.. left at abt 1030 and guess ehat timei reached home? 1230! then bathed and again.. i collapsed after 1am.. by that time i looked like a panda..
------------------------------
20may friday
went to work a little later today cos i overslept.. TGIF! my productivity was super low today.. and we even took a 1hr15min lunch! when by rite my lunchtime was only 45mins.. haiz.. we surfed the net, chat online, eat the sweets and cakes other collegues bought and gossiped.. managed to call 25 customers today only, when my target was 30.. after work, my dear came to meet me and we went to old airport road market to eat dinner! it'sour first time there.. the market is so darn huge!! you know you get spoilt for choices when there's so many kinds of nice food.. in the end, we decided on wanton mee andhalf a herbal chicken!

this is the stall as introduced by the channel U program.. and there's my dear collecting our wanton mee! queue number 100~

tadah!! my $2 wanton noodle!!

*salavating* presenting da delicacy.. herbal chicken!!!

GUYS WILL ALWAYS BE GUYS

i'm not sure is it a good or bad thing to cry over the person you love, for the things he did, for the things i did that upset him, for the rough times, whatever.. i'm a crybaby or almost one, but never in my life have i cried so hard and so much over a person. and to think that i'm a strong believer of 'the only man worth crying for is the one who knows he can but will never make you cry' *slaps myself* wake up please..

i wonder what are guys made of. whenever there's a problem, they say sorry and if that's not enough, they ask what the gals want them to do. when the gals say dunno, the guys go berserk and decide there's nothing else to be done.. when gals are more concerned about the way problems are solved, they way they deal with them.. depending on the situation and time and other things that happened.. they do things not understanding why they are doing it, just for the fact that the gals asked for it.. they stand by strong to their thinking and don't agree to the gals' way of thinking. when things turn bad, they rake up the fact that they din even think they should've done what they did and that the gals are just sensitive and worrisome creatures making their lives stressful.. they see minor problems as minor problems, ignoring the little details which can grow big without proper dealings. they think they do not need to agree with the gals as long as they do what the gals like, which worsens the viscious cycle when they rake up their 'reluctance'.. they become angry when talking about the little details the gals mention which the guys think are of no issue. their anger overpowers the gals ability to convey their feelings and importance of these details. they are able to act as if nothing has ever happened before the next instant when either the problem is solved or not. and perhaps the most brilliant of all which the gals falls for.. they have the ability to make the whole situation turnaraound.. it becomes the gals' fault or wrongdoing to start with..

at least it almost holds for me.. i feel so so tired at this moment in time with us.. a whole day's absence resulted in at least 8 calls for a comforting assurance. which happened to not be fulfilled, driving the level of worry uneasiness and anger.. turn out it was unintentional, last minute, only a short while (30mins).. so i wasn't subjected to the liberty to be angry. (when in the first place the whole day's absence is enuff to drive me crazy.. not mentioning the 30mins) nvm abt tt, since i know it was unintentional.. then came the "what u wan me to do" strategy that ignites the fury.. i should be sedated by all these times.. but it's a first offence doing so there's no second time according to him.. i dunno how to say it's not the first time u used this strategy (and it is this that matters).. i felt like i'm running a program, manipulating to my pleasure.. worse still when he said he dun deserve 'punishment' it wasn't a grave sin. true it wasn't a grave sin but i'll feel guilty and try to do something to make up.. oh well, he isn't me and so i'm not allowed to judge.. like i said. i'm really tired.. i want a break..

i shall go use my 'toothpaste strategy' to prevent swollen eyes.. i dun wan to look like a puffer on my first day of work!

-to my dearest (ya u still are cos i get upset over the tiniest thing with u).. i dunno if this is considered immature but i will run away when i'm tired.. there are so many things i don't like and i know i can never change them. i don't want to be the silly woman who thinks she can change a man.. i'm sure there are many things you don't like about me. i'm getting incoherent already, damn it.. what i'm tryng to say is, i wish you can understand girls.. there's no harm speaking to others, asking your friends or others.. there are so many things i don't know how to tell you.. and whenever u become irritated when i want to tell you, the words disappear to the back of my brains, it's really difficult for me to talk. i'm beginning to think my tears are of no use since u think i'm a crybaby.. but i can tell you there is not a single time my tears fall for the sake of falling.. while you may think guys are just different and girls' thinking are weird.. i still wish u can understand.. i want to understand you but i dun seem to be doing well.. i'm really tired now.. really.. dun even think that i'm just pmsing.. i'm sorry, for worrying, for calling u at that time, for being angry at you.. when each and everytime there's such a coincidence or excuse that condemns my feelings.. as much as i feel wronged, feel angry to be treated the way i was, to hear those hurting words (either with or without ur knowing), for each time i cried that made u think i'm just a crybaby.. i'm SORRY.. -

my my.. i can feel the 'extras' accumulating around my waist and thighs.. from the amount of food i've consumed and failed to be worked away by my declining metabolism rate.. urgh..
had steamboat dinner @marina south.. now my stomach's full of prawns and all kinds of shrooms they hav.. *buuuuurrrrrrpppp* then went to harry's esplanade to chill out.. i'm not a fan of beer.. neither a fan for contemporary jazz.. but the company's enough reason to go.. haha..


my bbq prawns!!!

what time is it? it's tiger time! *lame*

m asked me what's so good or bad abt zw, this made me think through it seriously.. ended up not saying cos he's paiseh ha! hurm.. in short.. i think i like the fact that he has an idea of what he wants in life and works hard for it.. isn't this trait just so attractive? *nods furiously* doesn't matter the present value.. as long as the future value will be infinity as quoted from mr teoh muhahaha.. perhaps he can be more open minded.. i feel there's potential for him to see more and be more accepting.. yep.. haha..

yes, it's another round of pigging out today!

wanted to watch 1245 movie but ended up sleeping and sleeping.. catched the 1530 kingdom of heaven @ cine instead.. hmmm, orlando bloom's still good-looking.. without blue eyes and blonde hair haha.. the movie's to me.. nice! like jasc said made me think but not much impact.. other than that, i like the war scenes.. fighting scenes.. so bloody and so COOL! muahahaha.. oh ya, that reminds me nel mentioned i'll like house of wax haha.. by the way, we bought nachos @ cine and i felt so bloody hell cheated la! the cheese has no chesse taste and looks so orangy.. zw said it taste like they put pepper and flour and water only.. it sucks totally.. and the chips' so little! the only consolation is the chips alone taste better than GV ones haha..


see, the cheese's so watery.. *puke*

before the movie we went taka for some finger food.. there's a sale @taka square.. women's shoes and bags.. until 23may.. guess? bags going at 50%! i think i'll go down again.. saw a couple quite nice ones.. and affordable haha.. do go down and take a look ya? haha

dinner @amk central.. 2 of us had chix cutlet, prawn mee and lor mee.. it's PIGGING OUT! haha.. nice nice.. finger lickin good leh! how the hell do they fry that chix til so crispy and tasty? gosh, i'm starting to get hungry now..

after dinner went to visit yihui.. her baby boy's so adorable!! my gosh.. a cousin 2 days older than me is already a mother!! her husband's only 23yrs old! and he happens to be zw's sec sch mate!! haha.. is singapore small or what? anyhow, they related their story on the day of giving birth to me.. haha she made it sound so easy! and she plans to have 3 children.. when she asked when will it be my turn i said maybe 10yrs later.. then she said "my! then my youngest child will be 4yrs and oldest 10 le leh!" well, i told her it's different la.. her husband love kids so much and they are looking for a different kind of lifestyle from me.. i mean it's not up to me to have how many children rite.. have to see my partner oso ma.. so then she asked me in a soft tone (i think zw din hear it la) "orh, he don't like children is it?" haha i laughed and replied "how you know he'll be the father of my children?"

so we continued chatting, playing with her baby, taking photos.. i told her when i went to shop for something for the baby and when i see her baby i want to have my own too! haha.. so silly hor.. you know it's indescripable when i see that kind of tenderness in her eyes when she look at her baby.. *awwwwww*

so cute rite?? he's brendon.. the 2 week old member of the family! haha

finally i get to sing my ktv todayeeeeee!!! wheeeeeeewwwwwheeeeee!!! *gaaa*

woke up early in the morning (but still late meeting jasc).. accompanied her to terminate her california membership.. walked around awhile, had lunch and walk around some more.. before going back to je kbox to sing! cine kbox didn't have student promo and it's $12+++ 2to7pm.. je kbox student promo $6+++ 2to7pm.. why not rite? so four of us (nel qian jasc me) ended up paying $10.50 each.. if more ppl go, will be cheaper la.. cos the tidbits charge is fixed wan.. muahahaha.. date me date me! i still wanna sing!

i shall say it again.. i love my gals!! they are a hell of fun!! took alot of photos.. silly photos funny photos, scary photos.. blablabla.. will upload and put the link soon.. i laughed til i teared and my jaws and stomach ache when i looked at them.. hmmm, perhaps one downside would be the bloody cold room la.. it's so so cold!! *shivers* hehz.. it was superb fun nevertheless!

went to makan dinner @ chomp chomp after ktv.. with my dear! haha. we're so pig.. okieokie.. i'm so pig.. finished almost the whole stingray alone! simply love it! yummalicious! why is all the nice food good food i like in the north or east? argh... i wanna move to the north.. haha

i wonder what's the problem with savings and insurance plans outdoor direct selling (esp jurong east interchange cos i go there most frquently) they are getting on my nerves with each time they approach me with such a fake smile and then asking "hi, can you take a few minutes to help me with this survey?" or "hi miss, are you a student or are you working?"

bloody hell almost the majority knows this is no fucking survey la.. just trying to make us stop, listen to you and give you our information so you can gather cust database.. hopefully sign up a plan or two with you rite? i know it's not the sales ppl's fault la, they're working afterall.. is this method really effective? i really didn't mean to be so rude or bitch when someone attempts to stop me.. initially i'll return their greeting and listen for a while when i have the time.. when it comes to the third or fourth time, i just smiled and said "i don't want to waste your time but sorry i'm not interested" or "i'm late for my work, in a rush, sorry".. sometimes i tried pretending talking on my phone or simply plug on my earpiece. i'm surprised listening to music doesn't help, they'll wave at you and stand in front of you just so you can stop.. come to think of it, it's kind of rude isn't it?

recently when i see them wandering around the compound on my way down on the escalator, i'll start to frown, cringe my face up like i had a really bad day or pms.. giving them the you-better-don't-talk-to-me-or-i'll-bite-your-head-off look.. ha.. it works, most of the time la.. or i'll walk real fast (not much use cos the guys will walk as fast and talk to u at the same time).. sometimes i'll start talking to prevent them from asking questions. "i know, you are from blablabla, it's abt savings and insurance plan rite? many of your collegues have told me. i'm still studying and i don't want any plans until i graduate." then i'll walk off.

i'm not sure how effective their selling methods are or how stiff the competition is with all the banks trying to sell their plans.. but this method is simply getting on i believe, many ppl's nerves. not to mention some of the sales people are trying too hard and it's intimidating.. (i'll be shocked if they're taught to be intimidating) consequences on potential customers like me is not pleasant at all, i'll bitch them, be mean if they step on my toes. some of you may be thinking if each time the person who approached me is not the same, then it's unfair to be mean to them.. DO I HAVE TO CARE? anyway, i've met more than one person who tried to stop me twice within 3 hours on the same day..

i just hope someone brlliant come up with a better direct selling approach.. it's not nice to see the sales people chasing after people and cheating them by asking them to do a short survey that ends up taking more than half an hour to explain and sign a contract that dimishes your cash flow at the wrong time..

tuition today was tiring.. it's so frustrating when 2 students refuse to pay attention and concentrate on doing problem sums.. side tracking is common.. turn out the p5 student ended up asking me other questions..

d: why do people want to have sex?
me:(stunned) have you tried asking anyone else?
d: nope, are they sick or what? those online people keep seeing porn, having sex, they are so sick..
me: take out your science textbook.. people have sex so they can reproduce.. you know like you learn in science reproduciton is needed for continuity of own kind.. if not how do you think you are born?
d: my father and mother married so got me lo, my father is not sick what, he don't have sex wan..
me: how are you so sure your father dun have sex? how your mother pregnant? science textbook teaches you the sperm has to meet the egg rite? most common wan is through sexual intercourse lo..
d: i know my father la, he never have sex wan.
me: so you think people just get married then will have children la?
d: ya, not meh? i won't have sex.. it's so sick. teacher, you have sex before? pain or not?
me: huh? nope, anyway you are not born just because your parents are married. you can ask them later.. or your other friends online.

so we got back to doing problem sums after this.. was quite appalled by his 'innocence' considering the fact that he has the freedom to and actually acquires whatever explicit information available thanks to the globalisation of technology.. and he's such an addict to his comp.. oh well..

today's lunch is so yummalicious!! cos it's cooked by my dear!! muahahahaha... so xing fu to be served u noe? haha..


the smiley face so so cute!!!! love them!


simple but nice macaroni soup!!!


see the chef in action!!!

i've always wanted a digicam for so long.. and now i'm finally the proud owner of casio exilim Z57!!! so much so that when i hold it in my hand, i didn't feel anything.. hurm, sort of like dumfouded, stunned.. didn't expect it to be mine so soon.. was thinking go sourcing for some time before i decide which model to buy.. but since i got a good lobang so might as well.. so yeah, few hundred bucks off my account but hey! i'm a happy gal! *hops around* thanks so much dear!! haha..

well, exams are over.. so i'm officially busy with enjoying hols before i start work on 16th.. these few days received some calls from the companies i applied for.. but since i've got a placement already, no need to go for other interviews.. so it's not that no companies want me afterall.. muahahaha..

it's so nice to club after so so long.. mambo was quite fun.. as usual, i din queue to get in.. it's so nice to know my cousin's always there to bring us in *grinz* thanks so much!!! i love my gals!!!! it's so fun dancing and drinking with them!!! (and i tot us giving one another pecks on the lips was pretty silly-ingly fun) i also love my lamboghini!!! but i shouldn't drink one after another immediately next time, too overwhelming for me.. and now i'm down with sore throat. *ahemhem* perhaps due to the amount i drink too.. i oso forgot what i drank exactly.. no stamina le.. cos too long never drink.. oh ya! the lychee martini's so nice!! my first time trying it at phuture la.. shall have some more next time! felt abit bad didn't join da nus ppl for long.. but i tot that day phuture's music was better.. anyhow.. i'm so gonna club again next week..

i wan to cycle, slack at the beach, watch movie, sing ktv, and what nots!! so people.. date me date me!! muahahaha..

the weather these days is killing me.. it feels like i'm living in an oven.. ice cream, cold drinks.. here i come!!!!

woke up real early this morning (9am is early for me).. sweat the hell out of me sweeping mopping washing and cooking.. before getting a bath.. barely 10 mins after my bath, i started perspiring!!! yes yes, my place's not equipped with air conditioner.. except the removable type in my study which the coolant malfunctions occassionally..

anyhow that's besides the point.. i cooked lunch for us today! so happy.. haven't done so in ages.. only prepared breakfast every mondays when we have the same class.. so yep! i'm so happy today cos i get to cook for him!! haha.. argh! i forgot to take a picture of our lunch! chicken cutlet, a little spicy potato wedges (i mentioned spicy cos i made the effort to buy chilli powder despite the scorching heat ha), noodles with mushroom, chilli bits, lemon grind and a little coriander leaves (cos i just wan it to be colorful haha).. was so worried he dun like it that i forgot to ask him how was it till he got home hehz.. he said it was nice cos i cooked it.. i'm not sure if i like that answer (alright i know i missed the garlic).. but nvm la! even if it taste like shite he'll still hav to eat it! *evil laughter* think it'll be more fun if we can cook together! ( i remember my herbal chicken and twister fries).. muahahahahaha...

alright.. lost my momentum for studying.. plus the stupid weather.. one more to go! and i'll be officially jobless.. haiz.. but then again i get to party with my gals!! muahaha...

something caught my attention while watching desperate housewives..

".. someday we all have to become responsible adults, and the ones who know this best is none other than the young.."

intriguing.. just wondering how much truth there is in it.. hee..

i'm not sure i want to acknowledge this.. then again are we free from it? do we really have freedom considering this?

walking down crossroads, making decisions.. i have made many wrong decisions.. alongside right ones.. wait a minute.. who decides what is the right decisions? perhaps it doesn't matter.. as long as there's no regret..

that is the problem.. i'm not even sure whether i regret my decisions.. some ppl affirms they have no regrets so far. that's good to hear.. some ponder what is regret all abt? what is it actually. funny, that's for them to find out eh..

when i do regret decisions, what do i do? reconcile? move on? this is easy. depends on situation.. but i think most of the time other than wallowing in self pity, i can only move on. i dunno, maybe that's a BIG lesson in life yeah? MOVE ON.. it appears that i have accomplished it.. but have i? that's the question..

".. ppl only believe what they see, what appears to be.." (swordfish)

there's a chinese idiom saying thinking about the past to guide you in the future.. so i gathered the difference is what you make use of them.. to protect yourself from falling, to have the courage to try, to shun away from opportunities, whatever..

this is madness, i seem to be sidetracking alot..

i'm trying to justify my thoughts.. asking myself have i made the right decision, is this what i want.. probably to the extent that i'm afraid of what will happen..

hopefully in time when i look back to this post, i would have the answers.. *smiles*

back to revision.. exam tmr morning!! *gosh*

only one out of my five papers down.. and i can't wait to go mambo with da gang on 4 may.. i dislike exams.. cramming all the stuff into my head and then go to the exam hall throw everything out.. alright, some stress on application.. putting theories into use in situations.. whatever.. 2 hours of testing justifies whether you are good with something.. this is bullshit.. then after this big hoohaa over grading and CAP score, you can almost forget what you learnt totally..

damn.. i've got much thoughts a moment ago.. now i'm suffering from literacy constipation.. now let me try.. most prob it's going to be random.. i vacuumed and mopped the floor again.. dunno why.. something i'll do during reading week each semester without fail.. either pack my wardrobe, scrub toilet, reorganize stuff, wash things, do housework.. a form of relieving stress? i guess so. my sister told me to get stressed more often so she can steer clear of sharing housework.. i almost strangled her.

a few days back i was with my sis at jurong point.. on our way back she asked if i like babies.. i nod my head.. memories of bathing my sis, feeding her, bringing her out, carrying her, playing with her, teaching her came back.. nevertheless scenes of quarrels, having to change her diapers, toilet train her, scolding her for 'coloring' my assignments were as vivid.. so i told her maybe i don't like babies that much.. she said she couldn't stand babies, if she were to take care of one, that baby would most probably suffer.. i laughed and said our mum should have another child and let her go through what i've gone through.. i never dislike any bit of it.. (erm, maybe only the part when my front teeth was slapped out of my mouth when my mum had post natal depression).. it was one hell of an experience taking care of a baby.. especially when there's no maid and both parents were working.. i learned alot.. perhaps she helped me become what i am today? i dunno.. i think i like babies.. i want to become a mother.. too early to say? maybe.. but this thought has been with me for long..

and you know the thing is when you think about children you start to link it to family, marriage, future, money, blablabla.. etc.. dream big dreams.. someone says.. but i guess i'm not like that.. unless being idealistic to have a simple family means dreaming big.. it's nice to be rich and important.. but i guess it's important to be nice too.. to be contented and HAPPY.. take things as it comes you may think.. that's the only choice i have i thought.. will my ideals be influenced and changed? or will they be the souce of differing paths eventually? the answer is.. too early to say!

now.. i need to be resting and look forward to aftrer exams!!! mAmBo~~~~~~~

曾 根 深 蒂 固 的 愛 ----- 被 任 性 判 了 有 期 徒 刑 。
曾 心 力 交 瘁 的 怨 ----- 讓 時 間 漸 漸 撫 平 。
可 若 有 似 無 的 枷 鎖 ----- 鑰 匙 失 于 大 海 。
而 須 臾 間 的 感 慨 ----- 經 筆 墨 成 了 文 采 。
無 奈 。 哀 嘆 。 隨 微 風 淡 散 。 。 。

well, i just needed to vent my er.. whatever feelings those are.. now back to my readings..

by the way if you cant read it.. go option view, then encoding and choose UTF-8.. should be able to work..

He made me cry again..

But i still love him..

And i know he still loves me..

By the way, my tuition kid gave me one hell of a time today.. he refuses to learn his spelling and i can't leave! then i had to wait for my pay.. reached home after 10pm!!! thought i'll miss first part of my desperate housewives.. ha thanks to all the hoohaa about casinos in Singapore.. the show started late! just when i reached home.. *hiakz*

Went for an interview with HWZ this afternoon.. can't believe the address the school career website gave is wrong!!! supposed to be Blk 20.. the one school gave was 2D! what the ****, so in the end, i was late for the interview and i got lost in the 'correct' building.. worst still.. it was raining la! urgh.. anyhow.. the interview was okie la.. it was a nice chat with her.. about bizad and all.. haha.. challenging and interesting job scope.. but may not get it la.. i mean, i wasn't the only one she interviewed.. already lucky enough to be one of the 5 she picked to meet.. *smilez* a pleasant experience (minus the rain and getting lost) overall i would say.. i woulnd't mind if i wasn't chosen.. maybe i would only feel the pain if the monetary reward was higher than $600.. hehz..

I fell in love with the nOda shoes (white base pink stripes).. just bought one pair from there (white and green base, red and orange stripes).. so tempted to buy the other one so i can get nOda membership that last for 3 years but you see, i'm financially challenged.. i swear i'm going back there to grab that pair.. hope it'll still be there!

pragmatism versus idealism.. will these 2 ever converge and progress in harmony? *shrugs*

it's getting increasingly tedious recently.. and i wish it's jus due to pms..

anyhow, i think my eyes are on a strike.. after hours staring at the monitor typing reports and doing ppt..

which leads to my headache.. *gaaaaaa*

According to a genealogist, 8 out of 10 girls willhave cyst, however we hv control over it too. How? Wemust not let it grow bigger or into a blood cyst:

1) Refrain from taking panadol or ponstan painkillerto subside the pain .....
however there are many sideeffects too and when you are immune to the drugs itwill not help whether you take the entire row of painkillers or not.
2) Pain endurance
The menstrual cramps do subside after a while. Well, lets say you can't endure the pain without any painkillers; this is the time to go see a genealogist
(women have a higher threshold of pain than man).
3) Ways to counter menstrual cramps:
a) Refrain from taking icy drinks (especially one weekbefore your period)
b) Take a 1000mcg of Evening Primrose Oil every 2days
c) Regular Exercise. It really helps relieve menstrualcramps, 3 times per week (if you can)
d) Chinese medicine Pill (Pak Fongwan) - Hv 1 pill aweek before and after yr Menstruation, it helps toregulate and replenished nutrients in yr body.If you are vegetarian, you will not be able to takeit.
e) Have plenty of vitamins A and D... Carrots,spinach, broccoli, fish, papayas, etc... You are whatyou eat so please do take care of your body ok.
Ladies please drink lot of milk or high calcium products especially if u intendto give birth, I'm not trying to advertise for Milk Company but it can really prevent osteoporosis. It's not fatal but can cause lots of inconvenience to yr life in future... So start drinking now....
Severe/slight abdominal pain: it's not something to betaken lightly.Women should not treat "Endometriosis" (abdominal painbefore / during their menses) lightly cause the side effects will come a few years later after marriage whereby the disease will develop into cysts (sac foundin the body, containing liquid matter).
If the cyst got bigger, you'll have to undergo a surgery to remove it but if it's a blood cyst,things may get worse asyour womb/pelvic/uterus/fallopian tubes will beinfected and create more problems. If the infection is not properly treated, serious problems like infertility may arise.
So, whenever you girls do experience period cramps,dun just pop a Panadol or Ponstan to relieve the pain instead go to a genealogist for a further diagnosis as you never know that you're suffering from one which may not at first seems like a serious problem.

Ha.. something my friend emailed me.. i have no idea who the genea is who commented all these.. but it does sound scary to me.. maybe i should stop my panadol treatment and drink more milk eat more carrot!

To everyone who still has your other half,i hope you all do cherish the relationship. Don't be extra nice only on Valentine's Day..Make everyday a valentine's day for him/her.. Make your other half feel special..Enjoy every moment of it..

Happened to visit one of my friend's blog and 'extracted' this.. i gathered it's his reflection in a way? yeap.. can't help feeling sad when i see this.. Yeah, guess this is something i want to bring across as well..

it's kind of sad visiting everyone's blog and seeing the same complaints about projects report and so on.. i do say i hate uni, darn uni that's why we're all slogging our way trying to catch up with readings and completing assignments and so on.. but i do enjoy learning.. in fact if i have the money, i wouldn't want to graduate so soon.. i dunno how to say this but i guess i do possess the 'spirit' of learning to some extent.. to hell with exams and reports due.. but then again i do not want to be involved in all those workplace politics!

anyhow, i gave up an interview with APBC.. decided i shall find a higher paying temp job after exams.. my priority is money at the moment cos damn it i've got lots of bills to pay.. my parents are just so darn poor at financial management. Come to think of it now.. it's quite a pity.. maybe i should have accepted the offer.. caltex house isn't really far.. dressing up is supposed to be fun too.. moreover i should be able to learn from the consultancy firm? haiz.. choice made.. i shall stick with it.. *shrugs*

well back to my whinings.. i've got 2 reports to be done by 27mar and here i am blogging.. listening to his muvo slim.. practising JIT muahahaha...

i'm captivated by Fruits Basket at the moment.. anime's so nice! i wanna collect the comic books, vcds and posters and wateva things related to them!!!! ha.. see.. another list to be generated.. apart from my slam dunk and fushigi yuugi.. *shrugs*

i can't stand the weather.. it's killing me.. i can't think properly or work properly.. i shall sleep.. *ZzzZZzz*

this is the time when everyone starts to get busy.. stressed up with work.. trying to meet deadlines for projects and assignments.. though i have the time to catch a movie this week, there's still a pile (BIG pile) of work staring at me.. i miss my friends too.. can't wait to have fun with them.. but i guess have to wait til after exams.. it is definitely different.. we don't meet as often as we do.. 'darn uni' eh.. soon it will be 'darn work'.. this is life..

maybe once in a while we wil feel lost.. i think it's okie.. as long as we get back on track soon enough.. no matter how we complain, how we say we will not be able to do it.. eventually we will.. just a matter of time.. so don't fret, don't be upset.. focus and try.. i'm sure all, if not most of your friends understand..

i miss the holidays.. i miss the times with my friends singing and clubbing and shopping.. i miss the times with him.. sometimes i can't even stand myself for being jealous of his books cos they spend more time with him.. i even hate myself for remembering my escape route.. i dislike being a spoil brat demanding him to spend time with me.. i don't understand why he don't understand seeing him n school and during weekends is totally different.. but think about it.. why would i even do it in the first place?

when i feel upset that my friend has less time for me.. when our schedules clash.. it's because i care about the friend.. when i refuse to accept his apology for not meeting me, it's because i miss him..

i still got alot to learn.. but right now.. I CAN'T TAKE IT FOR THE FACT THAT I CAN'T SEE HIM, I CAN'T EVEN HEAR HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i realised it's been quite a long while since i watched a movie with my friends til today.. million dollar baby with ben don and jm.. story's not bad.. but the flow abit slow.. some will think it's draggy.. i like the ending though.. almost bring me to tears.. well actually if i din watch it with 3 guys i think there'll be less 'tear control' hah..

another 21st birthday chalet this sunday and i'm looking forward to it.. i'll try my best to be there, cos you know when you are invited it's not nice to be absent.. esp when you know he/she will be disappointed.. i dun like to be disappointed, so i try not to disappoint them.. the presents definitely affects my financial status but hey! it's 21st birthday!! some ppl think it's no big deal but i think it is.. heh..

i start wondering how my 21st birthday will be spent.. being in the middle of yr3 sem1.. i doubt i'll have the time for a celebration.. nevertheless i'll feel so so sad if i din have a guest list and party to plan.. of course it'll be great to have others to help if not i think i'll die preparing all the stuff.. heh, sounds like i'm gonna have a chalet too.. i don't know.. i think i'm being idealistic here..

i think the celebration shouldn't be on 1 day only.. if possible, i wanna invite my nygals, 86gang, p6frens, unikakis and pigumaoses! of cos i hope my dear will be with me.. of cos i wan everybody i invite to come!! haha.. i think i will like some party.. you know the kind of sing-song-cut-cake-smash-your-face-into-cake fun.. then mahjong ktv bowling silly games whatever shite.. talk scream shout and have FUN!

like i said, idealistic heh.. if my financial status allows i'll book a chalet and cater food or bbq mayb? i dunno.. i tot of spending it at ktv too.. ha~ i only know it'll be great to have the idea and ppl to execute it.. a surprise party will be a bonus but i ain't gonna expect any i guess.. yy's msn nick says hope is the denial of reality.. so i dun wanna fall and hurt my ass real bad..

pardon me for vulgarities and the occasional spelling errors.. it's definitely a challenge to typr this while i'm crying right after i woke up.. vulgarities aren't meant to be disrespetful in this entry, neither they're direted towards you.. jus an indication of how upset i am..

for those who know, anger-and-upset driven tears plus choice of words plus spices of vulgarities show's severity of situation.. OBVIOUSLY you don't have the fucking knowledge..

i said i apologise for hanging up.. and subsequently jus a few minutes earlier your hanging up helps ALOT. thanks for that man.. you know i dunno what's wrong today but i have to be blamed for being harsh throughout the day.. when there wasn't even a teeny weeny slice of my intention doing so! you just have to assume and feel that i'm harsh towards you.. hello mister, could you have taken it too personally? i admit there're many questions harboring in my brain when i read through draft 1 of your report and thus bringing them up during the discussion.
"So how to expand, increase the number of sentences?" you asked.. i gave you an example for introducing the question asked in the survey and mentioned you shouldn't use the same standard format.. overusing the same 'pattern' makes the reading boring.. so you asked further so how to expand further since can't use the same throughout? and yes i got stuck.. i'm not supposed to be well-versed in you part of the report alright and ok, if you think ONE example and following examples other members given is not enough to struck off your train of thoughts for subsequent ideas, i'll do it then! which i eventually did ask you to send it over and i'll add in the expansion. no problem with this? hah! you see when you are given the responsibility or taken the responsibility in writing that part of the report, you try to improve it with the suggestion of others. sometimes it's up to you own disgression to digest and from there come up with other ideas or sentences in this case. if i have to tell you word for word what to write i might as well do it myself right which i'm gg to do anyhow in my failure to give you MORE eamples. i was trying to tell how weird i feel towards the way you present in draft one and mind you.. i was targeting at the draft.. and you have to assume i was harsh to YOU and so you shut up.. by the way, my "aiyo i wan to 'boot' you" was meant to bring in a lighter note to the heavy discussion.. if you have to think otherwise, i'm sorry.. i was just wondering if you ever put yourself in my shoes.. if you fucking hell try to be the editor of the report you may get what i mean.. you edit and change too much, ppl unhappy, start to think if there's anything wrong with their ability.. this is considered minor in the school cntext.. try doing this in the business world.. let me repeat myself.. I HAVE NO ANY INTENTION WHATSOEVER TO BE HARSH TOWARDS YOU!!!

and if this doesn't help.. so the assumptin here by you is i fucking continue to be harsh during lunch.. you FEEL i was harsh cos of my tone.. okie i apologise once again for SOUNDING harsh to you when i meant what i said to be kidding.. when i asked why are you ignoring me you replied with a what? and gosh you should look into a mirror then.. what kind of attitude are you trying to show me? your 'what?' and a black face justifies you unhappiness but doest it justify how i feel then? so you said you are angry so you shut up.. okie.. and a few minutes ago you are the one to tell me not to shut up when there's a problem.. bring it up and talk about it.. *applause* for you nobility in facing this kind of situations.. another thing.. so you mean when you piss me off and later tried talking to me but i ignore you.. you've already done something and there's NOTHING else you can do? so let me try to decipher.. are you trying to say when you are angry and shut up, i should shut up. then later on you are okie and tried talking to me i should accept it and start talking to you? wow.. now i know how to be a better girlfriend thanks..

have you considered your tone when you pose questions to me during the discussion? well, you said it's the way i deliver my views that i sound harsh.. okie i'll look into that character flaw. and lt me tell you your tone wasn't one of righteousness and responsibility.. gives me the idea that you are not really serious about writing the report.. okie fine.. bizcom isn't a module you like at all and i should brush that off since i'm supposed to KNOW you.. i did brush your attitude off for that matter anyway.. and have i mention this before? wasn't the issue about what happened in the afternoon? why fucking bring what happened in the morning in as well? to justify I AM HARSH TO YOU ACCORDING TO UR ASSUMPTION and mind you.. it's your ASSUMPTION?

'hate' is a very harsh word to use.. let me explain the reason behind my choice.. instead of seeing it as an indication of how mad i was at your attitude, you chose to blame me for being harsh and showing you the attitude.. hey it's your brain and i fucking has no control over it.. so should i apologise for the way your brain thinks? i do apologise in any case and i mean it..

which brings me to another point. what do you mean by "okie lo, like that then it's my fault lo, then what you want me to do? ok, sorry lo".. standing ovation for your courageous apology i must say.. and IT IS THIS THAT HURTS ME THE MOST.. this is not the first time and seems like you haven't register it into your head.. when you don't mean it, say sorry for fuck?

it's a small matter? so you don't want to talk about it anymore? alright.. if you wish.. like i said one word from you and i'll never ever niao you, scold you, appear to be harsh.. though it's a trivial matter it shows alot.. seriously you give me the idea there's no need to reason this out when your assumption is so strong and so wrong..

the notion that i'm harsh towards you the whole of today and that i'm the one who's giving the attitude is very strong.. go ahead and scold me for typing this entry or more importantly publish this entry.. i'm supposed to shut up according to you when you are angry.. or did you mention bringing it up? *confused* am i trying to show everyone you are bad? Bullshit.. it's to show how upset i am feeling right now and dunno how fucking long ahead..

hmmm, i shall let my anger rest with the end of tis entry.. and i shall be happy again. *cross fingers*

this is so ironic, i've never seen such a big contrast between 2 recent posts before.. *shrugs*

so happy today!! had post v-day dinner @ soup restaurant in suntec.. and gosh! we're really pigs! ate so much food!! the samsui chicken's great!! and the prawns!! and the soup!! see the effect? the happy food made me so hyper! just look at the receipt and you'll know how pig we're!!!




finally get to give my dear his pressie!! i was afraid he'll be unhappy when he knew what i got for him.. but hey! he's touched! haha.. and all the troubles are so so worth it.. *hugz*
did a cross-stitch (rite, girls always do this i know) and bought muvo slim for him! anyhow, the mp3 player pouch's so cool i think i like it more than the player itself! haha.. and yeah. i'm so gotta save up.. i dun care i wanna say this.. u happy=i happy! luv ya so much!

i'm happily surprised this afternoon.. just woke up since i only slept this morning, someone pressed the doorbell looking for me.. turn out he's a delivery man la.. so yeah i signed the receipt for flowers and cute bear bear.. abit paiseh la.. cos my parents at home.. though it's not my first time receiving flowers.. it's my first 'big' bouquet from him anyhow.. i'd be surprisingly happy if he had not hinted la.. but hey! i'm still happy! haha.. delighted! *grinz*





now i owe delvin a drink from bizad canteen..

back to my readings.. gosh.. i still hate them!

happy lunar new year!!!
well, the excitement of new year visiting seems to be negatively correlated to age.. hur~

i used to look forward to cny eve so i get my half day off, get to visit my pr school.. then the steamboat reunion dinner with my relatives..
now the cny mood's not so strong anymore.. i don't go to chinatown for last minute shopping, don't watch cny countdown programmes.. and for the first time in my life, my 'chu yi' is spent at home sleeping eating and watching tv..

nevertheless i still very much like the family gatherings every 'chu er'.. my father's 12 siblings take turns to hold the cny gathering.. and this year's my fifth uncle's turn.. so yeah.. went to his new place.. 2 words.. damn rich.. haha.. 1 house 2 cars 3 storeys 4 neighbours along the same stretch 5 family members 6 toilets.. ktv cum movie room, 3 mahjong tables, 1 'ban luck' table.. 1 'si4 se4 pai2' table.. and 1 table for those who wan to mai3 da4 xiao3.. the dice thingy la.. i dunno wat is it called.. gosh.. preactically a gambling den!!

met some of my cousins i haven seen for years.. cousin bb came back from hk with her 3 children!!! my my.. and i finally get to see my 'mac nugget' cousin's son!! so adorable!
oh ya.. also received the news another of my closer cousin yr getting married next month! never expect her to settle down so early.. she's 22.. happy for her la.. =)

met many of my cousins' partner as well.. haha, well, had fun chatting and teasing them la.. still remember me and yh used to 'kaypo' the relationships of older cousins.. and now? it's our turn to be 'kaypoed' i guess? yh's 6 mths pregnant, everyone asking her how it feels, boy or girl.. blablabla.. and almost everyone keep asking me where's my bf, why never bring him, where is he, blablabla.. aiyoyo.. shang1 nao3 jing1 ar! the moment i step into the house, my fifth aunt ask, "eh, your bf why never come ar?" then later on yh said, "bf must know how to play mahjong hor!".. then cousin jf said, "ask him come now la! can play mahjong with us!" worst still.. some ask me when is it my turn to settle down.. me?!?!?! i haven even graduate okay.. i jus brush it off saying maybe 8 to 10 years later.. haha.. maybe never..

gosh.. i dun mind them asking la.. guess i haven reached the age where they start getting worried if i'll be able to jia4 chu1 qu4.. haha.. diaoonz.. this is what happens when your family has a norm of girls getting married young.. the good thing is i'm not the only one subjected to the 'interrogation'.. hee..

it's fun to catch up with my cousins.. and my so many nieces and nephews are so adorable!! did a head count some time ago.. my paternal relatives numbered near 100.. and now with some pregnant.. soon there'll be more to add!! haha..

ha.. was talking to cousin dm.. realised how blur i was.. the thing with his buddy la.. you know, the kind of i-want-to-date-you-but-you-jio-so-many-ppl-along situation.. i tot i was helping him by asking her! haha guess it's just me.. i'm dense so i don't get the hint.. similar situation happened with zw too.. it's rather hilarious come to think of it.. haha!

enuff with cny.. i had 'pre vday dinner' at marche yesterday! so bloody many ppl.. and gosh! we ate so much i feel like an elephant.. haha.. the salmon's steak's delicious!! and i love strawberry waffle with tiramisu ice cream!! yummy yum yum!! thanks dear.. hahaha.. happy happy food! so sorry don have time to play mahjong wor.. haiz..

reality is cruel? hmmm, absolutely..

i was hit by it just hours ago and i'm very upset..

it's amazing a simple session over coffee reveals this much..

i don't even think i know him anymore.. it's weird.. and i'm sad.. i don't feel good at all..

i want to do something about it but i don't know what to do or how to..

he is important to me and i hate the situation now..

is there really no friends forever?

was on the bus home hours ago.. and suddenly weird thoughts came to my mind.. i can't really tell him what is it..cos he'll be unhappy.. so i guess i can do it here? damn.. he's going to read it anyway huh.. *bites pillow*

i was asking myself.. if there's another guy who's good-looking, rich, romantic, smart and devoted after me now.. will i choose him? the answer's no.. but if this situation happens 5 years later and we're sort of like stagnant.. i think so..

before you start thinking hey i'm a bitch, materialistic.. blablabla.. stop.. don't judge.. don't ever judge when you know nuts about anything.. and don't think you know everything.. cos you simply don't..

do you really think love is enough to substantiate a relationship? a long term relationship?

do relationship actually have different stages?

do you find yourself getting more compromising with each passing day? when you realise many things are not what you want but happens anyway and you compromise cos you love him? you think you can live with that.. you think yeah, a relationship should progress this way.. if you are happy, i have nothing to say. if you are not happy... should you carry on?

i had to make a choice between love and future in my last relationship and i chose the latter.. i did not appreciate a single bit being neglected or taken for granted that i belonged to him though i very much liked the fact he chose to spend on me rather than gambling.. i was once contented with 'living by the day' but soon realise i want security.. now i find the security and i'm afraid i have to give up attention and the element of surprise.. perhaps if i wasn't so educated i won't be such a demanding bitch.. i may jolly well still be in my last relationship..

before you scream at me and say i'm selfish, kindly refer to 3rd paragraph of this entry..

or maybe you think i should just go back to my ex, i can't.. cos he's not the one i love now..

what may be the cause of my desire to settle down early? family trend? perhaps i dislike my family and thus want to start my own to make things right.. i'm so sorry i'm not ambitious in the 'correct' and 'normal' terms.. i feel sick even thinking about the loads i'll have to carry.. independence.. you know how satisfying and comforting it is to be able to depend on someone?

i don't think there's different stages in a relationship.. at least not so distinctively.. if idealism makes me miserable, i'll give up my ability to think..

to ppl who think love is everything.. it's enough to heold anything together, to do anything, congratulations.. stay this way..

for once i did believe.. and regretted the exposure to the real world.. i wished the rabbit fur from the magician's rabbit could go deeper..

you know sometimes i can't stand school cos i hardly find time to blog.. which makes me unhappy.. hur~

haven't spent a whole day in town with the girls for so long le!!! we went shopping(for jasc and qian) and walking for me.. hehz.. i don't feel really bad cos i get to see jasc trying on clothes and give her comments! haha.. the denim short short skirt and white skirt she bought are so nice!!! *phewwweeeet* the small talks were pretty enjoyable too~!

oh and yep, i had a chocolate 'Hero' bun for lunch! it's just beside the shilin taiwan snacks stall in far east level one! pretty tasty.. or is it that i was too hungry? *shrugs*

i think i've start to got this 'thing' for tube dresses.. but i was too lazy to try them on.. anyhow i don't have the money! ha.. and yes shoes!!! i sort of like the 2 pair of white heels i saw in charles and keith.. look so sweet and nice with both jeans and skirt! i shall add it to my list.. but then again i'll become taller than him leh, if i wear them.. urgh~ this is the problem with my height..

oh, which reminds me.. was walking past orchard mrt station when a girl gave me a scare by appearing from behind and started talking to me.. turn out she's a talent scout.. asked me if i am currently modelling with any agency.. if i wanted to join their blablabla (i'm so sorry i wasn't listening to her).. of course i did not accept.. she dun sound or look convincing at all.. hmmm, perhaps she did it on purpose? i mean i'm not a model 'ingredient' la.. perhaps she saw my face and decided to look and sound not convincing.. *lol*

i mean i do feel a little surprised.. it's been months since i was approached.. haha (so bhb).. it kind of feels good.. you know.. that kind of at-least-still-got-ppl-wanna-ask-me-be-model feeling.. proud? maybe a little.. not everyone gets approached more than once right?? *bitch* must be my new levis jeans la.. yeah i love my 593!!! haha.. thanks dear!! though every time i tell you a talent scout approach me you will say they are trying to cheat me.. they are blind.. blablabla..

which reminds me jasc was telling me one of her male friend thinks girls who wear size 27 levis jeans are fat.. well, did i interpret correctly? i suppose the reaction "aiyo, why tt ger wear size 27 wan??" don't sound very approving eh? just because his girlfriend wears size 24 (not forgetting she's small frame and small size) doesn't mean 27 and above are fat right? haha.. i totally disagree.. but i can only say alamak.. i mean even if i can fit size 24, it'll only be long enough for me as a 3-quart yeah? i even find 27 abit short for me! *shakes head* alright.. it's just sad to hear such thing.. there're actually ppl who are so ignorant.. (no offence ar jasc cos he's ur fren)

gosh.. am i old or what? my legs are feeling the aches from all the walking!! &^*($#_!@

somehow i still don't find my presence appropriate.. nevertheless, i'm exhilarated.. finally can own my first 593.. i won't stop at that you know!!!

i want chocolate buffet.. i want chocolate buffet.. i want chocolate buffet.. *chants*

i'm a happy girl.. minus the infuriating stuff today.

cheered myself up eating andersons and old chang kee!

i'm sure most ppl would have simply tried cheering me up knowing i'm upset.

too bad messages have to be encoded using specifically letters of the alphabet in english.

no difference speaking to vapour or a piece of stone considering there's still mass.

for instantaneous displacement reaction, try this.
2Mg + CO2 -> 2MgO + C
aka the 'burning magnesium'.. much better than expect me to hop around right after my frustrations.

doesn't matter right or wrong, doesn't matter the reasons.. all i want is to be cheered up when i'm down.. not 'rationality overload'..

tell me this is too much..

i seriously feel like sreaming my head off at him.. but i can't..

i'm in school...

what the fuck..

many people make new year resolutions.. so this year i shall conform to the norm and be a little more 'normal'?

quite a number of projects for me to work on.. hee.. am pretty excited about some of them i must say.. but sssshhhhhh.. i ain't gonna tell anyone about it.. nope.. not even you.. *winkz*

am glad for you to receive da cert from dean's office.. hee.. i know of course you'll continue to strive eh? though it's tough.. hang in there u monkey! *haha*

as some may know.. i seriously hate readings.. i mean come on, i dun mind textbooks if they have pictures and colors.. readings are bloody hell black and white and so damn wordy!!! the worst thing is.. you have to print them yourselves or photocopy or whatever.. so my money kena eaten up by photocopying machines and printers.. or should i blame myself for getting headaches reading of the computer screen?

alright, even if printing is necessary. why the hell so many bloody pages?!?!?! the stack of readings still considerable thick even when i print double sided 2-pg printing.. what the heck.. except for bizcom.. the remaining 4 modules are so 'reading-heavy' ones.. at least my jap studies readings are relatively more 'story-like' which makes it easier and more enjoyable for me to digest.. reading for apac biz sucks! one lecture has 3 sets of readings! i have a feeling they're gonna collect dust on my table until the urgency bell in me rings near april.. *sulk*

okie.. serves me right for being and undergrad..

aha! finally my long-waited tonkichi dinner @ suntec yesterday!
simple and nice.. well, it's the company that matters anyway.. *grinz*
5/12.. 10/24.. 20/48.. blablabla.. getting at ditzy over here.. i don't wan sch to start!!! *screams*

there goes my dr who visits often to prescribe remedy for the weird feeling in my heart each time i'm alone..

somehow i've got a feeling this is going to be a lousy semester for me..

not forgetting the dilema: double major or not???

i'm not happy.. not happy at all.. in fact.. i'm pissed.. for whatever reasons..

i already told you i'm playing..
yeah i know.. i told you i'm cheonging, i told you i'm ktving til 3/4am but you'll stil not be happy rite? i know the revenge is rather impt in your case from what i see the other day. great.. so i have no reason to be unhappy..

i can't go home..
alright.. it sounds abit ridiculous but i'll give it a pass.. since it's not you at all to refuse or walk away.. it's not you to say no. it's not me to stay home on wed nites, it's not me to insist on gg home after ktv instead of staying til morning.. but i did. cos everything i do now there's another person to consider.. and the person is you..

you.. and it's not a politically rite ans..
mahjong or me? you or me? tell me it's me when you are playing.. yeah. lose money so must continue playing.. i have nothing to say. another reason to my being unreasonable to be unhappy..

fine.. i wont play..
you are unhappy.. you are exasperated.. i am too. to tell the truth i din think you'll stop playing.. so i din take tt msg seriously.. if i apply this to you as a person, mayb there won't be so much unhappiness? i don't know..

i know. i'll never understand cos i'm a FEMALE.. it's the last week you can play so you should play. applying the theory of balance, i should play too.. did i get it right this time?

there are things silently put aside or away for the fear of guilt and pressure. don't understand? since i have to sms 'call me' to receive one from you.. i'm unhappy. i'm afraid you'll be unhappy so i did not club, i did not spend like nobody's business.. i want to be with you on xmas eve so i gave all the gatherings a miss.. no matter how much you ask me to enjoy myself, to go, i know you'll be unhappy so i stayed.. and seriously i was not bored.

yeah, it's your life la.. i can't and am not supposed to interfere.. it's not easy to meet a person who can make me change for the better. now i'm starting to think twice..

i've had enough. there's no reason to be unhappy ain't it so? as you wish..

i'm still unhappy though i've ranted.. i don't feel good at all.. my heart aches.. and you are the first one to make it ache so bad..

school's starting soon.. all the more i treasure the times.. and maybe want more of it.. not good? not healthy? maybe..

selfish bitch..

i din want to disappear but i din know what to say.. and i was too stubborn to agree with your words.. and it din really matter anymore mayb? i can stil go anywhere i wan to.. do whatever i wan alone.. it's supposed to be better this way ain't it? aiya whateva la.. i dunno..

we're ultimately different. i can't be a guy.. neither can you be a ger..

i heard what she says and what he says.. there's sure alot of work to be done for them.. hope they can sort it out.. their stories can be scary at times.. *phew*

drink smoke gamble flirt.. every single guy sure does one of the four.. i give up..

it's always nice to meet up with old friends.. he sounds happier to me.. with those interesting experiences in camp.. glad that he has much more to share now.. hee.. i won't forget my treat.. you know you know??

aiyo but somehow i feel he'll somehow find a way to not do it.. haiz.. hope not ba..

today's trip to taka for dim sum's abit dreading.. the bus ride's super duper long!! i know i like bus rides.. but not when it's stuck in orchard for abt half hour!! in the middle of the day somemore!! haiz.. stupid trafic!!!

gg out with him and fren is okie.. quite entertaining.. or is it i'm 'laughy' today? ha.. just a little off tho.. i dunno how to explain.. but i sure enjoyed the company..

i met a quite fucked up guy today.. on the bus on my way home..

you know sometimes it feels kind of irritating when you feel the body heat from the person next to you especially from the arms and thighs?

i felt that way just now.. so i moved inwards towards the windows.. so that the contact is minimised..

less than 3 mins later his arm is in contact with mine again.. thighs too.. *pui!*

so i figited, you know, the kind of trying-to-show-you-are-unhappy-and wants-more-space-no-contact actions.. i even stared and diaoed him.. he responded by adjusting his position a little..

but once again the same thing happened after less than 3 mins.. fuck it! i'm like literally glued to the windows le.. for goodness sake the guy's pretty scrawny so there's no reason he's too big sized for the seat..

so i'm pissed off though he may not do it on purpose.. i said "can you fucking please sit properly?" without the 'fucking'..

then i called my dear and chat on the phone.. then the guy went off..

this is not the first time i met such fucking idiots and i SERIOUSLY hate them.. bastards..

day dreaming can sometimes be intriguing..

despite the slump it brings to realise our mundane life..

i want my condo, bmw, super kitchen with full set utensils..
i want my ass to become smaller my hair to grow thicker..
i want my holiday villa with a fantastic sea view..
i want my own family, a capable husband, hunky son and drop dead gorgeous daughter..

*slap* wake up...

my favourite day of the year is here! hee..

my dear became my part time maid today..
i'm touched.. *winkz*
i can't say enough.. love ya!

it's a blessing to be able to depend on someone..

while i'm still remorseful over the loss of smses in my nokia hp due to my stupidity on wed nite.. hur~

i'm pretty disturbed by what happened..

why is the person i see not you when i open the door?
why is he the one bringing me vcds for my grandma?
why is he the one who visited me when i'm not feeling well?
why is he the one who would look for me no matter what time and where he is as long as i want to?
why did he give up so many things just for me?
he did all the things i'd loved you to though i did not expect them from you..

so is it his fault? maybe without him i will not be disturbed.. just a teeny weeny bit disappointed?

influence? maybe.. even my pr sch buddy asked 'you not feeling well, where is he?'
when i asked where was he when his girl fall sick, 'walau.. of cos go find her la! then see how go see doc or jus take care of her..'
okie, i have nothing to say.. even more so when he offered to visit me and get me something light to eat..

which brings me to a point.. i feel so loved by my friends.. my girls are there whenever i'm happy or sad, when i'm overwhelmed with complaints or excitement.. i'm sure jasc and qian will be ALWAYS there.. yihui will always be my last buffer.. wanz who shared some memorable times with me in sajc.. jing eveready for little chats and dvds.. sharing her talent with us.. bin never refuses to lend a helping hand..
sean da pig for me to talk to, listen to, scream at, beat or bite, cry and whine to.. even if he don't mean it, the little gestures are much appreciated.. ah bing's ever such a nice senior to talk to about everything.. my sisters gouweewee and matt since almost 10 years ago.. not forgetting my good son for being my chauffuer without second thoughts.. and my brother in australia with his frequent regards..

am blessed with my beloved.. i should be contented.. thou shall compromise.. x_x

haiz, maybe it's just me eh.. i'm sick of jioing ppl out le.. as in you know.. that kind of og or class gathering..

it feels i'm not appreciated at all..

'so who's gg? huh, these ppl not very fun ba, can't get other ppl then i reconsider le wor..'

great.. go ahead la.. cancel it.. you go tell the rest they are not fun enough.. i counldn't care less..

i'll most prob get immune to tis kind of rubbish? oh. so is that your plot? bitch..

it's only a thin line between being nice and rude..

ppl who really know me knows i hate being 'pang sehed' especially last minute..

and you jolly well stay away from me when you repeat this more than 3 times..

i don't care what your boy is trying to do to stop you from going clubbing with us. if you know he WON'T let you go in the first place then don't ask me to jio my friends and telling me 'oh, i don't think i'm gg le, actually i'm glad he don't let me go'..

yes.. you are glad.. i don't care.. just don't do this last minute thing again.. i donno how much more of this i can take..

haaa~ finally my first contribution to the js forum when the sem's just about to end on saturday afternoon.. damn.. i feel so lazy and reluctant to study for js.. one question 2 hrs.. what the hell is this man?? argh.. so what if it's open book? dunno how to use the info oso no use! argh.. great.. a whole load of stuff to read still.. that's it..

to hear countless narrations, her heart throbs
to sniff his fatal warmth, her being jolts
to see many hearts broken, hers freezes
to touch another's soul, she dares not

come taste her tears of anguish and vengeance..

lack in candor as evidence shows
thus a path down brutality grows
in wilderness that unleashed her pursue
to beseech a knight subduing the unmoved

a tinge of faith lingers despite preceding mutilations..

to gather verification, mortality fades
to sense his lethal breath, indifference surfaces
to look at her heart fall into pieces, insanity fuels
to handle another's emotions, her courage's slayed

come savor the wrecked, of ruins and demise..

有時當愛情來的時候我們都不知到。。。
但當它走了以後你卻能確定它曾經存在過。。。

i'm so behind time for revision.. doubt i'm gg to finish.. but then again it's been like this since year 1.. hur~

only this time other than my slacking contributing to lag in revision, there are other stuff gg on.. what to do? this is life.. *brrrrrrrrrr*

good luck..

heard from my friends it's a very touching scene to witness rom..
din noe exactly how it feels til i witness one myself..
and it's really like what they say.. you'll feel like getting married too..
*silly grinz*

the whole atmosphere, watching them take their vows, the overwhelming emotions through their expressions and words.. signing of cert, exchanging rings, a simple kiss.. if only marriage really is so simple.. *shrugs*

another of my nonsense today..
and i'm glad you stayed..
such a lucky bitch..

having something and losing it is such a painful process.. the fear of losing already can be tormenting.. perhaps not having it at all is a blessing afterall?

Compare - To examine the character or qualities of two or more persons or things, for the purpose of discovering their resemblances or differences...

comparisons may take into considerations of discriminating factor.. it's inevitable i guess.. the infiltration of evil thoughts is apalling.. the rising demands are uninviting..

somehow knowledge instigates unethical thoughts or even practices.. only subtle words appear in the theories.. actions speak louder than words but not of the words unfortunately..

there are no friends forever, only common interests for a long term, a friend quoted.. something that caught my attention.. a fact in many aspects most do not want to admit but subconsciously or eventually adopt..

a friend once told me his uni friends change.. i used to detest the changes but on second thoughts, the only thing that is constant is change.. the question thing is why are the changes showing uglier faces.. i hope he's getting on fine in uni now..

of course this is not an absolute case.. and i do hope i'll not become a cold-blooded animal to maximise the benefits of my existence.. actually, i'm sure i won't.. but then again, will i? tell me about contradiction..

an avenue to vent my frustrations..
a prevention from intellectual death of thought provoking clots up my veins..
an escape from struggling debate..
a sudden urge to rectify persisting cynicism..

a repeated course more common lately..

i'm stressed.. exams? nope.. not yet..
i think too much.. living? consolation of functioning brain at least to me..

i think i'm in the 'end-of-sem' crisis.. i dunno if this is stress or wat.. i don't think so.. i dunno la.. argh.. i feel sort of lost..

not depressed.. i'm happie.. maybe not contented? i like to study.. but not mug for exams.. i dun like the feeling of not doing well after i mug for it.. maybe that's y i dun really bother to mug? i'm happie as long as i dun fail.. sounds so mei2 zhi4 qi4 hor.. aiya.. i hate being competitive in results la.. makes studying so dull and uninteresting..
but then come to think of it i'm competitive in presentations.. er.. some presentations.. shite.. i oso dunno wat rubbish i'm saying here.. rant rant and rant..

exams are coming.. presentations are coming.. and i'm still here slacking.. thinking abt all the things i'm gonna do after exams.. can't stand myself.. i noe.. should start mugging le rite? see my point.. i'm okie with not sleeping and not eating for my presentations.. but how silly? stubborn bee jus refuses to settle down to mug.. *PUI~!*

kind of quite scary when i think of having a routine life.. as in u noe.. wake up, work, go home, housework, sleep then wake up, work... weekends for rest and leisure.. come to think of it i'm uncertain if i want this kind of life.. but then again i dun really have much choice? erm.. or do i? if i'm saying this then i should do wat i want to make my life not so routine and boring rite? argh... *scratch head*

damn.. i haven feel this way for a long time.. i wonder why.. i dun like my parents but i can't walk out on them.. i dun like my home but i just have to live in it.. damn, i should have listened to my uncle and move to hostel last year.. haha.. or listen to my aunt and move in with her..*diaoonz* haiz but everything happens for a reason i guess? *shrugs*

anyhow.. i jus found out something new about myself.. this morning i woke up feeling lost so i decided to try cooking something i haven really tried before.. guess what? i enjoyed it so much i forgot about time and ended up late for lecture! haha and poor thing he has to be my guinea pig haha.. i really enjoy experimenting in the kitchen.. kind of allow me to forget about my insecurities, worries blabla.. u noe.. the process of mix and match.. tasting.. anticipating the results.. fail then try again next time.. sucessful then work on it to improve.. if only i can bring this to reality? aiyoyo..

going all cranky and stuff.. i'm missing him so much it scares me.. i'm afraid i'm not good enough.. he'll say i'm silly, siao, 'sot'.. wateva.. i still wan to say.. i'm selfish.. i want him with me.. can never have enough.. it's amazing time flashes by.. i'm going mad.. sometimes i wanna cry i can't believe myself.. i amuse myself when i start whining.. but it's normal according to him.. erm.. and of cos i dun wan to lose my friends.. i'm not 'heavy color light friend'..

should stop all these.. it's not healthy.. and i'm getting fat.. shite..

i thought ms tut today was pretty interesting.. i didn't fall asleep during it!

let's play a game..
there's 3 doors, behind 1 of it there's a car and the 2 two a goat..
you can choose one 1 after which i'll open 1 of the remaining 2 doors to reveal 1 goat..
you can then make a choice of staying with your choice or switching to the other closed door..
what decision will you make?

this is actually an IQ qn.. and it's better to switch your choice of door.. reson being the probability of getting the car if you swtich your choice is twice the probability of winning should you stick to your first choice..

interesting huh? and the logic? i'm convinced.. so if i have a chance to be in this scenario mayb i'll switch my choice~! *keke*

so this is it that kept me from sleeping this afternoon!

anyhow.. had my mm-airpork case presentation this morning.. dragged myself out of bed 630am.. reached sch at 8am to rehearse..
well, it paid off..
prof says our presentation is interesting and he likes it..
the class participated.. they all ate the breaded pork chop yh's mum prepared..
prof finished the remaining pork chops!
andrew asks for a copy of our slides(my baby~!) cos he says it's nice..
ha, that's abt all.. can't stop being so high though i'm actually dead beat..

now.. the hell weeks jus started.. 1 paper 2 project reports 3 presentations..
2 presenattions on the same day one after another in week 12.. *oh man*
wish me luck..

i'm so looking forward to after exams.. i want more than a million weeks!!! much much much much more... *hee*

the next time i decide to attend my js lecture.. i shall think twice.. think 3 times 4 times 5 times.. cos it's darn boring.. i can get everything from the slides and readings..so no point attending rite? *nods head*

anyhow lecture was about departmental stores and food marketing in japan.. abit about the gift-giving culture of the japs.. there's this example abt a woman choosing to buy a very famous brand of cookies from a well known place instead of baking them herself for her teacher during the last lesson.. reason being buying something well known by all is a way of showing respect for the teacher, how much one value the relationship.. the gift-giving thingy must also be known by third parties..

oh well, jus when i thought gift-giving is all about 'it's the thought that counts'.. i'm like totally wrong in the japanese context..

then there's another example about valentine's gift.. females are OBLIGED to give giri chocolates to their bosses, male friends and collegues as a way of saying thanks and honto chocolates to their loved ones.. the males can then DECIDE whether or not to repay the gift one month later on white day(13mar)..

obviously there's some japanese culture i refuse to acknowledge.. maybe im stubborn but what the hell.. obliged to give presents? i dun like that..

and there's another thing about repaying the gift of something on par in terms of quality (which usually means price too) or better.. well, if i'm rich i'll have absolutely no qualms about this but i'm not fortunately or unfortunately..

which brings me to another point.

i like to receive gifts from people (i think most of us do?).. i'll feel bad if i can't give the person something of around the same value what i receive from him or her.. this is not the same as repaying gifts in jap context.. simply cos they repay the gift all during the same occassion which i don't..
for example A gives me $1000 watch as a birthday present.. i'll feel bad if i know i can't give A something of that value on A's birthday.. as such i'd rather not receive anything from A..
tho i don't have the mentality that when i give someone and expensive gift, i expect the same from the person, inevitably i'll feel inferior.. ego at work? i dunno.. i'll jus feel weird.. i'll sometimes even feel stress, esp when that person is someone important to me..
maybe that's why i always like things to be simple.. happiness from simplicity..

darn.. blabber so much withing such a short time.. if only i can type this way for my OM report.. *urgh*

I can feel the magic floating in the air
Being with you gets me that way
I watch the sunlight dance across your face
And I've never been this swept away
All my thoughts just seem to settle on the breeze
When I'm lying wrapped up in your arms
The whole world just fades away
The only thing I hear is the beating of your heart

Cause I can feel you breathe
Just watching over me
And suddenly I'm melting into you
There's nothing left to prove
Baby all we need is just to be
Caught up in the touch
Slow and steady rush
Baby isn't that the way that love's supposed to be?
I can feel you breathe
Just breathe

In a way I know my heart is waking up
As all the walls come tumbling down
Closer than I've ever felt before
And I know, and you know
There's no need for words right now

Breathe - Faith Hill

did i do A because of 1, 2 or 3?
did i do B because of 1, 2 or 3?
will i stick with A regardless of 1, 2 or 3?
i think i did B cos of 1, 1 and 1 again..

stay away cos i'll bite..
i'll bite when i'm bitchy..
i get bitchy esp when i'm tired..
i get tired when i'm upset..
i get upset when i'm hurt..
i get hurt more easily when i care..
i care when it's you..
you dun deserve this cos it was unintentional..

is it the things done or was it those not done?
is it the content or was it the lack of it?
is it the foresight or was it the myopic state?
is it a chance or did i took it for granted?
was it a game i played into reality?
is this gg to be a viscious cycle?

ms mid term's over.. *phew* nothing much to tok abt.. just unsure..

mm mid term's coming!! *screams*
10 bloody long chapters to study for 50 mcq qns with 5 options tt takes up 25% of my grade.. how 'nice' is it? okie i noe.. so boring to see an entry with nothing but complaints.. for goodness sake i'm studying on a saturday when i'm supposed to be slacking watching tv or out having fun.. okie i noe.. it's only this weekend rite.. i'll be happier monday.. for awhile before other work comes.. *sulk*

and i feel so silly.. it's not as if i won't have the company anymore.. i just dunno what got into me to feel so sad i felt like crying.. which eventually ended up me tearing for a minute or so.. *smack my head*

i think my astigmatism is back to haunt me after so many years.. left eye got double vison.. can't read properly.. feel like gorging my eye out.. mayb i'll be better off dead. gotta go see optician for a new pair of specs soon.. before i go blind reading my notes and textbooks.. *blink blink*

nerd? maybe i'm becoming one.. under influence.. but then again.. i dun think i'll be one.. i mean i wanna go out and meet my friends.. spend time and talk to them.. talk about things other than studies.. i still sleep alot.. read magazines and jus slack.. okie.. considering me studying for test so last minute.. i think i'm not.. *woohoo* somehow diligence to a nerdy extent is so not me.. *grinz* which brings me to the point.. i'm here blogging my way when i still have 5 chapters to read.. *shrugs*

i'm not in a good mood today i guess.. my sis piss me off the moment i got home.. father wanna borrow money from me when i barely have enough for myself.. what the hell.. here bitching abt my father sounds so bad? tell me abt it.. *buay tahan* want to vomit blood scolding my sis and trying to make my father discipline her.. dun let her go out tis weekend.. guess what? she went out when i came home.. her exams coming so soon.. next fri.. still dun wan to settle down to revise her work.. really wan to give her up le.. *faint*

finally had my lambo after soooooooo long.. nope, i'm not alcoholic.. jus missed my flaming lambo.. missed it so long even bartender michael dun recognize me.. (or is it cos i cut my hair le?) anyhow i was abit disappointed cos duno why yest so on form.. tequilla pops n shot, long island, screw driver, lambo, slippery nipple, apple sugar and i was barely there.. hmmm.. nevertheless, quite interesting cos get to try some drinks tt are new to me.. din meet many ppl.. only sim n vignesh.. as much as i dun wish too haiz..

really got to eat grass le.. burnt a hole in his pocket.. oops.. dun feel good.. dun feel good tt he dun feel good too.. haiz.. it's not complicated.. very simple logic..
he happy = me happy
okie enough of my nonsense.. i'm tired..

Virgo Woman

She will be similar to Leo woman in appearance. A slim woman who walks with
confident and proud. She likes to look straight as if she is searching. She is not a pretentious type and will always say what she thinks.

You will see Virgo woman walks fast. She will try her best to be perfect, to look perfect and to feel perfect even though there is no such perfection. She is very delicate of what and how she dress. She is bright and easily despair with obstacles. She likes smart guys who will be compatible with her, so if you are a rich dumb guy, you can forget about her right now.

She is not a very possessive or jealous person for she expect respect from her loved one. She does not like a part time lover, or a temporary mate. If she finds her dream man, she will not go away. If she does not like you, she will always keep a certain distant. Act proper and appropriate is her discipline.

She does not like and can not stand bad languages, cursing words or phrase. She likes a gentleman who open the doors for her. She wants to feel protected and when a man is taking care of her, she will feel like a complete woman.

She memorizes everything about other people and about herself very well. She can really keep secrets, you can trust her on this. She likes a refreshing and a mild scent. Do not comment on her very picky habits, it's her happiness in
working full time as a self beautifier.

She is not an innocent angel for sometimes she can be as tough as steel. Even she is easily in despair, she is not the type to cry over it. She is the shy type, so making speech in front of the room can make her nervous even though she walks and talks confidently.

She only search for true love , not just any love. Her love is an ideal one. She likes to think no one is neater and as effective as her, which can irritate you sometimes for there is no such thing. She likes sweet talk, but she can slip and say something unpredictable and unbearable to you too. When she stops getting mad, she will totally forget what she just said and be an angel again . If you have a date with her , you'd better be there on time.

Flowers and sweet word can calm her down. If you want to say sorry , make it
brief and straight forward. Do not drag your apologetic words into a long making it up events, it could lead you to another world war. She likes her man to dress nice and clean. She is good in details especially with money. Do not make her think that she is a clown or funny.

In the beginning of knowing her, please try not to glance at other pretty woman so much. Early period of dating her, try not to hold her so much in public, it could not be a proper thing to do. She loves books, stage play and music and likes to criticize about them too.

Criticism woman is her icon including big and small things in life starting from your hair, your dress , and the way you talk. If you are in love with her, be as almost perfect as your can.

sth i received from my friend through email..

what a weekend..

fri
belated bday dinner at amk ave 3.. the crab beehoon's yummilicious!!!!!!!!! i actually ate crab without getting my hands oily and dirty and stuff.. *haha* courtesy of my so-long-nv-contact friend.. such a nice gesture to get the crab meat out of the shells, put on the plate for me.. *thanks* even opened my can of green tea, carried my textbook for me.. though made me feel abit like a child.. i like it anyway *hur*

sat
bbq at wanhui's condo was good.. 15 of us (benjamin sheldon junming jeffrey yulun daoxing kaili valerie faith siva shuhui inez jinglin wanhui me).. the last time we had a gathering of more than 10 ppl was like 2 years ago.. so this one's considered successful.. it was really nice catching up with them.. gossiping, teasing one another, recollecting our jc memories.. we even set our next 'major' gathering this december.. steamboat @ yulun's.. hehz.. hopefully it won't be postponed till further notice wor..
stayover at jing's.. watched 13 gg on 30 and butterfly effect on dvd.. my my.. she's got one helluva dvd collection! too bad i dun have dvd player.. *keke* butterfly effect's a good movie.. makes me think.. i like movies that makes me think..

today
having slept for barely 2 hrs this morning after movie marathon.. it's time for me to recuperate from my beauty sleep!!!!!!! *yipeeee*
currently down with eye infection since last thursday.. eyes infection in fact.. some bacteria named GPC in short that makes the underside of my eyelids rough.. so when i blink.. the rough surface irritates my cornea.. and tadah! eye infection.. severe consequence : blindness caused when cornea wears off due to friction with rough surface.. no more contact lens for at least 1-2 months.. use prescribed eyedrop regularly 3 times a day.. until bacteria's fully gotten rid of..
ugly me in specs just like during rag days.. *argh*
i know i know i should've took better care of my eyes and contact lens.. i know all these.. the last thing i need is a lecture that i should've do this and that to my contact lens and eyes..

gosh i'm TWENTY.. no longer a teenager..
i feel old.. haha..

anyhow.. am glad to receive birthday wishes from many.. my junior actually wrote a card for me.. *touched*

i think this year's kind of special.. cos u see i got pre, present and post bday gifts from you.. haha.. the jacket, the cake and dinner and the card.. the surprise was really sweet i thought.. u noe i dun mean it when i said it was silly .. can't believe i din get the hint from kelvin.. but then again it'll be no fun if i got it.. *smilez* (argh, i cant use the same trick on u liaoz)
well, i'm really happy.. to spend this day with you.. even if there's no present no cake no dinner no card.. i'll be as glad to be with you.. my, can't stand myself so *eeeeeeeeeeeyer* haha.. but i mean every word.. *soooompaa*

it's amazing how time flies when we go out..

when can i have enough of your company?

perhaps never..

HaPpiE biRtHdAy tO mEi mEi! hAhA.. mUs jiAyOu iN uR sTudiEs wOR.. eNjOy uR tiMe wiTH uR fRieNds! *muackz* LovE yA~!

the notification came as a surprise.. so much so i decided to leave lalaland much earlier than usual.. a few weeks ago i was an undergrad, she just stepped into the society contented with her job.. today, i am still and undergrad(a happier one) and she's ready to be his wife and their child's mother..

of course i couldn't and wouldn't refuse to be her bridesmaid upon request.. it was a verbal contract since we were old enough to know what getting married is all about. i surely do not wish to breach this one.. *keke* we used to dream about holding our wedding together.. seems like she has to go ahead yep.. the preparation work is *wow* i can't describe.. but i know from now til her wedding i'll be busy..

in a way i feel envious though i think i'm not the kind of person who want to settle down at age 20.. it was more of the happiness i sense in her during our short conversation.. she was apprehensive about everything.. but from the moment he expressed his joy of the news of their child.. she was sure everything will be fine.. there's bound to be difficulties but the fact that they are willing to work towards their goal is so sweet.. how many people can actually do that?

she has definitely matured alot alot more than me.. plus the fact that it's always a dream of mine to settle down with a family (cos somehow i feel life will not be complete without one).. i'm truly happy for them..

most of the times we do not do the things that we like... this is quoted from a friend, and i so agree with it..
do i have a choice? perhaps when i hit the spiritual level (which i doubt i will) nothing is impossible.. to see it from this day right now.. NO.
alot, in fact most of the things i do are by default i have to, i need to.. well, i want to. but doesn't mean i like to.. just stating some facts of life (my life) here.. but of course at times magnification of doing the things i like can conceal the frustration of the alternatives..

on a lighter note.. i'm a happy girl today! haha.. cos it's 9 september.. *baaaaa*
hurm.. i should say it's more like a mixture of feelings.. some of which i may not even comprehend. i feel abit xin1 tong4 but i can't jus wipe the smile out of my face.. not everyone should conform to the 'giving' spirit of the japanese but there's no doubt teeny weeny bit of guilt exists.. i've never seen my 'pursuing' list depleting at this rate before.. probably i'm not used to it..
well i'm still happy.. i think he is too.. and it's good enough for now i guess? *shrugs*

a question she has no answer to.. to her perception it was not in the single bit a brilliant answer.. it's not an answer in the first place.
or so she thinks.
she doesn't eliminate the possibility of eliciting and magnifying on the tone of sarcasm.. but this is how she feels.. so does she need to care about how other ppl think? care abt what you think? yeah, there's no point.. but she doesn't like sour endings either..
obviously she's not as innocent and simple-minded as what some may see.. the complexity can be disclosed by choice.. and only by choice alone.. there isn't a need to test her patience or in other words 'skill of acting-blur'..
she likes to know more people.. she enjoys friends' company.. she just does not want another mess up in her life right now (like she does not have enough already)..

a simple dress.. a simple journey to pan pac.. a simple dinner.. a simple routine of photo-taking.. and a HUGE ktv room to accomodate 11 crazy ppl til 4am in the morning..

bizad ball was alright.. food's not fantastic.. neither does it suck.. never really pay attention to the paegent tt's gg on (i know it's kinda rude).. the thought of gg home after the dinner was abit of a turn off.. glad that bel and gang decided to jio ppl to paradiz kbox.. it was fun for me.. haha.. cos i haven't been singing for donkey years!!!!! heck care the tons of research work and the project discussion next morning.. i enjoyed myself alot.. *woohoo* though it means less sleep and most importantly a 'hole in my pocket'.. i'm so gg to ktv soon soon.. *heh*

meanwhile the craving for lamboghini is getting stronger.. 2 weeks countdown to my mambo!! *grinz*

a pair of old shoes i had.
they walked part of my journey..
a comfortable pair.. very comfortable..
unfortunately i know they're not lasting.

the new pair of sandals that caught my eyes.
suitable for me and appears to be durable..
able to walk much of my journey..
but i'll never know til i consume them.

the old pair sits in my cupboard i realise today.
wanted to throw them down the chute..
changed my mind and wrapped them up with a plastic bag instead..
they stil sit in my cupboard..
i opt to forget about their existence..
the question is can i do it?